Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

Latest Episodes:

#036 Are You Too Hard or Too Soft on Your Teen? Apr 01, 2019

Show notes

I hear parents second guess themselves saying things like, "I wasn't hard enough on him," or " I was too soft on her." And what they are really talking about is their parenting approach in regards to discipline.

The challenge about parenting is "one approach doesn't fit all." I have seen parents come into my private practice baffled because the first two kids sailed through the teenage years with no problems, but their third kid who now is a teenager is driving them crazy. Why is that? They are doing the same things with the third kid that they did with the first two. Why the different result?

This podcast gives you some guidelines on how to approach different types of teens, specifically the one-down and the one-up teen. The one-down teen is a little more sensitive. She is hard on herself. She has poor self esteem and lacks confidence, She often has the intelligence and the abilities, but lacks the confidence. She needs to be pulled up to feel like she is on the same level as others. This is the one-down position.

The one-up teen thinks he is better than everyone else. He has insecurities they are just more covert or hidden. Teens in a one-up position put others down because it feels good to be at the top. In other words they have to put others down to feel good about themselves. They tend to belittle, brag, bully and think they are always right. When they are in a one-up position they need to put someone else down in order to feel powerful. Bottom line When you are dealing with a teen that is in a one-up position they need to be pulled down to have good self-esteem.

You need a very different parenting approach for the one-down or one-up teen. The one-down teen can greatly benefit from the wild card of grace.

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#035 How to Raise Creative Teens Mar 11, 2019

Show notes

How do you foster your child/teen's creativity?

Expressing your creativity through art, dance, writing, film and music is an excellent way to develop the teenage brain. The brain is having a major growth spurt during the teenage years. It is a season where you use it or lose it, meaning that neurons that are not used wither away. Neurons that are used wire into the teenage brain. It is the easiest time to learn a new language or a piano concerto.

There are many challenges parent face when trying to encourage their teen's creativity.

Teens don't want to practice. They want to quit. There is too much competition. All of these situations can lead to arguing and conflict.

In this episode I share an interview by Jean Ireton on her online video series Breakthrough to Creativity on how to get past the drama and truly encourage your teens creativity.

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#034 Help for Moms with Strong Willed Daughters Mar 04, 2019

Show notes

My friend sent me a post that said, "Check on your friends with strong willed daughters. We are not ok." I laughed but what really struck me is how many thousands of moms had shared it. Obviously it struck a chord.

A strong willed daughter has an upside and then the shadow or dark side. Think of it as different sides of the same coin.

Really we want a strong willed daughter.

Strong: Having great physical, moral, and intellectual power.

Will: used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent, or in negative constructions refusal.

There is something beautiful, courageous and noble in a strong willed girl.

And then the dark side of an immature teen..

1. They approach the world from a one-up position.

2. They are relentless about getting their way.

3. They are all armored up. They hide the vulnerable emotions.

4. They can take on too much. It's hard to ask for help.

In this episode we will talk about how to protect the spirit of the strong willed girl and how to effectively parent the dark side. And not let it get the best of you.

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#033 How to Handle the Big Breakup Dial Down the “Love” Drama Feb 25, 2019

Show notes

You need to be prepared when your teen has their first big break up. Parents see the worst version of their teen after a breakup. This makes it hard for you to help your teen and console them. They are angry and shut down. They can lash out at you. They are edgy and negative. They lose their motivation. They don't want to pick up their room, do their chores, or their homework.

Helping your son or daughter successfully work through a big break up is extremely important. They will end up either wounded or wiser; depending on how they process it. This is a season where your teen is very vulnerable. The big break up is an assault on your teen’s heart. It's not just girls who have broken hearts I have seen plenty of teenage boys who have been deeply affected by a painful breakup. Often parents are more worried about their teen’s sexual activity than their hearts. We don’t want our teens to get pregnant or get an STD but we also don’t want them to have lasting trauma from a bad break up.

This episode looks at the 3 big reasons teen relationships will probably end badly. You'll learn what "not to do" when your teen has a broken heart and what your teen really needs.

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#032 What is a Successful Mom? Feb 18, 2019

Show notes

Why is it that you can be a CEO of a company and feel on top of the world and yet a sassy teenager can bring you to your knees. Why is it that moms of middle school and high school teens rarely wake up and think, "Wow, I am a successful mom. I'm rocking it with these teens."

What is a successful mom? The important question is who or what is answering the question. There is a cultural definition of a successful mom that looks a-lot like a perfect mom. These implicit messages from the culture inform our expectations of what a successful mom is. These unrealistic expectations and ideals lead to hyper vigilance, which leads to anxiety, and then leads to exhaustion. Both parents and teens are not benefiting from this definition.

It's time to redefine a successful mom. You can dial down the pressure just by redefining the successful mom. Listen and find out how.

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#031 Journaling: Connect to Your Inner (Parenting) Wisdom Feb 11, 2019

Show notes

In this episode I interview my friend and colleague Angela Caughlin, MA.

Angela is an expert on how journaling can help you find your inner parenting wisdom. She has lived her message. When recently widowed she had to raise three children by herself. Angela has authored four books on different aspects of journaling.

Angela is an Integrative Coach, which means she uses a holistic approach that integrates with other modalities of treatment during her coaching or counseling sessions. Angela’s integrative approach comes from her extensive training in journaling and her training in mindfulness and meditation, as well as traditional western psychology.

Angela discusses all the positive benefits of journaling. It can help you be a better parent, stay connected to yourself and have a better relationship with your teen. She shares Dr. James Pennebaker research which reinforces this.

Angela states that journaling can be your best friend and she shares her 3-part process

which helps you move out of reactivity into a much greater clarity. What is emotionally true is not always factually true. This process helps you sort through your emotions to discover what is really true.

1. Download your emotions.

2. Ask yourself, "What's really true and what's not true.

3. And then you can rewrite your story.

Towards the end of the episode she shares her practical tips for how to get started, how to protect your privacy, and how to find time in your busy schedule.

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#030 How to Have the Hard Conversations with Your Teen Feb 04, 2019

Show notes

What do I mean by a hard conversation? Basically it's any conversation your teen doesn't want to have with you---and there are a-lot of those. In this episode I give you 5 key elements to help you have a (successful) hard conversation with your teen.

1. You want to balance the hard conversations with intentionally having positive conversations/experiences with your teen.

2. Timing has to be right.

Bottom line is that if either you or your teen are emotionally flooded or have been drinking or high, it's the absolute worst time to have that conversation. This comes from understanding neuroscience. When you are emotionally flooded, you are in stress response. You are offline from that part of the brain that has everything you need to solve a problem.

3. You need to be clear.

And to do that you don't want to rush into that conversation. Time is your friend. I describe the different areas you need clarity. If you rush in too quickly you vent. The problem is that venting is all over the place and it's not a conversation. Venting dials up the drama and your teen will not learn anything from this..

4. You need to listen to your teens and hear their story.

This can be challenging because often you need to have the hard conversation because they did not tell you the truth. But if you can get your teen to open up, you'll find the gold. You want to find the places your teen is stuck. The more accurately you can identify this, it informs the consequence and lets you know what your teen needs to learn.

5. You must be strategic and not reactive.

The strategy is slowing down and deciding how you are going to approach these conversations. Often it is mapping out what you are going to say in the next conversation...and it might take multiple conversations.

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#029 Are You a Worried Mom or a Reflective Mom Jan 28, 2019

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Every mom worries. You can't eliminate worry. Parenting a teen gives you endless things to worry about. Worry can be useful if it leads to effective action. But too often worry is just wasted energy. It doesn't lead to solutions it just leads to more worry and before you know it the worry grows exponentially like a wildfire.

You don't want worry dominating your life and your parenting. Don't let worry control you; you can control the worry.

A worried mom lives in a state of worry where her actions and responses are continually fueled by worry. Constant worry is not healthy for you and actually is a hindrance to your parenting. Constant worry negatively impacts your relationship with your teen.

We want to replace the worry energy with reflective energy. All moms worry in some ways. We are biologically hard-wired to worry, but not all moms are reflective.

Reflection is incredibly important to your parenting. Reflection is essential for you to be a happy, thriving, "I love my life" mom. Worry leads to a drained, anxious, and resentful mom.

In this episode I am going to contrast worry with reflection and show you why worry is a hindrance to parenting and why reflection is the key to enjoying the teenage years. Reflection is foundational for conscious and intentional parenting.

If you are tired of living in a state of worry, learn how reflection can actually set you free

from the burden of worry and set you on a course to create the life you want.

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#028 Fifteen Minutes a Day Can Change Your Relationship with Your Teen Jan 21, 2019

Show notes

Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens is back. This is going to be an exciting year. I have lined up some great guests and of course I will be sharing some practical parenting tips and sharing current research on teens. One of my primary goals is to raise the bar on what's possible for moms and teens. You don't have to dread these years. You can actually enjoy them.

In this podcast I first answer the question, "Why am I hosting a podcast on moms and teens?" Was I the perfect mom with the perfect teen? You'll have to listen to find out. :)

I will share with you 3 key strategies that turned my relationship with teenage daughter around. You really can change your relationship with your teen in fifteen minutes a day.

I shared some of these ideas in my TEDx talk, "Stressed-Out Moms and Ticked-Off Teens: 3 Keys to Dial Down the Drama" Watch here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0U-U-Gggf8

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#027 How Teens Can Get Parents to Hear Them Feb 28, 2017

Show notes

Do your teens need better communication skills—especially when they are wanting something from you?

In this podcast I interview Laura Lyles Reagan who is a family sociologist with more than 30 years of experience in practical youth development and parenting coaching. She holds a Masters in Sociology specializing in interactionism and communication dynamics. She is the author of her new book, “How to Raise Respectful Parents” which is a teen’s guide to navigating adult culture by equipping teens with communication skills. Each chapter introduces a new communication skill by using real world examples and conversations between parents and teens.

I’ve invited Laura to be on this podcast because I think Laura will bring a very interesting perspective. In my book Dial Down the Drama I empower moms to reduce conflict by using effective communication skills with their teens especially when there is drama. Laura trains the teens to communicate effectively with their parents and gives them the tools that they desperately need. She teaches a technique called co-creation, which especially helps with the hot button issues of teen life such as failing school grade, desire for more freedom, alcohol use/abuse and social media.

You can contact Laura at www.lauralreagan.com. Her book How to Raise Respectful Parents is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

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