So, Here's My Story... - TopPodcast.com

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Ep59: Staying vs Not Leaving Jul 24, 2018

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Ep 59

Have you ever thought about the difference between staying and not leaving? There is very different energy between the two, even though we confuse them. Sometimes the middle lane seems like a lane where you can hang out and coast, and not make a choice, but it can be a dangerous place to stay.

In this episode, let’s talk about that place between staying and leaving.

Why is that important for business?

In companies, often there is an employee that someone is frustrated with, but no one is ready to terminate. Whether it be because of value or potential or just the hassle of hiring someone else, they are kept on and both parties live in that dangerous middle lane.

Sometimes “stuck” is when you already know what you want to do, but you are not ready to admit or commit to that choice.

If you make demands and they do everything you ask, are you going to be happy? Or are you going to be disappointed that, even though they have met all of the theoretical criteria that set out for them, you are still not satisfied with them remaining? We make emotional decisions and look for rational validations for those decisions after the fact. But if you have already made a decision about an employee staying or leaving, don’t set up a process that their best outcome leaves you disappointed.

Model of engagement – Jodi provide? The worst case scenario isn’t that they quit, or even that they stay – it’s that they quit and stay. An employee that is emotionally checked out, driving in the middle lane, doesn’t allow for anything good to happen for either the employee or the employer.

The ability to stay in the honest conversation and just talk about the things that are is the way through it. You can’t know where that path leads, but the honest conversation is the only way to get there. Nothing good ever comes in the middle ground.

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Ep58: Pee my WHAT? The Encore Performance Jul 17, 2018

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Pee my WHAT? The encore performance

What does peeing your pants have to do with better business? This week, we revisit our very first episode, over a year ago, where Jodi and Eliot talk about the importance of sharing those vulnerable stories that businesses need to tell.

Why is that important for business?

There’s this weird counterintuitive perception that people don’t want to share those stories. And peeing your pants might not be the story that you are going to lead with the first time you meet someone (in theory). And yet what is also true is that given a moment where someone else is sharing their story, suddenly other people want to share.

That is at the core of what we are getting at with this podcast.

That safe space, where people can share their Pee Pants story, can be created by the fact that the first person shared their story. You can’t judge me if you’re not going to judge her – there is safety in numbers.

People are dying to tell these stories and creating that safe space doesn’t take a lot of work, it isn’t magic. Sometimes, all you need is an agreement.

Our acknowledged shared humanity in sharing goofy embarrassing stories made even more vulnerable things easier to talk about.

How do I start these conversations?

To really get this idea of how one person can create this space, you really need to watch this video on how to start a movement in 3 minutes of less: https://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_how_to_start_a_movement#t-52060

The first follower is what turns the Lone Nut into a Leader.

That’s what we want for this podcast: for us to be the Lone Nuts of telling these business stories.

And of course, we wouldn’t expect you to go it alone. So we tell our own Business Pee Pants stories in this episode (and probably future episodes!)

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep57: Certainty Jul 10, 2018

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Ep 57 – Certainty

Have you ever noticed a tendency to view things in a binary, all-or-nothing way? Does delegating frustrate you, because you worry someone else would just mess things up, so why not do it yourself? Do you “hate conflict”? In this episode of So Here’s My Story, let’s talk about exactly that, and the secret dial that just might work better than that switch you are currently using.

Why is that important for business?

When we think about examples like delegation, one of the things that comes up is our perception that there are only two ways things can go: either we do it ourselves, or we somehow accept the inevitable subpar results of someone else doing it. There is an imagined binary switch that suggests we either must do it the way we are, with our high standards, or we let everything go to hell in hand basket.

Instead, we can look at it as a volume knob or a stereo equalizer. The ability to get things done at a high standard is a wonderful trait, and we don’t want to destroy that trait. But every trait has a nasty underbelly when it is dialed up too high; if we can turn the knob down a little, or use that trait in a different way, our options open up.

In the example of delegation, it is also important to ask: Is it wrong because it is not the way I would have done it, or wrong because the outcome wouldn’t be realized?

If we can consider opening up the spectrum and imaging a stereo equalizer and finding balance instead of making a binary choice, solutions become more plentiful. But this goes against our nature to classify everything as binary. Humans have a bias towards certainty; what is compelling about the binary switch is the certainty involved. Unfortunately, that certainty leaves you with fewer options; yet even if neither binary option is useful, we are still drawn to imagine the world in that way.

A great example is confrontation, and people who “hate confrontation”. This means we are imagining confrontation as a light switch, assuming it is either off or completely on, in a ballistic missile kind of way. But the irony is that it is the not dealing with small confrontations that actually makes them build into these large scale confrontations that we are trying to avoid. If you can talk about little things while they are still little, and not step over them, then you can actually avoid the big confrontations. Making the invisible visible is how you prevent conflict, not avoiding it.

Leanne Davie?, who works with corporations on the subject of conflict, even suggests there should be more conflicts in organizations. In the absence of conflict, we settle for unappealing and middling solutions because we don’t talk them through. Avoiding conflict means you are accepting something else.

In all of these examples, it comes back to fear. Whatever the fear is – usually something to do with a fear of tarnishing our value – the person is using the best tools at their disposal to protect themselves from that thing, but those tools are not getting them what they want and often getting them the exact thing they are most afraid of.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep56: The Red Hen Jul 03, 2018

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Ep 56 – The Red Hen

The notion of choosing politics over business has been in the news lately, and it begs the question: how you know when choosing clients for fit is discriminatory, and when it is beneficial to the culture of your business. That’s the topic of this episode of So Here’s My Story.

Why is that important for business?

There are pros and cons and limitations to the concept of “fit” in business. Fit can tell you who to hire, what clients are ideal, and how to build a team. But they can also lead you to discriminate and look only for people like you.

What doesn’t work is having one homogenous glob of the exact same person at the table, because you need diversity of skills and strengths. This is when the concept of fit can be a scapegoat – an excuse to not get along with a diversity of backgrounds and perspectives. In those ways, fit can be incredibly dangerous. But not accommodating for fit can hurt culture. If a company’s core values aren’t clear enough that some people might say “no thank you, that’s not for me”, then they aren’t clear enough. They need to be clear enough to hire and fire by.

If your team can say “that’s not who we are”, that’s a great sign of direction and clarity. There has to be enough substance to the culture that it can be identified and cared about. After all, everybody likes vanilla, but nobody loves vanilla.

Fit becomes easier when the company has its own core values and personality; when the company becomes almost a separate entity with identifiable likes and dislikes. If fit starts to look like trying to match each individual with each individual, you risk having something homogenous and dangerous and lacking in diversity. But if there is this other entity that is the company and you fit to that, fit can create a even stronger culture.

For it to work, you have to be okay with people saying, “that’s not for me”.

Fit has to be bigger than each or any one individual. That’s where fit starts to fit.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Ep55: Is It Too Late for Me? Jun 26, 2018

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Ep 55 – Is It Too Late for Me?

Ever heard a 20-something lament about how it’s “too late” for them to do something?

In this episode of So Here’s My Story, we talk about the idea of it being too late for our dreams or aspirations – when it’s an excuse, when it’s time to let go, and when it’s time to try to get Whack-a-Mole into the Olympics.

Why is that important for business?

When we feel like it’s too late to make a move, we can become paralyzed by that determination. We have a false sense of security in the middle ground, but we either have to accept it is not too late or find a way to be at peace with letting that thing go. It is a big energy drain, delaying the commitment to either be in or out; circling that decision is tiring. It can be helpful to ask, “What does the process for getting over that look like?” Either the question will help you come to a point of resolution or will spur you on to actually do what you thought it was too late to do.

You can become imprisoned by faint hope if you don’t confront the question of whether it really is important or whether “too late” is just an excuse. Because there are very few circumstances where it really is too late – it may require a different version of the dream, or it may require you to distill down the essence of what you really want. It may involve things that you are not willing to do. But if it will be a major regret, it is worth having a solid conversation about.

It can be scary to remove the “it’s too late”; then, you may have to do the work and take the risk. There is no right answer, but you have to weigh your regrets.

Doing the hard thing can require a change in mindset, from “I’d love to do this, but…” to “I get to do this, IF…”

Often the resistance comes from the human need to make things binary – we think that we have to start completely over and scuttle the whole ship for something new. Sometimes the “it’s too late” dream has a component of what you want, and often you can get that component far more easily. Instead of burning it all down, we need to go into sculpting mode: chipping away or adding to and sculpting a shape that fits better.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Ep54: Pick Your Lane Jun 19, 2018

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Ep 54 – Pick a Lane

In traffic, it is critical that other drivers be able to anticipate your behavior; you need to be clear about your direction and your intentions if you want everyone to stay safe. But the same can be said about business. And that is what we will talk about in this episode of So Here’s My Story.

That, and the time that Jodi almost ruined Pajama Day.

Why is that important for business?

You have to pick a lane, in driving and in business. People, including your employees and your clients, have the right to rely on the fact that you are going to proceed logically in that direction and give them warning as to whether and why you are changing.

Accidents tend to happen when you do something unexpected. Other drivers have the right to anticipate what you are going to do; if they have a reasonable expectation of what you are going to do, and you don’t hold with that, accident happen. This doesn’t mean you can’t change lanes, in traffic or business, but you have to put on your blinker.

When businesses are in start up mode, it would be unfair to not expect there to be changes, but you have to set the expectation that this will be an adaptable, quick pivot culture for the next while; you have to set up the expectation that there will be regular change. But that unique environment aside, you are never going to create the behaviour you want if everything is unexpected and changing and nobody has a north star to follow.

The decision to change lanes isn’t inherently wrong, either. What follows that decision is important – you have to consider who you are affecting, what route will accomplish the change most efficiently and with the least potential for chaos, and what the unintended consequences of the change might be.

There is a difference in adding in innovations into the way you do things vs innovating your business model over and over again – it is the difference between changing a play in the game and changing the game altogether. People get confused and time and energy are wasted when we change lanes too often.

When asking your team to do something new, you also have to consider the question: “Instead of what?” – what would you like them to stop doing to allow them to do this new thing? The task list that comes from an idea is much more than the idea itself.

Initiative fatigue is a very real thing. As Stephen Covey (can’t find source) explains, if you have 0-3 strategic initiatives, you will probably accomplish 2 things; if you have 4-6 initiatives, you will accomplish just 1; but if you have over 6 strategic initiatives, you won’t accomplish any. Diffused effort and lack of clarity of what really matters kills results.

Saying no to a lot of really good ideas in order to say yes to just a couple is a large, but challenging, part of business success.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

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Ep53: How the Yanni v.s. Laurel Debate Relates to Business Jun 12, 2018

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Did you listen to the now famous “Laurel vs Yanni” audio that has been making its rounds on social media? Despite an ingrained reluctance to participate in such popular phenomena, Jodi noticed an important message inherent in the debate – even here, in this simple form, people hear different things.

And some people even think kale is sweet.

Why is that important for business?

With all of the value judgements and complexity and nuance stripped away, people will still have different experiences of the same thing. And if it happens in this, the most binary version of perception, is it surprising that we hear or see completely different things in more complex situations? If we can have such different experiences of a simple audio clip, then it shines a light on much needed respect for how often that is happening in more complex and nuanced situation.

Whether we like it or not, we see and experience things differently, and we cannot ignore that.

There is a translation problem between what I experience and what you do. Stephen king thinks the magic of writing is that he can take what is in his mind and can magically put it in yours. But can he? He thinks he does, but once it has reached my mind, I do with it what I want.

Sometimes, two people’s truths don’t match up, and it isn’t about being right. Our starting point in these situations needs to be curiosity. Instead of arguing perspective, we need to ask “how is it that you see something I don’t”.

That when you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying “You’re too this, or I’m too this.” That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are. Ram Dass

You have to allow for the why and how questions, and you can proactively acknowledge perspective by using the phrase Brene Brown employs when dealing with conflict: “the story I am making up in my head is…”

Like an M&M, every nugget of peanuty truth is wrapped in a chocolate story. The goal isn’t to address only the peanut, but to be able to discern the different between the peanut and the chocolate.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Ep52: The Business Sommelier Jun 05, 2018

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“I fired a client recently”, Eliot says, with a twinkle in his eye and some understated elation in his voice.

And so begins today’s story.

Sometimes, we have clients that, although they are wonderful and maybe even very profitable, aren’t a great fit for our best work. It’s okay to both realize this and design our work around those clients that are a great fit. And it’s also okay to fire the ones that don’t.

Why is that important for business?

Having a business and having a business that brings you satisfaction and joy are two very different things. Occasionally, firing a client is necessary to ensure the latter. And so it is important to periodically ask yourself:

If someone came along today and said they would take all of your clients away, which would fight to keep?

This exercise helps you reach hard decisions because it creates contrast, and your brain needs contrast to see things clearly.

Just as a wine sommelier may select a wine to, in fact, contrast with the flavors of food instead of matching them, contrast helps us experience nuances we would otherwise not be able to perceive.

So if you find yourself unclear on what you want to do, would it help to be clear on what you don’t want? If you are trying to determine what you love in a website, would it help to start with what you hate? The “not that” helps you see where you have strong feelings, where before you felt indecisive.

When dealing with your staff and you ask for feedback, and none is forthcoming, give them some contrast to help them. What do they not like? If this business were to grow to 10 times the size, what would you hate about working here?

Sometimes, it isn’t about articulating a vision, but paying attention to what your gut says about something. What would make you really excited, and what would you really dread?

Contrast is important, but we tend to not seek it out. Instead, we seek out ease, comfort, simplicity. Navigating to the middle, where there is less contrast, seems simpler, but it makes it harder to have clarity. Expanding to the edges, where there is more contrast and perspective, can actually make it easier.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

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Ep52: The Business Sommelier Jun 05, 2018

Show notes

“I fired a client recently”, Eliot says, with a twinkle in his eye and some understated elation in his voice.

And so begins today’s story.

Why is that important for business?

If someone came along today and said they would take all of your clients away, which would fight to keep?

This exercise helps you reach hard decisions because it creates contrast, and your brain needs contrast to see things clearly.

Just as a wine sommelier may select a wine to, in fact, contrast with the flavors of food instead of matching them, contrast helps us experience nuances we would otherwise not be able to perceive.

Sometimes, it isn’t about articulating a vision, but paying attention to what your gut says about something. What would make you really excited, and what would you really dread?

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

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Love this podcast?

Please tell your friends, post about us, or take moment to review us & subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to the podcast!

Ep51: The Line Between Satisfied and Full May 29, 2018

Show notes

You can hardly expect Jodi to go to Italy without bringing back some stories. In this episode of So Here’s My Story, we learn about what eating for pleasure might have to do with business, and why joy might be more important to the process than you might think.

Why is that important for business?

Just as there is a difference between being full and being satisfied with a meal, there is a difference between increasing revenue and providing a service that satisfies you and your customers.

If the food we eat isn’t pleasurable, or if we don’t take the time to appreciate it, we can find ourselves at full in a search for satisfaction. In business, we are often chasing a feeling – maybe a feeling of satisfaction - that we want to have and finding ourselves at “full” instead. For lawyers, for instance, chasing billable hours to reach a feeling of success may seem like a worthwhile pursuit, but those billable hours tell us nothing about the quality of the work you delivered, or about client satisfaction.

Joy is delivered – in food and in business – when you focus on the entire production and ritual, not just the consumption. Satisfaction comes when we engage in the whole experience instead of just the result. A misplaced focus on quantity can threaten that satisfaction.

When we focus on chasing revenue and growth instead of enjoying the other aspects that we want our business to provide, we miss an opportunity for satisfaction. When we focus on fee structures instead of what pace you want to work, what kind of work you want to do, and how you want that work to feel, you can find yourself at that point of full, but not satisfied. Or we mistake full for satisfied and wonder why we don’t love our business.

There is an oft-repeated mantra that assumes that is not growing is dying. But if what you are doing isn’t satisfying, it is dangerous to assume the answer is more.

What story do you want to tell?

So, that's our story... now, we want to hear yours!

Pull up a chair and join the conversation in our Facebook Group: bit.ly/shmsgroup

OR...

Shoot us an email: talktous@soheresmystory.com

Connect with @SHMSpodcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shmspodcast

Text the word STORY to 345345 to get access to bonus content and weekly episode delivery.

Want to support us?

Love this podcast?

Please tell your friends, post about us, or take moment to review us & subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to the podcast!