Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

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The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 3 - I'm Hal Sparks! Dec 18, 2017

Show notes

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Three

Hi! I'm Hal Sparks. Do you remember the 2000s? What a wild and crazy, yet somehow more innocent age. Snooki? Tatu? Eminem hair? We dive into a time of Urbz: Sims in the City and gay panic in this wall-to-wall-awesome episode of Square Roots.

Questions asked in this episode: why does Jim hate Chris Pratt? Does Jeff Goldblum have an orgy ship? Will Vanessa stop singing about the Nuckelvee? Is Scottish a language or dialect? What exactly is a flesh family?

Plus: The Vanessa and John Show, featuring their special guest, Matthew!

This Week: We play through Chapters 7 through 10 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 11 through 14 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) comdestroydestroyer

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 2 - Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Gesa* (*But Were Afraid To Ask) Dec 11, 2017

Show notes

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Two

The tables are turned as Jim, John and Vanessa lighten up a little on The Bard's Tale while Matthew goes ballistic. John finds solace in an undead horse, Vanessa loves the Crone, Jim doesn't get the performance issues, and Matthew realizes the game may be tuned to encourage in-app purchases on iOS.

Why would Matthew start singing the Bodyguard song? What's a Kunal Trow? What's the difference between a Fnarf and a Hrafn? Will The Bard even sexually harass a Valkyrie? What the heck is a Gesa anyhow? Why is the game pulling a Halo 1 library with constantly spawning enemies? Why are Jim's free cheats better than Matthew's paid buffs?

The answers to these and more on a blockbuster, action-packed Square Roots!

This Week: We play through Chapters 4 through 6 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 7 through 10 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 1 - Jerkin It Dec 04, 2017

Show notes

The Bard's Tale - Part 1

Yes, that's not a typo. We're covering the, uh, classic? RPG The Bard's Tale, and by that we mean the 2004 release that first came out on PS2 and Xbox. You might have a few questions, like: why are we playing The Bard's Tale? Was it written by Adam Carolla? Will we ever see Spiderman: Too Many Spidermen? Why has Matt never seen Big Bird's legs? Is Infamous an RPG? Does the town slut shame a widow? What the heck is a Kunal Trow? Just how dark can Vanessa make this podcast?

Find Vanessa's Best Acquaintances guest spot at: https://soundcloud.com/bestacquaintancespod Meanwhile, you can find Johnny's Kill By Kill guest spot at: https://player.fm/series/kill-by-kill/bonus-episode-thanksgiving-2007-w-john-brandon

This Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 4 through 6 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Parasite Eve Part 3 - Jim's Third Birthday Nov 27, 2017

Show notes

Parasite Eve Part 3

Planes explode! Boats sink! Daniels catch on fire! Parasite Eve's Disc 3 Crazy continues as we wrap up the bonkers story line with an insane finale. Really. Babies are shot. Mermen emerge. The statue of liberty is covered in goo. This brings up a ton of questions this week: is Parasite Eve some Ghostbusters II fan fiction? Or is Parasite Eve's Manhattan the world liberals want? Did the Jerry the janitor try to foil Klamp's sperm storage? Why is the final boss a garbage pail kid? How many times will John say "Baby Sack" this episode? Is their jumpiness at fire a sign of PTSD?

Listen for these and some hints to Jim's dark Kansas past in an exciting new episode of Square Roots!

This Week: We finish Day 5 and 6, ending our Parasite Eve run! Next Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

Parasite Eve Part 2 - Li'l Baby Fresh Eyes Nov 20, 2017

Show notes

Parasite Eve Part 2

We're back and still crushing more mitochondria! It's a dog-shooting, sperm finding episode of Square Roots as we get over halfway through Square's bizarre survival horror visual novel JRPG masterpiece.

Questions asked today: do you know the Meatball Man? Is Carl Winslow actually in the game? Was Lorraine's death preventable? Does Matthew really think sentient poop is a good superpower? Is Ms. Nusebaum the secret best character in the game? Has any Squaresoft game ever had that much sperm in it? Where does Eve carry that sperm anyhow? What's Stephanie's Choice? AND SO MANY MORE.

This episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve!

Next episode: We finish Day 5 and 6 and wrap up Parasite Eve!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

November Mailtacular! Nov 17, 2017

Show notes

We've got a buildup of groovy letters from our awesome listeners! And heck, we've also got a bunch of questions from our Facebook group! So today we're gonna answer:

Is Final Fantasy IX overrated? What game do you love but don't want to play? What's the Square Roots special sauce for picking games? Are you going to retire from gaming? And so many more! So join us for talkin' back to youse folks!

Parasite Eve Part 1 - Accidental Clown Robbery Nov 13, 2017

Show notes

Parasite Eve - Part 1

Parasite Eve: survival horror JRPG? Or is it a visual novel? This is the first of many, many questions we have during the first chunk of this bizarre game. Others include: What the heck are the rules surrounding Eve's power? Should we be calling her Melissa? Has Vanessa won Best Character Name of All Time? Why won't Jim plug his podcast at his church? Did Daniel really shoot a kid? What's up with Klamp anyhow? Is polygony illegal in the United States? Are we right in not thinking good things are gonna happen with Ben and the dog? What the heck is a mitochondria anyhow?

This episode: We finish Day 1 and 2 of Parasite Eve!

Next episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

Chrono Trigger Part 5 - Mama Don't Take My Chrono Clone Away Nov 06, 2017

Show notes

Chrono Trigger - Part 5 Finally! Vanessa has [REDACTED] the [REDACTED]! CONGRATULATIONS! But! Also! We finish Chrono Trigger and pretty much all get the same ending, except for Matt, but Matt got removed from the timestream and can't maintain his presence in this timeline. This is an all-singing-all-dancing episode featuring Memories of Chrono, Mama Don't Take My Chrono Chrome Away, and also some very, very very very very bad rapping. Oh! And we announce the next game!

Questions addressed: Does Queen Zeal recognize Magus as her son? Why can't Vanessa tell a Dark Carnival and Psycho Circus apart? Are conveyor belt fights better or worse than elevator fights? Should we be pouring one out for Toma? Is a JK Execution in bad taste? Do robots really need to be gendered? Who does John hate Geno?

This episode: We play when we are taken aboard the Blackbird until the end of the game!

Next episode: We play Day 1 and 2 of exciting mystery game!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Chrono Trigger Part 4 - Terrifying Boss Dong Oct 30, 2017

Show notes

Chrono Trigger Part 4

Chuck Charles hosts the premiere show for dating fictional video game characters - Create-A-Combo! Who will our contestant Vanessa choose? Her new romance chosen, we start asking a whole bunch of questions about this chunk of Chrono Trigger, including: building a machine that harnesses the power of Lavos couldn't be a terrible idea, could it? Does Giga Gaia have a giant dong? How did the Dark Ages people get their magic anyhow? What's it like living in the body of a giant tomato? Why do animator perverts put dongs in everything?

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We hit the climactic turning point of Lavos Beckons! Next week: We finish the gaaaaame!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Waxworks - Halloween Spooktacular ft. Mikel Reparaz Oct 27, 2017

Show notes

Hello, fellow lovers of the macabre and / or mouse-based action combat! Are you ready to be spooked? Are you in the mood for hyper-gory VGA-era RPG adventure games? ARE YOU? You better be, because Mikel Reparaz from Vidjagame Apocalypse joins us and he darn well finished this first person dungeon crawler for our benefit. So you'll play this creaky game from Horrorsoft and YOU'LL LIKE IT.

On this special bonus episode we explore the strange worlds of this episodic RPG and ask: why are old PC RPGs so much less accessible than their console equivalents? What's up with the crazy amount of gore? Are the policemen just made that we touched them?

Check out Vidjagame Apocalypse at: http://www.lasertimepodcast.com/category/videogame-apocalypse/

Help support LaserTime over at: https://www.patreon.com/lasertime You can also listen to Mikel over on Talking Critic by contributing to: https://www.patreon.com/talkingsimpsons

Opening and closing music is direct from Waxworks!

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