Stay ConnectedProxy investigates the emotional mysteries that run our lives and world — sometimes by finding someone who gets it, sometimes by reporting from the emotions beat. Hosted by Yowei Shaw, former co-host and editorial lead of Invisibilia.
Follow the show so you don’t miss the next case.
Follow us on Instagram: @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Get in touch at proxythepod@gmail.com
If you’re new, try: Bisexual Wife Guy, Yowei Can’t Speak Bro, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs.
Copyright: © 839140
The case of the teenager who can't go home.
Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine.
Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not being back home.
In this episode, Yowei hosts a proxy conversation between Yaroslava and Sariyah Abuzant, a filmmaker from Palestine who also had to make a life far from the place she loves. Together, they investigate displacement, guilt, long-distance friendship, and the small ways we keep home alive after we leave.
From the episode:
— Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work:www.dignitybeyondborders.org, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders
— Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa
— Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat:https://vimeo.com/1101397354?fl=pl&fe=sh
— Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work:
www.dignitybeyondborders.org
Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders
— Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa
— Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat:
https://vimeo.com/1101397354
New to Proxy? New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about when the road not taken won’t leave you alone
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other.
Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like?
In this special Proxy conversation, Yowei brings together comedian Aparna Nancherla, extrovert Ryan Letts, and introvert-extrovert expert Jennifer Kahnweiler for a historic summit on introvert-extrovert relations. Together, they investigate the tiny social mismatches that can make friendship feel impossible: who reaches out, who disappears, who makes too much eye contact, who doesn't make enough, and why we all secretly suspect we're too much, or not enough.
From the episode:
— Aparna Nancherla — wrote Unreliable Narratorand is on Instagram @aparnapkin: www.aparnacomedy.com
— Ryan Letts — runs Pando Integration Coaching
— Jennifer Kahnweiler — hosts Introvert Ally and wrote The Genius of Opposites:www.jenniferkahnweiler.com
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, for another story about friends having trouble connecting.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
An Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing.
In family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong.
So where do the reasons go?
In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who work on opposite sides of family estrangement: Becca Bland, who is estranged from her own parents and now helps families navigate this, and Joshua Coleman, who became an expert on estranged parents after reconciling with his own daughter. Together, they unpack the explanations estranged families reach for — narcissistic parents, oversensitive kids, broken communication — and what it takes for a parent to stop defending their version of events long enough to hear their child's pain.
From the episode:
— Becca Bland — follow her work with families and people surviving estrangement: www.beccabland.com
— Joshua Coleman — read New Rules of Estrangement, subscribe to his newsletter Family Troubles, and learn more: www.drjoshuacoleman.com
— Kim Nederveen Pieterse— listen to more of her reporting: www.kimnp.org
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-in-Law for another story about family, love, and trying to be heard.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the mother whose kids won’t talk to her.
JC’s adult children have cut off contact with her. They’ve told her why. But JC still doesn’t understand what happened — or what, if anything, she’s supposed to do now.
So reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse finds JC a proxy: Chess Dugas, a woman who cut off contact with her own parents and now talks publicly about estrangement on her YouTube channel, The Scapegoat Club. Together, JC and Chess have the kind of conversation neither of them can have with their own families — about no contact, boundaries, gifts, guilt, missing your mom, and whether estrangement always has to feel so final.
This is part one of our two-part story on estrangement.
From the episode:
— Chess Dugas — makes The Scapegoat Club onYouTube and TikTok: @thesscapegoatclub
— Joshua Coleman — wrote New Rules of Estrangementand publishes the newsletter Family Troubles:www.drjoshuacoleman.com
— Kim Nederveen Pieterse— listen to more of her reporting: www.kimnp.org
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Bob and the Forgiveness Spell for another story about family rupture, anger, and what it means to let go without pretending nothing happened.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of two podcasters who hated asking for money.
Alex Goldman used to host Reply All. Yowei used to host Invisibilia. Now they both make independent podcasts — Alex with Hyperfixed, Yowei with Proxy — which means they now have to ask listeners for money all the time.
The problem, is they hate doing this.
In this episode, Yowei and Alex investigate the the great emotional conundrum of independent media: can you ask people to support your work without feeling sleazy, annoying, pathetic, egotistical, or like a scared telemarketer?
With help from fundraising expert Haley Bash and one very honest listener, they investigate transparency, shame, listener backlash, gooey brownies, and why telling people what you need might be less embarrassing than letting the thing you love disappear.
From the episode:
— Alex Goldman — host of the podcast Hyperfixed:www.hyperfixedpod.com
— Haley Bash — founder of Donor Organizer Hub, a support network for people fundraising for under-resource causes: www.donororganizerhub.org
— The Accidental Fundraiser — Haley's step-by-step guide to raising money for your cause
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to keep making art when the old way stops working.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
An Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack.
After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence.
Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis people what made them start caring about trans rights. Hundereds of people answered.
In this episode, Yowei and Sandy investigate what’s hiding inside the silence: overwhelm, shame, fear of saying the wrong thing or looking performative, and the dangerous assumption that someone else will handle it. And Sandy makes the case for allyship that is loud, imperfect, and badly needed.
From the episode:
— Sandy Ernest Allen — writes the newsletter What's Helping Today: www.sandyernestallen.com
— "To Cis People Who Feel Despair" —Sandy's guide to supporting trans people
— The post on Bluesky: @sandyernestallen
— Support Sandy's writing: https://buymeacoffee.com/sandyallen
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Nicole Can’t Stop Being Aggro for another story about what it takes to keep caring when the world is horrifying.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
An Emotions Beat episode about how to keep caring without falling apart.
Anya Kamenetz was having trouble coping with the state of the world. So she decided to report on those feelings.
In this episode, Yowei talks with Anya about what she's learned from scientists, activists, psychologists, and thinkers about how to live through crises upon crises. Together, they investigate compassion fatigue, psychic numbing, fear, denial, burnout, joy, collective action, and why coping with now doesn't mean looking away — it means moving through the hard feelings to keep taking action.
From the episode:
— Anya Kamenetz — writer of the newsletter The Golden Hour
— We Are the Great Turning — a podcast she produced with eco-spiritual teacher Joanna Macy, about love, courage, and connection in the climate crisis
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Nicole Can’t Stop Being Aggro — when the world feels overwhelming and it starts to take over how you feel
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the people person who fell out of love with people.
Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat.
Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anxious instead.
Zakiya wants to know: is this just who she is now? Or can she get back to the open, exuberant, people-loving version of herself?
In this episode, Yowei finds Zakiya a proxy: personality researcher Bill Chopik, who studies how people change over time. Together, they investigate whether personality is fixed, what it takes to change, and how to know when you’re honoring who you are versus accidentally becoming someone you don’t want to be.
From the episode:
— Zakiya Gibbons — on Instagram@zak_sauce— more of her work:www.zakiyagibbons.com
— Dr. William Chopik — studies relationships and personality — more about his research: www.chopiklab.com, Bluesky @Chops310, X @Chops310
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for a story about. losing access to a part of yourself you thought was permanent.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up.
Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself.
Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic. It’s useful for her writing.
But lately, Amanda has been wondering if the Storymaker is doing too much. Is she actually living her life, or narrating it from the outside?
In this episode, Yowei connects Amanda with Jonathan Adler, a psychologist who studies narrative identity. Together, they investigate inner monologues, memory, meaning-making, theater kids, and whether Amanda can negotiate a different relationship with the voice in her head.
From the episode:
— Amanda Montell — author of The Age of Magical Overthinking, Cultish, and Wordslut, and host of the podcasts Magical Overthinkers and Sounds Like a Cult — on Instagram@amanda_montell
— Jonathan Adler — personality psychologist — more about his work:www.jonathan-adler.com
X @JonathanMAdler, Bluesky @jadler.bsky.social, and LinkedIn
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to keep making art when the old way stops working.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
The case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law.
Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her.
In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementia. Together, they investigate the emotional reality of caregiving: grief, resentment, shame, and how to accept his anger so he can protect the time his family has left.
From the episode:
— Brian Reed — host of the podcast Question Everything — on Instagram@brihreed, X @BriHReed
— Claudia Drossel — psychology p rofessor at Eastern Michigan University — caregiving resources mentioned in this episode
New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or.Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs for another story about love, caregiving, and resentment.
For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com
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