Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

Latest Episodes:

Barry McCarthy on Rekindling Desire Feb 08, 2021

Show notes

Bad sex can destroy a loving relationship, but good sex cannot save a bad relationship. In this episode, Joe Kort speaks with guest Barry McCarthy, PhD, a clinical psychologist, certified sex therapist and author of 14 books and 100 professional articles on sexuality. The topic: rekindling desire.

Although sex should be a positive experience for couples, it often is not, Barry finds. Conflict, avoidance, lack of spontaneity, and not knowing each other’s expectations or sexual style all contribute to a power struggle that can ruin the sexual experience and the relationship. Sex is not a pass or fail experience, he explains. Men feel they “pass” if they have an erection, and women feel they “pass” if they have an orgasm. If this doesn’t happen, they believe the sexual encounter “failed.”

Too often, they think it is intercourse or nothing. They need to talk openly about sex, what they like, what pleasures them, and learn their sexual style. Shame, embarrassment, resentment and blame should never be on the table. Couples should work together as a team to minimize guilt and maximize intimacy. Be a wise couple, not an emotional couple, he urges. Barry also finds men get too caught up in having an erection. They feel if they don’t have one, they are not good enough. They see sex as power and their penis is their power. They feel it is a measure of their skill as a lover to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse. If this doesn’t happen, they often experience erectile disappointment. This thought process can be destructive for men.

In this podcast, Barry also discusses good enough sex, which replaces the pass/fail perfect intercourse model. Good enough sex affirms the multiple roles, meanings and outcomes of couple sexuality. It emphasizes variable, flexible, positive and realistic sexual responses and expectations. If the encounter does not end in intercourse, instead of panic, anxiety, apology or avoidance, the couple should celebrate the pleasure they experienced.

LEARN MORE ABOUT BARRY MCCARTHY

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Richard Sprott on Kinky sex and self-exploration: exploring gender and sexual identities Feb 01, 2021

Show notes

In this episode, host and certified sex therapist Joe Kort, PhD, talked with Richard Sprott, PhD, about kinky sex and self-exploration. Dr. Sprott is directing a research project that looks at social saturation, the postmodern self, and identity development. He has conducted extensive research on alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships with a special emphasis on kink/BDSM sexuality, and polyamory or consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Sprott finds that the field of kink has really exploded over the past few years as more and more people are exploring it as a way to express their sexuality. Kink is considered the umbrella under which you will find power, internal sensations, sensation play, role play, and exploring your own erotic landscape.

Kink often is thought of as the extreme sport of sex. People do something and push it a little further than they normally would; they are looking for a different kind of intense sensation. In the realm of sexuality, kink and personal growth can be connected, Dr. Sprott has found through his research. Those in kink subcultures are trying to explore their sexuality, which ultimately can lead to their own personal growth. They are learning more about themselves and their relationships, and they are learning to trust another person. As this trust deepens, so too does the understanding of the person they are. KinkT is a very intimate act that requires a lot of trust and a lot of communication. It’s about finding the place where you can surrender to someone else. Some therapists with little or no sex therapy training believe kink is a result of childhood or abuse or trauma, however, research shows no connections between kink and childhood experiences. This is a common myth with no supportive evidence. In fact, he has found “vanilla” sex and kinky sex have a lot of similarities because the people involved want the same experience – arousal and pleasure. Kink and fetish can be a way to explore our gender expression, our gender identity.

LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SPROTT

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Roz Gould Keith on Erasing the stigma surrounding transgender identities Jan 25, 2021

Show notes

When originally confronted with the news that her daughter was going to transition, Roz admits she was clueless about what this meant for her child. The word transgender wasn’t even part of her vocabulary. What she did know was this was not a phase. Now, as her son, Hunter was going through something really big that would change the course of his life, and she was going to do everything she could to help him. That’s when Roz started her own research to find resources for Hunter and was approached to share her story.
The floodgates opened. Parents came out of the woodwork to talk; they felt their children were all alone in this journey, and they had nowhere and no one to turn to for advice until Roz unlocked a huge door of opportunities for these kids.
Telling the world you have a different gender identity than the one assigned at birth can seem an impossible task.
In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, talks with Roz Gould Keith about her journey as the parent of a transgender child, which led to the beginnings of Stand with Trans, a federally approved, not-for-profit organization dedicated to developing programs, educational events and support groups to serve transgender youth. As Executive Director and Founder of Stand with Trans, Roz hopes to provide the tools and resources transgender youth need so they will be empowered, supported and validated as they transition to their authentic life.
Just because you are immersed in this life as a transgender parent, doesn’t mean you are knowledgeable, and Roz has been determined to provide education so trans identities are normalized. She also wants to create more positive awareness around transgender youth. Roz reports that the rate of suicide for transgender youth who have no parental support is alarmingly high. It is critical that trans youth have at least one supportive adult in their life. These kids need to be validated, they need to feel loved, they need support and resources. That is why Stand with Trans was established. The organization is an accepting, supportive place for youth and families to connect and learn from each other.

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George Khamis on It’s Time to be the Author of Your Own Story Jan 17, 2021

Show notes

Are you surviving or thriving during this global pandemic? Are you living your best life right now? How are you responding to so many unforeseen changes? During the pandemic, many of us are facing unique challenges that test our resilience. George Khamis, therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, discussed this subject on a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health. Today, stress and anxiety can seem overwhelming and people are struggling to cope, but we can build resilience, we can bounce back, and we can thrive, not merely survive. In this podcast entitled, “Surviving to thriving in a global pandemic: how do you live your best life in this new normal,” George shares some insights and advice to help you take care of yourself and find balance and harmony in your life again. He believes it is time for people to be the author of your own story instead of following the scripts written for you as a child. George is presenting an eight-week webinar that will help participants examine your life, your relationships, your values, and where you are and where you want to be in the midst of this new normal. You will have an opportunity to be the author of your own story.

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Finn Deerhart on How do you Begin to Uncover your Erotic Identity? Jan 11, 2021

Show notes

Sex can, and should, be an access point to an immense internal world. In healing our connections to ourselves and others, we uncover a powerful way of being in our bodies, our relationships, and our lives. Finn Deerhart, sex counselor, coach, Tantra facilitator and public speaker, discussed this subject during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast featuring host Joe Kort, PhD, psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and clinical director of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan.

The challenge today for many individuals is what to do when you notice that your behaviors are not sexually aligning with how you feel inside; your internal life is not matching your external life. As a practitioner with the Queer Couples Center in San Francisco, California, Finn works with individuals and couples, offering coaching and counseling on sex and intimacy, as well as helping queer men find meaning in eroticism to create a sense of loving with other men. The process of unraveling your core identity to rebuild your authentic self can be a struggle, he finds.

Sex and relationships are the lenses through which we all can examine our lives to help guide us into healthy relationships and exciting sex that reflects our own personal quest for wholeness. When it comes to relationships, Finn believes many of us are working against strong conditioning and faulty templates and need help addressing the challenges we face in relationships. As individuals release blame and get really honest with themselves, healing can occur. Transformation requires patience, practice, and a holistic understanding of the individual and relational challenges that you may be facing. As we uncover our personal truths, we also contribute to the collective healing for us all.

In this podcast, Finn also talks about the Elements of Desire; owning your own shadow; affirmative pleasure; and fantasy as the map, not the territory.

Find Finn Deerhart Here:
WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

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Scott McCarty on Why are men stigmatized and women fetishized when it comes to maintaining appearance? Jan 04, 2021

Show notes

Recently I’ve been posting videos on TikTok about many different mental and sexual health topics, and the response has been surprisingly overwhelming … unfortunately. I was shocked that some were not listening to my messages; they were shaming me and personally attacking me because I wear a hair piece. This Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast is dedicated to a discussion, not just about men choosing to wear hair pieces, but about the double standards around maintaining and improving your appearance.
Men are attacked, humiliated and emasculated because we want to look attractive, we want to feel sexy, and we want to feel good about ourselves. If wearing a hair piece can do this for some of us, why are others trying to humiliate us and challenge our masculinity? Scott McCarty from Shear Pointe Hair Restoration Center in Birmingham, Michigan, joined me on my podcast to talk about how a hair loss solution truly can change a man’s life; why men deserve to feel attractive too and feel good about themselves. If wearing a hair piece can do this for anyone, why can’t a man take that step to get the results he wants, but a woman can?

For more information about Scott McCarty and his work, please visit his website, shearpointe.com.

Follow Dr. Joe Kort on TikTok here –> https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJW8mUVM/

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Dr. Holly Richmond on How the Latest Innovations in Sex Tech are Transforming the Way we Mate, Relate and Masturbate Dec 28, 2020

Show notes

On this week’s show, Joe is delving into the world of sex tech with his guest, Dr. Holly Richmond.

They chat about how the latest innovations in sex tech are transforming the way we mate, relate, and masturbate. “Sex tech is redefining how we have sex,” says Holly. “It’s not heteronormative penis/vagina sex anymore these days.”

Dr. Holly is a Somatic Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She says Millennials are having less sex than any generation in recorded history and talks about how technology has played a role in this. “The younger generation are making more informed choices with their sex lives. Sex tech is not the great divider!” says Holly. “You can use your tech to enhance your sex life. Be prepared, sex tech is coming, (pun intended!) so have an open mind about it!”

Find Holly at:

www.drhollyrichmond.com. www.next-sex.com.

IG, FB and Twitter: @DrHollyRichmond

Holly’s book: Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide to Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life (published Spring 2021, New Harbinger Publications).

Learn from Holly at:
www.modernsextherapyinstitutes.com

Resources Holly mentions in this episode:
Dipsea
Exo
Iplaysafe
MySexBio
Coral
Morari Medical
MYHIXEL
Abyss Creations Real Dolls
Dame Products

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Hayden Dawes on racism, self-compassion, and radical permission Dec 21, 2020

Show notes

On this week’s show, Joe is joined by Hayden Dawes, LCSW, LCAS, to talk about racism, self-compassion, and radical permission.

Hayden, who describes himself as a Compassion Warrior, Social Worker, Mental Health & Intersectionality Therapist, believes radical permission is a powerful practice that is life-changing.

His work examines the psychosocial challenges impacting people of color and LGBTQIA+ individuals, and he believes we have to see that race operates and permeates through many of our social systems, often leading Black people to be at a disadvantage. “Racism is such an ordinary thing in America, we often don’t even notice it!” says Hayden.

Hayden and Joe discuss why self-compassion and radical permission is important for all of us. “Self-compassion slows us down,” says Hayden. “It is a better platform for us to do better work. And radical permission is a permission slip to help you move forward.”

For more information about Hayden Dawes and his work, please visit his website, hcdawes.com.

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Peter Bippus on Difficult Topics Around Male Sexual Assault Dec 14, 2020

Show notes

On this episode Joe meets Marriage & Family Therapist, Peter Bippus to talk about survivors of male sexual assault.

Having worked with a host of populations from inmates awaiting trial, to families coming to terms with their transitioning children, to survivors of domestic abuse, Peter is not one to shy away from difficult topics.

He hosts a monthly online group for male survivors of sexual assault where he offers a safe space for its members to share, support and grow.

Talking about male sexual assault is difficult. “Men are not supposed to be the victims,” says Peter. “It’s difficult for men to separate the assault from the assaulter. But it is possible for them to move on with education and a secure place to ask questions.”

You have to delve deep to recover, believes Peter, else “it’s like piloting a plane, without going into the cockpit.”

For more information about Peter Bippus and his work, please visit his website, peterbtherapy.com.

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Shadeen Francis on The Transformative Power of Pleasure Dec 07, 2020

Show notes

“Pleasure is about the experience of feeling good,” say’s today’s guest, licensed psychotherapist, media personality and author, Shadeen Francis. “Pleasure is hardwired into our nervous system!”

Known for her signature brand of warmth and humor, all of Shadeen’s work is inspired by her commitment to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure. In this episode, Joe and Shadeen discuss the transformative power of pleasure. And how we can increase assets like pleasure in our lives.

Beyond orgasms and sex, Shadeen believes pleasure is a very necessary part of our wellbeing and that we need to make more room for it. “We march for the wage gap,” she says. “but we don’t march for the orgasm gap!”

For more information about Shadeen Francis and her work, please visit her website, shadeenfrancis.com.

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