On Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#182: What to Do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to Work on Themselves (or the Relationship) Apr 02, 2025

Show notes

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you’ve suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness.

In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn’t mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control.

Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.

In this episode, I cover:

Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth
How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change
The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth
Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation
What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop) Mar 25, 2025

Show notes

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.

It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.

This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.

Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.

In this episode, I cover:

Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward

If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#180: 5 Hard Truths About Healing Anxious Attachment Mar 18, 2025

Show notes

Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we’re unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth.

What We Cover in This Episode:

Why healing isn’t always comfortable — and why grief is often part of the process
The myth of waking up one day as "fully secure" and what real progress looks like
How healing might disrupt your relationships (and why not everyone will like the changes you make)
Why you won’t stop getting triggered — but how you can gain more control over your reactions
The surprising truth: sometimes you’ll miss your old patterns, even the unhealthy ones

Healing doesn’t mean never struggling again. It means showing up differently, practicing new choices, and being compassionate with yourself along the way. If you're in the thick of it, know that you're not alone, and every step forward matters.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#179: Why You Struggle With Self-Trust Mar 11, 2025

Show notes

Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone.

In this episode, we’re unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security.

What We Cover in This Episode:

Why anxiety craves control — and how this undermines self-trust
The inverse relationship between trust and control
How trying to prevent bad things from happening leads to self-blame
A powerful reframe: self-trust isn’t about making the "right" decision, but making decisions in alignment with your values
The biggest ways we unknowingly damage self-trust
Why building self-trust is essential for healing anxious attachment

Self-trust isn’t about getting everything right or ensuring a perfect outcome, but about showing up with integrity and knowing you have your own back.

💌 Join the VIP List for Healing Anxious Attachment's Birthday Sale 💌

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#178: When Your Partner Isn't Meeting Your Needs Mar 04, 2025

Show notes

It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change.

In this episode, we’re exploring:

Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needs
What to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needs
How to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communication issue

If you’ve ever wondered whether your needs are “too much” or felt torn between self-advocacy and keeping the peace, this episode will give you clarity on how to navigate these conversations with confidence and self-respect.

Healing Anxious Attachment's 3rd Birthday Sale! Join the VIP list here.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#177: How Social Media Exacerbates Anxious Attachment Feb 25, 2025

Show notes

Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that feel overwhelming. From overanalysing who your partner follows to spiralling over why they haven’t posted about you, social media can fuel insecurity, comparison, and even compulsive checking behaviours.

In today’s episode, we’re exploring why social media is such a common trigger for people with anxious attachment, the unhealthy patterns it can create, and most importantly, how to navigate it in a way that supports your wellbeing and relationship security.

What We Cover in This Episode:

Why social media fuels anxiety for anxiously attached people
The biggest relationship triggers—who your partner follows, why they won't post about you, and more
The comparison trap and how it distorts reality
Unhealthy social media behaviours that reinforce insecurity
Practical strategies to reduce social media anxiety and feel more secure

Link to Episode #165: Why Validation is So Important for Anxiously Attached People

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#176: Conscious Dating: How to Raise Your Standards & Date from Self-Worth Feb 19, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-confidence and self-worth. Many anxiously attached people struggle a lot with dating, experiencing anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt every step of the way. This can naturally block us from connecting with others in a way that feels healthy and authentic.

We'll cover:

the importance of dating with intentionality
common mindset pitfalls
identifying your values, non-negotiables and deal-breakers

Resources mentioned

Conscious Dating Workshop: Join my Insiders membership on the Premium tier for free access to my Conscious Dating Workshop
Higher Love Break-Up Course
Secure Together Couples Course

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#175: Perfectionism & Anxious Attachment Feb 11, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, we explore how perfectionism intersects with anxious attachment and impacts our ability to form secure relationships. We examine how the drive for perfection often stems from attachment wounds around unworthiness and creates barriers to authentic connection.

Key themes covered:

The links between perfectionism and anxious attachment patterns
How perfectionism manifests in relationships (performing, people-pleasing, fear of making mistakes)
The connection between perfectionism and fear of abandonment
Why perfectionism creates distance in relationships despite our intentions for closeness
How perfectionism impacts vulnerability and emotional intimacy

We discuss practical steps for:

Recognising perfectionist patterns in your relationships
Moving from self-criticism to self-compassion
Embracing "good enough" in relationships
Building tolerance for imperfection
Showing up authentically in relationships

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#174: Anxiety vs. Intuition: How to Tell the Difference Feb 04, 2025

Show notes

Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? If so, this episode is for you. We're talking all about the difference between intuition and anxiety, and sharing some simple tools to know how best to relate to these states and when to listen to the information our body is giving us.

We'll cover:

anxious attachment and hyperawareness of shifts in people's emotional states
trusting our perception but questioning the meaning-making
recognising urgency as a key imprint of anxiety
treating our anxiety with care and kindness without letting it run the show

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

#173: How to Rebuild Self-Worth After a Break-Up Jan 28, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, we're talking about how to rebuild self-worth after a break-up. It's so common, particularly for anxious attachers, to emerge after a break-up feeling incredibly uncertain and lacking in self-worth. We become acutely aware of the extent to which we lost ourselves in the relationship, but often don't know where or how to begin reconnecting with who we are.
We'll talk about:

why it's so common for self-worth to be damaged after a break-up
self-abandonment and self-loss when relationships are under strain
deciding to go all in on yourself

practical tips for rebuilding self-worth and reconnecting to your authenticity

Register for my free breakup training here ❤️‍🩹

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