Oh Crap with Jamie

Latest Episodes:

42. Helping Your Child Learn Their Regulation Dec 09, 2021

Show notes

Continuing on from my episode about Co-Regulation, today I’ll be sharing all of my insights, tips, and tricks on how to help your child effectively recognize when their emotions are building up, and cope with them before they escalate out of control. Our kids are very present in their bodies, which is why their feelings tend to come out in very physical ways. Having your child describe the physical sensation of their emotions, asking where they feel them (in the cheeks, fingers, chest, behind their eyes, etc.), using the “Hot and Cold” Method, and giving their feelings a specific name can help slow the process down and give your child time to identify what’s going on. Having a “Throwing Corner” in your home, checking in with your child throughout the day, engaging in Big Play, and getting outside can also help as an outlet for emotional tension. Thank you for your listening, and I appreciate your patronage more than I can say. For more information on my potty training and parenting resources, please visit the links below. The Finer Details of This Episode: Developmental Biologist Bruce Lipton has noted that until age 7, kids don’t have consciousness or self-awareness just yet We want to allow emotions to flow, but also be teaching children the language and skills to properly cope with them Help kids recognize when they are experiencing a buildup of emotion, and intervene before it instantly escalates from 0-60 Our kids are very present in their bodies, which is why emotions come out in such physical ways Asking your child where they feel their emotions (cheeks, fingers, chest, behind the eyes) will help slow the process down Start the day by checking in with your child and using a “dial” to measure where their big feelings lie ‘Throwing Corner’ in your house can help kids vocalize their feelings and complete the circuit of emotion Big play, physical activity, outdoor time also help as an outlet for emotional tension Transitions continue to be very difficult as we return to life after the pandemic Young toddlers do not remember life before COVID, and all they know is your parenting through the pandemic Don’t wait until you get home to have fun and connect with your child - start as soon as you pick them up, walk to the car, or on your drive home We tend to rush to the next “big event,” but it’s important to find ways to slow down and enjoy the transitions together - these are the moments where you can truly connect With hitting, you can try the gentle approach first, but if that doesn’t resolve the behavior, you will need to step in and remove your child immediately Once a child knows they can disrespect you on that level without any consequences, you will have a nightmare on your hands The “Fuck-You Kid” comes out of the womb ready to fight and challenge you With these types of kids, you need to make sure you’re on top of hunger and sleep They also need strict boundaries (set bedtimes, mealtimes), but freedom within those limits (like messy play, tinkering and taking apart old electronics) Set these boundaries and don’t engage in power struggles - no negotiating They could also have ADHD, and their circadian rhythms are backwards They typically have impulse control issues Remember that we get the kid that is meant for us Focus on their good qualities and try not to get bogged down in the negative As with all toddlers, make sure they are getting enough sleep and nutritious food Links: Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Jamie’s Instagram Page: @jamie.glowacki Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

41. “Badass With Boundaries” Empowerment Coach Anna Glasgow Nov 18, 2021

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Anna Glasgow is an empowerment coach with a passion for personal growth. She has a Master’s Degree in Educational Leadership, and runs the amazing program, “Badass With Boundaries.” We connected over her toddler’s potty training journey on Instagram, and today she joins me as part of my ongoing series in which I simply talk to very cool people! Anna and I break down why boundaries are so important in helping yourself and your family feel safe and secure, the most common areas in which they tend to be crossed, why women tend to have weaker boundaries than men (and how this is exacerbated in parenthood), and how to create your own boundaries using your Love Language and Anna’s Hell Yes/Hell No Method. Anna shares how leaving an abusive relationship sparked her passion for this topic, and details her own experience hammering out boundaries after becoming a mother. Teaching consent, healing childhood wounds, and reparenting are also discussed. We chat about not having to justify our boundaries to anyone, trusting our intuition, and Anna reminds listeners that boundaries don’t make you a bitch - they make you a badass. To learn more about Anna’s program, visit www.AGlasgowCoach.com or email her at AGlasgowCoach@gmail.com. The Finer Details of This Episode: No one has absolutely everything figured out - everyone has a chink in their armor Women tend to have weaker boundaries, which only get exacerbated through parenting When boundaries and rules are constantly changing, it’s a cluster fuck and makes everyone feel anxious and insecure Men and women view chores differently, and it’s up to us to vocalize our expectations instead of leaving them unsaid and resenting partner or kids for not meeting them It’s hard to say what we need, because it opens us up to feeling vulnerable or being rejected Anna shares how leaving an abusive relationship sparked her passion for setting boundaries and teaching others to do the same Moms tend to have “grayer” boundaries than Dads - Dad will simply say “No” and move on Anna’s Hell Yes mentality - if she sits down and asks herself whether she wants to do something or attend a certain event, if it’s not a “Hell Yes,” then it’s a “Hell No” Knowing what you definitely want or don’t want in life helps your boundaries shape themselves Hell Yes/Fuck No Theory also applies to teaching consent - it’s either Hell Yes, or Fuck No and there is no gray area Your Love Language should factor in as you set your own boundaries You need to set boundaries not only with partners and loved ones, but also with yourself Not being able to hold boundaries for yourself (food, social media consumption) is often related to unhealed childhood wounds Hammering out her own boundaries with family after becoming a mother Stay neutral when people ask questions or pass judgment - you don’t have to assign meaning to it or take comments personally Parenthood has tested Anna’s boundaries and shown her which faults she needs to work on Reparenting and accepting that your child may not like the boundaries you’ve set You don’t have to justify your boundaries to anyone Too much information from the internet and social media has caused us to doubt our own intuition Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Jamie’s Instagram Page: @jamie.glowacki Anna Glasgow’s Website www.AGlasgowCoach.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

40. Co-Regulation Oct 28, 2021

Show notes

Today’s episode is the mother of all follow-ups. I’ll be revisiting my episodes on the ‘Go To Your Room’ strategy, tantrums, and negative associations, to clarify some confusion and answer all of your questions on these topics. One of the key ideas here is co-regulation, and whether you can lend your child your calm in moments of dysregulation. If you can be present with inaction, and simply be with your child without trying to fix the feeling or becoming dysregulated yourself, then you can hold space for them. But this is not always possible, as we could be dealing with stressors, trauma, or childhood wounds that sometimes make us lose our shit. And if that's the case, this is when you want to implement the harm reduction model and use the Go To Your Room strategy. It can be done in a way that doesn’t feel “abandoning”, and it prevents you from saying something psychologically damaging, and also allows your child to experience the full cycle of their feelings, and settle their bodies on their own. The Finer Details of This Episode: We are the first generation of parents to recognize that past parenting approaches were unhealthy and ineffective, so it can be confusing and overwhelming when everything is new territory - the internet also adds to this Go To Your Room strategy can often feel like you’re abandoning your child because it can be done is abandoning ways If you can tolerate your child’s meltdowns, you should probably hold space for your child in those moments - and that means presence with inaction If you can’t co-regulate without trying to stop the feeling, use the Go To Your Room strategy Ideally we would never leave a child in distress, but if you are about to lose your shit and say something catastrophic, this can do a lot of damage and you need to be implementing the harm reduction model in those moments There can be psychological damage when you try to stop the feeling and prevent it from running its full course, and also when you lose your shit on your child Regulation means bringing order, having a baseline of calm - you can be irritated by something, but it doesn’t throw you off If you feel yourself become immediately dysregulated when your child melts down, this is indicative of a childhood wound If it’s a slow burn and the feeling of being dysregulated gradually builds up, it’s the result of resentment and boundary issues Co-regulation is regulating in the presence of another person - dogs are an excellent example of this as they are present when you’re upset, but not doing anything to try to fix it I hate the traditional definition of co-regulation because it implies that you should actively do something to stop, to shift, to fade the feeling your child is having You do not need to do something when your child is upset, you need to be something In a meltdown situation, you have to lend them your calm, not calm your child down Letting your feelings and emotions run their course is incredibly powerful and healing If we over empathize with every single feeling, we’re doing a disservice to our child because we’re not teaching them how to weather disappointment Go To Your Room strategy allows your child to feel all their feelings, and settle their body on their own The key is for us parents to be regulated Gentle parenting misses the mark by encouraging us to sit with our children through all feelings, but it does not take into account our own stresses and feelings of dysregulation Links: Jamie’s Website - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page - www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Kimberly Ann Johnson Website www.kimberlyannjohnson.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

39. Hiking And Getting Outside with Lauren Robych-Eberle of ‘Kids Who Explore’ Oct 07, 2021

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Lauren Rodych-Eberle is one of the hosts of the Kids Who Explore podcast, which encourages families to connect with nature and explore the outdoors together. She is the owner of Miss Lauren’s Music Studio, where she teaches voice, piano, ukulele, and preschool music classes, and she is the author of several cookbooks. Lauren has a deep passion for food, hiking, adventure, and travel, and she is just an all-around cool person. We connected on Instagram over tips to handle ticks, and I am so excited to talk to her on the podcast today. We begin with Lauren’s hiking essentials, including a lint roller, TickWise organic tick spray, and a First Aid Kit. We address the pressure parents put on themselves to tackle huge summits, stay on track, and not let their kids stop and explore trails. Lauren offers her advice to keep hikes short, sweet, and fun so that your kids will want to go again, and we look at how hiking builds grit from a young age. Lauren shares her idea to make summer and winter bucket lists, and we trade hilarious parenting stories about dealing with teenagers versus toddlers. We chat about how the most relaxed days with our kids are often the most memorable, why little ones should skip sippy cups altogether, and the inspiration behind Kids Who Explore with founder Adrianna Skori. The Finer Details of This Episode: Lauren is one of the hosts of the Kids Who Explore podcast They want to help kids get outdoors She also owns a music studio, teaches music, writes cookbooks, and has a passion for adventure Lauren and I connected on Instagram over a post on ticks Tips to use a lint roller after being outdoors, wear white Her backpack essentials for hiking trips include all-natural TickWise organic spray, lint roller, First Aid Kit, water, snacks, bear spray, clothing layers, blanket, hat, and sunscreen Nature walks still qualify as hikes - whatever it takes to get your family outside Keep the pace short, sweet, and fun so that your kids will want to go hiking again Exploring outdoors helps build grit Make time in nature a priority by investing in gear and including time for it in your schedule Lauren’s summer and winter bucket lists, and encouraging your kids to help you come up with ideas The importance of getting outside in the winter to help stave off depression and Cabin Fever Start looking for winter gear in the off-season to help mitigate the cost Most relaxed days with our kids are often the most memorable, like my days eating ice cream with Pascal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner Parents can get obsessed with overhydrating their kids, which can complicate potty training and hinder building patience as a skill Quotes “We want nature to help raise our kids.” “We have to keep this short and sweet. Because my goal is that the kids have fun. And by the end, they want to do it again. But if it's like you're pushing them along and rushing them, then they're not going to say they want to do that again.” “I make [a bucket list] every summer and every winter just to kind of give us ideas of fun things to go through. And so like this summer I'm making one that is super toddler-friendly for my daughter to do with me. And also very COVID-friendly, I guess, too, because not as many things are open.” “I think getting outside is super vital in the winter.” Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page - www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Lauren Robych-Eberle’s website - www.LaurenRodychEberle.com Kids Who Explore website - www.KidsWhoExplore.com TickWise Organic Insect Repellent The Mini Cup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

38. All Things Tantrums Sep 28, 2021

Show notes

After my recent Instagram post on the arc of a tantrum received such an overwhelming response, I decided to devote an entire podcast to dissecting all things tantrums, meltdowns, and big feelings. Tantrums are the most intense and send your child into an altered state where you’ll actually wonder if you’ve encountered the devil, whereas meltdowns will make you feel more sad for your poor little one who’s just tired and overwhelmed. Big feelings are a momentary freakout that end just as quickly as they came on. All three can meld and morph into each other, and today I’ll look at what’s normal, what’s not, why tantrums happen, and what we can do about them. Tantrums typically begin developmentally around the 16-month to 3-year mark, and coincide with explosive brain growth that happens during that time. At this age, kids do not yet have the language skills needed to express their thoughts, and tantrums could be caused by something as simple as needing to poop. In today’s episode, I clarify that a few tantrums a week is developmentally appropriate, and explain what to watch out for to determine whether your child’s tantrums are cause for concern (whether they act aggressively, where they are tantruming and with whom, how long they last). I discuss my Go To Your Room strategy to help your child self-regulate while having big feelings, how to fix meltdowns by addressing the root of the problem, and the window of opportunity to distract your child at the beginning of a tantrum. I review the entire arc of a tantrum, what you can do to handle them at each stage, and the importance of letting a tantrum cycle run its course. Thank you for your patronage, and please visit the links below for more information on my potty training and parenting resources! The Finer Details of This Episode: The difference between tantrums, meltdowns, and big feelings Tantrums, meltdowns, and big feelings can meld and morph into each other What’s normal and what can we do about tantrums? Oftentimes, tantrums can be caused because of digestive issues or allergies, so please do not jump to conclusions that it is a behavioral issue Most behavioral therapists agree that tantrums are a demand for attention, a demand for something tangible, or an escape from a demand (putting on shoes, leaving the house) Tantrums start developmentally around the 16-month to 3-year mark and it coincides with explosive brain development Language skills are also underdeveloped at that time and they do not have the words to express their thoughts or needs Tantrums after 3.5 years are concerning - they should not be happening regularly beyond ages 4 or 5 Be cautious of brushing off behavior that’s out of the norm, as you child could really be suffering Another marker to look for is whether your child is only tantruming with you versus at daycare, in public, at the playground - across the board If they’re having tantrums only with you, that means they feel safe with you and you’re actually a very good parent Average tantrum should only last between 6 to 12 minutes Using the Go To Your Room strategy for big feelings and reactions so child can self-regulate on their own Be cautious of overstimulation and plan your outings accordingly Keep in mind that everyone is allowed to have a shitty day, even kids At the end, you want to hold your child tight and restore connection - do not process the tantrum If you are concerned about your kid’s tantrum behavior, consult a parenting expert like myself or your pediatrician Links: Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? How To Measure Whether Your Child’s Tantrums Are Normal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

37. July Q&A Jul 15, 2021

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Welcome to July’s Q&A episode! Today I dive right in with some excellent questions about whether to allow “sexy” dolls like L.O.L Surprise Dolls in imaginary play, being aware of which franchises and marketing campaigns your children are exposed to, and how to encourage your child to play independently. I break down the relatively recent phenomenon of children expecting their parents to play with them and keep them entertained all day, and what you can do about it, even if you have an only child. Boredom is the basis for creativity, and it’s okay to establish boundaries for time together versus adult time for you. I share the two simple, but powerful words you can use to stop a rude or sassy attitude in its tracks, and what to do if your child is “acting out” in physical ways but not necessarily melting down. Finally, as we slowly return to our busy lives after the pandemic, remember that work, relationships, and parenting demands can drain our energy resources quickly. I offer my perspective on why it’s so important to rest, slow down, and pay attention to what activities feel restorative to you and your soul (reading, limiting social media, going for a walk in the woods) in this sometimes draining season of life. Thank you for your listening, and I appreciate your patronage more than I can say. For more information on my potty training and parenting resources, please visit the links below. The Finer Details of This Episode: Reminder to do strength training as it helps your body to heal itself Question about L.O.L Dolls, and whether to allow “sexy dolls” in imaginary play Make a conscious choice about which franchises and marketing campaigns your children are exposed to Watch your child’s play for any signs of inappropriate behavior, and keep in mind that most of the time, these types of toys or images are not sexualized for the child When you absolutely do not allow a certain toy or word, it may just make it all the more desirable Sitcom zingers and one-liner jokes may seem innocuous, but they can be hurtful or create huge attitudes in real life Kids are normally meant to play with other kids, and it isn’t our job to make sure they are entertained and occupied all day Make it very clear that there will be time when you play together, and time when they can do things by themselves Having “Reading Time” together is also a great way to not only encourage reading, but also for them to learn how to be with you without expecting to be entertained the entire time Boredom is the basis for creativity When your child is being rude or sassy, you do not need to point it out - simply ask them to try again When they are acting out, you don’t want to give in or engage in negotiation - instead, acknowledge how they’re feeling, give them the emotional vocabulary to explain why they’re upset, but maintain that they still do the thing you asked them to do and thank them for it They may be acting out because they don’t have the language to express how they feel, or they are afraid you may get mad at them if they do voice their feelings Work, relationships, and parenting can drain your energy resources quickly It’s very important to rest, slow down, and pay attention to what activities feel restorative to you and your soul in this sometimes draining season of life Links: Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

36. May Q&A May 13, 2021

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This month’s Q&A episode begins with a question about Redshirting (postponing entrance into kindergarten to allow extra time for social, emotional, intellectual, and physical growth). This is a controversial topic because parents can be accused of using it to give their kids an advantage, but I explain why it might actually be best to hold a child back, particularly if their birthday is close to the cutoff date. Sending kids too early can set them on a path of feeling like they’re always behind throughout their school career, not only academically, but emotionally and physically as well. I also tackle a question about healthy eating habits and the murky waters of using food as a reward. I break down why I am 100% against this practice as it creates unhealthy relationships with food, and I discuss why food should not be tied to emotions or power struggles with your kid. Finally, I look at using distractions during a tantrum - when it’s good, when it’s bad. There’s a window of opportunity when you can successfully distract your child with a change in scenery or deep breathing exercises, but if they’re past that point and you find yourself in “Juggling Fire and Spinning Plates” territory, it’s actually healthy to let kids experience their full range of emotions so that they can learn the boundaries of what’s acceptable. After all, kids need to be an asshole before they can learn how to not be an asshole. As always, I love hearing your questions and truly appreciate your patronage. Thank you for listening and keep your questions coming! The Finer Details of This Episode: Redshirting is the practice of postponing entrance into Kindergarten of age-eligible children, to allow extra time for social, emotional, intellectual or physical growth Redshirting is a controversial practice because some parents are accused of using it to give their kids an advantage Kindergarten has a much more challenging curriculum today, and is much more competitive Sending your child to Kindergarten early could set them up to always feel behind the other children as time goes on, not only academically, but physically and emotionally as well 100% against using food as a reward or punishment, as this will create a very unhealthy relationship with food moving forward Do not use dessert as currency to get your child to do expected behavior (eat a healthy dinner, use the potty) If you use food as a reward, it will often escalate to the child asking for more before they comply Try to view your child’s eating habits through a daily lens, not a meal lens - did they get a fair amount of protein, carbohydrates, and nutrients throughout the day versus in that one sitting? Make sure you’re providing age appropriate food and serving sizes so your child is not overwhelmed Create a family meal culture of not having seconds until your plate is clear, knowing you’ve given them an appropriate amount of protein and vegetables Treats should not be associated with any rewards - it’s okay to just have a treat Food should not be tied to emotions or power struggles as this can lead to picky eating or even body image issues later in life “Go To Your Room” strategy helps children learn what self-regulates them The arc of a typical toddler tantrum includes a window of opportunity where you can distract them by going outside, watching a movie, doing deep breathing Kids need to have tantrums and experience the full range of their emotions to learn boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not Trying to fix the feeling versus being the calm, centered parent to guide them back into their body Links: Jamie’s Homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

35. Q&A: April 2021 Edition Apr 08, 2021

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Today’s Q&A begins with a topic so many of you have asked about - positive reinforcement. Somehow along the way, parents confused positive reinforcement with offering bribes and rewards for everyday behaviors. But before you find yourself promising a trip to Disneyland for a single poop in the potty, I break down how you can recognize good behaviour without setting your kids up to feel entitled. In response to your questions about connection before correction, I’ll clarify how you can connect with your kid using short spurts of one-on-one time, and I’ll share some ideas on how to help a child who throws tantrums when they lose a game. Today’s episode also looks at screentime, and how to ease your child back to reality when it’s time to turn off Peppa Pig. Finally, I’ll discuss consequences versus punishment, the role of shame and guilt in shifting behavior, and how Gentle Parenting can actually lead to more aggression in some cases. As always, thank you for your patronage and your participation in this platform. I love your questions and getting to hear about all of your experiences on this parenting journey. I can’t wait to hear what questions you have for me next month! The Finer Details of This Episode: Effective methods to reinforce positive behaviour, like using a low pitch with your voice and offering a solid fist bump The importance of praising the effort, not the outcome Like adults, children want to be seen and validated for their effort and the work they put into something Connection before correction, and having a “bouillon cube” of one-on-one time with your child Coping with kids who throw tantrums when they lose a game - every kid goes through this phase Finding a balance with screentime boundaries, and using a bridge of attention to ease them back to reality without tantrums It is okay to sometimes allow your child to experience bad consequences or bad feelings when they do something wrong as this is how they know not to repeat the behavior Quotes: “If we don’t have boundaries, I see this sort of free fall in kids.” “They have nothing to hold them in, nothing to kick against, and therefore know that they’re safe.” “We do want to reinforce the positive, otherwise the child has no idea.” “And that leads us to positive reinforcement. Somehow along the way, I think parents got confused and this became bribery and/or rewards.” “Positive reinforcement is really just noticing the good.” “We don’t praise the outcome, we praise the effort.” “I hope you’re not stringing yourself out trying to be super connected all day long.” “Before every game, it’s wise to say, ‘Listen, people win and people lose, and that’s okay.’” “I definitely think it’s better to start making them lose early on so they get acclimated.” “Do not get trapped just because your kid throws a tantrum.” “Remember, when your kid is little, they are in the screen, so it’s really hard to just pull them away.” “It is okay for your child to feel bad about the bad thing they did.” “If they’re not responding and it’s not effective, change it.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

34. Q&A: March 2021 Edition Mar 25, 2021

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It’s that time again to open up the digital mailbag, and respond to some of your questions, which I absolutely love, love, love. While some of today’s questions offer new twists on previous topics, all of them are, of course, excellent ones which I know so many are wondering about as well, so let’s dig in, shall we? Today, we’ll look at ways to handle the constant ‘I want’ requests from your kid, revisit the concept of changing the family dinner if it’s not working well currently, look at sleep and dealing with early risers, and handling the stage of combining ‘No’ with emotions. We’ll also delve into the dynamics of having an older and younger child, as well as the world of playdates especially at a friend’s house, and the importance of being an asker as opposed to a guesser. Again, I love receiving these questions so much because they reflect real life, and give me the opportunity to share real, practical advice rather than theoretical. Please keep them coming – I can’t wait for our next Q&A session! The Finer Details of This Episode: There’s no cure for sibling fighting; it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other Kids are going to be relentless in their asking Create a culture of answering your child’s requests with ‘Yes’, ‘No’, or ‘Maybe’ where ‘Maybe’ means “Probably, but it will turn to a ‘No’ if you keep asking” If you can get children talking about their ‘favorite’, you can derail just about any behavior that you’re not wanting; they’re often looking for engagement with you If your dinner time is miserable, it’s okay to fix it; you don’t need to have it the way others might Giving up a nap can help with children who wake up too early Don’t be tricked into thinking there are ‘kid night owls’ Circadian rhythms are often backwards in children with ADHD We don’t want to be ‘sportscasting’ with our kids Statements such as ‘No angry’, ‘No happy’, ‘No sad’ could actually be expressing ‘Don’t look at me/Don’t see me’ so don’t look at them in that moment; it’s a phase When you have an older and younger child, you need to cater to the older child’s needs; give them a safe space to play and create Leaving your child with another parent is based on your answer to ‘Do I feel comfortable with how the other parent disciplines and/or handles it when the shit hits the fan?’ Playdates are just a reality today; choose the people that you like and respect; clarify with the other parent about ‘trading time’ – be an asker, not a guesser; paying for child interactions happens all the time so it might be something worth considering Quotes: “What it is, is engagement.” “I’m a fan of, like, reverse engineering.” “Sleep gets conditioned by us and by the things we need to do, but toddlers don’t have that.” “Be very careful that you’re not limiting your older child because of the younger child.” “As your child gets older, you don’t have to be friends with your child’s friends’ parents, so that’s kind of a real relief.” “It’s so rare for somebody to come and grab your kid out of their yard.” “We do feel like we have to hover.” “We need parental time.” “It’s far better to be an asker, because there’s no ambiguity and there’s no mistakes.” “You need to fucking ask if there’s guns in the house. Like, that’s…a non-negotiable.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

33. The Return of the Q & A – February 2021 Edition Mar 04, 2021

Show notes

This week, we’re going to move on from our trauma series, but before we do, I want to thank you all for your fantastic feedback during it. I always love our dialogue, and especially during such an important topic, so once again, thank you. As we move on today, it’s time for another Q & A to look at all the questions that have been piling up over the past month, so let’s get started. The questions this time around range from children displaying shyness, to bringing co-sleeping with your child to an end, to sibling play, and then to driving children around to help them get to sleep. We’ll also look at the age-old concern about getting children to give up their pacifier, as well as what to do when your child is in that “refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer” stage. Once more, we have a full slate of excellent questions that I know so many are wondering about, and I want to encourage you to keep them coming so that, as always, we can work together to address them. The Finer Details of This Episode: There are many different preferences regarding children who appear shy in public I have very little patience for anyone ignoring someone who is greeting them I don’t care where you sleep as long as everybody sleeps and it works for everybody The minute you cave on something, you reinforce the behavior To break co-sleeping silently return your child to their bed, prepare for a few sleepless nights, and have someone to help you with backup The pandemic seems to have fostered an attitude with some parents to allow undesirable behaviors to continue Don’t allow your child to do something that makes you dislike or resent them Many times, children need to experience the consequences of their actions before they will change their behavior Sleep is everything – the best gift you can give your kids is good sleep habits I do not like the idea of driving kids around for sleep – find out why sleep is not happening Read the chapter about dinner times in Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler, if you haven’t already, about when to have dinner in relation to bed time Under the age of 5, everyone sitting down for family dinner at the same time is not nearly as important as getting nutrition and proper sleep If you have to make exceptions to sleep routines for some reason, set a date to attend to its end Slowly giving up a transitional object (pacifier, blanky, etc.) to which your child has become attached is incredibly stressful for them – doing it quickly is much better Cutting a hole in a pacifier so it loses its ‘suck’ appeal can help in giving it up There are phases that kids go through (won’t take no for an answer, asking why, etc.) and they usually don’t last too long Establishing a response tier such as “’No’ means ‘no’, ‘yes’ means ‘yes’, and ‘maybe’ means ‘probably’ but if you keep being up my ass, it’s going to turn into a ‘no’” can prove beneficial If you’re going to cave, cave early What you continue to do, fosters the habit – if it’s not working for you, change it Quotes: “You can be shy, but you have to say ‘Hello’.” “With kids…once you start something, it’s really hard to break it…it’s a slippery slope.” “If something’s not working, change it.” “If your child is not in the right circadian rhythm, they will have a hard time falling asleep.” “They get this, like, well connected, juicy time with their kid after work instead of fighting over one more fuckin’ bite.” “If you know that you have it in you to not cave, then ‘no’ means ‘no’.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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