Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

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Dr. Laurie Betito on Sexual wellness May 02, 2021

Show notes

Why don’t we talk about sexual pleasure?
Why are teenage boys taking Viagra?
How can older adults continue to enjoy sex?

At the Pornhub Wellness Center, these questions – and dozens more – are discussed honestly and openly and backed by evidence-based facts. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort interviewed Laurie Betito, PhD, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and Director of the Pornhub Wellness Center. The sexual wellness, sexual health and sexual education website was designed for people to learn about sex the right way. You won’t learn to drive by watching “The Fast and Furious;” why would you think you could learn about sex by watching porn, Dr. Betito asks.

Sadly, people – often kids – seek out porn sites for education. That is what they will get – porn education, not sex education. Kids are curious about sex because they are not learning it in school or from their parents, so they will find it with just a few clicks on their computer or phone. And adults watch porn and worry, “this isn’t happening with me. What am I doing wrong?”

During the Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Betito also talks about empowering people with their own sexual pleasure, having great sex into old age, and penetrative sex. People think if they are not having penetrative sex, they are not having sex. Sex needs a much wider definition. Sex is everything you do together that you wouldn’t do with your sibling.

We are opening a door people don’t want to shut when it comes to learning about sex the right way.

(Dr. Betito clarifies that Pornhub Wellness Center is a website for adults, not kids.)

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Dr. Carlton on Breaking the Taboo: Your complete guide to anal sex Apr 26, 2021

Show notes

It’s not conversation at the dinner table, but millions of people from all over the globe quietly are listening and learning about anal sex. It’s one of most talked about topics on social media, and a pleasure no one should be denied just because people think it is taboo, announces Dr. Carlton, a gastroenterologist from San Diego, California, who frequents TikTok to share his messages about anal sex.

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, he discussed the anatomy of anal sex, how to prepare for it, how to take preventive measures to ensure a safe experience, and what the secrets are to making it a pleasurable experience – one he describes as “rockets going off.”

So many people are embarrassed to talk about anal sex or ask questions about it, but let’s face it, most people want to know how to do it right, how to do it well, and how to do it safely. Who better to ask than a gay GI doctor?

Everyone can – and should – enjoy anal sex – even women. And the G spot (there is one in anal sex) can be explosive. Remember to prepare for anal sex with lubrication; relaxation; lots of breathing; and light, slow pushing. Dr. Carlton shares many more secrets to having some of the best sex you’ll ever have through the anus.

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Buck Dodson on How to Master Midlife as a Gay Man Apr 20, 2021

Show notes

How do you master midlife as a gay man? Do you see it as a time of crisis, or a time of new beginnings? Do you feel confused or empowered? Are you disoriented or excited?

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Buck Dodson, board certified life coach and licensed psychotherapist, talks about the core steps you can take to make this second coming out full of new possibilities, fewer problems and a real sense of freedom and authenticity.

It is time to design your best midlife! As a gay man, you got a jump start when you came out of the closet and faced the challenge of discrimination, homophobia, exclusion and learning how to live in an often unaccepting heterosexual world. You had the “Gay Advantage.” Our lives as gay men essentially start over twice – when we come out of the closet, and when we reach midlife. What we faced as gay men will influence our midlife journey in distinct and different ways. We found the courage once; we can find it again. Sadly, many of us don’t realize how prepared we are for the midlife journey, and feel we’ve reached the end of the road. We have not. We are stepping into a time of life to tune into our soul spark, to find clarity in our life, and begin expressing the true person we are meant to be. We are connecting with our deepest and most authentic self – finally!

Midlife mastery is about lasting pleasure, deep connection and true fulfillment. It is time to step into yourself and find your purpose instead of living under the influence of society’s norms or parental influence.

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Dr. Joe Kort on Mixed orientation marriages and relationships Mar 28, 2021

Show notes

I’ve heard the story so many times through the years …. a husband comes out of the closet, only to send his wife into it. Mixed orientation marriages and relationships are far more common than we realize, but our culture still considers them taboo. One spouse is gay or bisexual, one is heterosexual, and the secret finally is released, only to cause anger, hurt, resentment and a flood of negative emotions.
These couples still love each other, which creates even more anxiety and conflict. This truly is a two-person crisis. The wife deserves support, understanding and someone to talk to, but she is so embarrassed and humiliated that she hides from the truth. The husband desperately wants to be set free from his secret, but he doesn’t want to hurt his wife or his family. So, what happens?
The couple can split up and lead two separate lives, or they can begin the journey of relationship transformation as they learn how to deal with their new normal and discover what they really want – together or apart. This Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast digs deeper into what is next – and what is best for these couples living in a mixed orientation marriage.

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Jessica Topor on marriage and family therapy Mar 22, 2021

Show notes

“Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.”

“Now that we are family, we should be getting along but we aren’t.”

“We are in this for the long haul, but I don’t know if the long haul is worth the struggles we are encountering.”

Approximately 67 percent of what couples argue about never goes away. And the baggage they carry into the marriage never seems to lighten.

A happy and healthy marriage can exist … but it takes work. Just because you checked the “married” box doesn’t mean the honeymoon phase will last forever effortlessly.

Marriage and family are an active living process that continues for a lifetime.

During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Jessica Topor, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health, shares insights about this form of psychotherapy that looks at the behaviors of all family members and the way these behaviors affect each person and their relationships with each other, and the family unit as a whole.

Relationships will grow and change. If couples have a common goal and stay focused on it, their commitment – along with hard work – are the skills needed for building lifelong relationships.

It sounds simple, but it’s the work part that causes the problems, Jessica finds.

Part of her sessions includes a look at the family’s history including siblings. Siblings are the “training wheels” that provide many insights into family dynamics, she finds.

Jessica also talks about the baggage each person carried into the marriage. About 90 percent of it can be discarded, she notes.

And make sure you find couple time every day – even for one hour. This time should not include talking about the kids or your work. And yes, there is plenty to talk about outside these two topics.

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Jeanette von Grabe on child-centered mediation Mar 14, 2021

Show notes

Conflict is natural in a divorce, but what happens to the kids in the midst of a brutal divorce battle? Parents are so fixated on “winning” the fight while their children stand on the sidelines confused, frightened and worried. Child-centered mediation can be a win for everyone. A child-centered mediator helps couples develop a collaborative mindset that sets the tone for the rest of the divorce process. Parents meet with the mediator to discuss a tangible, written parenting plan, which is an effective and cost-efficient method of negotiation that can help couples resolve their issues satisfactorily while keeping the needs of the children at the forefront. Do you really want a judge or attorneys deciding when you can see your kids at Christmas or how much time you can spend with them during summer vacation? Jeanette von Grabe, child-centered mediator with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health, discusses the parenting plan process and how it can work for couples uncoupling.

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Jon Shanahan on Men’s Cosmetics Mar 07, 2021

Show notes

Approximately 56 percent of men “admit” they use makeup. “Admit” is the key word. There seems to be a taboo associated with men’s cosmetics. Like sex, it’s something we don’t talk about it. But it IS time to talk. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, host Joe Kort, PhD, spoke candidly with Jon Shanahan, co-founder of Stryx, a men’s cosmetics company launched two years ago to provide the products men need, but aren’t comfortable saying so. Jon likes to tell everyone that he is straight, married and the father of two children. He immediately wants to announce that men’s cosmetics are for all men because all men need them. The company started when his business partner woke up the morning of his wedding to discover a pimple on his face. His fiancé had spent hundreds of dollars on makeup for that day, but he had nothing to cover up a pimple. Every man has a story like that … the day of a big presentation, a first date … it can throw your game off. The need and desire for men’s cosmetics is on the rise … quietly. If a man has a blemish, he searches his wife’s cosmetic bag for a concealer, or is forced to go to the cosmetics counter at Sephora’s or Macy’s where women shop and men shouldn’t be seen. The cosmetics industry is so heavily marketed to women, but there is no on ramp for men. That’s why Stryx was launched. Men should have a quick and easy fix for a blemish, a shiny forehead or to cover dark circles under their eyes. The goal of Stryx is to destigmatize the shame many men feel about wearing makeup. Men should feel empowered to buy a man’s cosmetics product, not embarrassed. It is time for that complete evolution for men.

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Ashley Grubbs on Adult NeuroDiverse Relationships Mar 01, 2021

Show notes

Are you afraid to date someone with autism? Do you feel it will be like having sex with a “robot?” Do you think the sex will be bad and passionless, and your needs will not be met?

Think again.

Neurodiverse relationships can, and do, work. Ashley Grubbs, a licensed professional counselor who practices in Colorado, Texas and Virginia, specializes in neurodiverse couples counseling and knows first-hand that these relationships can be everything a partner is looking for. She is happily married to a man on the autism spectrum. Just because the neurodiverse brain works differently, doesn’t mean it is broken, she explains.

The brain processes information differently, which means the person’s view and expectations of sex will be different from their partner’s. Begin the process of understanding how your partner thinks, and what his/her perceptions are regarding sex and intimacy. Start the communication and conversations. Autistic people may have difficulty expressing love or empathy because they are unable to label their emotions and feelings and verbalize them. What comes to us naturally, is not a natural process for them.

On the positive side, the autistic partner is open and honest about what they are thinking. They also are loyal, kind and thoughtful – that is how they love us. They feel so deeply, but they struggle with expressing those feelings – they don’t know how to assign words to their feelings. The ultimate goal is that both people in the relationship will have their sexual needs met. There are barriers to overcome, but once they are resolved, the relationship can be satisfying, pleasurable and fulfilling.

Learn More About Ashley Grubbs: Website | Facebook | Instagram

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Mahmoud Baydoun on Anal Sex Feb 21, 2021

Show notes

Anal sex can be erotic, painfree and fun!

Anal sex is disgusting, it’s sinful, it’s wrong, it’s only for gay couples, it’s too painful, it won’t be pleasurable. Many individuals do not think of the anus as an erotic zone, but it can be.

In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mahmoud Baydoun, a Brazilian psychologist, certified sex therapist and online sex educator, talked about anal sex and how it can be erotic, painless and pleasurable for all couples.

Mahmoud, through his thousands of social media communications, finds anal sex is one of the most common subjects people want to know more about. He emphasizes that there should be no guilt, no shame, or no fear of judgment when it comes to choosing anal sex. Your anus is bisexual, he points out, and anal sex has nothing to do with sexual orientation. What we do in bed has nothing to do with our personality, he adds. It is all about how you want to express your sexual needs. You do not need a penis and vagina for stimulation.

The first concern for most couples is pain. Anal sex is not painful and can be pleasurable and erotic if it is performed correctly. There are techniques to practice that will help relax the anus, allowing for a pleasurable experience. Since the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina, lubricant is a must. And sex gadgets can be very stimulating, too.

If a couple decides to have anal sex, Mahmoud advises they start slowly with touching and caressing to make sure they are relaxed. The muscle in the anus needs to relax to allow comfortable penetration. Start slowly. Continue communication with your partner and stop immediately if you are finding the experience is painful or uncomfortable.

Anal foreplay and massage also will improve the erotic experience. Massage other areas of the body and work your way to the anus. Avoid tensing the muscles in the anal region. The more excited you are, the more desire you will have and the more relaxed your anus will become, all will allow for more enjoyment.

And remember, anal sex must be consensual.

Anyone can enjoy giving and receiving anal sex – men, women, gay, bisexual, straight. It is up each couple to decide what you want, what you enjoy and if you want to experiment.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MAHMOUD BAYDOUN

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Clinton Power on the silent suffering of gay men Feb 16, 2021

Show notes

It may sound crazy, but gay men are lonely. Most of us think they are happy and lead a life filled with love, but this isn’t even close to the truth. Loneliness in gay men is reaching epidemic proportions.

In this episode entitled “Gay men and loneliness,” host Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, talked with an expert on the subject – Clinton Power – a relationship therapist based in Sydney, Australia, who specializes in couples therapy and relationship challenges. In 2003, he founded Sydney Gay Counselling to support the mental health and wellbeing of LGBTQ singles and couples. From working extensively with same sex couples, Clinton has found that gay men cannot find their niche in the gay community, and those in the community are not making it easy to break down barriers. In fact, this in-group discrimination can be evil and devastating. Gay men need face-to-face socialization, however, the gay packs are hard to penetrate.

Gay men struggle with being included, with penetrating the pack and being accepted. They feel left out because there is no tribe for them. They feel isolated and lonely, and all of these feelings are compounded with mental and physical health issues. Social media as well as the pandemic have intensified the situation.

Traditional gay spaces – bars, nightclubs, bathhouses – have been replaced by social media and hook up apps. These apps fit into their insecurities and do more harm than good. As a result, gay men end up feeling worse about themselves. (At least 70 percent of gay men now use hook up apps like Grindr and Scruff to meet other gay men). Sex is easily available, but connection, companionship, and love are missing. Being pushed away by your own people hurts the worst because you expect them to accept you the most. And so, the life of rejection continues to follow gay men – from pre-coming out to coming out, to trying to find their “tribe.”

This negative culture becomes embedded and the long-term effects of rejection, isolation and loneliness often lead to mental health issues, Clinton is finding. He also urges gay men to begin connecting their loneliness with their childhood experiences as gay. Validating this is an important step toward healing, he finds. Often, gay men choose self-medicating as a way to relieve these feelings. It makes them feel good for a short time, however, once they get past the tipping point, self-medicating can become an addiction. Others may use sex as their self-healing tool of choice and they go from hook up to hook up hoping to feel better. They are seeking intimacy and connection, but they end up feeling empty and worse.

LEARN MORE ABOUT CLINTON POWER

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