Stay ConnectedProxy investigates the emotional mysteries that run our lives and world — sometimes by finding someone who gets it, sometimes by reporting from the emotions beat. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and editorial lead of Invisibilia.
Follow the show so you don’t miss the next case.
Follow us on Instagram: @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Get in touch at proxythepod@gmail.com
If you’re new, try: Bisexual Wife Guy, Yowei Can’t Speak Bro, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs.
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Chloe is about to start medical school. She loves her life. The only problem: she’s starting to drink too much, and she doesn’t know why. How do you treat a problem before it becomes an emergency? We find her a proxy who got sober at the same age—and went on to become an addiction psychiatrist.
Some resources:
New to Proxy?Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Sam Doesn’t Know How to Be Rich, another story about trying to understand a troubling pattern before it turns into an emergency.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.
The case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex.
Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex.
But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cope? How do you grieve a life you still want but aren’t sure you’ll get?
In this episode, we find Taelor a proxy: an asexual woman who's been married for 12 years without having to compromise on sex. Together, they talk about boundaries, loneliness, and how to keep fighting for the love you want when the world keeps telling you your version of it doesn't count.
From the episode:
— The Ace Couple podcast that Courtney hosts with her partner Royce
— Courtney Lane's work as a Victorian hair artist and historian
Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
New to Proxy?Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, another episode about wrestling with attraction and longterm romance outside the usual script.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money.
Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected.
But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it.
In this episode, we find Sam a proxy: David Steely, a former millionaire who has since given most of his money away. Together, they talk about secrecy, guilt, redistribution, enoughness, and the morally complicated question: what are you supposed to do when you have more than you need?
From the episode:
— Resource Generation — an organization for young people with wealth and class privilege working toward wealth redistribution
— Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) — a group that organizes white people for racial and economic justice
New to Proxy?Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, a story about regret, comparison, and the fantasy of the unlived life.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife.
Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?
In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all: will you still want me if I change?
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool."
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.
For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how.
In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update.
From the episode:
— Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-host of How Long Gone. Follow him on Instagram and X @themjeans.
— Scott Kiesling — professor of linguistics at the University of Pittsburgh, whose work explores masculinity and how men use talk to build relationships and their identities. Learn more at sfkiesling.com.
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Matchforanother case about what happens when friends have different ideas of connection.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs.
Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone.
In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to feel like another demand.
Please note: This story contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741.
Featuring Jen Blough, LPC — therapist, compassion fatigue educator, and author of To Save a Starfish. Learn more at animalwelfarewellness.com.
Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
Resources on compassion fatigue, pet caregiving, and pet loss:
—Compassion fatigue resources from ASPCApro
—Pet caregiver burden resources from Insight Animal Behavior Services
—Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline
New to Proxy?Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-In-Lawfor another story about caregiver burden.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get File Under Feelings, our free newsletter, at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the writer whose inner narrator disappeared.
For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive.
Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared.
Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying question: if the thing that gave your life meaning is gone, how do you find the plot again?
In this episode, Yowei finds Caitlin a proxy: musician and songwriter Greta Morgan, who lost her singing voice after COVID and had to figure out who she was without the voice that had defined her. Together, they investigate the grief of losing the thing that gave your life meaning — and how to find the plot again.
From the episode:
— Caitlin Myer — author of Wiving— support her on Patreon and learn more: www.caitlinmyer.com
— Greta Morgan — author of The Lost Voice — sign up for her Patreonand newsletter: www.gretamorganmusic.com
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about identity and ambition.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry.
Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist.
The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against.
In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades studying the emotions that fuel and fracture movements. Together, Nicole and Deborah investigate rage, grief, queer organizing, erotic energy, despair, and how to stay in the work without losing yourself to it.
From the episode:
— Deborah Gould — Professor and Chair of Sociology at UC Santa Cruz,and author ofMoving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDS
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs for another story about a feeling you're ashamed to admit.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how.
Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry.
The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad without pretending what happened was okay?
In this episode, Yowei connects Erin with Robert Enright — a psychologist who helped pioneer the science of forgiveness.Together, they investigate what forgiveness is, what it isn’t, and whether it’s possible to loosen resentment without letting someone off the hook.
From the episode:
— Find Robert Enright — find his forgiveness program and free resources at the International Forgiveness Institute: www.internationalforgiveness.com
— Read his book Forgiveness Is A Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or JC's Kids Won't Talk To Herfor another story when your version of a relationship doesn't match theirs
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
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