Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

Latest Episodes:

#046 Mom . . . It's Not Personal Sep 30, 2019

Show notes

Often moms are told to "not take things personally," which could be said by a well-meaning spouse. Sometimes those words are said to shut down the conversation that mom desperately needs to have. Well, that's not helpful.

However in this episode we are going to explore "it’s not personal." My intention is not to minimize mom's experience, it is to help protect mom's heart and energy. "Taking things personally" can cause so much anxiety, hurt, anguish, sadness, suffering and just sucks the life out of you.

We will explore what "taking it personally" really means. What are some of the things moms take personally? Why does taking things personally cause so much pain and suffering? Why taking things personally is not helpful to you and your teen?

Then we will look at why "it's not personal" through the lens of neuroscience. Finally, and most importantly we will discuss how you can protect yourself and your heart from taking things personally.

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#045 How Good Can the Teenage Years Get? Sep 18, 2019

Show notes

Do you ever wake up and wonder, "How good can the teenage years get?" or do you think, "How am I going to survive the teenage years?"

Many moms just wonder how they are going to survive the teenage years. And that's no surprise since this is one of the most challenging times to parent teens.

The problem is, human beings have a propensity to remember only the negative. We can forget that we have good moments with our teens. The negative experiences can erase the positive experiences from our memories. The truth is that there are many gifts we can receive from our teens and the teenage years.

Because of the unique challenges in this culture you will not naturally experience how good the teenage years can be. You have to be intentional and strategic and knowledgeable about the teenage brain.

In this episode you will learn how to dial up the good experiences with your teen.

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#044 Does Your Teen Stress You Out? Sep 09, 2019

Show notes

Does your teen stress you out? If you have a normal teenager then the answer should be yes and the reason for that is where they are developmentally and I talk about the science behind that in the podcast. So yes your teen will stress you out. The better question is how often does your teen stress you out and to what degree? In other words whats the intensity of the stress you feel.

In this episode I go into the major categories of what stresses parents out like monitoring, worrying about their safety and their future.

There will be stress but you don't want the stress to dominate your life, your parenting, your teen and your home. Stress is not good for you or your relationship with your teen.

Here’s the dilemma. It is stressful parenting a teen but your stress impairs your parenting. Your stress can stress your teenager out. Learn 4 ways to dial down your stress so that you can enjoy the teenage years.

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#043 Back to the Routine: Set Yourself up to Have a Great School Year Aug 26, 2019

Show notes

Today we are going to talk about the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want". This is crucial to establish routines that work for you and your family this new school year.

It's easy to think that you are starting your year off with a blank slate, but it is never a blank slate. Here’s why. The truth is that the same issues and struggles that drove your crazy last year are going to reappear this year. And why is that? Patterns repeat. Your son and daughter will do what they normally do and then you and your partner will typically react like you normally do. Over time these verbal and behavioral exchanges become predictable patterns of interactions. These interactions are often unconscious and on autopilot and can be triggered with an eye-roll, disrespectful comment, or the infamous slammed door. And then your last years amnesia has shattered and you remember the draining teenage drama from the past.

You don’t want these unconscious patterns of interactions to become your “automatic routine” for your new year especially if they were fraught with drama.

Many parents fall into routines or patterns that are not working for them or for their teens. You may be aware of some routines and not be conscious of others. Because the fall semester is busy, it’s easy to go on automatic pilot and just tolerate disrespectful behavior day after day. And this becomes routine.

The good news is this year doesn’t have to be a repeat of last year. But things won’t automatically change you have to be intentional.

Listen to find out the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want".

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#042 Why Intentional Downtime is a Big Deal Aug 19, 2019

Show notes

The new school year is starting soon or may have already started. Before the year takes off at full time speed, I want to discuss why intentional downtime is a big deal. With our busy schedules downtime is not going to happen naturally, you have to be intentional.

Downtime is a pressure-free zone. It's non-productive time. There is no competition or comparing yourself to others . There is no pressure to get anything done. There is no agenda. There is nothing hanging over your head. Downtime allows for your mind to wander instead of having focused attention. You get to relax and chill out. Downtime is restful.

In this episode I discuss the 5 Benefits of Intentional Downtime.

1. Downtime allows you and your teen time and mental space to let go of stress caused by friends, grades, a busy schedule, and lots of demands.

2. Downtime naturally brings out our playful nature.

3. Downtime allows for creativity and innovation.

4. Downtime allows you to slow down.

5. Downtime allows your mind to rest,

6. Downtime is good for the teenage and adult brain.

I spend the rest of the episode getting practical. What is a good use of downtime and what is not? How to insert downtime into your very busy schedule?

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#041 "Everyone Else is Doing It — So Why Can't I?" Jun 17, 2019

Show notes

Has your teen ever said anything like, "Mom you are the only one who won't let me . . ." or "Everyone else is doing it so why can't I . . .?" If they have, congratulations you have a normal teenager. Teens from all over the planet use tactics like these to try to manipulate you to get their way.

In this episode will look at the many different tactics that teen use. These teenage tactics only work when we are not 100% clear if we are making the right decision. These tactics can open the door to a whole lot of drama.

You can shut these tactics down when you are 100% clear. However, there are two big challenges to becoming clear. One, is the Moving Target Syndrome, and two, is Mother Fog. We will discuss how to take your clarity back.

Also, in this episode we will discuss the downside of making decisions based on consensus and why your clarity is a personal decision.

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#040 Why Curiosity Makes you a Better Parent Jun 03, 2019

Show notes

In this episode we'll discuss why curiosity makes you a better human being and parent. You’ll learn how healthy curiosity dials down the drama, and improves your relationship with your teen.

Healthy curiosity is the secret ingredient to a well-lived life. Curiosity makes us feel alive, leads to more happiness, boosts achievement and creativity, expands our empathy and strengthens our relationships.

Walt Disney once said, “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”.

Instilling healthy curiosity to your teens is one of the best gifts you can give them.

You'll learn how curiosity brings down the teenage wall of defensiveness and helps you have the hard conversations with your teen with minimal drama. This skill is foundational to parent effectively.

There is also a dangerous side to curiosity, that our teens are especially vulnerable to. When you combine a strong drive of curiosity with the teenagers faulty brake system (of their undeveloped prefrontal cortex), it can lead to trouble. You'll learn what you can do to protect your teen.

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#039 Mother's Day Plus May 13, 2019

Show notes

I hope that Mothers' Day was all that you hoped it would be. But if you ended up disappointed, you are definitely not the only one.

Heres the problem with Mother's day. I think you come to that day with huge expectations that your kids and partner will somehow make up for everything that was not right in the past year.

Realistically on Mother's Day you are still dealing with teen issues and are in the kitchen cooking a meal for your mom or your mother in law. Even on Mother's Day it's hard to have a whole day that you are actually off duty.

That's why moms need more than a day!

Often moms are influenced by implicit messages in the culture like, "it's selfish to pay attention to me." It feels like that this message is true, so many moms feel guilty if they spend time taking care of themselves. They wait for someone to give them permission to invest in themselves. This results with moms feeling "all mothered out" and resentful for not being appreciated enough.

Actually, it's not selfish to pay attention to you; it's CRUCIAL. 1. it's crucial to pay attention to you . . .So you can honor and appreciate you for everything you do for your family.

2. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . .

to reclaim your self awareness. This is the first step to know how you are doing, what you need, and what you want.

If you don't know what you need, a good place to start is the 5 essential areas of feeling good. In order to feel your best, you’ve got to focus on five essential needs: foundational, maintenance, relational, self-enrichment, and spiritual.

3. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . .

every day. See part of each day needs to be mothers day. What I mean by this is that YOU needs to get in your calendar.

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#038 New Social Anxiety in Teens: Apps, Selfies, and Smart Phones May 06, 2019

Show notes

Whenever I speak to moms I tell them, "This is one of the most challenging times to raise a teen." A huge reason for this is navigating through the treacherous waters of cell phones, social media, and internet with teenagers. Most parents are blind sided with their teens about all thing digital because we didn’t go through this when we were teens. It feels like the iPhone has been around forever but actually it was released in 2007. So your mom didn’t have to deal with these cyber space issues when parenting you.

Did you know that the average American touches their phone 2617 times a day?

Did you know that According to Common Sense Media, teens spend an average of nine hours a day online?

Studies have shown that the rise of anxiety and loneliness in teens is directly related to how much teens are online. 1 of 3 teenage girls will experience significant anxiety.

In this podcast I talk about "The 4 big problems with phones, social media, internet and teens."

1. The addictive nature of all things online

2. Loneliness

3. Social comparison and why selfies are more like a question than a statement

4. Fomo (Fear of missing out) and how Snapmap is really EOMO (Evidence of missing out.)

Most importantly we will end with what moms can do about this.

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#037 The Maturity Gap: Why This Frustrates Moms Apr 08, 2019

Show notes

I think what's challenging and perplexing about parenting is that your child/ teen can feel like a moving target---or you could say a growing target. You feel like you finally have mastered one stage and then your teen grows out of it and you are up against the next stage. This new phase has new dynamics to figure out and its own set of perils. Every time you turn a corner, there is new terrain to manage. You finally have elementary school down and then they are off to middle school. You finally have middle school down and then they are off to high school, and then your kids are wanting to get their drivers permit and on it goes. . . Add to this moving or growing target another factor that can completely throw parents off balance and is the source of much confusion and frustration. This is the Maturity Gap. Maturity Gap in adolescence has been studied by many neuroscientists. They look at the maturity gap through the lens of brain development. They define it as the discrepancy between an individual's cognitive maturity and emotional maturity.

I am going to broaden the definition of Maturity Gap and will share some interesting studies about the brain. Here's what I mean when I am talking about the Maturity Gap. All the different facets of your teen (physical, social, cognitive and emotional) are not growing together at the same rate. Because of this there is a maturity gap between the different parts. Some areas of your teen may seem more adult-like. You can feel like your teen is maturing and you can relax, but then your thrown off by another facet that screams immaturity.

This Maturity Gap doesn't magically go away at 18, it's alive and well until age 25.

This podcast will explore how knowing about the Maturity Gap can help you be a better, happier and wiser parent.

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