Recovery Elevator

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**Recovery Elevator**

It’s not a NO to alcohol — it’s a YES to a better life!
Bestselling author Paul Churchill interviews people who have successfully quit drinking, offering an honest, uplifting look at what an alcohol-free life can really look like. Each week, Recovery Elevator explores sobriety from fresh perspectives — no judgment, no lectures, just real stories from real people.
Whether you’re sober curious, newly sober, supporting a loved one, or already thriving in recovery, you’ve found your community.

Topics include: how to stop drinking alcohol, alcohol addiction and dependency, whether moderate drinking actually works, what happens to your brain when you quit drinking, the role of spirituality in recovery, whether AA is right for you, tracking sobriety milestones, and whether addiction might be trying to tell you something.

If alcohol is making you sick and tired, Recovery Elevator is your invitation to explore what life on the other side looks like — through candid conversations and inspiring guest stories.

Latest Episodes:

RE 428: Do I have a Drinking Problem? May 01, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Lauren, she is 54 from Rochester NY, and took her last drink on November 19, 2022.

Shout out to Ty with 15 YEARS alcohol free! Thank you for all you do for RE!

Shout out to Bradley from south Denver with 3 days alcohol free! Great job!

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[03:23] Intro summary:

In the past Paul has talked about the worst place a person can be with a drinking problem is in limbo (episode 417). But how do we find out if we actually have a problem so we can get out of that space?

There is a test listed in the DSM-5 to determine if we have a drinking problem or not. There are 11 questions, and you must meet two of them within the past 12 months to have what is called Alcohol Use Disorder. It's not hard to determine if you have a drinking problem based on that test.

But at the end of the day, it can be as simple as if you question if you have a drinking problem, you just answered your own question.

[12:36] Kris introduces Lauren:

Lauren has been sober almost 4 months at the time of recording. She lives in Rochester New York, she is married, has two adult children, one granddaughter, has pets and owns her own business helping the elderly. She enjoys time outside, crafting (currently diamond painting), reading and learning new things.

Lauren was always fascinated with alcohol, but it wasn't prevalent in her immediate family. When she was 16, she was able to purchase alcohol for her and her friends. She had a lot of fun and thought it was cool. She chose the college based on their drinking culture; she drank heavily but still did well in school. After college she got married, had two kids and a successful job. She drank the same as other parents around her, so she felt that was normal. She was able to abstain when she had her children and feels her drinking was more or less recreational for a long time.

Over the years Lauren hadn't really tried to quit drinking. She would make a halfhearted attempt at Dry January, but it didn't last. She didn't think it had anything to do with being addicted. She feels that everyone else saw signs that her drinking was a problem, but she wasn't aware of it.

After going on a very long-awaited vacation in 2022, Lauren says she had a hard time coming back to regular life and the stressors were magnified. Soon after, she drunkenly alienated a friend on Facebook, and it really impacted her when the friendship ended. She started drinking to escape everything that was bothering her. Lauren had a scare during her third blackout in eight days and decided to go to the doctor where she told them everything. She was sent to an outpatient program to start the next day.

She has found a lot of tools and inspiration through the outpatient program. Lauren says AA didn't resonate with her, but she does do SMART recovery online which she enjoys. Connecting with others has been a great resource for Lauren as well. She views her drinking and recovery as just part of her, she doesn't feel it defines her. Lauren recognizes that she is happier and communicate better with her husband. Her family is relieved and proud of her for going into recovery.

[57:20] Outro:

Spring is here! And with seasonal changes come new challenges. Kris feels that it is a chance for him to make sure he has his accountability in place and has a plan when it comes to spring and more outdoor events. Don't stress about upcoming events, simply be aware of what is out there. Set yourself up to enjoy the weather and reach your alcohol-free goals.

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We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 427: But a Symptom Apr 24, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Ian, he is 24, from Baltimore, MD and he has been alcohol free since December 26, 2022.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:15] Thoughts from Paul:

If alcohol isn't the primary problem, and it's a symptom of something else, what does that mean, and what course of action do we take? None of us are able to correct the unrest in our lives when alcohol is present. That's why moderate drinking for the problematic drinker doesn't work either.

For Paul, after he ditched the booze, he recognized that his nervous system needed healing and found that nature was a great help with addressing that. Everyone is different and their sources of unrest that need addressing will be different but first, the alcohol needs to go and then the healing can begin. We get one life, and your addiction is about to springboard you towards your authentic self – if you are willing. You may be asking yourself "am I willing?"…If you are listening to this podcast, the answer is yes.

Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored

[10:47] Paul introduces Ian:

Ian took his last drink on Christmas Day of 2022. He lives in Baltimore and is a recent college grad. In his free time, he fosters senior dogs and plays music. He finds taking care of animals at the end of their lives to be very rewarding and helpful in his recovery.

Ian wasn't exposed to alcohol until he was in college. He was in his junior year when he started drinking and smoking pot. He had roommates that were drinking like he was at parties and on the weekends, but Ian was starting to be sneaky and would purchase his own alcohol separate from the alcohol that was present in the house and didn't want anyone to know how much he was actually drinking. The blackouts started becoming more and more frequent.

When he was 20, he started planning his entire days around drinking and smoking. Work and school became minor activities and drinking was priority. Throughout all of this Ian was still successful so he didn't see his drinking as a problem.

Early 2020 Ian experienced withdrawal for the first time and it scared him. He initially didn't realize what it was and was scared he was going to die. For the first time, he acknowledged his drinking had become an issue.

After several trips to the ER, he ended up speaking with a peer counselor who helped him get involved with an Intensive Outpatient Program. Ian was able to get sober for two months but was ashamed of what he was doing and ended up leaving. He relapsed and had a bad Christmas with his family. He has learned that it is more embarrassing to have a drinking problem than it is to work on getting sober.

Ian says being transparent with people was the game changer for him. Letting everyone know that he is sober helps him stay accountable.

Being a young person in sobriety can feel a little lonely Ian says. Our culture normalizes drinking in our twenties and it's hard to connect with others in recovery because most people are older. In spite of the feelings of missing out or "why me" thinking, Ian knows that this is the right choice for him.

Ian is looking forward to achieving newfound career goals, being a better dog dad and someday having a family. He is excited to fully find his confidence and be the best version of himself he can possibly be.

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We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up

I love you guys

And don't forget that we definitely can do this

RE 426: It Gets Easier Apr 17, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Jeffrey, he is 35, from Monument, CO and he took his last drink on July 23, 2022.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:16] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that he recently attended an AA meeting where a member celebrated 40 years of sobriety. One thing he took away from this is that it will naturally get easier the more time away from alcohol you have and the more life experience you get. It is also helpful to focus not on the destination, but the journey itself.

There is a YouTube channel that Paul watches where the host, Michael, showcases some of the most scenic railways in the world. Michael also shares similar views about the destination vs. the journey. Here is the link to one of his videos documenting the scenic Amtrak train route from Denver to Winter Park Ski Resort.

When we realize that hard days are a part of life, and that hard days are a part of an alcohol-free life, things get easier. With each conscious breath we take, things get easier. If you are struggling, on day one or day zero, Paul's message to you is that this journey will get easier if we embrace it and we don't do it alone.

[09:38] Kris introduces Jeffrey:

Jeffrey is 35 from Monument, CO, he does apartment maintenance for a living, he is single and has one dog and two cats. For fun, he plays Magic the Gathering and is trying to get back into reading, specifically mental health and self-help type material.

Jeffrey was a loner growing up, but his sister's social network became his as well. In high school, they would invite him to parties where there was lots of heavy drinking. It was a weekly event for him and his friends to scrape up money to have an older friend purchase 40's for them to drink.

He went into the job corps program when he was 20. He wasn't allowed to drink, and he went nearly a year without alcohol and didn't really feel it was a loss. When he came back home from that he picked drinking back up and was drinking daily but didn't feel it was excessive. Jeffrey was questioning his drinking and was able to quit again for another year but realizes now he didn't have the recovery mindset, he was just doing it because he felt it was a spiritual issue.

At that point he felt he had had enough of a break and could allow himself to drink again. Aside from a few isolated negative events, Jeffrey was able to drink without much consequence for quite a while.

Jeffrey's drinking started to escalate and saw him shifting from social drinking to eventually needing it in order to feel normal. He says that drinking was part of the culture at the hotel job that he had. Once he started a new career, he knew he needed to stop the daytime drinking. That lasted some time, but eventually the anxiety became out of control to where Jeffrey had to use alcohol to help him feel normal and function. After his family left him, he was really spiraling out.

One Saturday morning he woke up to some family members coming into his home. They had organized an intervention and had everything set up for him to be able to go to rehab. He agreed to just go and says it changed everything for him.

He committed to 30 days but stayed longer. Jeffrey feels that he gained a lot of skills for recovery and life through DBT and CBT treatment. The focus on core beliefs really helped him.

Since getting in recovery, he is healing his relationships and making friends. Jeffrey feels that living is possible for him now.

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The only way out is through

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RE 425: What Recovery Pathway is Right for Me? Apr 10, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Doug. He is 59, from Buena Vista, CO and he took his last drink on July 28, 1982.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[2:30] Thoughts from Paul:

When building your recovery portfolio, a good goal is 50% external and 50% internal. At first, the internal work may be too big of an ask, but as your nervous system settles down, you want to aim for a balanced split. Here are some quick examples of what I mean when I say external vs internal:

External: Driving to an AA meeting, or hopping on a Café RE zoom chat Phoning a sober friend Working with a sponsor

Internal: Meditation Journaling Reading Quit-Lit

When building out your recovery I recommend this 5-tiered approach:

1. Community – AA, SMART, Café RE, therapy, sober friends. Burn the Ships!

2. Action/Movement – Chemicals of wellbeing, endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin are released when we move.

3. Inner Peace – Meditation, breathwork, creative ventures, writing, time in nature.

4. Knowledge – Podcasts, Quit-Lit, learning about new things in and out of recovery.

5. Universe – This is not religion, but it is the spiritual component of recovery.

[11:55] Paul introduces Doug:

Doug had his last drink on July 28th, 1982, when he was 19 years old. He lives in Buena Vista, CO and is married and they have two adult children. He has worked in upholstery, cabinet building and installations, and has built some houses with his son. He enjoys the mountains, biking and riding his motorcycle.

Doug grew up in a normal family and wasn't exposed to heavy drinking. His first experience with alcohol was when he was 4 years old when he remembers having a few sips of his mother's drink. He felt the warm glow and really liked it. Later when he was 12, a friend of his stole a bottle of liquor from his parents and while his friends were mixing it with soft drinks, Doug drank straight from the bottle. He felt something click – suddenly, he felt normal, and like everyone else.

When Doug was 16 his mother passed away and the drinking escalated and continued to be excessive after graduation. Some friends invited him to Alateen meetings, and he started attending weekly. Once a month AA members would come in and share their stories. He started identifying with some of the stories which got him to start question his drinking. He realized that he was becoming less like the person that he wanted to be.

When one of his former drinking friends disappeared from the meetings, he found out that they were working on sobriety with AA. That friend was a speaker at one of the meetings, and Doug noticed that they looked healthy and at peace. He chose to speak to him afterwards and expressed an interest in possibly attending AA but wasn't quite ready for it.

Doug finally accepted the invitations to attend and was planning to go to a meeting on July 29th. The night before he found himself drinking and when he saw himself in a mirror started asking himself why he was drinking. He didn't have a good answer for that.

AA has been a big tool for Doug, along with volunteer work. He knows that if he had continued drinking, he would not have had the life he has. He believes in counting blessings, finding things to be grateful for and putting sobriety before everything else.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home

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RE 424: Caring for You Apr 03, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Abby. She is 49, from Phoenix, AZ, and took her last drink on 9/25/2020.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[03:23] Thoughts from Kris:

In an effort to escape the long North Dakota winter, Kris and his wife took a short vacation to Dallas. They had a fantastic time enjoying the city and the company of friends. The key takeaways Kris had are the importance of self-care and connection.

He believes that most people are very resilient, and we tend to allow things to keep stacking things onto our plate to the point of overwhelm. That's when we need to take time to slow down and take care of ourselves; how that looks is different for everyone.

[9:30] Kris introduces Abby:

Abby took her last drink on September 25, 2020. She's 49 and lives in Arizona. She's single and has a young adult daughter who lives nearby. She is self employed doing online marketing for small businesses. She likes to cook, read and stay active.

She got drunk for the first time at a New Year's Eve party when she was a young teen. She drank and smoked weed a lot through high school and college and feels fortunate that she never suffered any consequences throughout that time. At the time Abby thought drinking was just what people do in their teens and early twenties. In hindsight she knows it was numbing behavior. She never felt like she fit in, and alcohol helped her with her socializing.

After getting married to someone whose family had drug issues, she quit smoking but kept drinking. Her and her husband drank a lot together and chose wine because they thought it was more sophisticated. She didn't drink during her pregnancy but started back soon after her daughter was born.

Shortly after having their child, she and her husband got divorced. Abby says her drinking ramped up and she started smoking again. She found herself drinking to deal with her emotions and continuing to get into unhealthy relationships. Abby feels like she drank a lot because of her insecurities and not feeling good enough or worthy of love.

Abby initially quit drinking as part of a quest to get healthy after some concerning medical test results, not with the intention of getting sober. Her doctor had told her she needed to give up some foods, sugar and alcohol in order to heal. She quickly started feeling better so that helped her remain sober for nearly three months. Abby utilized her daughter as accountability which she feels helped a lot.

During a trip to Mexico on her birthday, she decided she was going to drink. She realized quickly that the way she drank was unhealthy. She had one last beer while out and it left her feeling awful for an entire weekend. She decided then that she was done.

When quitting she started on her own and didn't feel like she needed any support. She started feeling like she needed connection so she joined Café RE during a Ditching the Booze course. She made a friend in that group and then started a hiking group locally. Abby has really enjoyed meeting other people in recovery at multiple meet ups. She is extremely open about the fact that she doesn't drink and feels that helps her stay accountable.

Abby hosts a lot of chats in Café RE which she feel helps her give back to the community. She stays social with a lot of the friends that she has met there. She does enjoy NA beverages but says CONNECTION is key to her sobriety.

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We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone.

I love you guys

RE 423: Some Phoneless Fool Mar 27, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Laura. She is 45, from Boston, MA, and took her last drink on September 27, 2014.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:07] Highlights from Paul:

Paul feels that addictions are adaptations to unhealthy environments. Rates of addiction, disease, inflammations, and cancers are all on the rise. In recovery we are tasked with creating a world for ourselves and others where we feel connected, worthy, and part of the community. Recovery is not about new world exploration but restoring the circuitry we were born with. Addiction could be what forces us to come together, put our differences aside and start loving each other.

Paul thinks that it is our job in recovery to create a life for ourselves and others that doesn't require alcohol for wholeness. He's up for the task, how about you?

[6:36] Paul introduces Laura:

Laura is 45 years old, lives in Boston, has one daughter and is recently engaged. She is a writer and the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community. For fun she loves to read, play beach volleyball and travelling.

She first started drinking when she was 15 but didn't drink a lot. She played sports in high school which kept her from partying and her dad got sober when she was a teenager so she had a healthy fear of alcohol. Her drinking really started when she went to college. She had a fake ID and was all in. After graduating she found herself surrounded by drinking in the workforce. Throughout her 20's she surrounded herself with people who drank like her. There was a sense that she drank differently than others but she decided it was just something she needed to watch but not quit. She never had any serious consequences at this time in her life.

Laura feels that her drinking really increased after she became a mom. She had more anxiety, her body processed it differently, she was drinking more and it was working less. While she was pregnant, she realized how much she had relied on alcohol because she couldn't have it. She started worrying more about her drinking at this point because she was chasing relief from the anxiety and only finding it helping for 20 minutes or less.

The year before her last drink Laura found herself suffering some consequences. She got a DUI which she brushed off as just getting a ticket when asked about it. After an event that caused her to almost lose custody of her daughter, she spent the next year actively trying to quit drinking. Her family was acutely aware of her drinking issue and were holding her accountable. She was very angry and wasn't at the point that she accepted that the alcohol needed to go.

She tried to go to AA but didn't enjoy it at first. She continued to drink but also kept going to meetings. She was starting to have more sober time than drinking time and was reaping the benefits. It wasn't until she stopped making the promise to not drink and instead focused on one day at a time.

Laura started closing all her escape hatches after getting a little bit of sobriety time. She feels the most important thing about sobriety is that you cannot do it alone.

And these days, there are more and more resources out there where we don't have to do it alone.

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Rule 22 – Lighten Up

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RE 422: The Pursuit of Happiness Mar 20, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Susannah. She is 42 from Hampshire, England, and took her last drink on 4/29/2022.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[03:09] Highlights from Paul:

Paul shares a blog post created by Odette regarding happiness in sobriety. He also shares his thoughts that sobriety does not equal happiness or solve all of our problems, but it does give us the chance to build a life where happiness knocks on the door more frequently. The school of sobriety is going to teach you the most important lessons of life. Love and acceptance. It will keep teaching you these lessons until you have accepted, that's the lesson to learn.

[10:40] Kris introduces Susannah:

Susannah is about to celebrate 10 months of sobriety. She lives in the south of England; she is married, and they have three boys and two dogs. She works in luxury concierge. In her free time, she enjoys walking and is looking forward to expanding her garden this year.

Susannah grew up as the youngest of 3 kids. Her parents drank socially but she was never exposed to any kind of alcohol abuse. When she was young, she was sent to boarding school. She was exposed to alcohol when she was around 13 but had no interest in it, in fact she was very against drinking at that time. It wasn't until she was 16 that she started socially drinking at pubs with friends, but it wasn't an issue she feels.

Her mother died suddenly when Susannah was 22. Her and her mother were very close, so she was feeling quite isolated and alone after this loss. A few years later Susannah was in Thailand when the tsunami hit. These events had her questioning "why me?" and she thinks that they contributed to some of her attention seeking behavior and participation in toxic relationships. She doesn't feel that she was using drinking to cope at this point in time but was not dealing with the traumas very well.

When she was in her early thirties, she got pregnant. She found pregnancy to be very difficult for her but didn't have trouble quitting drinking during these times. She had several medical issues happen which caused her first child to be born early which was scary for her.

After her second child her drinking started to increase. The drinking events coming more and more frequently whether they were over bad things or celebratory things.

Susannah says she was able to stop drinking for periods of time but never with the goal of quitting completely. She tried to seek help but was told she should try medication or taking vitamins. Since she functioned well on the outside no one believed she had a problem. She kept trying to moderate, but it never worked.

After a terrible hangover that had her sick at an event in her village the next day she decided to go to AA. She met the woman who is now her sponsor at that first meeting and with a hug from her, she finally felt the relief that she was in the right place.

After about four or five months of sobriety, she feels things has shifted. She has learned so much about herself and has start dealing with all of her traumas. She is better as a wife and mother and feels she performs better at work.

[01:02:31] Kris' Outro:

The beauty of recovery are the chances that keep showing up to put the healing we have done to good work. What's happened in your life that you wouldn't have expected if you were still drinking?

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The only way out is through

I love you guys

RE 421: Keep it Simple Mar 13, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Stephanie. She is 44 from Georgetown, MA and took her last drink on September 6, 2020.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Recovery Elevator podcast just surpassed 10 million downloads! Thank you to our guests, all the team members, Café RE members, and especially our listeners!

[2:49] Highlights from Paul:

In an age where almost everything plugs in, we as human beings do not. Often when we are feeling upset or triggered, one (or more than one) aspect of H.A.L.T is at play. Try and ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.

Paul gives us a lot of suggestions of simple ways to address these feelings and asks the listener – how do you keep it simple? Let us know on Monday's post on Instagram in the comment area!

[10:42] Paul introduces Stephanie:

Stephanie took her last drink on September 6th, 2020. She is 44 years old, lives in Georgetown, Massachusetts. She is married and has two boys, ages 7 and 9, and two dogs. She enjoys walking and running and loves all things sci-fi.

She first started drinking when she was 15 with an 18 year old boyfriend. She was socially anxious, and drinking helped with that. There were very few consequences and she says it was at least once a weekend she drank, but never drank at home and wasn't exposed to alcohol at home. She did well in school and followed the rules at home.

She drank in college and went out with her friends typically Thursday through Saturday but did well in school during the week. She was able to dodge some consequences, but the behavior continued. The drinking gradually began happening more frequently especially after she started dating someone and they spent a lot of time going out and drinking together.

She ended up getting married and they moved to Arizona. Their relationship was surrounded by alcohol, and it started to become obvious that they couldn't take nights off and that was an issue. They split up and she moved back home to Boston. While she was excited for the next chapter of her life, she ended up starting to drink alone which was a red flag to her. She met her husband and they had a lot of fun together, even though they drank. Nothing serious happened, but she still felt that she was drinking too much. She was able to quit while she was pregnant and realized during the second pregnancy that she was wanting it to hurry up so she could start drinking again. Shortly after that she moved from bottles of wine to boxes.

Around the beginning of the pandemic, she told her husband that she was going to quit, but she wasn't able to. She started hiding mini bottles and realized she started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. She was starting to have physical pains and was saddened by what she saw in the mirror. She was feeling more and more disconnected and realized that she wanted to change this so she could connect and be more present with her children.

Due to the pain, she was having, Stephanie decided to make an appointment with her doctor and got some alarming results. She decided to come clean with her husband and let him know what's been going on and that she was ready to quit drinking. He was very supportive which she wasn't expecting.

Stephanie realized that she had to do things differently. Moderation had never worked in the past, so she knew that wasn't an option this time. Three big things she did were she told the truth about her addiction, found a community whose language she really resonated with, and ensured she consistently had an hour to herself where she would listen to podcasts and walk. She is looking forward to doing some international travel sober, which she hasn't done before, and she is excited to continue being a more present parent and partner.

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You can do this

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RE 420: The Most Prolific Trap Mar 06, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Matthew. He is 49 from Phoenix, AZ, and has been a sober rock star since 12/15/2006.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[03:00] Highlights from Paul:

As humans, we are prone to the trap that things will be better, or we will feel better after x, y or z happens. If we are constantly attaching happiness to accomplishments, checklists, or sobriety clocks, then eventually this surface level happiness fades and doesn't last nearly as long. Diffusing this trap is our most important task as a species at the moment. To find inner peace regardless of what is going on outside.

The first thing we can do to confront the trap is recognize it and then try to find happiness in the present moment while working towards the goal in mind. This is being okay with being okay or being okay even if you feel like dog crap. You are not doing sobriety, or anything wrong, if you have a bad day or 50.

To be fair, we do feel better when we make positive change in our lives, but it's the balance we are going for. And not to place 100% of happiness to a future date, which is never guaranteed.

[11:37] Kris introduces Matthew:

Matthew has just past 16 years of sobriety. He is married and they have two teenage sons. He spent many years as a radio and TV personality all over the country, but recently left the business to do podcasts, motivational speaking and is the head coach of a local high school hockey team. He enjoys doing this as well as taking advantage of the hiking opportunities near where he lives in Phoenix, AZ.

Matthew was first exposed to alcohol at a very young age when his dad would share sips of beer with him. He grew up in a family where drinking was a part of the landscape at all gatherings of any kind.

He didn't really drink a whole lot until he was in his late teens. Later in his twenties, Matthew's career found him doing a lot of appearances where he was expected to be the life of the party and ensure that everyone present was having a good time. This involved large bar tabs and many after parties that he occasionally had too much and couldn't function well for his job the next day.

His drinking increased a lot after his father died. He was attending therapy to deal with the great loss and how it happened. He ended up leaving his family and traveled around the country with his career eventually meeting his wife. Things were going well and then there were major changes at work which ended up with him being unemployed while his wife was pregnant. He says that he spent a lot of time drinking at that point.

The moved again shortly after that and it was after a work Christmas party that Matthew found his rock bottom moment. That night he didn't want the party to end but was unable to find an open bar. He ended up buying some wine and walking home. It was a three mile walk in the snow to his house. His wife and son were both crying when he got home and he just went to his room and passed out. When he woke up, he wrote a letter to his wife and son saying that he will never have another drink.

When he decided to quit, he knew he couldn't do it by himself. He went to therapy to help him uncover the "why". He told everyone that he was not going to be able to attend any alcoholic events for a while. Learning why he was drinking was the most important piece. He believes in living a life that he doesn't want to escape from.

[01:02:15] Kris' summary:

Kris reflects on the power of connection with people that you can let your guard down with. It's important to feel seen and community is a great way to do that.

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We are the only ones that can do this, RE

But we don't have to do it alone.

I love you guys

RE 419: Boredom & Sobriety Feb 27, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Joel. He is 42 from Lawton, OK, and took his last drink on November 28th, 2022

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[2:18] Highlights from Paul:

Boredom is a completely normal and natural emotion, one of the many all humans have. In today's world, we are were unconsciously wired to feel inadequate if we are not stimulated 24/7. But boredom is healthy and what is needed for a creative spark.

Big alcohol has done a great job of convincing us that we cannot have fun without alcohol, and part of the sobriety process is finding joy or fun again – without the shit.

We can learn to leverage technology and maybe start researching something that we are interested in. And everything becomes a possibility when you quit drinking. It takes our body time to find a heathier homeostasis but with time and practice, boredom becomes the invitation for us to be open to whatever wants to come our way in an alcohol-free life.

[12:01] Paul introduces Joel:

Joel has 51 days of sobriety at the time of this recording. He is manager of a large automotive retailer. He is married and they have a 14 year old daughter. He enjoys spending time outdoors hiking and at the lake.

Raised by a single mom and had addicts in his family. He didn't really know his dad until he was 13-14 years old and doesn't really have contact with him anymore. Parents had a toxic relationship.

Joel feels that this time in sobriety is different. He has tried many times and it seems like it gets harder every time. This time he feels that some of the signs he was given were different than before. He started realizing that he was allowing alcohol to take more and more control of his life. He was drinking on the way home from work, his wife hated his drinking so he was hiding it, and finally he realized it was becoming a huge problem. The last few weeks found him having some red flags that made him realize he really needed to stop.

Joel says the first few days were exciting and full of optimism and then about day 3-5 found him full of anxiety. He knew it was part of his healing, and found he needed to stay busy to keep sober. After two weeks he started feeling better, seeing some physical improvements and getting positive feedback from his wife. He feels very motivated to keep the momentum going and finally feels free.

He says he has always been a fan of routines, but now has a much healthier one without alcohol. Exercise has been a huge help to him as well as being reflective in a quiet space. As soon as he feels any anxiety he goes for walks regardless of where he is.

Thinking of the future Joel says he wants to be a role model for his daughter and live a happy life with his family. His mental health is important to him, and he has no interest in ever drinking again. Joel is in some sobriety groups and enjoys listening to podcasts. He and his wife also talk a lot about his journey, she is very understanding and supportive now.

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