The Art of Charm

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371: Christine Hassler | Expectation Hangover Jan 26, 2015

Show notes

Don't believe every thing you think! "Some of us get wake up calls in a graceful way and some of us need a massive 2x4 to hit us on the head."-Christine Hassler The Cheat Sheet: What is the original definition of passion? What exactly is an expectation hangover, according to Christine? Our unconscious mind runs 90-95% of our programming: true or false? If we change this one thing then we change our results. What is it? Is everything energy? Christine explains. And so much more... Have you known someone who has built a seemingly successful, ideal life and yet is completely miserable? That was the case for our guest on today's episode. Christine Hassler was earning six-figures as Hollywood's youngest female agent who walked away from it all. Today we talk about why she left, how she got the idea for her book Expectation Hangover and specific strategies we can use to change our beliefs and ultimately, our lives. All of that and much more on this edition of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: Christine's drive for success began, she jokes, in the 4th grade when she was bullied and picked on by classmates. She decided then she was going to be somebody one day and would show them! And she did. She became the youngest female agent in Hollywood, by 25 she was making six figures a year, working in a posh Beverly Hills office, had her own assistant and was dating the head of a movie studio and going to The Oscars, Sundance and other red carpet Hollywood-type events. She was living a glamorous life that should've made her happy. But despite all of it she felt miserable inside. And the more miserable she felt, the more she pushed herself to achieve. She thought what so many of us thought: "When I get X, then I'll be happy." But every time she got X, she was even more unhappy and nothing seemed to change that. So she did the only thing she knew how to do: she quit her job and walked away from her successful career. She floundered for the next year, accumulating debt, becoming estranged from her family, being diagnosed with an immune disorder and being left by her fiancee six months before the wedding. She hit rock bottom. She was on her bathroom floor pondering whether or not her life was worth living, if she should even be on Earth any more. As she searched within herself, something told her her life was valuable and had purpose. She was filled with a sense of peace and happiness. Those feelings were enough for her to make a deal; she wasn't religious but she told whatever Higher Power might be out there that she would dedicate her life to helping others. Christine didn't know what that would look like exactly, but a few days later after the bathroom incident, she got the idea for her first book and that set her on a new, equally successful path. On today's show we discuss several topics including what an expectation hangover is, what coping methods we can use that actually work when we're curing our hangover, and how to use release writing to let go of any emotions that don't serve us. According to Christine an expectation hangover is when we have an idea of how we want life to be and we set our plans, our goals to achieve that idea, but life gives us something else. Then we turn to coping mechanisms to help us cure that expectation hangover, and very often these coping methods aren't healthy. Christine shares some healthier ways to deal like asking: "What am I learning from this?" instead of what we usually say which is "Why me?". We can also remember control is just an illusion, and none of us have it! We have free will, influence and choice but we all receive curveballs from life that are out of our control. We can also create better relationships with ourselves and be clear on our expectations of others. Instead of thinking people in our lives can read our minds we can actually create agreements in which all parties are clear. She also goes into detail on how we can recognize our patterns, giving us practical steps to take and she shares the actionable tool of release writing, which allows us to go deep into an emotion and release it in a healthy, positive way so we can create something new where that emotion or belief had been in our minds. There's even more where that wisdom came from so tune in to hear all of it straight from Christine! Then join me in thanking her for being here and as always, thank you for joining us. We'll see you next time. THANKS CHRISTINE HASSLER! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Christine know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Christine on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Christine Hassler's web site Christine Hassler on TwitterThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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370: Brad Szollose | Liquid Leadership and Bridging Generational Gaps Jan 23, 2015

Show notes

Baby Boomers and Millennials think in opposite ways. "Millennials are your new customer and your new workforce. They don't think, behave, buy or romance the same."-Brad Szollose The Cheat Sheet: What's the one question to ask when learning a new technology or latest trend? 50% of NASA scientists say the reason they became a NASA scientist was either Star Wars or Star Trek: true or false? In the last 35 years of the top 10 most popular movies how many were sci-fi? And why does that matter? How old is the average TV viewer and why has that changed so drastically with the Millennial generation? What are the three major influences that shaped Millennials? And so much more... It seems like every generation thinks the generation after them is markedly different and is unrelatable. But our guest for today says Millennials really ARE different than any generation before them, and he cites the reasons why and how we can bridge the gap between ourselves and any other generation we're working with. Brad Szollose is the author of Liquid Leadership and an entrepreneur who specializes in understanding how Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials can all work together and get along. We talk about that and much more on episode 370 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: If you're a Baby Boomer or even a Gen Xer you've heard and may have experienced the different working styles of the youngest generation in the workforce today: Millennials. Before you fall into the trap of thinking all Millennials are self-focused and entitled take note of what Brad has to say on the matter. For over 35 years Brad has been an entrepreneur. He was part of the first dot-com company to go public on NASDAQ. He has seen and successfully navigated the behavioral and technological disruptions and changes that have happened during his entrepreneurial career. In fact today he runs a company that helps other companies create bridges among their generation-gap workers. He finds ways to help people connect with each other and work well together, no matter what generation they're from. When looking at the Millennial generation Brad cites the 3 reasons they seem to have developed and now act so markedly different from previous age groups. Those three reasons are: 1. Science fiction became mainstream. Sound crazy? Not really if you think of it like this: Star Wars was the top movie of 1977. Before that, no other film from the genre had quite that level of impact. Star Wars was the first really BIG American film to have a global influence. To add to that, it started a string of popular sci-fi films like Back to the Future, Terminator, etc. Why does that matter? Because in all of these films the hero is a young person using technology to save the day, not adults. So everyone born from 1977 on grew up seeing young people as heroes, heroes who embraced technology and used it to solve problems. 2. Video games came home. Again it may sound off-the-wall until you realize Nintendo game stations in the home weren't commonplace before the late 1970s. But kids who grew up playing video games learned how to multi-task, they learned to take risks and learn as they went. Video games are not about following the rules, they're about risking it all to get great rewards. 3. Child-centered parenting went mainstream. Public schools started teaching child-centered learning, they believed our problems were caused by low self-esteem. Parents started doing the same and began raising their children as part of the household. Kids were no longer there simply to obey their parents, they were there to at least be mentored by, if not befriended by, their parents. When you look at those three reasons it's easy to see why Millennials now walk into a corporate culture and call the boss by his or her first name, why they find the most efficient ways of doing anything and then implement them (typically before getting the boss' approval). You can see why Millennials seem to behave like entrepreneurs, even if they aren't running their own businesses. On today's episode Brad addresses how Millennials can use their natural predisposition to bring value to any corporate culture, while still respecting the people they work with. He gives specific ways Baby Boomers and Gen Xers can better utilize Millennials in their workforce and how to understand their thought processes and actions. Brad shares plenty more on today's show, tune in to hear all of it! Then join me in thanking Brad for being here and as always, thank you for joining us. We'll see you next time. THANKS BRAD SZOLLOSE! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Brad know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Brad on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Brad Szollose's web site Brad Szollose on TwitterLiquid Leadership, Brad's bookThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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369: Ben Greenfield | How to Burn Fat Without Exercising Jan 21, 2015

Show notes

You don't have to exercise 4 hours a day. "Any time your body has to venture outside of its homeostatic norm and make micro adjustments it will burn calories."-Ben Greenfield The Cheat Sheet: Why adding a cool shower can help you burn fat. Shivering boosts your metabolism by 300%: true or false? How does wi-fi interfere with your metabolic rate? Can posture and breathing impact how many calories you burn? What is caloric hyper-compensation and why should you know about it? And so much more... Is it really possible to burn fat, without spending half your day at the gym? And do those electrical impulse ab machines you see on infomercials actually work? Here to answer both of those questions and to give us the low-down on how to burn fat without exercising the easiest and healthiest way is Ben Greenfield. Ben and I chat about all of that and more on episode 369 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: If you don't know who Ben is and you missed his previous appearance on The Art of Charm, check it out here. You'll hear who Ben is and the simple ways he helps people achieve their lifestyle goals, beyond the norm of healthy eating and exercise. And one look at Ben and you'll know he practices what he preaches. On today's show Ben and I talk about his biohacking tips and suggestions for how to burn fat during your day, without adding complex exercises or another two hours on to your gym routine. His first tip is to add cooling garments to your regular wardrobe. Don't take one of those ice packs you bought at the pharmacy, they have chemicals in them that can burn your skin. Instead Ben recommends cold packs from Onnit. The link is below the notes. When you wear those during your day your body has to burn more calories to keep you warm and get back to your body's normal temperature of 98.6 degrees. Keep the cold packs on your body for 30-60 minutes a day. Be sure to do some kind of work that isn't too mentally taxing because you will shiver and you will be a bit distracted. You can jack up your metabolism even more by strategically placing the cold packs on areas that have more brown adipose tissue (sometimes called brown fat). Your stomach (if you have some extra fat there) is a good example. A second suggestion he has is to do short bursts of exercise throughout your day, things like pull-ups, air squats, or kettle bells. If you have an office where you can shut the door you can do any of these things. Set a rule that for every 25 minutes of work you'll do 20 push-ups, or something of that nature. If you work in a cubicle and can't have any privacy while working, do 25 air squats in the bathroom stall every time you use it. If you make 4 trips during an entire day you've just done 100 squats. You'll see the difference quickly, just be sure to count your squats silently! Now if we're talking next to no effort, Ben has plenty of suggestions including deep breathing from your diaphragm, sitting upright with proper posture and even the electric ab muscle machines you see on TV. He explains which type of machine you need (EMS, which stand for electrical muscle stimulator) and how even NFL athletes use these, sometimes for their entire work out. Ben gives us TONS more, you'll want to have something handy to jot all this down. Have a listen to get it all on today's show. Then join me in thanking Ben for his second appearance on the show and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS BEN GREENFIELD! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Ben know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Ben on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Ben Greenfield's web siteBen's previous visit to The Art of Charm, episode 259 Ben Greenfield on TwitterCoolFatBurnerBen's treadmill/standing desk recommendationsCompex, Ben's EMS recommendation Nature Beat, how Ben monitors his breathing and stress levels KyBounder, the standing mat for standing desks Onnit's sandbagsHyperwear weighted vestTitin Tech shirtPerfect Pullup barThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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368: Danny Iny | Engagement From Scratch Jan 19, 2015

Show notes

Extroverts aren't always the best networkers. "Business savvy comes down to being able to sustainably and effectively get done whatever it is you want to get done."-Danny Iny The Cheat Sheet: Can you fake being a good networker? Why not answering your emails promptly will be detrimental to your success. What do skyhooks and cranes have to do with building a network? Danny explains. Creating your Genius Network: what it is and how to do it. The post-it note trick to making you a more effective networker. And so much more... Networking is something we talk about a lot on this show, and for good reason. You can be great at your job, have an amazing skill set and talent but if you aren't developing quality relationships and looking for opportunities to grow yourself, your role or your business you won't succeed. Joining us today to share how his introverted approach to getting ahead and creating engagement from scratch is Danny Iny. Danny is the man behind Firepole Marketing and the author of Engagement From Scratch. We chat about all of that and much more on episode 368 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: A common excuse for not networking is being an introvert. Danny dispels that myth, rather effectively on this show. First he explains what an introvert is, versus an extrovert. An introvert is someone who is drained by being around people. They aren't necessarily shy, they simply don't get energy from being with others. An extrovert, on the other hand, does become energized by being around people. They are the people who want to go to the after party after a great party is over. An introvert will be ready to go home. Danny calls himself an introvert and has learned how to become a great networker regardless. He's learned networking is a skill set that anyone can develop no matter if they are introverted or extroverted. He has found through practice and discipline he can strong, healthy networks. And those are two things that creates a great networker: someone who practices and discipline. Perhaps extroverts are naturally better at networking, but an introvert can become great at it through discipline and practice. Often they will become better than extroverts because they have to work at it, and an extrovert may think they don't. One of the approaches to being a great networker that Danny has learned is to focus on the person in front of you. It may sound cliche but he likens it to building a very large crane. Take the small crane (the person in front of you) and leverage it to build a larger crane. Take that next larger crane and use it to build an even bigger crane, and so on. But before you head off to your next event thinking you need to focus on one person and finding out what they can do for you, Danny reminds us to build that connection and relationship with the intent of finding out what YOU can do for them. You've got to trust the process of connecting and relationship building knowing that what you give comes back to you. You may not see it immediately, you probably won't meet Richard Branson's best bud at your next outing and get an intro to him shortly after, but it will come back. And it usually does come back in spades! Danny and I cover a lot of ground on this episode, including the post-it note trick to becoming a better networker and why getting to know 4 people well at your next event is way more beneficial than getting 12 business cards. Danny also explains how to dig your proverbial well before you're thirsty in a concrete way that you can implement now. Have a listen to get all of that and more from today's show. Big kudos to Danny for joining us and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS DANNY INY! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Danny know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Danny on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Danny Iny's web siteCourse Builders Labratory Engagement from Scratch, Danny's book John Corocoran's Contactually video tutorial Contactually Danny Iny on TwitterThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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367: Steve Sims | How to Always Get a Yes Jan 16, 2015

Show notes

First you've got to believe you'll get a "yes". "The perfection is in the imperfection."-Steve Sims The Cheat Sheet: How to get anyone to say yes to your request. What is market ugly and how does it work? Creating a win-win scenario: Steve shares how he does it. The three words he says you should live by. How one of his clients became the shortest-term singer in the history of Journey. And so much more... Would you want the Pope to marry you at The Vatican? Or perhaps you've always wanted to have your favorite musician teach you to play guitar (or some other instrument), or some other outlandish dream. There's one man who can make your most incredible dreams come true, his name is Steve Sims. And he joins us to talk about how to always get a yes, how he's built the most elite luxury concierge service in the world, and a heckuva lot more on episode 367 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: For a man who has arguably the most influential and successful connections in the world, Steve Sims' life didn't start with a silver spoon. He's an Irish lad born to an East London construction family with blue collar roots. Initially he wanted to be a stockbroker so he talked his way into that world, and eventually a job in Hong Kong. He began work there on a Tuesday and was fired by the next Saturday. But that led to his work as a doorman at nightclubs where he noticed something curious: the most elite clients weren't just the stuffy old-money crowd, there were a lot of new rich people coming in the doors. Soon he was being asked if he could connect those folks with the fanciest parties, the best hotels, events, etc. Even though he didn't often know how he could make connections for them, he said yes and made it happen! That was 18 years ago and today he heads up a company called Bluefish, a luxury concierge service that provides whatever your heart desires. But Steve never tells anyone he runs a concierge service, he believes what they do is so much more than that. He says he is the person who makes magic happen and if you ask about a few of the events he's helped create for others you'll see why this description is so appropriate. On today's show Steve shares some of his trade secrets, including the 3 ways he communicates for maximum return and how he makes other people happy (which in and of itself is one of his secrets to succeeding in anything). The 3 ways he communicates for maximum return are phoning people, writing letters (handwriting the envelope, even if the letter is typed) and answering people's emails with videos. The personal touch each of these provide show people they matter to him and that he's thinking of them. Steve's three suggestions take just a little bit of effort but they leave a lasting impression and make other people happy. Another way he makes people happy is simply by asking them! For example if a client emails him with a request, he doesn't respond with an email. He picks up the phone and talks with them. He asks them questions about their request, like: Why is this important to you? What could we create to make you so excited you won't sleep the night before this event and will have you talking about it for years to come? With those answers, Steve sets out on his quest to make their experience happy. But he doesn't stop with just his clients happiness, he finds ways to make the people providing the experience for his clients happy as well. He once had a hotelier who was an exceptional resource, Steve discovered this hotelier loved Maroon5 so he had the band autograph a guitar and then gave the guitar to the hotelier. You can bet that is a gift that will be treasured throughout the hotelier's lifetime! Whether or not you run a business and have clients of your own, Steve gives examples and tips to contribute to other people in your life. He also shares many of his stories, including how he got one of his clients to sing four songs with Journey, live on stage! You'll want to listen in to hear all the goods Steve has to share today, there are plenty! Special thanks to Steve for joining us and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS STEVE SIMS! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Steve know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Steve on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Steve Sims' web site Steve Sims on TwitterBLUEcause, Steve Sims' charityThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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366: Rich Roll | Finding Ultra and Rejecting Middle Age Jan 14, 2015

Show notes

Small, progressive steps create lasting change. "I allowed myself to be imperfect and to fail."-Rich Roll The Cheat Sheet: Are you on The Window Diet? Junk food vegetarianism: what is it? Rich explains the problem with our "hacking" culture. What forges true character? How to master your monkey mind. And so much more... Allowing ourselves to be imperfect, to fail and to ask for help are not widely accepted in our culture, but they are key to creating lasting change and a fulfilling life according to our guest for today's show. Rich Roll is an ultra-athlete, podcaster and the best-selling author of Finding Ultra. Today he joins us to talk about his book, how he overcame addiction, created lasting, healthy habits and changed the mental story he was telling himself. We cover all of those topics, and more on episode 366 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: Rich Roll is a man who doesn't do anything halfway, he admits to going "all in" when he commits to something and his history proves as much. He was a talented athlete in high school, becoming one of the best swimmers in his state and went on to pursue swimming in college at Stanford. But he went down the rabbit hole of alcohol and drug abuse, sidelining his athletic pursuits and his entire life. At the age of 31 he got sober and began repairing the damage he had done. It took him years to do so, but he eventually got back on track. By 39 he was on the fast track to becoming a partner at his corporate law firm in Los Angeles, he was building his dream home in Malibu Canyon and was a happily married father. On the outside everything looked perfect, but in reality he didn't feel fulfilled. He loved his wife, his family but those were the only bright spots for him. His work and his health were exhausting him, and something needed to be done. His first order of business was simply to experiment. He did a 7-day juice cleanse and gave his body a fresh slate to work with. From there he went vegetarian, and relied on his wife to be a sounding board and guidepost. She'd always been a healthy person so she helped him experiment to find what worked best for him. Originally he just wanted more energy to play with his kids, but Rich doesn't do anything halfway and he went on to become an elite ultra-endurance athlete and health advocate. He doesn't call himself an expert because he doesn't claim to have all the answers, he just shares his journey and his findings on that journey. And we go in-depth on many of those findings, including how to create lasting change and how to stop allowing the story we tell ourselves to run our lives. Rich has created long-term change, in any area of his life, through incremental shifts. He suggests making one change, like buying almond milk instead of cow's milk, and cementing that change before moving on to something else. Small shifts over time create habits, which last. The same holds true with the stories we tell ourselves. If we create a small shift by noticing our self-talk, over time we can become aware of how this self-talk and our own stories are running our lives. With that awareness we can shift out of our "monkey mind" and take the reigns of our own lives, instead of allowing our programming to run us. Rich and I also talk about inspiration vs implementation, what's wrong with our hacking culture and so much more. Have a listen to get all the insights and wisdom Rich has to share on this episode. Thanks to Rich for joining us and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS RICH ROLL! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Rich know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Rich on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Rich Roll's web site Finding Ultra, Rich's best-selling book The Rich Roll PodcastRich Roll on TwitterThe Art of Charm bootcamps You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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365: Mark Divine | Six Weeks to SEALfit Jan 12, 2015

Show notes

Toughness goes beyond just physical prowess. "We like to go to the challenge before the challenge comes to us."-Mark Divine The Cheat Sheet: Why do 80% of Navy SEAL trainees fail? What's the oldest personal development system known to mankind? When do we grow and learn the most according to Mark? What is kokoro and why is it an important part of his trainings? Confirmation bias and intuition: what are the differences? And so much more... In the US we see our Navy SEALs as the most elite and effectively-trained soldiers of our country. On the show today is a former Navy SEAL Commanderin and honor-man Mark Divine. Today on The Art of Charm Mark talks about how his background led him to develop Sealfit, a live academy and online integrative warrior training program that uses SEAL training methods to help people achieve their fullest potential. All of that and more on episode 365. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: Mark wasn't just an Navy SEAL, he served for 9 years in active duty and 11 years as a reservist. He retired as a Commanderin in 2011 and was named honor-man among his Navy SEAL training class. An honor-man is someone who has shown the highest levels of integrity, leadership and teamwork during their training to become a SEAL. He also holds black belts in several forms of martial arts, is teacher-trained in Ashtanga yoga, and later developed his own yoga style called Warrior Yoga. While all of that may be impressive, it also explains the foundation and where his Sealfit programs stem from. He blends mind and body and teaches people who are interested in this type of training to reach their full warrior potential. Sealfit uses mental, physical, emotional, intuitive and kokoro trainings to achieve this potential. Mark says this training is meant to help the people who participate become honorable people who serve their family, their community and humanity at large. There are a variety of programs available from a 12-month long digital offering called The Unbeatable Mind to a 50-hour non-stop program called Kokoro Camp, it's modeled after Hell Week and is for the elite athletes and pre-special operation forces trainees of the world. There are many different tools used in all of his courses. One of the techniques we talk about in this episode is a breathing technique to control your stress levels. Mark explains it like this: to calm down or stay calm breath in through your nose and exhale through your nose you. What happens when you do that is your breath is stimulating your diaphragm. There is a bundle of nerves there that triggers your parasympathetic nervous system, the counterpart to your sympathetic nervous system which is responsible for your fight, flight or freeze response. Doing something as simple as taking deep breaths in and out of your nose repeatedly will calm your body, thus calming your mind. When your mind and body are calm you can focus more intently and stay alert. You can use this trick anytime you're stressed, it doesn't have to be a life or death situation! Use it before a big interview or before you ask a girl out on a date. Mark gives us another breathing tool to use and also shares his thoughts on intuition and trusting your gut. He tells us about a few examples from his life when he did or didn't trust his instinct, and the consequences. He also explains why the most successful people in the world are the most emotionally developed, and what his programs offer in that vein. It was fascinating to have Mark here and to listen to his stories, his personal experiences and knowledge on how to get the most out of our bodies and minds. Thanks to Mark for joining us and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS MARK DIVINE! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Mark know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Mark on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Mark Divine's web siteSealfit on Twitter8 Weeks to Sealfit, Mark Divine's latest book You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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364: Kevin Davis | Overcoming Anxiety Naturally Jan 09, 2015

Show notes

Many high performers suffer from anxiety. "The anxiety itself becomes an addiction."-Kevin Davis The Cheat Sheet: Do only combat veterans suffer from PTSD? What is brain zap? Why you don't have to be a monk to meditate. Rest and relaxation are not lazy: how to change your mindset on this. True or false: it takes 20 minutes to get really focused after switching tasks? And so much more... The stigma surrounding anxiety is slowly receding in American culture today, and that's a good thing. PTSD and other anxiety disorders are incredibly common, and so is the unhealthy habit of masking or attempting to treat those disorders with medication which often does more harm than good. Here to give us suggestions on how to recognize if we're suffering from an anxiety issue and what to do about it is Kevin Davis. Kevin is an anxiety coach who runs a podcast called The Anxiety Coaches. He has grappled with anxiety personally and found solutions that didn't require medication. He'll tell us all about that and so much more on episode 364 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: One day while driving down his usual road Kevin had to swerve into the ditch to avoid an oncoming car. Everything happened so quickly he wasn't able to stop his car from running head on into a pole. His hood crumpled and he saw his car's engine explode into flames. Fortunately he escaped and was okay. But a few weeks later he started having severe physical symptoms while driving down that same road. His rate would rapidly increase to 200 or more, which increased his panic. He worried he had done irreparable harm to his body by over-consuming caffeine, working out too hard and steroids. Not once did he correlate his symptoms with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from his frightening car accident, nor did anyone else in his life. He eventually went to the doctor and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. His doctor wanted to give him medication but when Kevin read the side effects he wanted no part of it. Instead he researched all possible treatments for anxiety and started exploring on his own. He found a few things that worked, meditation being one of them. But it seemed like as one treatment would kick in his symptoms would show up in another form, he could treat his constricted feeling in his throat for a week or two only to have tingling in his hands show up the next week. Then his mom Googled anxiety disorders and found a web site run by anxiety coaches. These were men and women who had experienced anxiety themselves and had it overcome it, without drugs. They were now trained coaches with psychology backgrounds who were sharing their expertise with anxiety sufferers. Kevin found a coach and together they realized he had PTSD from his car accident. That was his first step towards truly healing of his anxiety. With a new understanding and the help of his coach he was able to get a handle on his symptoms and treat their roots. One of the tools he learned was meditation. According to Kevin we don't have to become monks to meditate and reap the benefits. By listening to a guided meditation for just 20 minutes a day our brains will respond differently in just a few short weeks. Those 20 minutes will help our minds focus better, stay on track easier, stay calmer and reduce our overall anxiety. Another trick we discuss is not to multi-task. When we've got 3 different things we're trying to do within the hour it's best to focus on one, knock it out and move on to the next one. If we try to juggle all 3 at the same time we won't get as far and may not even finish any of the tasks. When we're focused on one task we can hone in on it with laser focus; we actually get far less done when we're juggling multiple tasks because it takes us up to 20 minutes to shift gears from one subject to another. So if you're editing something and you want to switch to creating a new spreadsheet it can take your brain up to 20 minutes before it's really focused in on making that new spreadsheet. So focus in on one thing, get it done and move on. Kevin and I also talk about the need to recharge and why it's important to set boundaries, and more on this episode. Have a listen to get the full download as Kevin shares his personal story, insights and wise words on today's episode. Thanks to Kevin for joining us and as always, thank you for being here. We'll see you next time. THANKS KEVIN DAVIS! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Kevin know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Kevin on Twitter! Resources from this episode: The Anxiety Coaches PodcastKevin Davis on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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363: Dr. Chris Ryan | Sex at Dawn Jan 07, 2015

Show notes

Sex has long been about relationships, not procreating. "Monogamy is like vegetarianism: it doesn't come naturally to our species."-Dr. Chris Ryan The Cheat Sheet: Why the gangbang porn category is so popular from a biological standpoint. Women are usually the most vocal during sex: why? The one surefire way to know if a woman has an orgasm. Monogamy may be shrinking your testicles: true or false? What's one of the least sexually liberated countries in the world? And so much more... Monogamy is what we've all been told is the norm for human sexual relationships. But is that the truth or are we happiest in open relationships? What role does biology play in our preferences? And do women really desire as many sexual partners as men do? Hear to discuss the answers to all of those fascinating questions, and much more is Dr. Chris Ryan. Dr. Ryan holds a PhD in psychology and has co-authored the book Sex At Dawn. He'll tell us all about that and so much more on episode 363 of The Art of Charm. Click Here to Support The Show and get 10% off Onnit! More About This Show: Dr. Chris Ryan earned an undergraduate degree in Literature, and then experienced some life-altering events that convinced him to forego his academic career and travel the world for 15 years. When his vagabonding was complete he revisited academy and earned a Masters degree and doctorate in psychology. In his psychology programs he spent much of his time looking at the roots of human sexuality to better understand how our ancestors' sexual experiences have impacted how we have evolved into today's current sexual climate. He's done that by studying our biology and physiology today; he says our bodies tell us our ancestors' sexual activities. For example, men's testicles are on the outside of their bodies and their sperm is released in mass quantities because they are in competition to impregnate women. Competition takes place at the cellular level, not at the physical level. Along those same lines, the DNA that controls the volume and size of sperm and overall ejaculation is some of the most genetically-responsive DNA in our bodies. That means it responds and changes within our environment faster than any other DNA we have, so we can see what evolutionary changes are happening by studying this particular type of DNA. Dr. Chris also shares why humans seem to have sex for reasons other than procreation. If you study other mammals about 99% of them only have sex when the female is ovulating, but not humans. Mammals in general have sex about 12 times per birth, humans about 1,000x per birth. So why is that? Because sex is about social relationships. Human sexuality has been co-opted over time to be used for building and maintaining complex relationships, something we do very well as a species. We build communities together, and sex has played a pivotal role in doing so. On this episode we also why open relationships can lead to healthier, happier marriages, and why some native tribes participate in partible paternity where multiple men father the same child. But the final thought Dr. Chris leaves us with is the importance of respecting women. He gives scientific and historical evidence to show why shaming their sexual behavior and choices is like poisoning your own drinking well. When women are respected and can feel safe expressing themselves everyone in society wins. Dr. Chris had so much knowledge to share, it was great to have him here! A big thank you to him for joining us for this episode of The Art of Charm. As always, thank you for being here too. We'll see you next time. THANKS DR. CHRIS RYAN ! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Dr. Chris know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Dr. Chris on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Dr. Chris Ryan's web site Sex At Dawn, by Dr. Chris Ryan Dr. Chris Ryan's Ted TalkDr. Chris Ryan's Podcast, Tangentially SpeakingChris Ryan on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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362: Harville Hendrix | Getting the Love You Want Jan 05, 2015

Show notes

You chose your partners for a reason. "The bottom line for great relationships is you have to know how to deal with differences." -Harville Hendrix The Cheat Sheet: What is zero negativity and how do you use it in a relationship? Imago: what is it and why should you bother to care? Only 10% of the married population is in a healthy, happy marriage: true or false? Why arranged marriages have historically worked better than love matches. What roles do safety and curiosity play in a healthy relationship? And so much more... Have you ever wondered why you choose the partners you chose in relationships? Or why so many people seem to fall in love, only to be miserable with each other down the road? Harville Hendrix joins us today to answer these questions, and the psychology behind why relationships work or don't work out. Harville is a relationship expert, therapist, coach and author of several books including Getting The Love You Want. He joins us to chat about all of this and much more on episode 362 of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: For over 35 years Harville Hendrix has worked in the field of relationships. In that time he and his wife Helen have worked with countless couples on how to communicate better and stay connected. In that time they've found what works and what doesn't work to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Harville says in order to understand why some connections last and others don't, we need to first understand why we are drawn to the people we are drawn to. Doing so will help us work within our relationships so we're actually getting the love we want. When we're infants we create an image of our caretakers and we're left with an imprint that tells what needs were met, and what needs were not. We create what's called an "imago" when we do this. This becomes our basis for what we seek in a partner. In other words if we had a need that wasn't met by our caretakers (and most of us had some need or many needs), then we actively look for that fulfillment from someone just like our caretaker. At first that might sound illogical (why not just seek someone who can give us what we didn't get and not a replica of the person who didn't give it to us in the first place?), but Harville says we do this so we can create growth for ourselves with that person. And we attract someone who needs something we can't fulfill for them, so we can create a growth opportunity for them in return. But what typically happens is we fall in romantic love, the love blooms and our visions are colored by dopamine and endorphins so we think everything is rosy and perfect. Til one day the dopamine wears off and we see the other person as they truly are. And then we get frustrated that they aren't meeting our unmet needs and they get defensive when we try to talk about these needs, because we don't know how to effectively communicate without triggering the other person. So instead of effectively working on these difficulties, most people either give up and break off the relationship or end the marriage. In most cases we do this because we haven't learned how to talk to each other in a way that creates a safe space for the other person. We try to ask for what we need, but take a position of authority and a defensive tone that simply leads to our partner becoming defensive in return. To rectify this and to create a safe relationship to thrive in, Harville has a few suggestions. And these are suggestions he has witnessed work for countless couples, it's the basis for his practice, his books and his programs. There are three things we need to do to create a safe relationship where both people can discuss their needs. The first is to learn how to talk. Instead of our usual monologue, which is how most people speak, we need to have a dialogue. And in this dialogue we need to respect our partner's differences and points of view; they should be mirrored, validated, listened to and empathized with. We can also set aside specific time to discuss relationship topics and instead of asking "are you done?", always ask your partner "is there more?". The second thing we can do is to have a zero negativity process. In a zero negativity relationship all conversations you have you affirm your partner as different with the right to their opinions. You don't make them bad because they are different or devalue them because of those differences. This helps create a safe environment where differences can be expressed from both of you. Thirdly affirm each other on a daily basis. Harville and his wife Helen say three things about each other that they appreciate every day. And these are things that happened that day. It's an affirmation process or a gratitude practice for your relationship. This actually helps your brain create new neural pathways and you'll see your partner in a new light. Your partner becomes a source of gratitude, happiness and joy for you instead of a sore spot. There's a plethora of additional relationship and marriage tools and advice in this episode with Harville. He was a terrific guest to have on who shared SO much information, get ready for it when you listen! Thanks for being here Harville, and special thanks to all of you for listening. We'll see you next time on The Art of Charm. THANKS HARVILLE HENDRIX! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Harville know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Harville on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Harville Hendrix's web siteHarville Hendrix on TwitterGetting The Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

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