Relationships Let's Talk About It!

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82. Letting Go of Family Relationships: Whether Toxic Or Not Mar 10, 2020

Show notes

Families are complicated. As much as we want to always be there and support our loved ones, sometimes our relationships could be toxic. It's difficult to draw a boundary between you and a relative, but how do you know it's time to cut off ties with a family member? Or how do you know when to maintain the relationship? My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, the founder & owner of Artsy Goddess Studio, has her own experiences of challenging family relationships where issues and misunderstandings have stacked on one another.

In this episode, Rainbow and I answer a listener's question about drawing boundaries with an important family member and explain why it's important to not force conflict resolution and instead opt for cultivating space. We share our experiences and vulnerabilities with family issues and cutting-off friends and relatives. We describe how toxic behavior in the family affected us as children. We reveal the common characteristics that define toxic behavior such as manipulation and lying, as well as illustrate how guilt can prevent us from letting go of toxic people. We also discuss the importance of looking inwards when considering challenging relationships and cutting ties with family.

"Cutting ties with family members is one of the hardest decisions that we may ever face in life." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The difference between toxic relationships and family dramas
Rainbow's experiences growing up with family issues
The effect of family conflict on children
The inevitability of conflict and the best time to learn about conflict resolution skills
Why it can be challenging to cut ties with family members
The power of creating connections with an estranged family member
What makes a relationship one-sided
My experience with a toxic family member
Why you should consider creating space instead of severing relationships
How we are met with resistance when we force conflict resolution
Manipulation, deceit, victim-playing, and other aspects of toxic behavior
Why toxic people attach to loving and kind ones
How guilt prevents us from cutting ties with family members
How family loyalty can create toxic relationships
Why friendships can be difficult to end

Listener Questions - Let's Talk About It:

At what point do you let go of relationships that may no longer feel fulfilling, even if it means hurting other family members?

Related Content:

Connect with Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky:

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

81. The Challenges of Workplace Relationships Mar 03, 2020

Show notes

Thomas Doochin is the CEO of Daymaker, an organization that helps employees cultivate a deeper connection with their community, team, and themselves through the intentional acts of giving and service. Daymaker helps people realize and foster their intrinsic goodness and generosity by helping employees and their companies connect with under-resourced communities. Through this experience of generosity and service, Daymaker aims to bring givers and the people they serve closer, and inspire them to explore the feeling of aliveness and connection.

Thomas joins me again today to discuss forming relationships with our colleagues in a work environment. We share our personal experiences of forming deep friendships with colleagues and bosses and discuss how it could be challenging to bring in our humanness and develop meaningful connections in the workplace. We describe how differences in age, experience, and hierarchy can prevent an employee from being their authentic selves. We also discuss how good workplace relationships can transform the working environment as well as explain why it is difficult to bring our relational skills into the workplace.

"There is an opportunity each day in our workplaces to be simply aware of how we are reacting to those who are around us." - Thomas Doochin

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The challenges of bringing our humanness to the workplace
The accidental nature of a work environment
How our personal values and desire for workplace productivity can be misaligned
How hierarchy and age difference can impede workplace relationships
Overcoming the barriers between management and employees
What our work colleagues can teach us
Why it's difficult to bring social and relational skills to the workplace
How our social and relational skills can transform our work environment
The importance of finding and upholding common values with the people we work with
The value of bringing space in workplace relationships

Resources Mentioned:

Connect with Thomas Doochin:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

80. HeartShare: Understanding Jealousy Feb 25, 2020

Show notes

Jealousy is a human experience. Whether we were the ones receiving it or the ones feeling it, we've all had our fair share of jealous feelings and behaviors. Despite the commonality of this emotion, jealousy could bring on challenges and issues in a romantic relationship that, when aggravated, could create distrust and eventually end the relationship. Couples need to take the necessary steps to overcome jealousy and cultivate a relationship that is connected, open, and loving.

Today, I share my thoughts on jealousy, its causes, and its effects. I explain how jealousy can force our partners to put up boundaries or even commit actions that foster distrust. I reveal how insecurities and low self-esteem can cultivate our tendency to be jealous and share some evolutionary perspectives on why we feel jealous. I share my personal experiences with jealousy and highlight the steps we can take to overcome these feelings. I also answer a listener's question about how to move forward in a relationship without bringing emotional baggage, why couples need to focus on their willingness to examine and work through emotional hurts and difficulties, as well as highlight the importance of celebrating successes in overcoming emotional baggage.

"No matter how jealous we feel, we need to find a way to come back to ourselves. Know that no matter how strong these feelings are, they will come and pass." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The detrimental impact of jealousy on our relationships and how they push our partners to put up boundaries
The definition of jealousy and how it's different from envy
Common evolutionary explanations of jealousy
The biggest driver and causes of jealousy
How working on your sense of self can help soothe feelings of jealousy
How open and honest communication can help couples overcome jealousy
Why paranoid and obsessive tendencies can trap a person into jealousy
How jealousy can make us block our partners
Using humor and light-hearted conversations to address feelings of jealousy and anxiety
How our inner critic perpetuates destructive thoughts and feelings
Dealing with jealousy through acceptance and self-compassion

Listener Questions - Let's Talk About It:

How do you move forward in a new relationship without bringing emotional baggage?

Related Content:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

79. What Makes A Relationship Worth Doing The Hard Work Feb 18, 2020

Show notes

At a very young age, Cathy Courtenay felt an urge to find truth and has since been living her life responding to its call. Cathy brings her heart into everything that she does, whether it's leading the Art of Circling, Body-Mind Centering, or working with her clients as a Conscious Relating Coach. She helps people fully stand in what's real for them, and all of her work ultimately teaches authenticity and sovereignty that creates a greater space for a love that helps uplift humanity.

Cathy joins me today to discuss the elements that make a relationship worth the hard work. We share some of our professional and personal and experiences with learning the meaning of hard work in relationships. We reveal why individuals need to understand their own values and find common relationship values. We illustrate the importance of self-awareness and communication skills, especially during conflict situations. We also explain why hard work in relationships doesn't need to be a struggle as well as highlight why you need to ask yourself if you become a better person through the relationship.

"It's a spiritual experience to connect with a partner who's deeply appreciating, and seeing and loving who they are in the world." - Cathy Courtenay

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The impact of self-awareness in relationships
The role of compassion and love in healing and repairing your relationship after conflict
The importance of having shared values in a relationship
Why the individuals in a relationship need to explore their personal values
Connection, the feeling of being met, and other elements that make a relationship worth doing the hard work
How openness and curiosity affects a relationship
How and why it's essential to maintain your sovereignty and differentiation in relationship
What trauma bonding is and what should be done when a partner has had a traumatic experience
How to identify when it's time to move on
Why "hard work" doesn't necessarily need to be a struggle
Why some couples lack sexual intimacy in their lives
The power of appreciation and how to bring back sexual intimacy
Why you need to ask yourself if you become a better person through the relationship

Related Content:

Connect with Cathy Courtenay:

Let's Talk About It! Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

78.HeartShare: The Goal Of Healthy Conflict Feb 11, 2020

Show notes

Conflict is an inevitable part of committed relationships, marriages, partnerships, or even in our relationships with family and friends. Yet many of us avoid it. We don't know how to properly open ourselves to conflict, let alone handle it properly. But conflict, when managed constructively, can be a source of growth and connection between all disagreeing parties involved. We need to understand and cultivate the tools we can use to transform conflict into a constructive experience.

Today, I discuss what makes conflict healthy, how to foster it, and how we can benefit from it. I describe how parents can better manage conflict with their teenagers as well as the role of intent in resolving disagreements. I share communication tools you can use to get through disagreements and arguments. I also explain why we shouldn't aim to win an argument and instead aim to gain insight into ourselves and understand our partners.

"The goal of healthy conflict is to get understanding for your relationship to grow, for more intimacy, for more closeness." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The need for good communication skills to alleviate conflict in relationships
Why we shouldn't aim to win an argument with our partners
How emotional availability can help us move through conflict
The primary goal of conflict
How to transform relationship conflicts into something constructive
The role of mindfulness and intention in resolving relationship conflicts
How to better manage conflict between parents and teenagers
My wife's conflict with her mother and how she let go of the power struggle
Why it's wise to choose our battles
How my wife and I resolved a conflict and how we benefitted from it
How conflict resolution can make people closer to each other
What makes conflicts between couples unhealthy?
The causes of aggression and violence during conflict and their physiological effects
The "four horsemen of the apocalypse" in a relationship
How collaboration and compromise can turn a conflict situation around
The importance of understanding each others' triggers

Related Content:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

77. The Power And Effects Of Words Feb 04, 2020

Show notes

Trish Kruger is a duo-licensed professional counselor and clinical addiction therapist. Trained in trauma-informed care and motivational interviewing, Trish believes in the value of talk therapy, mindfulness, and expressive arts which she includes in her practice. She completed her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Western Carolina University and currently works at Blue Ridge Treks, a community of mental health therapists in Asheville, North Carolina.

In today's episode, Trish and I share stories from our professional and personal lives regarding the power and effect of words. We illustrate how our central nervous system responds to the words we use and receive. We explain how a slight change in the words we use can create belief systems and open us up to new possibilities. We also discuss the different challenges the younger generation faces and how self-compassion, compounded with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy techniques, can help them.

"Every belief started as an experience. We begin telling ourselves a story. As that story gets rooted deeper in our brain, we develop a pattern." - Trish Kruger

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

Our experiences with growing up with sarcasm
How Trish's son teaches her about the power of words
How words and affirmations create belief systems
How our physiology responds to thoughts
How the central nervous system responds to the words we receive
The four steps of classical Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
The importance of self-compassion and how CBT skips over the self-compassion stage
The power of words of affirmation and visualization and how the central nervous system responds to them
How to use reframing techniques to improve relationships
Why the word "should" is a violent word and a constructive alternative to replace it
Working with the unique challenges that the younger generations face
Why parents need to learn to say 'I'm sorry'
The difference between apologizing and making amends
The brain science behind the power of gratitude
Using breath to bring awareness over the words we use

Resources Mentioned:

Connect with Trish Kruger:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

76. Our Relationship With Our Creative Practice Jan 28, 2020

Show notes

Susan Patrice is the Principal Consultant of Makers Circle, an organization that sparks change through the creative process. As a documentary photographer, arts educator, and community facilitator, Susan has been using her talents to transform people and communities over the last 12 years. Susan has supported communities worldwide to address problems such as gender equality and racial equity through photography-centered, arts-inspired programs. At the heart of Susan's work is the desire to help people around the world tell their stories to touch lives and inspire action.

In today's episode, Susan and I reflect on our relationship with our creative practices. We discuss why the creative process is a practice that unfolds over time. We illustrate how Susan created a collaborative and intimate relationship with nature and how this impacted her work as a photographer. We reveal the reason Susan started hand-building cameras and what inspired her to pursue photography. We also explain how one's creative process affects their relationship with others as well as highlight the power of photography to engage us with the world.

"Photography requires us to engage with the world. It allows us to be in this middle place between self and other, or spirit and matter. It's a magical medium." - Susan Patrice

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

Why Susan thinks the creative process is a practice
The similarities between photography and dating
How Susan's creative process changes her relationship with people
A recent experience that taught Susan about collaborating with nature
Why photography is a contemplative practice
Creating a collaborative and intimate relationship with the world
How our relationship to our own bodies affect our relationship to nature
The reason Susan started hand-building cameras that took round photos
How Susan's relationship with nature influenced her photographs
What Susan's photography projects teach her about love and relationships
The danger of considering the creative process as a spiritual process
Poverty porn and the conversations between photography and consent
How photography reveals one's capacity to love
Translating the difficult moments of life into creativity

Resources Mentioned:

Why Communicating Consent Matters in Healthy Relationships
To Be Healed by the Earth by Warren Grossman

Connect with Susan Patrice:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

75. Dealing With Family Dramas: Standing Up For Yourself Jan 21, 2020

Show notes

Everybody has family dramas. But while no family is entirely healthy, it's always great to be in a family where there's less drama. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, brilliant artist, founder and owner of Artsy Goddess Studio, hails from Denmark. With my American background and her upbringing from a different culture, we've had our share of family drama with our relatives. How can a couple stand up for themselves and their happiness amidst the expectations of their family?

In today's episode, Yvonne and I share how we handled family drama and stood up for the decisions we made for ourselves. We explain how deciding for your happiness can get genetically or energetically passed down to the next generation and change your family's narrative. We reflect on how standing up for our decisions made us happy and set the tone for the rest of our lives together.

We also discuss why we shouldn't make decisions to satisfy other peoples' expectations and highlight how setting up boundaries can break family drama. I also answer a listener's question about whether she should invite her relatives to her wedding next fall and why planning your wedding shouldn't be about protecting other people or their feelings, but about celebrating the love you share with your partner. I explain what you should consider when deciding who to invite to your wedding celebration to stay authentic and true to yourself and your feelings as well as my philosophy on the younger generations often surpassing their parent's ability to set boundaries.

" We felt into our hearts and co-created what this family was going to be about." - Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

Why you shouldn't make decisions based on other peoples' expectations
The impact on our children when we stand up for ourselves
How setting up a boundary can shift a family's pattern and break family drama
The reason decision-making has to be outside of other peoples' expectations
Why you shouldn't offer an explanation when you say no
The long-term effects of choosing our happiness
How Rainbow and I handled family drama when we were getting married
Why we decided against a church wedding
The family drama over the birth of our son and how we handled it as a couple
How standing up for our decisions set the tone for the rest of our relationship
The way Rainbow supports me whenever I need to make a decision

Listener Question of the Week:

Should I invite my relatives to my wedding?

Related Content:

Connect with Yvonne:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

74. Generosity: Contemplating How We Show Up In Our Relationships Jan 14, 2020

Show notes

Thomas Doochin firmly believes in humanity's story of love and interconnectedness. This great faith in humanity led him and his peers at the University of North Carolina to co-create Daymaker at the young age of 19. Through connecting employees to their communities, Daymaker is a company that helps people realize their intrinsic goodness and generosity. But to Thomas, Daymaker is more than a business; it is a living mentor that continues to teach him what generosity means.

In today's episode, Thomas and I contemplate on generosity and how we bring it into our closest relationships. We explain why, while we're generous to most people, we're sometimes least generous to the people closest to us. We describe the shame that comes when we realize that we're not being generous. We illustrate how self-care, self-compassion, and self-appreciation all help to bring out our authentic, generous selves. We also share, from our personal lives, the tendency to withhold generosity from our romantic partners and how we manage to bring it back.

"We have the space to be more of ourselves anywhere in a relationship. Our innate quality is good and graciousness, and love." - Thomas Doochin

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

How Thomas has become more generous through intentional practice
Why generosity is a muscle that could be practiced
The parts of the brain responsible for generosity
How Thomas realized that he was not being generous in his romantic relationship
The shame that comes with realizing our lack of generosity and inauthenticity
Why our closest relationships receive the least generous part of ourselves
How intention and mindfulness can bring generosity to relationships
The effects of emotional maturity in relationships
How emotional self-care and regulation creates generosity
Why obligations and expectations stop us from being our authentic selves
Using the idea of death to create generosity and compassion
The power of self-appreciation and self-compassion
The right way to accept an apology and how acceptance heals relationships

Resources Mentioned:

The Relationship of Business Through The Lens of Giving

Connect with Thomas Doochin:

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

73. Body Awareness Can Help Us Relate Jan 07, 2020

Show notes

Al Bailey has been a student of the healing arts for over 30 years. Al uses his wisdom on the relationship between mind and body to help his clients return to their authentic breathing and facilitate healing and self-awareness. In addition to being a licensed massage and bodywork therapist, Al is the owner of BreatheAboutLife, a center for inner healing. Through BreatheAboutLife, he provides NOWON Bodywork, life-coaching, and Mind/Foot Circle Walking sessions to his clients to bring them to the ultimate healing.

In today's episode, Al and I discuss how body awareness can help us relate and gain more insight into ourselves and the world. We explain how the body can speak through inflammation and disease. We describe the effects of craniosacral work and self-awareness on relationships and health. We also illustrate how a lack of self-awareness can create addictions as well as underscore the importance of self-care in improving compassion for others.

"Understanding comes from practicing the awareness that we've gained. Watching the breath is an awareness. When you practice that awareness, you gain more insight." - Al Bailey

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

The importance of understanding our body
How the body stores insight, wisdom, and information
How the ego and suppressing emotions can create disease
How couples create a "single body" and how they can make it healthy
What is Mind/Foot Circle Walking and how it helps bring awareness
The effects of regular craniosacral bodywork sessions and how it changes relationships
How to take control of emotional pain
How I managed pain while meditating for the first time
Why Al encourages people to find work that they love
The importance of self-care in enriching compassion for others
How a lack of self-awareness can cause addiction
Morning and night routines to help you reconnect with your physical and mental alignment

Resources Mentioned:

How the Breath You Take Can Improve Relationship

Connect with Al Bailey:

BreatheAboutLife

Let's Talk About It!

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, visit our podcast page to leave us a voice message. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

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