Slop Quest

Latest Episodes:

Episode 189: The Parking Lot Challenge Apr 10, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders including the Helix Kids mattress AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BeachCops. This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.

On this episode of Beach Cops, Andy reveals that hot nurses on Reddit are getting a little too crazy on duty (doodie). Danish reveals a nefarious turd related plot on Broadway involving the Clintons. Then, O‘Neill gives his own science related report, and it’s JUST as insane as Andy’s, if not more so. Danish plays “smart music” to help the science get written! A LOT of very smart discussions this episode.

Episode 188: Basketball Diaries & the Ghost Pepper Challenge Science Report Apr 03, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops
This one starts with the gang talking about Andrew being concussed with a basketball while he was dressed as a viking in high school. Then, things get real when the Ghost Pepper Challenge mentioned on the previous episode becomes a truly scientific paper, spoken by DeWitt, transcribed by Danish, and heckled by O’Neill. You will enjoy the highly scientific, factual writing.

Episode 187: Top of the Mornin' to Ye! Mar 27, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

It’s St. Patrick’s day on Beach Cops, and Ryan demands respect for his heritage. Andy reveals he is 2% Vietnamese, and Ryan says he can tell. Then, the gang comes up with the new craze: The Ghost Pepper Challenge. Speaking of peppers, listener Hot Hot Peppers has advice for O’Neill about curing his wendigo problem. Also, we have a fantastic new quote compilation from new deputy Jake that may just earn us many more patrons!

Episode 186: More Milf Manor, Milking Machines, and the International Best Friends Award Mar 20, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

The show opens with the boys receiving some amazing gifts from fans. After, Andy wears smart boy glasses and shares a "drawering" he did of the boys as fantasy wizards. Andy talks about a hilarious "milking machine" Twitter incident with a certain public figure he's drawn criticism for speaking about in the past. Danish blows everyone away with a new Milf Manor clip, and then, Ryan asserts he can eat more real steak than Andy can eat fake steak and insists on a competition. The convo moves to Steven Seagal and Putin’s ridiculous friendship before they end with a new bad lunch lady from the news.

Episode 185: New Seating Arrangements, Trophies, and Priests Against Twerking Mar 13, 2023

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Helix is offering up to 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to Helixsleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this ep, the "teacher" finally changes Andrew and Ryan's seats, so the boys will behave better. Danish reads an article written by a Priest, who says that twerking is evil. Then, the boys get caught up on Mormon butt-stuff regulations and allowable marital activities. Andrew almost buys himself a trophy, and finally, a new David Goggins video makes everyone flip out.

Episode 184: The Darkness Returns to Standing Ovations Mar 06, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

The boys return to the dark for a full episode to get the creative juices flowing. O’Neill refuses to participate in a standing ovation at a theater and becomes violent at the idea of being forced to stand. DeWitt’s family has anxiety about all their ESP. When O'Neill comes up with a scenario that takes place at a mall fountain, Andrew loses it. Andy then freaks out again about perceived boomer sex jokes. Danish finds a new “mom blog” to completely infuriate everyone. Another business idea for a sex barge is floated by the guys and it’s not exactly a water-tight idea.

Episode 183: O'Neill Finds the Diary Feb 27, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

It comes out that Andy has been keeping a “productivity journal” while O’Neill was out of town. Danish reads O’Neill the journal, and he loses it because it’s mainly tracking bowel movements and "self-love" time. Danish and O’Neill have a eulogy for Bob from the Comedy Store, which puts Andrew in a dark/weird place but makes him sympathetic towards his cohosts. Then, the boys turn off all the lights and finally write a Wazzup Man of Reddit!

Episode 182: Urinal Cakes, Bloody Mary, and a Tiny Human Woman Feb 20, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode, the gang covers Andy getting chemical burns on his hands from throwing urinal cakes at people in elementary school. Then, they talk about Bloody Mary being back in full effect for a whole new generation. Things take a dark turn when they find out about the dude dating Shauna Rae (of TLC fame), and let’s just say the boys have some severe opinions. O’Neill also finally gets down to the real brass tacks of life advice for DeWitt. 11/10 star episode

Episode 181: Nip Clothespins, Bagel Knives, Monsters and Hags Feb 13, 2023

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Helix is offering up to 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows four our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BeachCops. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode, Andy brings in a survival tool for show-and-tell with a hidden punch knife, and it’s the worst piece of (expletive) anyone has ever seen. He also keeps dropping it, causing Danish some extreme anxiety. They talk Chinese spy balloons and a disturbing report from O’Neill on Milf Manor, but Andrew still wants those gross old ladies. O’Neill tries to get down to brass tacks with life advice for Andy. Then, Andy disappoints himself and his wife when he lets the boys play a scary game with his nips and then twerks.

Episode 180: Mind Your Milf Manors Feb 06, 2023

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To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops
On this spicy episode of Beach Cops, O’Neill brings out his childhood fingerboard and tries to skate on Andy’s nipples. The gang tries to use AI to write jokes, but Chat GPT constantly chastises them for being offensive. Then, they deep dive on the new reality show Milf Manor, and it blows O’Neill’s mind. They try to wrap up early, but a wardrobe revelation from Danish and DeWitt gets too crazy to stop the show.

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