The Art of Charm

Episode 693: Identifying Low Value Behaviors

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782: Networking Advice No One Tells You Oct 14, 2019

Show notes

The best networkers prepare for networking events in order to get the most out of them, but how do you go about preparing for a networking event, what are the do’s and don’ts of networking, and is your first impression shooting you in the foot before you even open your mouth?

What to Listen For

What are the do’s and don’ts of networking?
How do you handle a networking event if you’re an introvert?
What can you do to prepare for a networking event, and do you even need to?
How can a bad (or even a neutral) first impression ruin your chances of success at a networking event and what can you do to make a fantastic first impression instead?
What kind of research should you do before a networking event?
How do you set yourself up for success before and/or during a networking event?
How do you choose what to wear for a networking event, and what should you avoid wearing?
Where should you hang out at networking events if you want to have the best chance of talking to the individuals you’re trying to meet?
Why is it a mistake to make a pitch or try to close a deal when you meet someone at a networking event?
What game can you play to make networking opportunities fun and productive?
Why is it hurting you to think about what you can take from networking opportunities rather than what you can give?
What should you do after a networking event to help you process and learn from the experience?
Why is it damaging to your networking potential if you can’t explain what you do in simple terms?
What should your elevator pitch attempt to accomplish and why do so many of us focus on the wrong parts?
Why do most people fail when it comes to networking and what can you do to set yourself apart from them?
How soon after meeting someone at a networking event should you start working on the follow-up?
What is a pre-event and how can you plan a simple one to your advantage, setting you apart from most people at a networking event?

Networking is like many endeavors in this world - your results depend on how much work you’re willing to put in. The best networkers prepare for every networking event by making sure their first impression is on point, they know who is going to attend and who they want to meet, they understand how to connect and pitch themselves, and most importantly, they follow up.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 694: Becoming High Value

Episode 781: How To Grow Your Network Through Social Capital

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Episode 693: Identifying Low Value Behaviors

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781: How To Grow Your Network Through Social Capital Oct 07, 2019

Show notes

Introduction

Networking has picked up a bad rap over the years, but what exactly is networking, how is your network different from your social circle, and how do you go about building a strong network full of great people and amazing opportunities?

What to Listen For

What is the difference between your social circle and your network, and how can the misunderstanding of the difference lead to a loss of opportunities, both personally and professionally?
What are the biggest myths surrounding networking?
What is social capital and why is your familiarity with it crucial to your ability to network effectively?
Why do many of us view networking as transactional, and why is that mindset detrimental to building a strong network?
How important is your first impression when building a network versus building a social circle?
What is the easiest area to focus on if you want to strengthen your network, and why can ignoring it have detrimental effects?
Why are your casual acquaintances more likely to lead to job offers than your close friends?
Is it more important to surround yourself with people just starting out, at your level, or further along than you, and why?
What common viewpoint can stunt the growth of your network and lead to your network being full of toxic relationships?

A strong network can lead to a healthier personal and professional life for one primary reason: a variety of backgrounds. Your network is different from your social circle (though they can overlap) because the individuals in your social circle are people you spend the most time with, and so they tend to share a similar background as you, which means they are likely to share the same perspectives and values you do. People in your network, however, likely come from a variety of backgrounds and are likely then to have different perspectives, values, and career choices.

This variety helps keep you open to new ideas and perspectives but also drastically expands the number of connections you have because of the sheer number of people that those in your network have access to.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 694: Becoming High Value

“The Strength of Weak Ties” by Mark Granovetter

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The West Point Negotiation Project

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780: Extreme Negotiations from Battlefield to Boardroom with Aram Donigian Oct 01, 2019

Show notes

Some of the most intense and important negotiations humanity has witnessed have taken place in and around the field of battle, but how much do they have in common with the negotiations we engage in on a daily basis, what can civilians learn from how the military successfully approaches its negotiations, and what 5 strategies can you implement today in order to improve your negotiation skills?

What to Listen For

What are the most common mistakes people make when negotiating and what can you do to avoid making them?
What is the difference between negotiating to create choices and negotiating to reach an agreement, and why should you aim for one while avoiding the other at all costs?
Why do most people only think about negotiations in the short term and how can that mindset cause so much damage in the long term?
What are the commonalities between life or death military negotiations and negotiations in business?
How do you take cultural differences into account when negotiating?
What questions should you be asking yourself about the parties in a negotiation if you don’t want to screw it up?
What are the 5 strategies of extreme negotiating and how can you use them in important negotiations to everyday negotiations in order to reach a desirable outcome for all parties involved?

Many people tend to enter into negotiations with a short term goal in mind. We want the best deal, or the biggest win for ourselves, regardless of what it costs the other party. Think about when you buy a car - are you thinking about the person you’re buying the car from? What about when you’re negotiating a raise - are you actively trying to understand what is required of you to merit that raise and then clearly conveying to your employer what you’ve done to meet or exceed those requirements?

Every negotiation we engage in has the potential to build or break relationships. If that’s the case, shouldn’t it be in your best interest to focus on building relationships with win-win outcomes versus breaking them with win-lose outcomes?

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Resources from this Episode

Extreme Negotiations - Harvard Business Review

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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779: How To Negotiate With Friends, Build Credibility and Detach From Your Ego with Wil Schroter Sep 26, 2019

Show notes

In today’s episode we talk with Wil Schroter. Will is a serial entrepreneur who has started 9 companies since 1994 and sold 4 of them to date. He is currently the CEO and founder of Startups.co, the world's largest startup launch platform.

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Episode 777: Negotiating: 4 Things You Must Know

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778: 3 Steps to Make Any Negotiation Bulletproof Sep 16, 2019

Show notes

Some of the most important decisions in your life involve negotiating with someone more experienced than you, so what can you do today to make sure you are well prepared for every negotiation to come?

What to Listen For

What can you do to make sure you’re not shooting yourself in the foot when negotiating?
What is the difference between negotiating from a place of cooperation versus position?
How are you killing opportunities by negotiating with a competitive mindset and what mindset should you be negotiating with if you want to get the most out of every negotiation?
What is the Harvard Negotiation Project and what can you take from it to improve your negotiation skills today?
How does pressure work against you in negotiations and what can we do to handle it so it doesn’t have detrimental consequences in the long term?
What 3 things are you doing to kill your chances of negotiating a raise?
What 3 traits are critical to entering a negotiation that allows for a win-win for all parties involved?
What is BATNA and why is your understanding of it crucial if you want to negotiate successfully?
How do you develop a bulletproof approach to any negotiation?
How do you gain agreement from the other party in a negotiation to decrease the chance of it falling through?
When negotiating a raise, what should your first point of agreement be between you and your employer?

Negotiating can be both fun and exciting for all parties involved, but it can also be uncomfortable and downright painful. Ideally, we want to avoid the latter, but many of us enter into negotiations from a position that pushes the other party away because we try to come from a place of power and strength. No one wants to be taken advantage of so that is understandable. However, the person we are negotiating with doesn’t want to feel pushed around either, and so a different kind of strength must be used when entering into a negotiation, and that strength comes from a knowledge of what you want as well as what the other person wants. When you do your research and have options, you allow the other party to negotiate with you on what they can offer you versus what you are looking for, rather than saying, “This is what I want and you must give it to me or I’m leaving.” That never ends well for anyone.

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Resources from this Episode

Harvard Negotiation Project

Episode 774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making

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Episode 774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making, And How to Avoid Them

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777: Negotiating: 4 Things You Must Know + Why Fighting For The Biggest Slice Doesn't Help Sep 09, 2019

Show notes

The thought of negotiating can instill feelings of discomfort in many of us because we associate negotiating with trying to create a win for us and a loss for the person we are negotiating with, but how would that change if you had the knowledge and confidence to come up with a win-win for just about every negotiation you entered into?

What to Listen For

Where do the misconceptions surrounding negotiating come from and how can a few simple changes in perception improve your ability to negotiate?
What is Prospect Theory and how does it cause you to miss out on great opportunities?
What is Positional Bargaining?
How are Positional Bargaining and Anchoring connected and how can the connection lead you
Why will we work harder NOT to lose $100 than we will to earn an extra $100?
How can you start improving your negotiating ability today?
What is the Harvard Negotiation Project and how can you use your understanding of it to create more win-win negotiations?
What are the 4 elements of a negotiation we should look at in order to create a win-win outcome for both parties?
What are the boundary conditions of a negotation and how can being aware of them prevent you from losing out on great long term negotiation wins?
How does focusing on interests rather than bargaining positions lead to a win-win in negotiations?

We often feel uncomfortable with negotiating a better deal for ourselves because we believe a better deal for us means a worse deal for the other person. That belief, however, comes from focusing on each person’s bargaining positions rather than our interests. You can do this by focusing on the other person’s interests and what you can offer them that is of little value to you but could be of great value to them. This way you are able to negotiate a win for yourself now while making the immediate loss for the other person worthwhile because of what you can offer that person in another capacity. For example, if you negotiate a discount on a computer repair by offering to write the business owner a great review and tell your friends about them, you are making that discount a win for you and the business owner.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Episode 694: Becoming High Value

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm

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776: Eric Weinstein Learns the Art of Charm. Part 2 (Find Your Voice) Sep 03, 2019

Show notes

Finding your voice as an individual is vital to realizing your potential and building a life that allows you to be the best version of yourself, but what does it mean to find your voice, what steps can you take today to discover it, and why will most people die before ever finding their voice?

What to Listen For

How do you define a successful networking event and what can you do to make your next networking event a success?
Why is it important to discover your voice and use it to express your thoughts on a regular basis?
What can you do to find your voice in a world where most people die without ever finding theirs?
How do you deal with the blowback that comes from voicing your opinions and beliefs that some people inevitably won’t agree with?
What hurdles do women face in social situations inside and outside of work and what can you do as a woman to overcome those hurdles so you don’t miss out on countless opportunities?
How do you handle the gender dynamic as a woman in a leadership/management position when you want to command respect and authority?

The more comfortable you become with who you really are and what you believe, the more likely you are to ruffle feathers and offend people. As your work on realizing your potential, your focus should not be on making sure as many people as possible like you or even agree with your ideas. Your focus should be on nourishing the relationships with those around you who value you as an individual for being who you are and standing firm in your beliefs and values.

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Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

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775: Your Tough Questions About Decision Making Answered Aug 26, 2019

Show notes

The narratives we create for ourselves influence everything from life-changing decisions down to what we eat and how we spend our free time, but what exactly is a narrative and how do you go about creating a positive one that pulls you in the direction you want to go in life?

What to Listen For

How do you justify a career change if you already have the “perfect” job?
What is the one thing you take with you every time you leave a job for a new one, and how can you use that to minimize the regret you might feel for leaving a great job?
What is a narrative and why are they so influential when it comes to how we think and make decisions?
If you feel you are overanalytical, how do you use it as a strength while making sure it doesn’t cripple you in social situations?
What can you do to make networking an enjoyable process rather than something you feel like you have to do in order to grow professionally?
How do you become more likable as a coworker?
Why is likability more important than hard skills when it comes to being promoted in the workplace?
What can you do to increase your value if you feel hindered in the dating pool by a disability?
What does it mean to hang on to gifts and memorabilia from past relationships and what does it mean to get rid of them?
Can you ever truly stop comparing yourself to others or is it human nature?

You are what you eat - everything you put in your body either makes you healthier or sicker. The same can be said for your narrative - everything you do either strengthens your narrative or weakens it.

For example, if you believe you are not worthy of a promotion at work, you will make decisions every day which strengthen that narrative. However, if you wake up one day and make the choice to believe you are worthy of a promotion, then you can take conscious action to reinforce that narrative by developing positive relationships with your coworkers and supervisors as well as making sure your supervisors know you’re getting the results which make you worthy of the promotion.

Over time your belief in yourself will override the narrative that was holding you back and the new positive, healthier narrative will take its place.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 766: Michael Herold on Facing the Impossible and Beating it

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

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774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making, And How to Avoid Them Aug 19, 2019

Show notes

We make decisions throughout every single day of our lives, but only a certain type of decision can lead to regret later on, so how can you identify those decisions before you make them, what can you do to minimize or eliminate any regret they may cause, and what can you do to become a better decision-maker?

What to Listen For

Why are some decisions harder than others and how do those decisions make for good self-development?
Why do we feel regret and how can we turn it around to use it as a motivator for action?
What is opportunity cost, how does it affect our decision-making ability, and how can we eliminate it?
What can you do when you find yourself being indecisive without anyone to turn to for help?
If you’re an indecisive person, what one thing can you look at in order to better understand the decisions you should make in the future?
What is decision fatigue and what can you do to avoid it so it doesn’t lead you to make the wrong decision with long-lasting consequences?
What kinds of decisions lead to regret and what kinds do not, and why?
Why is attaching a deadline to a decision so helpful in developing good decision-making habits?
Why are we wired for indecision and what simple technique can we do to overcome that biological programming?
What is the psychological immune system and how does it work in your favor when it comes to how you regret certain types of decisions?
Why does a focus on the outcome (of a decision) versus the process
(of making that decision) lead to more regret in life?
What are the three hidden pitfalls of striving for ideal outcomes?

Life is full of decisions, big and small and everything in between, and the ability to make those decisions is a skill just like any other, which means it can be learned, practiced, and improved upon, but it also means it can atrophy if you are indecisive too often and for too long. Indecisiveness is not a desirable trait - it shows people you are not confident in the path you’re walking through in life and you don’t value your time, because for every decision you don’t make, you are wasting time, the most precious resource any of us has because it’s the only one you can’t get more of.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm. Part 1 (Why we need The Portal)

Episode 704: The Bad House Guest: Cognitive Distortions

Episode 700: The Myth of Perfectionism

Episode 754: Steven Hayes on Why Craving Pain is Human

Check in with AJ and Johnny!