Sex and Psychology Podcast

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Episode 79: Inside an Amsterdam Brothel Mar 25, 2022

Show notes

I taught a study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam a few months ago for a group of sex therapists and, as part of that class, we visited a brothel. To be clear, we didn’t go for sex–we went for sex education! We invited several people who work in the sex industry in some way to come speak with us in small groups. In this episode and the next, I’m going to be sharing some of the fascinating things we learned.

In today’s episode, you’ll be hearing two interviews I did with Dutch sex workers. First is Jennifer Jonker, who worked in the brothel we visited for several years. Jennifer now runs a coaching business focused on helping women who want to transition out of the sex work industry to find other forms of employment. Second is Tikka Stardust, a current social worker and sex worker who primarily works with clients who have physical and/or psychological disabilities. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

How does sex work actually work in the Netherlands? What does it look like in terms of cost and services provided?
How is working in a brothel different from working in the “quick service” area of Amsterdam’s Red Light District?
What are the positive and negative sides of sex work in a country where it is legal?
To what degree is sex work about sex versus intimacy?
What are attitudes toward sex work like in the Netherlands? Is it really as open and accepting as people on the outside think it is?
For women who want to exit the sex work industry, what does that process look like? And how do you deal with the stigma associated with sex work?
Do government subsidies for sex work really exist in the Netherlands for persons with disabilities?

Stay tuned for our return visit to the brothel next week! In the next show, I’ll be speaking with a Dutch sex educator who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry.

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Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 78: Let’s Talk About Sexting Mar 18, 2022

Show notes

Sexting has become so common that it’s not a stretch to call it the new “first base” in developing sexual relationships. For many people, sexting is now an integral part of how they connect with others sexually in the modern world, and it occurs in both casual and committed relationships. However, while sexting can be a handy way to boost arousal, communicate interest, and share your fantasies, it can also occur in ways that are coercive or harassing. In this episode, we talk about the good, bad, and ugly of sexting.

My guest is Dr. Michelle Drouin, a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. She has published an extensive body of research on the psychology sexting and is author of the book Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

What counts as sexting and how many people have done it before.
What people’s experiences with sexting are usually like.
The link between sexting and relationship satisfaction.
How to practice “safe sexting.”
Why so many men send unsolicited dick pics.
When sexting becomes a form of coercion or harassment.
Deception in online dating.
How to spot scam artists like the Tinder Swindler.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch. Also, check out Episode 77 for part one of my conversation with Dr. Drouin, where we discuss tips for online dating and creating love that lasts.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Markus Winkler on Unsplash.

Episode 77: Starved For Intimacy Mar 11, 2022

Show notes

Modern technology has made us more connected than ever, but at the same time, many of us feel increasingly disconnected. We just aren’t getting the intimacy we’re craving. We’re starving for a type of intimacy that technology isn’t well-suited to provide. So how can we better meet our need for connection in a digital world?

To answer this question, I spoke with Dr. Michelle Drouin, a behavioral scientist and expert on technology, relationships, and sexuality. She is a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. Her latest book is Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

How technology is contributing to an “intimacy famine.”
Tips for navigating online dating, including what to do if you aren’t getting any matches and also what to do if you feel overwhelmed by too many options.
Whether having more sex can make us happier.
Why bedtime routines are crucial to relationship satisfaction.
How to cultivate love that lasts.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 76: Creating Ideal Relationship Agreements Mar 04, 2022

Show notes

Relationships and marriages aren’t just hard–they’re harder than ever because the expectations around them have changed so much. What worked in the past isn’t working anymore, so it’s time for a new approach. We need to figure out what works for us as individuals and create custom relationship agreements that reflect our wants and needs. But what goes into creating an ideal relationship agreement? That’s what we’re going to be discussing today.

My guest is Dr. Tammy Nelson, a certified sex and relationship therapist. She is host of The Trouble with Sex podcast and the author of several books, including Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement. Some of the topics we discuss include:

Why maintaining long-term monogamy today is more challenging than ever.
How to know if an open relationship is right for you.
When it’s a good idea to open up, and when it isn’t.
Why empathy is key to having healthy relationship communication.
How to navigate difficult conversations with a partner, and what to do when you have different wants and needs.
The key ingredients of relationship agreements.
How often you should revisit your relationship agreement.
Common problems that can arise in open relationships, and how to deal with them.

To learn more about Dr. Nelson, visit drtammynelson.com and be sure to check out her book, Open Monogamy.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 75: Making Friends With Benefits Work Feb 25, 2022

Show notes

More than 60% of American adults say they’ve had sex with a friend in the past year, a number that has increased considerably over the last two decades. Despite the fact that sex between friends is so common, it’s not something people often discuss. Can you go back to being just friends afterwards? And how do you approach sex with a friend without anyone getting hurt?

Today’s show is all about making “friends with benefits” work. My guest is Dr. Jesse Owen, a Professor in the Counseling Psychology Department at the University of Denver. He is a licensed psychologist with clinical specializations in couple and family therapy and multicultural therapy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What does it mean to be “friends with benefits” and what do these relationships tend to look like?
Do people of different genders and sexual orientations approach friends with benefits in different ways?
What are the main reasons people start having sex with their friends?
How long do friends with benefits usually last, and what happens when these relationships end?
Can friends with benefits go back to being just friends? Can they also turn into healthy romantic relationships?
What questions should you ask yourself before jumping into a friends with benefits arrangement?
What kinds of rules or boundaries should you consider if you have a friend with benefits in order to stay safe and prevent things from getting complicated?

Learn more about Dr. Owen here.

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This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 74: How To Make Sex Ed Work For Everyone Feb 19, 2022

Show notes

Sex education in the United States leaves a lot of people on the sidelines, from racial and ethnic minorities to LGBTQ+ youth to persons with disabilities. Part of the reason for this is that just nine (!) states require sex ed to be delivered in an unbiased and culturally appropriate way. So how can we make sex education work for everyone?

My guest today is Dr. Tanya Bass, an award-winning sexuality educator who teaches at North Carolina Central University’s Department of Public Health Education. She also founded the North Carolina Sexual Health Conference. We talk all about sex ed and how sex is depicted in the media—the good, the bad, and the very ugly of it all, and how we can improve it. Some of the topics we explore include:

Who’s currently being left out of sex ed and what this means for their sexual health.
Why representation is important in sex education, and how we can make sex ed more accessible to diverse audiences.
The importance of language in sex ed (and why we need to stop talking about race as a “risk factor” for STDs).
What we can do to promote better, more equitable sex ed for everyone.
Which TV shows and movies are getting depictions of sex right, and which ones are getting it wrong.
How popular media portrayals of sex influence our behavior.
How we can use media depictions of sex as teachable moments.

Learn more about Dr. Bass at tanyambass.com and follow her on the socials at @DrTanyaMBass

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 73 – The Way You Make Me Feel: The Science of Love Feb 11, 2022

Show notes

How can you tell if you’re in lust or in love? Is “love at first sight” real? When is the right time to say “I love you” in a relationship? And how do you keep love alive long-term? Today’s episode is all about the science of love, and we’re going to talk about so many important and fascinating questions!

My guest is none other than “The Love Doctor” herself, Dr. Terri Orbuch. Terri is a distinguished professor at Oakland University and a research scientist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She has been studying the science of love and relationships for more than three decades and her latest book is called Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

We cover a lot of ground in this show, including:

The four signs that distinguish love from lust.
How to get the lust back in your relationship after the initial passion starts to decline.
The truth about the “5 love languages” (is there actually any science behind this idea?).
Tips for maintaining happy, healthy, loving relationships for the long haul.
When it’s the right time to make your relationship “official” and to say “I love you” to a partner.
When too much closeness becomes a problem, and how to maintain your individuality in a relationship.
Tips for dialing down the pressure on Valentine’s Day and enjoying a stress-free holiday.
How parents can help their kids to cultivate healthy relationships.

This is such an important (and fun!) episode! To learn more about Terri, visit drterrithelovedoctor.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 72 – Kink On The Brain: The Truth About BDSM Feb 03, 2022

Show notes

At one time or another, almost everyone has had a BDSM fantasy of some type. Despite its widespread popularity, however, BDSM is a subject that remains widely misunderstood and stigmatized. It’s a taboo topic in broader society that people are often reluctant to discuss out of fear of being judged. So let’s talk about it!

One of the biggest things that changed the way I think about BDSM was having the opportunity to interview a professional dominatrix a few years back. I’m bringing her onto the show today to give you an inside look at this world and what I learned. My guest is Stavroula Toska, an award-winning filmmaker who has received honors from the Sundance Film Festival and countless other festivals around the globe. Stavroula has a reputation for authentic storytelling that pushes boundaries and explores human nature from a unique point of view. Among her many compelling works is a web series called SWITCH, which chronicles her years of experience working in the BDSM scene.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What it’s like to be a professional dominatrix, and how being a dominatrix changed the way Stavroula sees herself.
Who visits a professional dominatrix, and why.
Whether there’s any truth to the idea of powerful men wanting to be submissive in the bedroom.
Whether BDSM is always about sex.
Why Home Depot is a one-stop shop for professional dominatrixes (I love this part!).
How the pandemic changed the world of professional domination.
Why the stigma around BDSM persists.
What people who want to explore BDSM for the first time need to know.

To learn more about Stavroula, visit https://thetoskamatrix.com and check out her web series SWITCH at https://switchtheseries.com

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 71: Sex in Space and Sex with Robots Jan 28, 2022

Show notes

Space travel is a rapidly expanding industry. In the near future, people are going to be traveling and maybe even living outside of Earth’s atmosphere for prolonged periods of time. This raises a lot of interesting questions about how we can make life in outer space compatible with human needs, including our sexual and intimate needs. However, space organizations aren’t talking about sex in space, and they aren’t studying it either. But if we’re going to build spacefaring societies, this is something we need to understand. So what are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space, and how can we overcome the challenges?

This episode is going to take you to the final frontiers of sex. We’re not only going to explore what we know about space sex, but also sex with robots. My guest is Simon Dubé, a Public Scholar and PhD candidate in psychology at Concordia University specializing in human sexuality, sextech, and erobotics, which is the study of human-machine erotic interaction and co-evolution. He is a student representative of the International Academy of Sex Research and a general co-Chair of the International Congress on Love & Sex with Robots. Some of the topics we explore include:

Why is there so much resistance to studying sex in space and sex with robots?
What are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space?
How can we overcome the challenges of sex in space in order to maximize the benefits?
Should space crews and missions only consist of members of the same sex?
What are the potential benefits and risks of sex with robots?
What do modern sex robots look like, and how much do they cost?
How does the issue of consent work when it comes to sex robots?
Can sex robots help us to become better lovers for human partners?

To learn more about Simon, follow him on Twitter @SciDub11

If you’d like to take part in some of Simon’s research on erobotics, email sextechstudy2@gmail.com to learn about current and upcoming participation opportunities.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Episode 70: The Rise of Cuckolding Jan 21, 2022

Show notes

Cuckolding refers to a sexual practice in which someone finds it arousing to watch their partner have sex with another person. I first learned about cuckolding nearly a decade ago and, in the years since, its popularity has exploded. Google searches for it are on the rise, it’s increasing mentioned and depicted in the popular media, and it regularly emerges among the top porn searches in the world year in and year out. There’s even a new annual tradition called #CuckWeek, aimed at celebrating the cuckold lifestyle. So why are so many people into cuckolding?

For insight, I spoke with Dr. David Ley and Rose Caraway. David Ley is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and author of the book Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, which was just released on audiobook. Rose narrated the audiobook for Insatiable Wives and is host of Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

How cuckolding can be sexually empowering for women.
The diverse motivations behind why men want to watch their partners have sex with other people (there isn’t just one reason!).
How common cuckolding fantasies are, and who’s most likely to have them.
How cuckolding is distinct from cheating.
How cuckolding relationships tend to work out.
What people who are thinking about exploring cuckolding need to know.
How to bring sex to life as an audiobook narrator.

For more on cuckolding, be sure to check out the new audiobook for Insatiable Wives!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

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Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

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