On Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#222: Can a Fearful Avoidant Change After Cheating? (Ask Steph) Jan 08, 2026

Show notes

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.

Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal?

In this episode, I explore:

How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.
Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.
How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.
What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.
When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.

If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.

#221: How to Let Go of Someone You Love (For Anxious Attachers) Jan 06, 2026

Show notes

Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain.

In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together.

I talk about:

Why anxious attachment makes holding on feel safer than letting go
How we often confuse feelings with instructions for action
Why waiting to “feel ready” or to stop loving someone keeps us stuck
The crucial distinction between love and compatibility
Why letting go isn’t a feeling — it’s a choice you make again and again
How grief, discomfort, and longing are part of the process, not signs you’ve made a mistake

This episode is both a pep talk and a reality check — an invitation to trust yourself enough to choose what’s right for you, even when it hurts, and even when you still love them.

If you’re navigating a breakup or struggling to let go, be sure to check out my free breakup training: https://www.stephanierigg.com/break-up-webinar

#220: 3 Hard Truths About Changing Your Life Dec 30, 2025

Show notes

As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel ready.

This is an invitation to reflect on agency, integrity, and the quiet choices that shape your life over time.

⁠⁠Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

#219: How a Fear of Rejection Keeps Us From What We Want Most Dec 16, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative life. We look at the evolutionary and attachment roots of rejection sensitivity, and how it creates a confirmation bias that makes neutral situations feel personal.

I talk about how the fear of rejection leads us to shrink, stay silent, or hold back from opportunities, creating a self-fulfilling cycle of loneliness and limitation.

We also talk about what rejection resilience looks like in practice: separating facts from stories, reality-checking assumptions, taking small risks, and building an internal sense of worth that can withstand a “no.”

This is a gentle, grounded invitation to stop rejecting yourself first — and to live more fully, even when rejection is a possibility.

⁠Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

Download the Anxious Attachment Pep Talks here

#218: Why You're Attracted to Unavailable People Dec 09, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different.

Rather than framing this as a personal flaw or something you’re “doing wrong,” this conversation explores the deeper emotional and relational patterns that make certain dynamics feel familiar, magnetic, or even safe on a nervous-system level.

I walk through five core reasons this dynamic tends to repeat:

Low self-worth: When love feels like something you need to earn, you may be drawn to people who require effort.
Inconsistent early relationships: If connection was unpredictable growing up, inconsistency can feel like “home.”
Hope, potential, and the saviour role: Why focusing on who someone could be keeps you invested long after the relationship stops feeling good.
Intermittent reinforcement: How sporadic affection creates an addictive cycle that’s hard to break.
Your own emotional unavailability: The surprising ways pursuing unavailable people can protect you from deeper vulnerability.

This episode offers a compassionate look at why these patterns form — and what it takes to move toward relationships that feel mutual, steady, and emotionally safe.

Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

#217: The Missing Piece in Your Healing Journey Dec 03, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference.

We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it.

You’ll hear about:

Why we default to shame when we feel stuck
The myth that self-criticism leads to better behaviour
How shame overwhelms an already stressed nervous system
Why being on your own team is essential for honest self-reflection

👉🏼 Join the January round of my 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here

00:00 Introduction 04:13 Why Self-Judgment is So Common06:32 Understanding and Validating Anxiety08:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth11:58 Isn't Self-Compassion Self-Indulgent?

#216: My Story of Healing Anxious Attachment Nov 25, 2025

Show notes

Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing.

🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I've ever run — click here.

#215: Resentment, Real Repair, Conflict Avoidance & Navigating Dating With Kids — ft. James ‘Fish’ Gill Nov 20, 2025

Show notes

In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected through hard moments.

We explore some big questions, including:

How to release resentment when a conflict is “resolved” but the emotional residue is still sitting in your body
What real repair actually looks like, and why some apologies land while others don’t
When a relationship swings from explosive conflict to total conflict avoidance — and how to find a healthier middle ground
How to navigate dating when kids are involved, especially when parenting differences trigger deeper fears, jealousy, or old wounds

Fish and I unpack the relational dynamics underneath these questions and offer compassionate, practical guidance for moving through it with more clarity, honesty, and connection.

If you’re wanting to deepen your communication, repair more effectively, and understand yourself and your partner in moments of tension, this conversation will be a supportive place to land.

👉🏼 My Black Friday Sale is now live — save 65% on my best-selling courses with exclusive Black Friday bundles.

Connect with Fish

Follow Fish on Instagram
Visit Fish's website
Buy Fish's book, How to Fall in Love with Humanity

#214: Parenting Q&A: Fears About Having Kids, Staying Connected After a Baby, Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics & More Nov 11, 2025

Show notes

In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son.

We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges along the way, and the practices that keep us connected and supportive of each other.

Join the Black Friday Sale waitlist here

Free Resources

Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
Free Anxious Attachment Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love

#213: How to Care Less About Others' Opinions & Trust Yourself More Nov 04, 2025

Show notes

So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.

If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.

But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.

In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:

Why anxiously attached people are especially sensitive to others’ opinions

How external orientation keeps us anxious and disconnected from ourselves

What it actually means to develop an internal compass

Practical steps to build self-trust and integrity

How to tolerate disapproval without collapsing into shame

Ultimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.

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