Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

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Charon Normand-Widmer on Somatic Psychotherapy and Sex Therapy Nov 30, 2020

Show notes

On this episode, Joe is talking about somatic psychotherapy and how it relates to sex therapy, with Licensed Master Clinical Social Worker, Charon Normand-Widmer.

Charon practices at The Center for Relationships and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. She specializes in working with individuals seeking support navigating erotic, gender and sexual identity challenges; alternative relationships; and trauma, utilizing a strengths-based, psychodynamic, mindfulness-based approach. Charon uses Somatic therapy seeks to help individuals learn to self-regulate, “I teach clients how to track their own bodies.”

But what is somatic psychotherapy? And how is this therapy helpful for couples and individuals? Charon believes that our bodies hold to the key to our mental sexual stance. “How embodied are you?” she asks. “We withhold things in our physical body. Anxiety is a body memory of a time that we felt useless. You have issues in your tissues. So, asking yourself how ‘IN’ body you are, helps those issues in the tissues!”

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Brian McNaught on Intimacy and LGBTQ older adults Nov 23, 2020

Show notes

On today’s show, Joe is joined by certified AASECT sexuality educator, presenter and author, Brian McNaught, to chat about Intimacy and LGBTQ older adults.

Forty percent of Americans age 65 to 80 are sexually active. Before the COVID containment, sexually transmitted infections were on the rise in nursing homes. Even if they’re unable to perform sexually, most older people never lose their desire for intimacy, in whatever form it might take. “Regardless of how their bodies look on the outside, inside they feel young and want intimacy,” says Brian.

Named “the godfather of gay diversity training” by The New York Times, Brian McNaught is considered one of the world’s leading corporate diversity consultants dealing with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer issues in the workplace. He is also the author of seven books on LGBT issues.

When services are created for LGBTQ older adults, we think about their physical and emotional health. Does it occur to us, though, that maybe we’re failing to address a most important component of senior’s emotional health, the need to feel intimacy?

“Before you help an older person out the door, let’s help someone through their door,” says Brian. “Give them their moment of bliss!”

Find Brian at:

https://www.brian-mcnaught.com/

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Bradley Birkholz and Jason Villarreal on ‘Side Guys’ – Gay Men Who Enjoy Sex Without Anal Penetration Nov 16, 2020

Show notes

On this episode, Joe is talking about ‘Side Guys’ – Gay Men Who Enjoy Sex Without Anal Penetration with YouTuber, LGBTQ+ activist, and writer, Bradley Birkholz and Latino nurse practitioner, Jason Villarreal.

Gay men are constantly referring to and defining themselves as “tops”, “bottoms”, “Verse”, Top Verse, Bottom Verse”. When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy what he is, as it relates to anal sex.

Gay men are rigidly defined by penetrative sex. There’s so much talk and discussion about who gives and who receives. I’ve had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some do, but some don’t. But what if a guy isn’t a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever? What if they tried it and didn’t enjoy it and never do it again?

Joe thinks they deserve a name of their own. He coined the phrase, “sides.” As Bradley says, “Love and intimacy can exist without the lens of penetration.”

Sides typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame. They secretly believe that they should be engaging in and enjoying anal sex, and that something must be wrong with them if they are not.

It’s high time for sides to come out and feel proud and secure about their sexuality. As Jason says, “The more visibility there is for sides, the better.”

Find Bradley at:

YouTube: https://youtube.com/bradleybirkholz

Social media: @bradleybirkholz

Website: https://bradleybirkholz.com

Find Jason at:

https://www.facebook.com/jason.villarrealfrias

For more on Side Guys, read Joe’s article here:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-on-the-side-looking-beyond-gay-tops-and-bottoms_b_3082484

And join Joe’s Side Guys Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/sideguys

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Michael Vigorito on Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior Nov 09, 2020

Show notes

“There’s no such thing as an eroticectomy! People want to be sexual, but they don’t want to feel shame about it,” says this week’s guest, Michael Vigorito. “So, we (therapists) are not un-wiring the sexual gas pedal with our clients. We are working on how to manage it.”

On this episode, Joe chats about the out-of-control sexual behavior model, with licensed marriage and sex therapist, Michael Vigorito – Co-author of ‘Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior – Rethinking Sex Addiction.’

The truth is, that in trainings for sex addiction treatment, there lacks a mandatory sexual health and sex therapy component. Without a sexually informed model, it is easy for therapists to pathologize sexual behaviors and not provide effective treatment. The term ‘sex addiction’ is thrown around like confetti, and that needs to stop!

“We need to walk through these moments of being ‘ping-ed’ by your desire,” says Michael, and not stand in judgement of one’s sexual problematic behavior.

Find Michael at:

http://michaelvigorito.com

And, his book, at: http://michaelvigorito.com/book

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Dr. Joe Kort on My Online Romance Fraud Hell! Nov 02, 2020

Show notes

Today’s episode is a topic very personal to Joe and close to his heart: Online Romance Scamming.

Millions of people turn to online dating apps or social networking sites to meet someone. But instead of finding romance, many find a scammer trying to trick them into sending money. And Joe knows exactly how that feels, because he too is a victim of romance fraud hell!

About 10 years ago, Joe got a very curious message.

It was from a woman who said she was in love with a person who had been using photographs Joe had posted over the years of himself and his nephews and nieces (who were minors at the time). Although they gave a different name, they were using Joe’s images in an effort to scam their way into people’s hearts. “Would you be willing to talk to me?” this woman asked. She wanted to process what had happened to her and felt a connection to him since all of the pictures of Joe were stolen from his social media accounts. Joe said he was a therapist, a happily married gay man, and would be willing to speak with her in the context of a consultation. Beyond that, she should report this scam to Facebook.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time this happened. Since then Joe has been the unwitting victim of more than 100 romance identity scams!

He turned to ScamHaters United for help. And his guest today is Ruth Grover, founder of ScamHaters.

Ruth is a widow from the UK, who was a victim of online romance fraud herself, which led her to set up ScamHaters and expose these vile fraudsters. She has supported thousands of scam victims over the past eight years.

Last year, people reported losing $201 million to romance scams. People reported losing more money to romance scams in the past two years than to any other fraud reported to the FTC!

Romance scammers are cruel. For the women, the victims and the men used like Joe. Cruel especially because victims like Joe, have no choice in being used and we can do little about it….

For more on why it’s easy to be exploited when we’re lonely, read Joe’s article here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/202010/scammed-when-online-romance-is-fake

If you need help with an online romance fraud, find Ruth at: https://www.instagram.com/scamhaters.united/ & https://www.scamhatersunited.com/

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Renelle E Nelson on Infidelity & Betrayal Oct 26, 2020

Show notes

On this episode Joe is chatting about Infidelity with licensed marriage & family therapist, and certified sex therapist, Renelle E Nelson.

Relationships are sometimes complicated and finding out your partner is cheating on you can be devastating. It can feel like the relationship is over and nothing can be done to save it. The truth is, current studies show that recovery from infidelity can happen successfully, and your relationship will be better than ever on the other side.

Renelle, who works in Arizona, is an infidelity/intimacy recovery strategist, and believes we need to take responsibility for our feelings. “Often we want the person that hurt us, to heal us,” she says. “But you’re hiding in your righteousness. Couples don’t grow apart, they stop communicating. You can’t assume monogamy. Couples need to discuss what they want in their relationship, because infidelity breeds in darkness. Cheating is a choice. Never assume. Discuss!”

So, how do you deal with, and recover from infidelity? Let’s find out….

Find Renelle at:
Instagram | Affair Aftercare Instagram | Website

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Dr. Anna Randall on What Do I Need to Know to Have a Successful Kinky Relationship? Oct 19, 2020

Show notes

October is National Kink Month and on this episode, Joe is joined by San Francisco Bay sex therapist, TASHRA Exec Director, and published researcher, Dr. Anna Randall, to chat about all things kink.

Anna thinks we are far more sexually explorative than we’d often like to admit, and that you are not alone, or ‘weird,’ if you want to have a kinky relationship! “You can’t pull the kink out of a person,” says Anna.

People with kinky fantasies often feel highly stigmatized too. So, Joe and Anna delve into why it is so hard for some people to share their kinky side…

Find Dr. Randall at:
Website | Facebook

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Dr. Hani Miletski on Mother-Son Incest Oct 12, 2020

Show notes

On this first episode of Season Two, Joe is joined by psychotherapist and author, Dr. Hani Miletski.

Hani is located in Bethesda, Maryland, with her private practice. She has trained and supervised therapists and professionals in the field of human sexuality throughout the world. Plus, she is the author of two books, including the clinically revered, Mother-Son Incest: The Unthinkable Broken Taboo Persists. On this show, Joe and Hani discuss one of the most taboo sexual subjects out there; mother-son incest.

As Joe says, “When a man sexually abuses it’s more overt. But when a woman does it, particularly a mother, it’s more covert.” Hani agrees, and goes on to point out that most mother-son incest perpetrators tend to be, “very needy women.” Despite society’s denial of it, mother-son incest does happen, but most people don’t want to think about it, talk about it, or do anything about it. Let’s find out why….

Find Dr. Hani Miletski at:

www.DrMiletski.com

Mother-Son Incest: The Unthinkable Broken Taboo Persists is available in soft cover and as an e-book at: www.DrMiletski.com

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Leyla Gulcur on Multicultural and Cross-cultural Relationship & Sex Therapy Jun 15, 2020

Show notes

On this episode, Joe’s chatting about multicultural and cross-cultural relationship and sex therapy, with Dr. Leyla Gulcur.

Leyla is a licensed psychologist trained in the United States and provides multicultural sex and relationship therapy to culturally diverse clients around the globe. She has lived, worked, and traveled extensively in North America, Europe, the Middle East, North Africa and South Asia. Leyla is originally from Turkey and conducts sessions in both English and Turkish.

In addition to her clinical practice, Leyla has worked to strengthen sexual rights worldwide, particularly in Asia and the Middle East. She is the co-founder of the Turkish NGO Women for Women’s Human Rights. Leyla believes therapists need to be explicit about the role their own cultural background plays in the therapy they give. “Therapists really need to be explicit about that,” says Leyla, “Otherwise it can prevent you serving your client well.”

Find Leyla at:
Website

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Kate Anthony on Should I Stay, or Should I go? Jun 08, 2020

Show notes

This week Joe’s guest is Kate Anthony. Kate is the host of the critically acclaimed podcast ‘The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast,’ and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience and deep self-work. She’s widely known as an expert in co-parenting and divorce.

Based in Los Angeles, Kate talks about saving or splitting from your relationship and asking yourself the hardest question of all, ‘should I stay, or should I go?’ “People often make the mistake of thinking one unhappy home is better for their kids than two separate homes,” says Kate. “But it’s better to have your children in a happy environment 50 percent of the time, than be in a toxic home 100 percent of their time. You have to ask yourself, ‘Do I want to put my kids in the middle of my divorce, or at the center of it?’ If you take your ego out of your split and remove your desire to ‘win’, you can break up much more successfully!” In other words, it’s the difference between putting your child in the middle of your power struggle or protecting them.

Find Kate at:
Website | Instagram

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