Relationships Let's Talk About It!

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52. Taking A Leap Of Passion In Your Career Aug 13, 2019

Show notes

Josh Kugler is the Director of Software Engineering at American Pinball and has extensive experience in the technology sector. He has worked with Fortune 50 companies as well as highly successful startups. He is a passionate executive who helps build startups while leading and sharing his knowledge and experience in sales, service, and cutting-edge technology. Josh also has an excellent eye for identifying opportunities - whether internally or externally - through creativity, innovation, and problem-solving.

Josh joins me today to discuss taking a leap of passion in your career. He discusses the difference between doing something you love versus something you dislike. We share stories of how we changed our career paths in pursuit of our personal passions. We also discuss the pros and cons of balancing your passion and pursuing your career.

"Sometimes, doing what our parents want us to do can be a good thing, but more often than not, it's probably not. You have to choose your own path." - Josh Kugler

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

Why Josh made the shift from working for a Fortune 50 Company to helping different startups.
How he got inspired to playball Pinball.
When I pursued my passion, I received support from Josh and my sister.
How his decisions impacted his life and the lives of others.
How his father's ethics and values influenced his lifestyle.
What made it easier for him to pursue a more passionate job.
What allowed him to take the financial risk to pursue his passion.
How he and his wife raised their daughter to prepare her for the path of her life.
How a parent's voice and opinion influence the possible outcome and direction of their child's future.
Different ways children respond to their parent's death that affect the trajectory of their lives.
Why it's more difficult to pursue a career passion than career security.
How doing something you love affects you emotionally and relationally.
The role that close relationships play in your success for doing something you love.
How to make a shift in your professional and personal life.
How to balance your passion and your job.

Connect with Josh Kugler:

Josh Kugler on LinkedIn

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Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

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Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

51. HeartShare: Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilt Aug 06, 2019

Show notes

Many people struggle to set strong boundaries in their relationships with friends, family, and partners. Setting boundaries can sometimes make you feel guilty for wanting to protect something you value, such as your time, energy, or emotions. You may feel hesitant about setting boundaries with someone you love because you feel it may unintentionally hurt their feelings, but often, the inability to assert your boundaries can leave you feeling used and unappreciated.

Today, I discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt. I explain how people-pleasing plays a significant role in our ability to set and keep our boundaries. I share stories of my past where I dealt with feelings of guilt for setting boundaries. I also share how to change perspectives about taking on guilt, including some examples of how to speak to it.

"We don't need to feel responsible for somebody else's emotions or how they receive our boundaries." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

How feeling guilty can be a positive emotion.
How unhealthy guilt develops in us.
How people-pleasers feel about setting boundaries.
Why women have more tendency to feel guilty when they take care of their needs.
An unconscious manipulation many families do to get what they want.
How others usually respond to clearly stated boundaries.
How to set boundaries when asking others for advice.
How I dealt with my mother's disapproval in homeschooling my child.
How to train people with your boundaries.
How I put up boundaries with my wife about her calling me at work regarding stressful, non-urgent domestic matters.
Why you don't need to explain and justify your "No's."
The need to learn how to soothe yourself and the benefits of doing so.
The significant transformation that happened when I traveled the world at 29 and got engaged to a single mother.
What happens to you when you put others needs and feelings before your own.
Reasons why boundaries may not work.
What it takes to learn self-assertiveness and the factors that contribute to the lack of it.
What to do when people are blaming, name-calling, or stonewalling.

Resources Mentioned:

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

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Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

50. HeartShare: Building Trust in Relationships Jul 30, 2019

Show notes

Trust is an incredibly powerful, foundational part of healthy relationships. It is something that must be earned, built, and maintained to build healthy and close relationships. Broken trust is often the underlying cause for many marriages and relationships to come to an end. Once trust has been broken - it can be very difficult to rebuild.

So how do you show your partner how much you trust them? How do you maintain and continue to build trust in your relationships? How do you repair your relationship after trust has been broken?

Today, I share different ways of showing trust to build healthier relationships. I share how fidelity and trust are manifested and explain the difference between privacy and secrecy. I also share personal stories that show how trust is broken - and earned - among friends and family and how to open yourself up to trusting others while still keeping your personal boundaries.

"Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of becoming emotionally intimate and deeply close with someone. It's a must for any healthy and close relationship." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

Different forms of trust that overlap in relationships.
How my son and I built trust between us.
Building trust by showing appreciation of others.
Showing consideration towards others to build trust.
How failing to follow through on what you say you will do can impact the trust you've built in your relationships.
The concept of relaxing into trust in your relationships.
An example of not having good boundaries within the family.
Building trust by caring for other people's material possessions.
Why you need to trust yourself and how to do it.
How to break a dysfunctional communication pattern to build trust.
The difference between 'trust' as a verb and a noun.
What it means to be trusting and what to do to step up and build that trust.
The health effects of having supportive friendships built on trust.

Resources Mentioned:

Dealing With Grudges

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com.

49. Our Relationship With The Natural World Jul 23, 2019

Show notes

Counseling and connecting with people for over 30 years, Connie Burns is a body-centered psychotherapist who specializes in body and trauma therapies. She has a passion for teaching people how to reconnect with their relationships - relationships with their own bodies, other people, and the natural world. Connie was urged to act on her strong convictions about the current division and conflict happening in western culture as well as the imminent threat of climate change.

Connie joins me today to share the different ways that we are connected to the natural world and how this crucial connection affects us. We dive deep into how our culture has lost that meaningful sense of connection to who we are, how society is disconnected from the natural world, and the challenges it poses on our relationships with others. We also discuss the incredible benefits of being connected to ourselves, to others, and to the natural world as well as how it can take our relationships to a deeper and more authentic level.

"The sacred sons of omnipresent love - we don't have access to that when we don't have access to our bodies, and that's tragic." - Connie Burns

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

How people are disconnected from their bodies.
Why anger is the emotion that women are most disconnected from.
Why getting cut off from anger is detrimental.
What makes people more vulnerable to predation.
The connection between being disconnected from our bodies and the rampant abuse in women and children.
How being disconnected from our bodies encourages genocidal thoughts and behaviors in our culture
How today's western culture conditions people toward happiness, but not joy, satisfaction, or connection.
How to access your body in a healthy way.
Leveraging the awe and calm that nature brings to help resolve and repair marital conflicts.
The connection between nature and human beings.
How to be more accepting of who you are by observing the relationships of the natural world.
The value of diversity and how to cultivate it.
How retreats and body massages allow you to reconnect with your body and with others.
The difference between pleasurable sex and divine sexual intimacy.

Resources Mentioned:

Understanding Racism: Relationships are at the Heart of This Work

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

48. Non-Violent Communication: Relationship Repair Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

Steve Torma is the former President of Earthaven Ecovillage, a former core faculty member of the Asheville Tantra School, and the co-founder of The REAL Center. The REAL Center is an organization based in Asheville, NC that is dedicated to inspiring communication, compassion, and intimacy to help others lead satisfied and more meaningful lives. Steve is trained in a variety of fields including Radical Honesty, Permaculture, Non-Violent Communication (NVC), and Restorative Circling. For over 30 years, he has helped others find direction, meaning, and healing in their lives and relationships by mastering the art of communication and compassion.

Steve joins me today to discuss the mourning process of the Non-Violent Communication model. We discuss how to connect with the unmet needs and feelings that occur when our behaviors, actions, and words have been less than perfect. We discuss how to use feelings of regret to learn from our mistakes without encouraging self-blame or shame. We also discuss the importance of self-forgiveness through the mourning process, how to identify when your needs are unmet, and how to address these unmet needs in a safe and healthy way.

"When we can let go of the judgments of ourselves, then our heart can open a little bit more to our partners." - Steve Torma

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

What Non-Violent Communication is and how it applies to repairing your relationship after a conflict.
The mourning process associated with the NVC model.
Identifying unmet needs during a relationship conflict.
The importance of being empathetic toward yourself and how it impacts your ability to be empathetic toward your partner.
How the 'fight or flight mode' impacts your ability to think clearly and feel empathetic during a conflict.
Why empathy is the first step in rebuilding trust in your relationship after a conflict.
The impact that blame, shame, and judgment statements have when trying to repair your relationship.
The difference between blaming yourself for your partner's actions, words, and behaviors versus identifying how you contribute to their reaction.
Looking beyond your partner's actions, behaviors, and words to identify their unmet needs.
How to use the mourning process to uncover deep-rooted unmet needs within yourself and how it enables you to be more empathetic toward others.
How self-compassion can lead to greater compassion in your relationships.
The 'Post-hersal Concept' of NVC and how it helps you discover healthier ways to deal with conflict.
Finding new, creative ways to address conflicts with your partner.
The difference between conflict resolution, conflict transformation, and conflict repair.
How the NVC model views the concept of forgiveness and it's impact on repairing your relationship.

Resources Mentioned:

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

47. Dealing With Grudges Jul 09, 2019

Show notes

Are you guilty of holding grudges? Let's face it - holding grudges is a common practice for most of us, but it can be detrimental to your relationships as well as your health. Over time, grudges can easily transform into anger, resentment, high stress levels, and even depression. This resentment is often what causes many relationships to end.

So how do we deal with and move past the grudges we may have against others to begin the process of healing and moving forward?

On today's episode, I discuss how holding a grudge can impact your relationships. I share my personal experiences of dealing with grudges and how holding grudges can impact the people around you. I explain the physiological process involved in holding onto anger and resentment and how holding onto long-term grudges can impact your health. I also share the common personality characteristics of people who frequently hold grudges and share strategies you can use to help yourself and your partner move past grudges for a healthier relationship.

"Resentment is actually the feeling of the act of holding a grudge." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The impact that holding grudges can have on your relationships.
My experiences of growing up with a family that held grudges.
How modeling grudges in your family and intimate relationships can affect children and their ability to deal with conflict.
The importance of teaching and modeling remorse and good conflict resolution strategies.
The physiological process involved in feeling resentful.
How holding grudges affects your health.
Common personality traits and characteristics of people who frequently hold grudges.
Why grudges often lead to feelings of anger and higher levels of stress.
How holding a grudge affects more than just you and the person who has wronged you.
The story of my father holding a grudge against my mother and stepfather and how it made me feel.
The importance of developing communication and conflict resolution skills to help you work through and let go of grudges and resentment.
How apologizing and showing remorse can help grudge holders move forward and heal to improve their relationship.
How negative past experiences can sometimes lead to transferred feelings and emotions that are causing a grudge.
Identifying when to give your partner space, how much space they need, and when to let go of the relationship.
How forgiveness helps grudge holders let go and move forward.
How to begin the forgiveness process.

Resources Mentioned:

Holding a Grudge Is Bad For You, And Here Are The Ways It Can Actually Weigh You Down and Affect Your Health by Emma Cueto
The Unburdening Effects of Forgiveness: Effects on Slant Perception and Jumping Height - Study by Erasmus University, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science
The Art of Listening
Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
The Art of Apology

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

46. Falling in Love Jul 02, 2019

Show notes

Cathy Courtenay is a leader in the Art of Circling and a dating consultant for men. Through her experience with somatic bodywork, dance, and Body Mind Centering, she helps her clients cultivate authenticity, sovereignty, and intimacy in their relationships. She believes they are the key to achieving greater compassion and love in our relationships with others while uplifting humanity and living a fulfilling life.

Cathy joins me today to share her experience of falling in love with her partner and the importance of meeting your partner's needs for connection and intimacy during this stage of your relationship. We discuss what it means to fall in love and the biochemical and emotional events that occur during this stage of an intimate relationship. We discuss the balancing act of setting relational boundaries while surrendering yourself to a loving relationship. We also discuss what causes people to fall out of love and how to sustain the emotional feelings of intimacy and appreciation in your relationships to avoid falling out of love with your partner.

"If you feed the relationship and continue to give it that focused attention, it really continues to support the sense of 'we.'" - Cathy Courtenay

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

What it means to fall in love.
The emotional and biochemical events that naturally occur when we fall in love.
The balancing act between surrendering to love and setting healthy boundaries.
How meeting your partner's needs for connection and intimacy helps you build a trusting and loving relationship.
Why sovereignty is crucial for a healthy relationship.
The process of vetting your relationships and introducing your partner to your family and close friends.
Her experience with introducing her partner to her daughters.
Why it's important for parents to model healthy, loving relationships around their children and how it impacts their future relationships.
Why men are often resistant or fearful of falling in love.
How to sustain the feelings and emotions of falling in love - even in a long-lasting relationship.
The importance of feeding your relationship with focused attention.
How to capture micro-moments of intimacy and why they are critical for maintaining a healthy, loving relationship.
The importance of encouraging and maintaining a sense of independence in a committed relationship.
How falling in love with our partners has sparked a renewed sense of creativity in other areas of our lives.
The importance of setting boundaries early in your relationship and how it helps establish trust and respect.
Why she told her partner she was not interested in allowing him to move in with her, how he reacted, and how it strengthened their relationship.
How taking risks and speaking your truth helps couples get to know each other on a deeper level.

Resources Mentioned:

Helping Men Learn to Connect with Women
Your Brain on Love audiobook by Stan Tatkin
Micro Moments in Relationships

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

45. Do the Right Thing Jun 25, 2019

Show notes

Corey Costanzo is a Somatic Therapist, a Licensed Addiction Counselor, and a Licensed Massage and Body Work Therapist. He is the co-owner of Still Point Wellness, an award-winning Salt Water Floatation and Esalen Massage spa in Asheville, NC. He earned his Bachelor's degree in Psychology from the University of Vermont and a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology with a special focus on somatic/body psychology from Santa Barbara Graduate Institute.

Corey joins me today to discuss the aspect of integrity and doing the right thing when faced with difficult decisions. We discuss the difference between following what our bodies and hearts tell us to do versus following our thoughts. We explain how practicing mindfulness and self-inquiry can help you determine whether you're making the right decisions based on your values and integrity and how these practices can help you be more in-tune with your spouse, partner, or others in your relationships. We also discuss how our past experiences shape the way we make decisions and influence our decisions on doing the right thing.

"When the right thing is done, it can turn into some of the most profound growth experiences in life." - Corey Costanzo

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

How volunteering at a men's detention center has impacted Corey's perspective on doing the right thing.
How Corey knows when he has made a good decision that is in alignment with his values.
How to use your body as a checks-and-balances resource to guide your decisions.
How mindfulness, self-inquiry, and breathing practices help you make better decisions that are in alignment with your core values and integrity.
Making good relational decisions versus simply compromising.
How to balance understanding your partner's reality and sharing your own perspective without being judgmental.
Corey's recent experience of planning his sister's surprise birthday party and how he realized he was making decisions based on his preferences instead of what his sister would want.
The importance of being disciplined to think beyond yourself when making decisions that will impact others.
Rewarding children for showing empathy and claiming ownership of their mistakes.
What it means for parents to set 'hard-core boundaries' for their children and why Corey believes there is a more effective way to teach children to do the right thing.
How your unique experiences, personality, and character structure influences your decision-making skills.
An effective strategy for rebuilding trust that has been broken in a relationship.
How to identify if your behavior and actions are in alignment with the relational agreements you've made.
How learning from your previous mistakes and poor decisions helps you make better decisions in the future.

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

44. HeartShare: What Do We Mean By Commitment? Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

What does the word 'commitment' mean to you? When you think about it or hear the word 'commitment,' is your initial thought that you're either committed to something or someone - or you're not? Is the concept of commitment truly that black and white, with no room for color or gray?

To many couples, the word 'commitment' is a black and white concept, but what many don't realize is that the word can mean different things to different people.

On today's episode, I share my thoughts on the word 'commitment' and why it can take on different meanings for different people. I explain the difference between being committed to an outcome versus being committed to the process of achieving the desired outcome. I discuss why couples need to understand the true depth of being in a committed relationship and how to recognize whether you're fully committed to your partner. I also explain the difference between conscious commitments and unconscious commitments, how your unconscious commitments impact your relationships, and how to create new commitments based on how you envision yourself, your relationship, and the process it will take to achieve what you envision.

"Commitment is actually a practice - a moment to moment practice. It's an active state, not a passive one." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

What I believe 'commitment' truly means.
Why being in a committed relationship means different things to different people.
The difference between being committed to an outcome versus being committed to the process of achieving the outcome in your relationships.
The process commitments I make in my marriage and relationships.
The impact that being committed to outcomes can have on your relationship.
The importance of making process commitments to yourself first and how it can carry over into your relationships.
How to recognize whether you're fully committed to your partner.
The difference between conscious commitments and unconscious commitments and how they impact your relationships.
Strategies to create new process commitments to improve your relationship.
How the way you envision yourself and your relationship impacts your reality.
The importance of spending quality time with your partner - and why sometimes love simply isn't enough.
Identifying what you want to be committed to instead of what you are getting and don't like.

Let's Talk About It!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

43. Fatherhood: My Kind of Yoga Jun 11, 2019

Show notes

Breah Livolsi Parker is a graphic facilitator, authenticity coach, and TEDx speaker who lives by the mantra, "Be who you are… it is so much more than enough."She is the creator of What's Right With Me - an audio workbook that is the foundation of her individual coaching sessions and workshops. She is passionate about empowering those around her to fulfill their deepest desires, rediscover their dreams, and unlock their individual uniqueness and innate gifts to truly make a difference in the world.

Breah joins me today to discuss why I consider fatherhood as my kind of yoga. We discuss my relationship with my son and my philosophy on freedom, control, and trusting your child's life path - as well as your path as a parent. We discuss why children often feel uneasy sharing various experiences and discussions with their parents and how I created an environment where my son feels secure about discussing any subject with me. We discuss how mothers can encourage their spouse to establish a relationship with their children and the impact that a father's influence can have on their children. Breah also shares how becoming a grandmother has allowed her to try different parenting techniques that she wishes she used while raising her children.

"Trust in your child's life path - and trust in your path as a parent." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

How my childhood upbringing and relationship with my father influenced the way I raised my son and the relationship we have.
The importance of parents instilling confidence and trust in their children - and trusting in their life's path.
Why many parents turn to "controlled parenting" techniques and the impact of worrying over uncontrollable situations.
Why children may feel the need to avoid telling their parents about certain experiences or decisions they make.
Understanding and accepting that children learn their boundaries and integrity through experimentation and life experiences.
How I set firm boundaries with my son in a loving manner, without yelling or getting angry.
Developing trust and confidence in your child's ability to make good decisions.
Why I would tell my son to "stay focused" instead of "be careful" in certain situations.
A positive way to address your child's mistakes and poor decisions.
How establishing a connection and closeness with your children will help create a safe and trusting environment that leads them to feel comfortable with opening up to you.
How my wife encouraged my relationship with my son.
Why I chose to live with my father during my childhood.
How my father's parenting style differed from my mother's.
Why many parents feel that "letting go" is one of the most difficult aspects of parenthood.
The impact of raising children in a non-stressful environment.
How men modeling positive and healthy interactions with their spouse teaches their children how to treat others.
Approaching parenthood from a place of love and understanding instead of discipline and trying to "fix a problem."
Why it's important for fathers to express - and own - their emotions around their children.
The difference between telling your children you love them and being loving toward them.
How becoming a grandmother allowed Breah to try different parenting techniques that she wishes she used with her children.

Let's Talk About It!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group , and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Relationships! Let's Talk About It is produced by Auxbus. You can create your own great podcast - faster and easier - at Auxbus.com

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