The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm Bootcamp in Vienna

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772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret Aug 05, 2019

Show notes

The harder a decision seems to be for people, the less likely it is that we will spend enough time researching it in order to determine what to do - but why is that, how should we handle the component of time when it comes to waiting to make decisions, and what can you do to eliminate the fear of regret in your life?

What to Listen For

Why do we spend a lot of time researching insignificant decisions and little time researching significant decisions?
How can you approach life-changing decisions from a neutral point of view so you can make the decision for the right reasons?
How do does action versus inaction affect our likelihood to regret a certain event and how can you change your perspective in order to eliminate regret?
How do we take time into account when deciding how much time to spend researching minor and major decisions?
What are the three types of decisions and how can your awareness of each one help you to avoid wasting valuable time
What is anchoring and how does it affect our decision making as we make decisions that build on one another and how can your awareness of it prevent you from falling into an unhealthy trap?
What are market norms and social norms and how do they affect your willingness to oblige someone’s request for help?
How do market norms reduce the trust between people and turn relationships into economic transactions?

We make decisions that affect our lives every single day. Some decisions are small, some are big, and some are repeated on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we only have so much time to think about these decisions so it can save us a lot of time if we at least understand how to approach each one. Small decisions, like what movie theater to go to or what appetizer to get, should take the least amount of our time since they impact our lives the least, and our time is better spent being present or contemplating more important decisions. Big decisions, like where to live or who to marry, should necessitate more time as they will have lasting effects on our lives. And lastly, decisions that are made regularly, like your morning routine or what to eat each day, should be automated as much as possible to reduce the drain on your willpower so that it can be used for resource-intensive tasks like work, or studying, or solving complex problems in your life. We only have so much time to live - don’t waste it on unimportant issues in your life.

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Resources from this Episode

Dan Ariely

Dan Ariely on Facebook

Dan Ariely on Twitter

Dan’s podcast Arming the Donkeys

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely

The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty by Dan Ariely

Amazing Decisions by Dan Ariely

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 770: Leon Logothetis: Traveling the world relying on kindness

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771: Dealing with Competition, Codependency and High Value Conversations - Q&A with Erin Muroski Jul 29, 2019

Show notes

Most of us will never undergo professional training in the world of improve and yet we engage in improv almost every day because life is improv - so why should you consider taking an improv class, how does improv relate to self-development, and how can an improv mindset help you to relax in social situations?

What to Listen For

How do you compete in a place like Hollywood with people who claim to be or do things that they don’t even do?
How should you approach a conversation with someone you look up to when meeting for the first time and why is it such a bad idea to be a fanboy/girl in such a situation?
What should your mindset be when first meeting someone and what mindset will likely lead to an undesirable outcome?
What is the value in learning improv and how does it relate to your path of self-development?
Why is it counterproductive to try to be funny in improv?
What signs of codependency can you look for early on in a relationship and what can you do to course correct at that point?
How can a relationship become codependent and what can you do to prevent it?
How do you make people want to be around you or simply notice you?
What can you do to make a great first impression?
How can you fix a bad first impression?
What can you do to be confident without coming across as arrogant?
How do you attract people who want the same things you want out of a fling or relationship?

Improvisational comedy (aka “improv”) is all about going with the flow, and when it comes to life, it is much easier to use the flow of a river to your advantage rather than trying to swim upstream or control the path of the river itself. And this idea applies directly to the conversations we have with people, especially when first meeting someone. Many of you will want to control the direction of a conversation and make sure you are able to highlight the good things about you and what you’ve done, rather than listen to what the other person says and allow the conversation to flow naturally by asking sincere questions and relating to what they’re saying without domineering the discussion itself.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 767: How to Master Communication in a Relationship

Episode 744: Dating Done Right with Evan Marc Katz

Episode 705: Don’t Try to Be Funny - The Art of Improv

Erin Muroski

Erin Muroski on Facebook

Erin Muroski on Twitter

Erin Muroski on Instagram

Final Rose Material - Erin’s podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 769: Laura Heck: avoid these 4 behaviors in any relationship

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770: Leon Logothetis: Traveling the World Relying on Kindness Jul 22, 2019

Show notes

Kindness costs you nothing but can change someone’s life forever, even your own - but how do we even define kindness, what does it mean to be genuinely kind, and how can a simple act of kindness have such lasting effects on the people around us?

What to Listen For

How do you deal with possible regrets when you make major life-changing decisions?
What is the Kindness Diaries and what inspired Leon Logothetis to start his quest for kindness?
How do you deal with the pushback that comes from close friends and family when you decide to leave a stable job to pursue your dreams?
What was it like for Leon Logothetis to approach a stranger for the first time and how has his approach evolved over time?
How can you use body language to allow strangers to feel comfortable talking to you when approaching them in the middle of the day?
How does Leon Logothetis choose who he’s going to approach and who he wants to avoid?
Are kindness and generosity universal or does it vary by culture?
What was Leon Logothetis’s favorite life-changing moment from the show and what did it teach him?
How does Leon Logothetis define kindness and what advice does he have for those of us struggling to be kinder in our day to day lives?
How can you work on being kind if you’ve been taken advantage of in the past?
How can you be kind and strong at the same time so you don’t get taken advantage of?

As Leon Logothetis put it, “Kindness is helping someone else feel less alone.” Loneliness is a feeling we can all relate to, as we have all felt it at one time or another, and many of us feel it regularly in a world where people are feeling increasingly isolated and disconnected from one another and their communities. Kindness can help to rectify that, even if it means one small act of kindness each day.

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Resources from this Episode

The Kindness Diaries on Netflix

Go Be Kind by Leon Logothetis

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

YouTube: Making Relationships Work | Dr. Gottman

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769: Laura Heck: AVOID These 4 Behaviors in Any Relationship Jul 15, 2019

Show notes

The majority of issues we face in relationships can be boiled down to 4 types of behaviors we exhibit. So what are they? How do you identify which ones you exhibit, and what can you do to deal with them in yourself, your partner, friends, family members, and coworkers before they fall apart?

What to Listen For

How did the Gottman Institute get started?
How much overlap is there between the issues married couples face versus friends, coworkers, and family members and what can we learn from the overlap?
What are the biggest issues typically seen in newlyweds and couples first moving in together?
What is implied when you stand up at the altar to say, “I do” and what should a conversation about those implications revolve around?
What 3 questions should you ask yourself before entering into a couples therapy situation and how do you use these questions to make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations?
What are the 4 problem behaviors that come up in relationships and why is it important to identify YOUR problem behavior before calling out your partner’s?
Why is it a bad idea to see a therapist without your partner if you’re having relationship issues?
How do relationship problems express themselves through our emotional, mental, and physical well being?
How do you deal with criticism whether it’s coming from yourself or your partner?
What is the difference between complaining and blaming, and why is one ok and the other is not?
How do you deal with defensiveness in a relationship?
How can you develop patience when it comes to your partner’s development since we all grow at different speeds?
What questions can you ask your partner to show your support for their development and assist in it (if they want you to)?

Relationships are a two-way street, so the issues we face while in relationships are a result of one person’s actions and the other’s reactions. This is not to say that one person is always acting and the other is reacting, but when attempting to tackle issues you have in your relationships, you must acknowledge your role in that issue. The responsibility does not fall 100% on you or the other person, but is shared between the two of you. This applies to romantic relationships, platonic relationships, professional relationships, and familial relationships.

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Resources from this Episode

The Gottman Institute

Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 767: How to master communication in a relationship

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768: How to set boundaries that set you free Jul 08, 2019

Show notes

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating if you’ve never successfully set them before, so why are they so important when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships? Why does a lack of boundaries often lead to undesirable outcomes? What formula can you follow to start setting boundaries today? We’ll answer all those questions this episode.

What to Listen For

What is causing most of the problems in your communication and how can you become more aware of them?
Why is it important to set boundaries early on and how do you set boundaries respectfully?
How can you be more proactive in dealing with conflict?
Who is more likely to win in arguments and why does it not matter in the way you might think it does?
What is the best way to approach someone who refuses to acknowledge clearly defined boundaries?
Why does a lack of boundaries lead to resentment?
How does too much freedom in a relationship lead to you feeling miserable?
Why is it important to have clearly defined boundaries between home and work if you don’t have a dedicated work space and how can a lack of boundaries be detrimental to your productivity and your personal relationships?
How can you be assertive without coming across as disrespectful?
What formula can you follow to establish clear boundaries in your relationships and how can you make it a respectful cooperative effort?

Setting boundaries in a relationship can feel like you are telling someone how to act - but in reality, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries allows you to be comfortable being yourself while communicating who you are and who you want to be to the people you care about. We all have different definitions of what it means to treat someone well and respect their time, so if you don’t communicate YOUR definition of what that is, don’t assume people can read it directly from your mind.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.

Resources from this Episode

Episode 725: Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael Ventura

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 719 Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

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767: How to master communication in a relationship Jul 01, 2019

Show notes

Relationships are a two-way street, but when it comes to communication it’s important to understand people have a variety of preferences when it comes to how love and affection are given and received, so what are those preferences, how can you identify what someone’s preferences are, and how can you implement all of this information to build new relationships and strengthen existing ones?

What to Listen For

What can you do to strengthen the relationships in your life?
What can you do if you think you’re a great listener but people around you keep complaining about you not listening?
Why is it a recipe for disaster to look for someone to complete you and what should you be looking for instead?
What are the Five Languages of Appreciation and how can you pick the best one for each of your relationships?
What are the three parts of communication and how does your awareness of each part help to mitigate miscommunication?
How do you identify the love languages of family, friends, and coworkers?
Why are openness and vulnerability mandatory when it comes to figuring out the love languages of the people in your life?
What little signals can you pay attention to so you can get an idea for how your loved ones communicate?

In order to deepen the connections we have with the people around us, it’s important to understand how the people around us prefer to be treated. Just because you view the giving and receiving of affection one way, doesn’t mean everyone else does as well. Some people prefer to show their appreciation through words, some prefer to show it through gifts, and some prefer the spending of quality time together - and that’s just to name a few.

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Resources from this Episode

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

Learn Your Love Language with this Quiz

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Michael Herold - Speaker and Coach

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766: Michael Herold on living a full life when the odds are stacked against you | Q&A Jun 24, 2019

Show notes

Personal transformation is a long and arduous process, but we all have to start somewhere, so how do you know when it’s time to make such a drastic change, what can you do to stop from feeling overwhelmed in the beginning, and how do you know when it’s time to graduate from one step to the next?

What to Listen For

Why is making a list important in accomplishing your goals?
What can you do to deal with the fear of public speaking?
What simple exercises can you do right now to expand your comfort zone?
How did Michael Herold get his start as a public speaker and coach?
What steps should you take when starting out as a public speaker to make sure you feel ready on stage?
Where can you get practice as a public speaker if you don’t have a coach and you’re not taking classes?
How can you be more appreciative of your significant other after you two settle into the comfort stage of the relationship?
How important is it to set aside time for one another when you’re in a relationship?
What steps can you take to alleviate feeling overwhelmed when you embark on a journey of self-improvement?
How are confidence and competence related when you’re working on your social skills?
If your social skills feel rusty, what simple step can you take today to start improving?
What can you do to overcome feeling burned out?

For many, embarking on a journey of personal transformation comes after life punches you in the face - that could mean getting fired from a job, getting kicked out of school, going through the end of a relationship, or losing a loved one, just to name a few.

But why does it take such a jarring event to motivate us to improve?

Because transformation is difficult and painful, so to be willing to make a drastic change in yourself means the pain of staying the same must outweigh the pain of change. If you don’t feel the pain of your current situation, then what are the chances you’re going to choose to endure significant pain over a long period of time to change the situation you’re in?

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Resources from this Episode

Michael Herold on Facebook

762: 3 Signs That it’s Time for Change | Transformation Toolbox 1

763: Had Enough Pain, Yet? | Toolbox 2

764: Brett Bartholomew on why drive matters more than motivation and secrets to peak performance

765: Parents, Part 2: Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Dad Deprivation

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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765: Parents, Part 2: Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Dad Deprivation Jun 20, 2019

Show notes

The role of the father in raising children is often downplayed in society, but what do fathers bring to the table that mothers do not, why does the absence of a father have such long-lasting effects, and what steps can we take today to be there for our children?

What to Listen For

What is dad deprivation and what role does it play as a child is growing up?
What is the purpose void and why is it more important now that more children are growing up without a father?
What are the two primary purposes in a man’s life and how has the development of society made it more difficult for men to feel fulfilled in either one?
How does porn become addictive to young men and how does it shift the way men view women, sex, and relationships?
What are the primary differences between mom-style parenting and dad-style parenting?
What is the single biggest predictor of success and how do you teach it to children?
How do you teach postponement of gratification to children and why is it so important to building the life you want?
What is the difference between being aggressive and being assertive?
What can you do to reverse ADHD?
What role do family dinner nights have in a child’s development and what 5 things can you do to make those family dinners constructive rather than destructive?
What steps can we take today to improve as parents?

The father in many shows and movies seems to be there just for comic relief by being a hardass or totally incompetent while the mother is portrayed as “the real parent.”

But the father’s role in raising kids is significantly more important than we tend to give it credit for.

As Warren Farrell stated, “Children who have father involvement are far less likely to be obese, far less likely to have ADHD, far less likely to do worse in every single academic area, and far less likely to be depressed or commit suicide.”

And those are just a few of the effects that a good father has on his kids.

It’s crucial there be a balance of masculine and feminine influence in a child’s life in order for that child to grow into a well-rounded human being able to handle the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. It is the tension created by the difference between the parents that allows their children to find a happy medium that works for who they are.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

Warren Farrell’s website

Why Men Are the Way They Are by Warren Farrell

The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell

The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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764: Brett Bartholomew on why drive matters more than motivation and secrets to peak performance Jun 17, 2019

Show notes

Coaching athletes, or anyone for that matter, does not come with a simple one-size-fits-all approach, so what does effective coaching look like, what do you need to know about those you’re coaching, and who do coaches get coached by?

What to Listen For

How did Brett Bartholomew get started in the world of strength training and coaching?
How do you get buy-in with athletes you’re coaching to make sure they follow your program without getting distracted by all the other information they’re bombarded with?
What do you need to know about your athletes in order to best coach them and how do you tie it in with a responsible message?
What is the Harvard 4 Drive Model and how can you start using it today to teach or coach more effectively?
What 3 steps can you use to better relate to other people and build better relationships with coworkers, students, and athletes?
How do you develop self-awareness and what should you look for in your own life to start with?
What are the 3 stages of internal identification and how does it relate to the development of self-awareness?
What is imposter syndrome and how do you deal with it so you don’t sabotage your career or relationships?
What kind of coaches do coaches get coached by?
What is the difference between being responsive and being reactive?
How can you be more responsive without being reactive?
How do you find your own motivation and help others find theirs?
How do you stay motivated as a coach?

There are a variety of factors that influence your ability to coach someone effectively. First and foremost, your athlete (or student) must trust and respect you, otherwise, she won’t believe you know what you’re doing. So you must build a working relationship with your athletes, and that means understanding their self-awareness levels, working together to identify their strengths and weaknesses, what drives them and what their ambitions are, and getting a feel for how each one learns best.

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Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.

Resources from this Episode

The Art of Coaching with Brett Bartholomew

Harvard 4-Drive Model - Harvard Business Review

Check in with AJ and Johnny!