Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Grandia Part 6 - I'm Gonna Rub Your Face Off Apr 30, 2018

Show notes

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

We meet Rapp, and his parents who were both turned to stone and rubbed to death. He has one of the worst voice actors in gaming. It is legendary. This week we've got: Vanessa's Rapp Rap, Milda's labia, Leen's Secret, a whole Jenova scenario, God of War, Vanessa's Sims, edible housing, and SO MUCH MORE.

This week: We complete the Tower of Doom and find out Leen's secret! Next week: We play until we talk to the Three Wise Men of Laine.

Level Up: 04:35 Quest Log: 15:20 Squarely Against: 01:04:25

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 5 - Everyone Is Trying to Traumatize Vanessa Apr 23, 2018

Show notes

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

We push forward with even more Grandia, finishing Disc One. But that means it's a jam packed episode full of tricky mermaids, confusing elevator puzzles, catapults, crying children, not knowing how to run, awkward dates, and villagers who lean on plausible deniability.

This week: We play until the end of Disc One. Next week: We complete the Tower of Doom and find out Leen's secret!

Level Up: 05:10 Quest Log: 16:05 Squarely Against: 01:50

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 4 - Talk Sue-p Apr 16, 2018

Show notes

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Sue falls to what appears to be her death, is nearly eaten, Justin gets vanquished by a way, way better swordsman, and Feena kind of stays out of trouble in this song-packed episode of Square Roots. From a very, very large wall to a fish-shaped house and one of the most tedious, longest, and annoying maps ever to a rain-soaked tower where Justin must choose between life and death, Grandia is nothing if not dramatic. But hey! We meet Gadwin, a big strong buddy, and Guido, who claims to be Mo'Gay than Johnny. Somehow. All this and much much more!

Level Up 14:00 Quest Log 22:15 Squarely Against 01:11:15

This week: We finish the Typhoon Tower! Next week: We finish disc one!

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 3 - APRIL FOOLS Apr 09, 2018

Show notes

Hey! We've got a Patreon now! Our full announcement will be in the next episode, but check it out: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Okay. Things get a little off the rails this episode as we try to slam through an overlarge chunker. First of all, Vanessa's drunk. So there's that. Then there's The Crest Frog, heat rash, the Witches of Brigmore, Dom and sub Orcs, Canadian April Fool's rituals, locker peeping, REM singing for two whole different reasons, Matthew using the worst phrase of all time (it ends with "committee"), so much nut munching, wiping out a squadron of Sergeants, and rehashing the old "was Feena a tour guide?" argument. So. All in all? A great episode.

Level Up 06:30 Quest Log 22:55 Squarely Against 01:24:00

This week: We play until you hit the End of the World! Next week: We play until you exit the Typhoon Tower. Our opening theme is Charles Ritz's awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz's music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic. Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 2 - Cleveland Steaming Apr 02, 2018

Show notes

Are you ready for Justin to not shut up about being an adventurer? That's right, we've got more Grandia! We board the Steamer off to New Parm and then get in all sorts of wedding-and-ghost-related adventures! This week we learn about so many new things including: Psyduck based body horror, a full explanation of Cleveland Steamers, deck swabbing, the Adventurer Society's toxic workplace culture, fan wikis as unpaid labour, boat piloting, underwear in JRPGs and so much more!

Level Up 03:30 Quest Log 18:45 Bullsh*t Minigame Corner: 01:34:50 Squarely Against 01:38:10

This week: We play until you reach the Dom Ruins! Next week: We play until you hit the End of the World!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz's awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz's music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic. Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 1 - Puff-Puff Eat the Dead Mar 26, 2018

Show notes

We start Grandia! And it's pretty awesome! That doesn't mean we don't have questions and conundrums about Game Arts's classic PSOne JRPG. These children are in constant danger as we decry Justin's hat, get creeped out by Puff-Puff's nose, get skeeved out by old men hitting on an eight year old, watch children get hit in the face with a serving tray, destroy priceless statues, destabilize an Orc monarchy, iffy voice acting, judgmental makeup comments, debate the merits of Parmesan cheese and so much more!

Level Up 04:30

Quest Log 10:10

Squarely Against 01:28:45

This week: We play until you board the Steamer in Grandia! Next week: We play until you reach the Dom Ruins!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 5 - DTF: Down To Find Important Artifacts Mar 19, 2018

Show notes

Phantasy Star IV - Part 5

Hail to the Chief! We finish Phantasy Star IV! And meet Seth, the sexiest PC ever to grace a JRPG party. We plot our ways to escape Planet X, debate whether or not the game gets Disc 3 crazy, give Ken Bone tips on having alternate accounts, we debate whether or not Le Roof is both on fire or an anthropomorphic galaxy, Jim gets obsessed over The Profound Darkness's boobs, talk about Dragonball for what seems to be an hour, and so much more!

Level Up 04:15 Quest Log 16:50 Squarely Against 01:15:50

This week: WE FINISH PHANTASY STAR IV! Next week: We play until you board the Steamer in Grandia!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 4 - Robots? In MY Garuberk? Mar 12, 2018

Show notes

Phantasy Star IV - Part 4

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! We're not saying John slept through the recording of this episode, but he may have slept through the recording of this episode. Topics covered this week include: Le Freak, Laschiec; Laschiec playing a classic game of keep-away with the Eclipse Torch; rating Chaz versus previous terrible RPG protagonists; how Vanessa isn't prepared for Garuberk Tower's Flesh Cave; Matthew calls the Garuberk Tower "Gratuitous" Tower; Dark Farce; John's Interrupted Wrestling Dreams and SO MUCH MORE. You won't even believe it.

Level Up 02:00 Quest Log 08:50 Squarely Against 56:34

This week: We meet the travelling archaeologist Seth. Next week: WE FINISH PHANTASY STAR IV!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 3 - A Reverse Childbirth Kind of Scenario Mar 05, 2018

Show notes

Phantasy Star IV - Part 3

Matthew connects to USB via a tin can and Jim is still mysteriously unavailable! But that won't stop us here at Square Roots. We discover Vanessa's robo-racism, we learn why you shouldn't use magic on a space ship as per the Liam Niesson movie Non-Stop, meet Raja and his weird dad jokes, have an old southern man diagose the issues with a space station, go on a rocket ride, get a second identical rocket, and SO MUCH MORE.

Level Up: 04:45 Quest Log: 20:15 Squarely Against: 01:28:20

This week: We meet Lutz and head to Jut! Next week: We meet the travelling archaeologist Seth.

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 2 - A Sandworm Bris Feb 26, 2018

Show notes

Phantasy Star IV - Part 2

Sega's manga-inspired sci-fi epic takes a few, uh, predictable twists and turns as we explore a downed Phantasy Star III colony ship, explore Zio's Fort, and head into a tourist trap town. Topics covered this week include: we lose our Edible Arrangements sponsorship; Matthew ear-shames Rika; Vanessa discovers the secret of instant teleportation; our protagonist dilemma is sorted out; we balance out Labia's Tower jokes with sandworm foreskin jokes; the RPG need for brothels; Chaz brainstorms badly; we question the medical skills of Hahn and Sara; Vanessa has outdoor cat adventures; AND SO MUCH MORE!

Level Up: 05:15 Quest Log: 17:15 Squarely Against: 01:18:14 Matthew's Political Theories: 01:25:53

This week: We secure the Psycho Wand and head to Nurvus. Next week: We meet Lutz and head to the penguin-filled town of Jut!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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