Recovery Elevator

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RE 438: Expectations Jul 10, 2023

Show notes

Today we've got a panel of sober rockstars who have been kicking ass and taking names in this field for a while now. You're going to love it.

[02:33] Highlights from Paul:

We are full of expectations. Both for ourselves and other people. Top of that list is we expect happiness in a world where nothing is guaranteed. We have been conditioned throughout our life that any discomfort represents failure, and a certain product, drink or pill will end the suffering.

How do we let expectations go? It's impossible. All you can do is become aware you are expecting something different for yourself or other people.

Another reason why expectations are dangerous is it throws gratitude right out of the window. We also expect the earth to keep providing the natural resources needed for our survival, which are never guaranteed. We definitely need to approach sunshine, fresh drinking water, clean air, and shelter from a stance of gratitude opposed to expecting them to be delivered to us because we deserve them. More on that next week.

"The days in which my gratitude exceeds my expectations are really good days" – Ray Wylie Hubbard.

[10:54] The interviewees introduce themselves:

Laura Cathcart Robbins, the host of "The Only One in the Room" podcast and author of the book Stash: My Life in Hiding.

Eric Zimmer, the hose of "The One You Feed" podcast and creator of a program called Spiritual Habits.

Paul Churchill, the host of "Recovery Elevator" podcast (who we all know and love).

Gill hosts the Sober Powered podcast and is also a chemistry professor in the Boston area.

Gill wants to talk about early sobriety and what the experience was like for each guest.

[14:33] Laura has almost 15 years in sobriety. She shares that her first month of sobriety was spent in rehab. She hated it and felt resentful of those that enjoyed it. She attended a lot of recovery meetings and felt sentenced and never felt like she fit in initially. Laura remembers the early days often and knows she doesn't want to return there.

[17:18] Eric first got sober from heroin when he was 24. He stayed sober for about eight years but returned to alcohol for a few years. He has since gotten sober again and has been sober for 16 years. What Eric remembers about early recovery is that just quitting substances wasn't enough. He was plagued by the war that went on between using and not using and he feels that after some time in recovery, the turmoil subsides.

[20:08] Paul had a moment of clarity during a wedding he was DJ'ing where he was extremely drunk and had to ask a colleague to finish. He quit drinking a few days later and planned on going to rehab. He decided to wait and try recovery with AA and spending more time in nature.

[22:48] Gill is three and half years sober. She quit because it was affecting her mental health. She was scared to share her issues with anyone initially, so she did the first few months in recovery by herself.

The guests continue to share their experiences around their early sobriety, their readiness to quit drinking and reflect on what helped them in recovery then and what continues to help them now.

Connect with Laura – The Only One in the Room Podcast

Connect with Eric – The One You Feed

Connect with Gill – Sober Powered

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You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up, you can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 437: Inner Conflict Jul 03, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Mark who is 45 from Connecticut and took his last drank on January 15, 2023.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!

[01:55] Highlights from Paul:

It is impossible to avoid conflict in a human life. All attempts to avoid it, will only result in more conflict. It built into the human experience. After all, we are reconciling the Yin to our Yang on a daily basis. Somedays the dark side says take a seat, and the next day, we welcome the light.

Addictions take hold when is there is intense inner conflict. When parts of our personalities are out of balance. Or when parts of us are screaming for attention because we are in pain. In addition, this inner imbalance is a representation that the whole of society is out of balance causing many of us to question "what the hell is going on?". Your individual unrest is not separate from the whole.

And how do we solve the "what the hell is going on" question? We do the inner work. We face this inner conflict. We learn from it. We recognize what the addiction is trying to force us to do.

[10:39] Kris introduces Mark:

Mark is 45, lives in Connecticut has five months alcohol free at the time of this recording. He is married and has two dogs and a cat. He works in marketing and customer experience. For fun Mark loves to hike, ski and garden.

Alcohol has been part of Mark's life for as long as he can remember. At a very young age his dad gave him a sip of his beer and Mark liked it. Mark didn't drink much until his senior year of high school when he came out as gay. He and his brother would go to the local bar on the weekends in an effort to connect with others like them.

Mark's drinking progressed throughout college, but he had the "work hard, play hard" mentality and tried to limit his drinking to the weekends while being productive during the week. This continued through the beginning of his career. At many of his work events, it was seen as abnormal to drink more than two drinks. Mark found himself always wanting to leave these events in order to go find more alcohol. Later at another job the culture was different where everyone drank like Mark wanted to. Alcohol was always present in his day-to-day life, so he didn't need to hide it.

The consequences of Mark's drinking started to impact his life. He was drinking daily and even more on the weekends and vacations. He became fearful as he had more experiences of blacking out. Mark feels that the fear came from not being comfortable with himself. After being able to stack some sober days, he realized the fear came from self-loathing. As he started evaluating how he ended up drinking so much he realized he had become a people pleaser but drinking made it harder and harder to live up to expectations. He started feeling shame around his drinking.

Mark started his journey by trying Dry January, listening to podcasts and reading books. Mark found himself in a cycle of gaining some sobriety time and then getting derailed. He reached the point where he didn't enjoy drinking anymore. Mark sought out a therapist who helped him recognize that he was doing it alone and pushed Mark to attend AA and find community. He struggled to connect with AA and decided to try Café RE. Once Mark realized that this couldn't be done alone, he was able to push his fear aside and explore recovery with a community.

Mark's plan in sobriety moving forward: to continue making connections, making sobriety a priority every day.

Mark's parting piece of guidance: don't give up and be willing to try everything. It will be scary but it's worth it.

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We took the elevator down, but we've got to take the stairs back up

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RE 436: Our Road Ahead Jun 26, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Lacey. She's 34 from Illinois and has been sober since May 15, 2020.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:16] Highlights from Kris:

We feel it is important to use these first few episodes of Season Five to set a foundation for the upcoming year. Kris shares the RE mission statement and talks about what each of the six key themes means to him.

To recap, our mission statement: we offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people.

Over and over and over again, you're going to hear us, and our guests, talk about the importance of connection. It's not because it's the only thing we know how to talk about; but simply because it's THAT IMPORTANT.

Recovery Elevator's Six Themes:

1) We are inclusive

2) There is no right or wrong way to do this

3) Connection

4) Don't just quit drinking

5) We need to remain open

6) We must pass along what we learn to others

[09:30] Kris introduces Lacey:

Lacey is 34 and lives in Illinois. She is an instructional designer. She is married and has two cats. Lacey loves walking, camping, cooking, and doing crafts. She is part of a community theater and enjoys volunteering at the local animal shelter.

Lacey was young when her parents quit drinking, so alcohol was never around. She feels the mystery made it more interesting to her. She first drank with theater friends in her sophomore year of high school. This was the first time that she felt included in something.

After a falling out with some friends in senior year, Lacey found another friend group that not only drank but did other drugs. She felt like she needed to join in in spite of feeling apprehensive. Cocaine and alcohol went hand in hand for Lacey. She had to have alcohol to deal with the downside of the drugs.

In her 20's, Lacey started identifying as a partier. She loved being able to drink and stay up all night and she wore it like a badge of honor. Lacey started doing more drugs because they helped her keep drinking.

After some time, Lacey started trying to moderate and find the right balance of the drugs and alcohol, but always ended up failing. She feels she had the dueling personalities during this time. Her mornings were full of anxiety from all of the behavior from the day before.

When Lacey started having health issues that the doctors couldn't determine the cause of, she came to the realization that her substance abuse may be a contributing factor. In denial, Lacey continued partying even harder until she hit her breaking point and realized that she needed to stop for good.

It was not "one and done" for Lacey. She drank on vacation and then when she came home, she decided to join Café RE if she could make it 30 days. She struggled to embrace sobriety. She started feeling better after six months but thought she could handle drinking again. She then used Covid as an excuse to keep drinking and ended up back where she started. The day after she quit, she got an accountability partner who has become her best friend.

In recovery, Lacey is finding more time to do things that she used to love. Her friend group has changed, and she is ok with that.

Lacey's favorite resources in recovery: her accountability person, Marco Polo and connection.

The best advice Lacey has received: if you are researching whether or not you have a drinking problem, you do but it's not a death sentence. It's ok, embrace it, it will be so worth it.

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You're the only that can do this RE, but you don't have to do it alone.

I love you guys.

RE 435: What We Believe In Jun 19, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Alex, he is 35, from Lincoln, NE and took his last drink on January 20, 2023

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[03:35] Highlights from Paul:

Welcome to Season 5! Episode 1 of this podcast dropped on February 25th, 2015. Paul recalls the date and how he felt. He was worried he was going to crash and burn. But 10,000,000 downloads later, he still hasn't had a drink and the podcast is still going.

Paul discusses the plan for Season 5, what RE's concepts and values are, the podcast schedule and more.

Mission Statement of Recovery Elevator is as follows:

"We offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people!"

Six themes Paul and Kris will be focusing on this season:

1) Recovery Elevator is inclusive

2) There is no right or wrong way to do this

3) Connection

4) Don't just quit drinking

5) We cannot fight an addiction

6) We must pass along what we've learned to others

[10:49] Paul introduces Alex:

Alex is 35 and lives in Lincoln, NE. He is married with three kids. He stays busy with his family, enjoys landscaping at their new home and works in the financial industry.

Alex first tried alcohol in his senior year of high school. He initially did not drink with his friends, but eventually gave it a try. He started going to parties and enjoyed the assistance alcohol gave him socially. He didn't drink very regularly but when he did drink, he drank heavily. He did have a close call when getting pulled over once, but the officer called his parents instead of charging him with driving under the influence.

Alex joined a fraternity in college and says his drinking escalated at that point but was not out of control. He was still able to do well academically. After college he moved to Chicago, and he used drinking as a way to make friends. He was attending grad school and was drinking heavily but still highly functional.

He first started questioning his drinking when his brother was going through some issues with substance abuse. He says he was blacking out at least twice a week but wasn't sure if he had a problem. This is when Alex first tried moderation that he says worked for a while, but the rules became softer over time.

The first time Alex recognized that his drinking might be an issue was when his wife went into labor with their second child, and he had been drinking so he was unable to drive her to the hospital. Over time he realized that he was not fully present for his children, and he didn't time to pass and realize that he had drank their childhood away.

After Alex had around 50 days of sobriety and went back to drinking, he realized how much better he felt sober and realized that is what he wanted. That paired with wanting to be a better parent helped him focus on trying sobriety again.

Alex took his first step by going to an online AA meeting just to listen. It was there that he realized that seeking sobriety wasn't something to be afraid of. He drank that night but burned the ships with his family telling them that his life of sobriety would be starting the next day.

The first few days found Alex excited for sobriety. Within a short period of time, he found his sleep improving, started getting compliments at work, and was generally feeling better. Since quitting drinking Alex feels that his emotions have leveled out and life is no longer on "hard mode".

Alex's favorite resources in recovery: quit lit, Reddit, realizing that he is not alone.

Alex's parting piece of guidance: if you're not successful the first time, you are definitely going to learn on each attempt of sobriety so keep at it.

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Go big, because eventually we all go home.

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RE 434: Don't Lose Yourself In It Jun 12, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Gary, he is 44, from Toledo, OH and took his last drink on January 30, 2023

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[01:42] Thoughts from Paul:

Today we are going to cover one of Paul's favorite tools and practice. But before we cover it, he asks us who is our go to person that we look to when life starts to veer into the ditch? Who has already provided guidance or a teaching on what to do in the situation you find yourself in?

For Paul, it is Eckhart Tolle. His books The Power of Now and A New Earth were recommended to him at just the right time.

The tool and concept Paul wants to cover is a line he discovered in A New Earth that says, "don't lose yourself in it". This refers to the thinking mind, or the ego.

Another book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer shares the concept that you are not the thoughts in your mind, but you are the one who experiences them.

The point is don't lose yourself in the incessant stream of thoughts coming from the thinking mind. Make a point each day to STOP what you are doing and take a deep breath. This practice doesn't have to take long, but there may not be enough consciousness at first to split from the thoughts in the head. The point is to create as many daily gaps in your thinking as possible.

[09:25] Kris introduces Gary:

Gary took his last drink on January 31st, 2023. He is 44 and lives in Toledo, OH. Professionally Gary is a medical assistant for primarily homebound patients. He enjoys reading, has recently started fishing and likes to try new things in sobriety.

Gary's first experience with alcohol was in his early teen years. He and his cousin crashed a wedding with an open bar where they served him beer. He thought it was disgusting but kept drinking and blacked out the first time. Gary didn't drink in high school. He graduated and met his future wife who was going to the army. He joined as well and was in Germany when he started drinking regularly. Drinking helped with his insecurities, and he was always searching for validation. After his wife cheated on him, life was tough for Gary. He started drinking heavily to deal with the pain surrounding the changes in his life.

Gary didn't have a lot of consequences from his drinking. When he got out of the army and came home, he found another relationship and they had a daughter together. He was able to cut back on his drinking and started putting parameters around what and when he would drink. He found moderation exhausting.

Gary's dad started having health issues, developed a rare form of cancer and passed within a year of diagnosis. His drinking ramped back up as he dealt with the grief. Gary's drinking ended up contributing to the loss of a job. He tried his best to continue to be a good father but struggled with being emotionally present for his daughter.

After losing his job Gary found himself going into inpatient treatment, which is where his journey began. He had some stints of extended sobriety. He started going to AA meetings but had a hard time being social at first. He discovered podcasts which were helpful for him; he found listening to them was giving him strength. He was able to experience periods of sobriety but felt that his addiction was still sabotaging him at that time.

Gary had several instances of his drinking sending him into the hospital. He feels like this was his rock bottom. He realized he needed to be honest with himself and was able to stay sober for over two years. He started getting involved with the RE community which was very helpful for him. Changes in routine found Gary learning to love himself.

Gary's favorite tools - recovery books, podcasts, Café RE, therapy, and Antibuse.

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You're the only ones that can do this, but you don't have to do it alone

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RE 433: The Comfort Crisis Jun 05, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Daniel, he is 43 from Orange County, he took his last drink on December 31st, 2014.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[01:42] Thoughts from Paul:

The discomforts of quitting drinking will make you a stronger person down the road. And not far down the road.

Although humans are hardwired to seek comfort, it's not necessarily good for us. Many anthropologists have speculated that we were happier thousands of years ago. Our needs were simpler and easier to satisfy. We were naturally mindful, living in the moment. In addition, our ancestors usually found themselves in tight communities of around 150 people, where everyone shared the burden of survival. There was a deeper sense of belonging.

The rates of mental health, addiction, inflammations, cancers, are sky rocketing, and the author of the book says the reason for this is because we are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature controlled, over-fed, under challenged, safety netted lives.

Key takeaway? Get uncomfortable. It's good for you. And spending significant time in nature will make you happier.

[09:01] Paul introduces Daniel:

Daniel had his last drink on New Year's Eve of 2014. He lives in Southern California; he's married with three children. He owns a few businesses and works in education. For fun Daniel likes to play tennis, work in his yard and enjoys Wim Hof breathwork. Daniel enjoys getting out of his comfort zone and trying new things frequently.

At age 16 Daniel had his first drink and instantly felt the pull. He didn't start using it habitually until he was in college, and it helped with his social anxiety and gave him confidence. He says the red flags came early and often but he didn't have a classic rock bottom moment. He feels he was very high functioning – did well in school and had a job. His drinking didn't change after he left college. He began questioning his drinking about four years prior to quitting because he had learned he and his wife were about to have a child.

For a long time, Daniel was unwilling to give up drinking and he would have times of attempting moderation and then abandoning that to hiding bottles of alcohol throughout his house before going back to moderation again. He thought having a child would help him make changes, but it did not.

Good things were happening with Daniels home life and career, but the drinking was still there. He was having issues with anxiety and depression that he attempted to treat but the alcohol negated his efforts.

Daniel's quit date wasn't planned as he was still in denial about how serious his drinking had become. The day after his last drink he had some hallucinations that scared him.

He finally met with a doctor and decided to lay it all out and asked for help. He initially thought it would be only for 30 days, but he ended up going for another month and so on.

Daniel still had a lot of shame surrounding his initial recovery and was isolated for about six months. He says that he found a lot of peace getting away from all the anxiety and started feeling more comfortable about his choice to get sober. He recently started using Tik-Tok and started a podcast which he has found very cathartic for his recovery.

Daniel's favorite resources in recovery: Calm app, Wim Hof app, Tik-Tok

Daniel's parting piece of guidance: Be less concerned about HOW people recover and more concerned THAT people recover.

[42:25] Closing thoughts:

In our Café RE chats we start with an Icebreaker Question. I asked the group "when you're stressed or triggered what helps you?" The most common answer was "get outside".

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I love you guys.

It all starts from the inside out.

We can do this.

RE 432: Is Alcohol Good for You? May 29, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Julie, she is 49, from Grand Junction, CO and took her last drink on February 6th, 2022.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:05] Thoughts from Paul:

For most of the 20th century and well into the 2000's, there was a pushed narrative that said a daily drink or two is good for you. Although there was a time that fermented drinks were safer than consuming the local water due to disease, it's safe to say we are well past those days from the dark ages. Despite that, the concept that alcohol is good for you is still in popular circulation, but a new narrative is coming out.

An article from Health Day released this year is titled Drinking Alcohol Brings No Health Benefits, Study Finds

Huberman Lab podcast: What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health

You're giving up alcohol, which turns out is NOT good for you anyways, for a life that contains the possibilities of nearly everything. Sobriety can be hard, and sometimes we need a sweeping statement to put it into perspective. You're giving up one thing for everything. You can do this. I know you can.

[10:34] Kris introduces Julie:

Julie lives in Grand Junction, CO. She is a nurse practitioner soon to be working at an addiction center. She has two grown daughters and her parents and brother live nearby. She is single and for fun she enjoys yoga, and she plays the ukulele and the flute.

Julie feels she was born into addiction. Her parents were both alcoholics and a lot of her family members have struggled with addiction as well. Her mother left when she was very young, and her family moved a lot due to her father's instability.

Julie first tried alcohol when she was 12 at a barbecue at her mom's house. She and some friends stole some alcohol and went into the basement and drank. Alcohol helped her feel like she was connected to a group, and she lived up to the party girl persona as a way to feel accepted.

In her mid-teens, Julie's parents decided to send her away to a Baptist school. This was Julie's first experience of feeling like she was part of a family, and she was able to stay out of trouble there.

Soon after Julie returned home, she started drinking again. She married her high school sweetheart, and they had her first daughter together. When the marriage ended, she thought she needed to be in a relationship to have the perfect life and got married again where she had her second daughter. She was going to college and attending church to uphold the image of the perfect life.

After her children moved out and she and her husband became empty nesters, Julie's drinking ramped up. She had a lot of freedom with her job which found her drinking more and more. She was worried what her husband thought so she was hiding her alcohol throughout the house. Julie began questioning her drinking and read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She was able to quit drinking for about 60 days. Even though she started drinking again, Julie feels that something changes.

Julie separated from her husband and found herself drinking and isolating. She quickly realized she needed help. She started going to AA and was able to stay sober for over three years, but gradually stopped doing the work. She started thinking she could be a normal drinker and that she didn't have a problem. It didn't take long for Julie to end up back to isolating and binge drinking. Her final binge at a hotel when a flight was cancelled found her realizing she had to stop again.

Julie found the RE podcast and shortly after went back to AA. Podcasts, online meetings, travelling, and yoga are some of Julie's favorite tools. Connection within a sober community is very important to her.

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The only way out is through.

I love you guys.

RE 431: Transformation May 22, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Katy, she is 40, from Olympia, WA and took her last drink on February 12th, 2023.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:26] Thoughts from Paul:

One of the best parts of doing the Recovery Elevator podcast is seeing the transformations people make. Many of the travelers on this year's Costa Rica trip also traveled last year. With every single repeat traveler, Paul could see the growth almost immediately. There are many different reasons for the transformations, but it is always visible in the smile.

Paul wants to make a correction from a previous episode where he said that Goat Yoga was a horrible idea. Incorporating animals in our healing can be a great thing. One reason for this is the nervous systems of animals are much more intact, and with entrainment theory in biology, our nervous systems can heal while being around animals. Also, goats are hilarious. They are all about having fun and if you come near enough to them, they will make you part of the fun.

In the interview with Katy, Paul references a previous episode covering Natlrexone. That is episode 164 if you wish to go back and listen.

[08:06] Paul introduces Katy:

Katy is 40 years old and took her last drink on February 12, 2023. She is from Olympia WA, married and they have two kids and a dog. Katy works in elementary education and for fun she likes to hike, read and listen to podcasts.

Katy first started drinking at a young age, but it wasn't until she was in her late teens that she started having consequences like hangovers and blackouts. She went on to a college that had a reputation for being a party school and she fell right into the scene.

Katy feels her twenties were stolen by an abusive relationship where the focus was on a party lifestyle. She had started drinking and driving, getting herself into debt, and struggled to hold down a job. The consequences of her drinking really started to escalate including a DUI that she got during a blackout.

In her thirties, she continued to work in bars and blackout frequently. When she tried quitting on her own, she had some physical withdrawals and she decided to go to rehab. After around four months she decided to leave and started drinking immediately believing that she would be able to control it. Before long she was back where she was with her drinking and had a mental health scare that found her seeking help once again.

Her family was very supportive, and Katy was able to make positive changes in her life including having children and getting her master's in education. She was able to stay sober through her pregnancies but would start drinking shortly after.

Katy was prescribed naltrexone which helped her stop drinking and start working on herself. On her doctor's advice she started attending sobriety groups in addition to the medication. She prefers SMART recovery over AA but believes connection is important.

Exercise is important to Katy's sobriety in addition to podcasts and reading. She looks for the good things in day-to-day life as well as in nature which help her feel gratitude. She uses some exercises to help with her anxiety that help her to surround herself in "now". She enjoys music where she can connect to the lyrics.

Bucket list for Katy is to love her life and feel emotions.

[47:27] In closing, Paul shares another installment of "You Can Be Right, Or You Can Have Peace".

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It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 430: Walking Into Summer May 15, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Joss, she's 34 from the Bay Area and took her last drink on December 21st, 2022.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

[02:21] Thoughts from Kris:

Spring has finally arrived in North Dakota!

With the changing seasons, it's not uncommon to experience some different emotions surrounding our recovery. More outdoor social activities and parties can bring some unique challenges.

We sometimes worry what others might think about us and our choice not to drink. The phrasing "I care what people think of me" makes me feel a bit middle-schoolish, but humans long for connection and community. We are not really fearing the event so much as fearing that we don't belong. Creating accountability with people we trust can help us navigate these times, and sometimes just passing on the event may be what we need to do for the time being.

Stay tuned for more tips gathered from our members at Café RE after the interview!

[09:45] Kris introduces Joss:

Joss is 34 and lives in the Bay Area. She has two cats, is a hairstylist and enjoys running. She recently celebrated three months alcohol free.

Joss grew up in a very strict and sheltered Christian household. Her parents were very active in the church, and they spent a lot of time there and went to a private school. Joss first tried alcohol when she was 14 and her drinking increased a lot in high school. She battled with depression and never felt validated by her family, and they just pushed her toward God and church without giving her much opportunity to explore anything else. She jumped around schools a few times due to suspensions and expulsions.

She didn't consider her high school years as being rebellious but more as a time to explore things outside of the sheltered life she was raised in. She really enjoyed music and started a band in high school.

Joss moved to New York after her mother suddenly passed away and says that time was when things got out of control. She reflects that a lot of the things she did while drinking too much could have ended very badly. Joss was dating someone who also drank heavily, so it quickly was their lifestyle. Eventually she grew tired of life in New York, broke up with her partner and moved back to the Bay Area where she continued to drink.

Dealing with the death of her mother was hard on Joss. She got settled into a friend group after moving home and they all partied a lot. She was working in the restaurant industry and found herself drinking before and after her shifts and progressed even more during the pandemic. During that time, she was starting to listen to podcasts and become sober-curious. After a particularly bad morning-after from drinking too much, she realized that enough was enough.

The first month of quitting found Joss staying sober through multiple triggering events.

Her advice to others is if you feel like there is an event or reason that you don't think you can quit drinking now – there will always be a reason to wait. Instead of waiting – just go for it!

Since quitting, Joss enjoyed going to AA and having that community. She has also found some groups online that she enjoys. She finds that stocking her fridge with alcohol-free drinks, sharing her intentions with her friends and leaning into comfort of all kinds is the key to her success. For Joss, all her relationships have improved, especially the relationship with herself.

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You're the only one that can do this RE

But you don't have to do it alone

I love you guys.

RE 429: The Connection Between Alcohol and Anxiety May 08, 2023

Show notes

Today we have Dale, he is 55, from Roanoke, VA and he has been alcohol free since March 23, 2019

[02:34] Paul's thoughts:

Paul knows now that there is a connection between his drinking and his anxiety but while actively drinking, he could not. We are told that alcohol relaxes us – which it does by shutting down important parts of our brain.

According to Dr. Sheila Shilati,"Alcohol ultimately replaces those important chemicals like dopamine and serotonin in the brain, which mitigate anxiety, therefore, in episodes where you are not drinking, then your brain is searching for those all-important 'feel-good' connections, which become diminished because the supply has been mitigated,"

We hear a lot about "self-medicating" in recovery. Which isn't a bad thing, but when we rely too much on this strategy, it stops working. This becomes an even bigger problem because we don't realize it so we just drink more and now our coping strategy is becoming the reason we can't cope.

Paul shares in episode 417, this is the best place you can be because the tipping point isn't far off in the distance.

[10:48] Paul introduces Dale:

Dale is 55, lives in southwest Virginia, has been married for 25 years with no children. He works for a shipping company and also owns and manages rental property. Dale enjoys music of all varieties, loves reading and learning and also enjoys gardening.

Dale's first experiences with alcohol came from his parents using it to medicate him as a child. He worked in the hospitality industry in his late teens and early twenties and drinking was a glorified part of the lifestyle. His tolerance grew and he became a daily drinker throughout that time.

The recent years found Dale questioning his drinking and realizing he wasn't living life within his values. He had sneakily drunk some of his wife's special whiskey which prompted an angry text to Dale. He used this message as motivation and although he was not able to quit right away Dale feels this was the start of his recovery.

Dale has found self-awareness to be a catalyst to helping him stop drinking. He has utilized Recovery Elevator and the Café RE community as a large part of his journey. It was a scary first step for him, but he found getting out of his comfort zone to be very helpful. He has made many friends that have helped him move forward and be strong in his sobriety. Focusing on the good has been an important tool for Dale, specifically in the early days. As he closed in on a year, he felt the veil had been lifted and he was seeing the world differently.

Year two for Dale was unpacking everything that led him to drink so much in the first place. He feels that was the mucky part of the journey and it is a process to unpack it.

Year three Dale feels that learning to let go of control was a big thing. Learning that life is going to happen, and he didn't have to cling so tightly to everything. He finds that the service work he does in the community has helped him deal with life as it happens while approaching the four-year milestone.

Dale feels that success comes by building the wall one brick at a time, stepping outside of the comfort zone and being willing to learn. He also feels that service work helps strengthen us and keep us connected to our foundation.

[53:36] Closing thoughts:

Paul's tips for dealing with anxiety without alcohol:

Perception – anxiety pangs are messengers. Your body is sending you signals that something is off balance. Tell your body this will pass and will soften with each passing day or month.

Get the body moving to cue the release of endorphins whose purpose is to mask physical and emotional pain.

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It all starts from the inside out.

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