Mom and Mind | Pregnancy and Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

Latest Episodes:

216: Understanding Attachment and Bonding with Bethany Warren, LCSW, PMH-C Dec 31, 2021

Show notes

Today’s show focuses on attachment and bonding. Some parents feel immediate love and connection with their new baby, but for many, they struggle to achieve a “normal” bond. The good news is that there are specific steps parents can take to understand the basics of attachment and bonding. Join us to learn more!

Beth Warren is a psychotherapist in private practice in San Diego, California. She has a passion for reproductive mental health and has worked in this field for over 20 years. Beth is certified in EMDR therapy and Perinatal Mental Health, specializing in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, birth trauma, pregnancy loss, and infertility. She has worked in both hospital and outpatient psychiatric settings and has led postpartum support groups for new mothers. She is a current member and previously served as the President of the Board of the Postpartum Health Alliance, a nonprofit organization in San Diego dedicated to promoting awareness of Perinatal Mental Health. In addition to working as a therapist and EMDR consultant, she facilitates trainings and is a regular speaker, lecturer, podcast/radio guest. She has written a newly released book called The Pregnancy and Postpartum Mood Workbook, which helps new parents navigate their emotions and build skills towards mental wellness through their journey of parenthood.

Show Highlights:

The fundamental basics of bonding and attachment
How bonding includes feelings of warmth, connection, protection, and responsibility that unfold over time
How traumatic births can delay feelings of bonding and attachment
How a disruption in attachment from your childhood can play out to delay bonding with your own child
How an anxious parent can have an effect on how that child grows up and then parents their own child—and why they might want to parent differently
How culture and community can play into parenting because of our experiences in life
Why parents have to heal themselves in order to be good parents and break multi-generational patterns
How perinatal mood and anxiety disorders can cause delayed bonding, but the good news is that parents can keep working on it
How the feedback loop happens as a new baby grows and develops to interact with his parents
Why mirror neurons are vitally important for babies to learn from their parents
How therapy can help parents learn what they are doing well even when they don’t feel the bonding with their baby that they want
How Beth works with parents to help them think about what their baby “would thank them for today”
How words of affirmation and encouragement can make all the difference for an anxious mom
Beth’s advice for parents to promote bonding and attachment:
Talk to your baby during every chance for interaction.
Add singing and other motions with eye contact to help them imitate you.
“Wear” your baby in a sling to keep them close to you and practice skin-to-skin touch when possible.
Why some parents have the distorted belief that their baby doesn’t like them or they are a bad parent when they don’t understand how bonding unfolds over time
How positive quiet-time intervention can help the struggling parent
How Beth’s new book, The Pregnancy and Postpartum Mood Workbook, has suggested bonding and attachment exercises

Resources:

Bethany Warren LCSW

Find Beth on Instagram.

The Pregnancy and Postpartum Mood Workbook: The Guide to Surviving Your Emotions When Having a Baby by Bethany Warren and Beth Creager Berger

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215: Postpartum Depression Nov 15, 2021

Show notes

There are many misconceptions about postpartum depression, what it is, and how it manifests itself. This episode will clear up some of the myths and bring clarity, hope, and awareness to this topic. Join us to learn more!

Kristina Deligiannidis, MD, received her medical degree from and completed her psychiatry residency and chief residency in psychopharmacology research at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. After residency, she completed a visiting fellowship and further training in multimodal neuroimaging at the Massachusetts General Hospital/Martinos Center for Biomedical Imaging. Dr. Deligiannidis joined the faculty at Zucker Hillside Hospital, the Feinstein Institutes for Medical Research, and the Donald and Barbara Zucker School of Medicine at Hofstra/Northwell in September 2016. She is board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and currently serves as the director of women’s behavioral health at Zucker Hillside Hospital. As a reproductive psychiatrist, she has expertise in treating women with mood and anxiety disorders linked to the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause.

Show Highlights:

How Dr. D came to this field that blends neuroscience, psychiatry, and women’s health
Why her research into postpartum depression focuses on the female hormones before, during, and after pregnancy and childbirth
Postpartum depression defined and explained: It is a mix of emotional, physical, and other symptoms that usually begin with sadness, loss of pleasure in activities, sleep difficulties, appetite disturbances, irritability, agitation, guilt, loss of worth, and more.
How postpartum depression and “baby blues” differ in severity, onset, and duration
How changes in the brain take place due to pregnancy hormones increasing and decreasing with the birth process
Risk factors for perinatal depression include a personal history of depression, increased stressors, and minimal support
How moms describe postpartum depression with feelings of isolation and a loss of self
How many women suffer without getting the help and support they need and have long-term effects
Why we need to do a better job in recognizing and treating postpartum depression for the sake of moms, babies, families, and society
How the risks for depression in pregnancy and the postpartum can differ from each other
D explains a recent study by Healthy Woman that shows the pressure women feel to “do it all” and like they are “bothering someone” if they ask for help
How people can prepare for life with a new baby and prioritize their emotional health
Why a higher percentage of Hispanic and black women report inadequate social support and poor access to their healthcare providers in the early postpartum period, as compared with white women
How a new program, Check On Mom, helps with developing a maternal mental wellness plan

Resources:

My Check On Mom

Connect with Kristina

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214: Parental Burnout with Shelley Kemmerer, PA-C Nov 01, 2021

Show notes

Parents have experienced burnout for generations, but it’s only recently that parent burnout has been recognized as something that needs support. Today’s guest is making a difference in this space, helping parents and families with overall mental and physical wellness. Join us to learn more!

Shelley Kemmerer PA-C is the founder of Run Tell Mom, LLC. She is a licensed physician assistant who is certified in parental burnout prevention by The Training Institute for Parental Burnout, the world’s leading training institute on parental burnout. She helps parents and caregivers with live-in children navigate transitions throughout their parenting journey. Shelley provides personalized, customizable resources through one-on-one consultations, collaborative workshops, and master classes with a goal to optimize the parenting experience while filling the space beyond clinical care.

Show Highlights:

Shelley’s path to the work she does today to help parents
How Shelley saw the need for parental burnout resources after the birth of her youngest child
Shelley’s unique perspective as a PA and a mom who realized that families need extra support
Why Shelley’s social media goals are to allow collaborative discussions with providers, parents, and support specialists--and to bring awareness to available resources
How expectation vs. reality is a wide divide in parenthood
Why parents need connection, support circles, and therapy; the problem is that they don’t know whether to ask a doula, midwife, pediatrician, or therapist
What Shelley noticed from her perspective as a parent:
Very brief visits to healthcare providers with not enough time to address all the important issues
Difficulties in returning to work after a baby’s birth, especially for those in the healthcare field
Contributing factors to parental burnout: perfectionism (competing with other parents to have everything “in order”), social media expectations, limited parental leave, and individualism
How parents are balancing “stacked plates” of productivity goals at work, extracurricular activities for kids, keeping a clean home, self-care, and more!
How COVID has brought an upheaval in many families and homes that is exhausting, even in dual-parent households, but even more so for single parents
Tips for prevention of burnout: division of labor between parents, good sleep, exercise, healthy nutrition, awareness of signs of depression and anxiety, connecting with others, etc.
How to support parents in getting good sleep--and why it’s vitally important for many reasons!
Top resources for parents that Shelley recommends: Postpartum Support International, Call 2-1-1, social media support groups, and other local support groups
Three defining hallmarks of parental burnout: overwhelming significant exhaustion related to the parental role, emotional distancing from one’s child or children, lack of joy or fulfilling pleasure in being a parent (this would be a distinct change in how you WERE as a parent to how you are today)
Differences between depression/anxiety and burnout
Why these discussions about burnout are difficult to have
How to take things off your plate by “triaging” them into what’s urgent and not-so-urgent
Parting words from Shelley: “You CAN feel better. There are small steps you can take to make gradual changes to improve what might have gone on for months or years. Have more self-compassion for yourself that you are doing what you can right now. It’s not a sign of weakness if you ask for help. Parents are beautiful, awesome people.”

Resources:

Email Shelley: runtellmom@gmail.com

Check out her website: www.runtellmom.com

Find Shelley on Instagram.

Find support: Postpartum

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213: An Undiagnosed Postpartum Depression Turned Into A Therapist's Passion Oct 18, 2021

Show notes

Therapists are under unique pressure to “have it all together” when pregnancy and parenthood challenges come along. The truth is that no one is immune to these challenges, and therapists experience the same struggles as anyone else. Join us as today’s guest shares her experience in becoming a parent and adjusting to her role in motherhood.

Veronica Eyo is a bilingual licensed clinical social worker. Her passion is to help all moms navigate the challenges of parenthood. She transitioned into her practice of working primarily with mothers after her first pregnancy, and her experiences led her to seek specialized training in working with moms of color. Supporting mamas through various walks of life is what grounds Veronica, and this passion influenced her dissertation as she researched student mothers’ success in institutions of higher learning.

Show Highlights:

Veronica’s experience with her first pregnancy and not holding space for herself as she was for her clients
How her daughter’s birth became a whirlwind after a four-day labor and C-section that left Veronica feeling like a failure
How her allergy to penicillin resulted in problems for her and her daughter
The painful memories of the rocky four-day period in the hospital and not even remembering meeting her daughter for the first time
How the breastfeeding difficulties compounded Veronica’s feelings of failure
How Veronica learned to focus on “one next step” to keep going with the help of a therapist friend
How motherhood became a struggle for Veronica because of the standards she set for herself
Why no one around Veronica knew how much she struggled
Why Veronica had a difficult time letting other people hold her baby
How Veronica found support through Mommy and Me, even though there weren’t other moms there who shared her cultural heritage
How Veronica felt about being a stay-at-home mom for a year and then going back to work
How Veronica felt guilty and ashamed at first when she took time for herself
How Veronica feels that she has changed so much as a mom over the last four years, stepping into her role as a mother as the result of deep work
Why “one small thing” has become Veronica’s life motto
Why Veronica didn’t stick to her Mexican cultural tradition of 40 days of rest after childbirth because she found it difficult to accept help; with her second and third children, she found it easier to let people help her
The need to get correct messaging out there that it’s OK for mothers to take breaks, take time for themselves, and ask for help
What Veronica wants other moms to know: “No one has it figured out--and that’s OK. There isn’t ONE right way to do things, so you can decide what works best for you and your family. Your community is important, whether it’s on social media, podcasts, or taking time for self-care. Just take one step at a time.”

Resources:

Dr. Veronica

Find Veronica on Instagram.

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212: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Oct 04, 2021

Show notes

Today’s episode turns to pregnancy and infant loss as we acknowledge October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. We want to spend time honoring all parents who have experienced this unique type of loss. Everyone who experiences a pregnancy or infant loss goes through the grief in their own way and at their own pace, and there are specific ways that we can offer support. Let’s dive into this difficult subject together.

Show Highlights:

Why you owe no one an explanation about how you feel, why you feel it, or how long you feel it.
Why people very often don’t know what to say for a number of possible reasons
Why some people may choose not to share openly about their loss
Why shame, blame, and trauma accompany this kind of overwhelming loss
How we can help erase the stigma, silence, and isolation that many people feel after a loss
How it’s common to experience worry and anxiety in trying to become pregnant again after a loss
How grief is not a linear process that begins and ends but affects multiple aspects of life
How dates become significant in loss for many people, but others may feel awkward about remembering
Why it’s OK to tell people to ask how you’re doing, check in on you, help remember the date, etc.
Many great supports are available; check out our Resources section below!

Resources:

PSI Check out the therapist directory, free support groups, and more!

Return to Zero: Hope Check out the many resources!

Pregnancy After Loss Support

Sisters in Loss on Instagram

Dr. Jessica Zucker

I Had a Miscarriage by Jessica Zucker

Star Legacy Foundation

Mom & Mind Loss-Related Episodes: 208, 206, 200, and 188--Visit Dr. Kaeni.

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211: Support for Men's Mental Health in Fatherhood Sep 22, 2021

Show notes

We are talking about how partners are affected and transformed in their journey into parenthood. Fathers need support and education just like mothers do. Join us to learn more!

Scott Mair lives with his wife and seven sons in the UK. He’s here to share how he started supporting new fathers through their journey to new parenthood. Scott is on a mission to set up parental mental health support for parents and promote awareness of paternal mental health. He’s a member of the Paternal Mental Health Alliance, mental health campaigner, trained peer-to-peer leader, team member of the perinatal training CIC, and qualified Beyond Birth mental wellbeing practitioner. In today’s episode, you’ll hear key informative points from Scott about how we can support fathers in the transition to parenthood, as well as how our outdated views of fathers negatively impact men in their transition into fatherhood.

Show Highlights:

How Scott got started in the field of paternal mental health through the traumatic birth of his seventh son just over two years ago
How anxiety began building during his wife’s pregnancy with the seventh son, after almost losing her and his son in the previous birth
How Scott was getting his mental health wrong for years, culminating in the circumstances around the difficult two births
How approached his local hospital about the need for education for dads about mental health and the realities of parenting
How the UK is ahead of the US in its long-term plan for perinatal mental health
How Scott offers support for fathers through charities supported by the NHS
How mothers and fathers can need support differently, even with the same birth of the same baby
How Scott convinces men of the need to talk about their mental health and parenting issues
The myth of masculinity and why we need to work to create a world where men can freely show emotions and vulnerability
The pressure on moms and dads in pregnancy and parenting
How Scott learned to assist his wife and support her as a breastfeeding mom
How to model compassion and authenticity in allowing children to feel emotions and express their feelings
Scott’s best tips for new parents:
Be the parent YOU want to be--not the one society tells you to be.
Drown out the noise and opinions of others; try your hardest and find what works best for YOU.
Find time for each other as a couple. Make time each day for a brief check-in with each other and enjoy the small moments together.

Resources:

Connect with Scott:

Twitter: @scottmair9

Instagram: @pmh_support

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210: Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents with Kara Hoppe, MFT Sep 08, 2021

Show notes

Today’s show focuses on your relationship during pregnancy and the postpartum period. My guest shares her experience through postpartum depression and anxiety and the effects on her marriage. We are covering what you need to know--but no one has told you--about the entry into parenthood. Join us!

Kara Hoppe is a psychotherapist, teacher, feminist, and mother. She has spent more than a decade as an inclusive therapist working with individuals and couples toward healing and growing toward becoming grounded, integrated people with better access to their own instincts, wisdom, and creativity. Kara offers workshops for parents and expectant couples based on her book, Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents. She lives with her husband and son in Pioneertown, CA, and sees clients in private practice via telehealth. In today’s conversation, Kara helps us understand how new parents can navigate the unexpected changes in their relationship, including how to communicate, how to maintain intimacy, and how to grow together as a new family.

Show Highlights:

Kara’s experience with postpartum depression and anxiety through the birth of her son and thought the disconnect was just “normal”
How her husband noticed the shift in her and urged her to take time for herself
How the relationship changes for Kara brought discomfort and “dizzying vulnerability” in needing her husband so much
From her husband’s perspective, it felt good to be needed in a different way and be a necessary partner in parenting--but there were frustrations from his end
Why the postpartum aspect is hard to understand when you’re in the middle of it and requires a “big picture” approach
Why Kara decided to write a book to help other couples, and how she brought in Stan Tatkin to help
How Kara and her husband got back to relationship intimacy on every level to strengthen their marriage
How parenthood brings many opportunities for misattunement and hurt within a marriage
How Kara teaches secure functioning from attachment theory, which is based on trust, safety, and security
How the micro-moments of mistake can be repaired to return to intimate connection
Why the couple relationship must come first when the baby arrives
How the child gains security by seeing parents taking care of each other’s needs
How Kara wants to empower couples to co-create the life they want as equal partners
From Kara’s book: how her chapter on sexual intimacy covers navigating the conflict over “touching”
How the non-primary parent can offer care without over-touching
How to reframe your needs into words that communicate to your partner without blame or attack
How Kara’s couples retreats teach skills for repairing your relationship and cultivating increased intimacy
Hopeful messages from Kara: “Partners who get support in understanding themselves and what they do can take responsibility and make changes. Awareness is key, and we can teach that.”

Resources:

www.karahoppe.com

Find Kara Hoppe on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents by Kara Hoppe and Dr. Stan Tatkin

Find Dr. Stan Tatkin on Instagram and Facebook.

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209: Parental Mental Health - Factoring in Fathers with Jane Honikman Aug 23, 2021

Show notes

Today’s episode is an important one in the field of parental mental health. Unfortunately, fathers are often overlooked in many aspects of parenthood and family dynamics. To build strong families, we need to involve all parents in the path to parenthood and in providing family-supporting resources. Join us to learn more!

Jane Honikman, M.S. co-founded Postpartum Education for Parents (PEP), co-founded the Postpartum Action Institute, and founded Postpartum Support International (PSI). Jane is the author of several parenting support books: Community Support for New Families; I’m Listening: A Guide to Supporting Postpartum Families; My Diary: A Postpartum Journey from Pain to Purpose; Postpartum Action Manual: How to Provide Comfort, Encouragement, and Guidance to New Families; and Parental Mental Health: Factoring in Fathers. She was born and raised in Palo Alto, California, and has lived in Santa Barbara since 1970. She and her husband have three adult married children, eight grandchildren, and a cat.

Show Highlights:

How Jane looked to her mother as a role model but didn’t follow conventional social rules as she became an adult
How fantasies about life can set you up for failure and disaster
Why Jane was involved in the movement to make mothers and fathers equal partners in parenthood in the 70s
How family mental illness and her personal trauma pushed Jane into her work with parental mental health
The flip in inequity with what we’ve done to men and their feelings
What we should change regarding fathers
How Jane partnered with Dan Singley to write Factoring in Fathers
Why men today struggle to identify role models in manhood and parenthood
How postpartum mental illness affects men in different forms than women
How pediatricians can do more in parental mental health with the whole family
Available resources for fathers
How mental health clinicians can do better in their work with families
Why the postpartum period never really comes to an end

Resources:

Instagram: (@parental_health)

Twitter: Parental_Health

Factoring In Fathers

Jane’s books:

Community Support for New Families

I’m Listening: A Guide to Supporting Postpartum Families

My Diary: A Postpartum Journey from Pain to Purpose

Postpartum Action Manual: How to Provide Comfort, Encouragement, and Guidance to New Families

Parental Mental Health: Factoring in Fathers by Jane Honikman and Daniel Singley

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208: Perinatal Loss, Black Women, Birthing and Protecting Wellness Jul 12, 2021

Show notes

Today’s guest shares her story of pregnancy losses and the resulting anxiety and depression that made the journey to parenthood very challenging. Join us to hear her inspiring story of healing and hope.

Dorienna M. Alfred, Ph.D., PMH-C is a licensed psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional. She is the owner of Works of Faith Wellness and Consultation, LLC, a private practice centered on perinatal mental health services in Columbus, Ohio. Through the practice, she provides individual therapy, workshops, and continuing education that promote health equity for those at the highest risk for complications during pregnancy and postpartum. Dr. Alfred is the author of the book, Pregnant with Promise: A Spiritual Journey of Pregnancy, Bed Rest, and Childbirth, which is a memoir of her journey with loss and pregnancy complications. She has been a guest blogger for Pregnancy After Loss Support and has been a guest on the Sisters in Loss Podcast. She is particularly interested in supporting parents with pregnancy complications and pregnancy loss, and is completing a certification to become a birth and bereavement doula. She has co-authored various publications and refereed workshops on topics related to women’s health, racial identity, social justice, and cultural competence. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her husband and sons, reading novels, scrapbooking, and Zumba.

Show Highlights:

How Dorienna came into the field of perinatal mental health through two early pregnancy losses
The devastating experience of having to deliver the second loss and the resulting anxiety and trauma
How Dorianna’s successful pregnancy with her son was joyful but difficult with 14 weeks of bed rest
Why Dorienna compiled her book from journal entries of her experiences
How the landscape of mental health would change if there were more education and training for therapists in perinatal mental health
How Dorienna, even as a psychologist, didn’t receive mental health support through her losses and while on bed rest
The need to talk about and educate people about how pregnancy loss can impact future pregnancies and parenting
How stress and trauma can result from perceived racism and lack of acknowledgement
The importance of giving space to talk about pent-up emotions
The benefits of having a doula--and even a postpartum doula for the 4th trimester and beyond
The value of therapy in learning new coping skills and knowing you aren’t on your journey alone
Final words from Dorienna: “Don’t be afraid to take the risk and find a therapist that works best for you and is a good fit. Therapy can be very beneficial to find the support system you need.”

Resources:

Works of Faith

@doriennamalfred instagram

Find Dorienna’s book on Amazon: Pregnant with Promise: A Spiritual Journey of Pregnancy, Bed Rest, and Childbirth

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207: Christine's Story Through Postpartum, Anxiety, Colic, Stress, and Healing Through it All Jun 28, 2021

Show notes

Today’s episode covers the personal story of a mother who has been through postpartum anxiety, severe colic, and complicated family transitions. Through her difficulties, she has thrown herself into learning about perinatal mental health challenges, supporting herself, and helping other families.

Christine Carrig is the director of Carrig Montessori School in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a master’s degree in Early Childhood Education as well as a Montessori certification. Christine has trained as a postpartum doula through both DONA and Ayurvedic Mamas. Most recently, Christine founded The Family Flow, a community that offers online courses for parents of young children, with the aim of helping parents understand and support their children so they can guide them through the messy terrain of development. Christine lives in Queens with her husband and four young children.

Show Highlights:

In 2012, Christine’s first daughter was born after a wonderful pregnancy
As a new business owner of a Montessori school, Christine pushed herself too hard as a new mom and was shocked at her hypervigilance and how it depleted her energy
How Christine noticed that her daughter was extremely sensitive and easily overwhelmed by her emotions and frequently overstimulated; she also had sleep issues
In 2015, her son was born after a more challenging pregnancy for Christine, and she felt like there was a cloud over her all the time
How her daughter started showing harmful aggressive behavior toward the baby and Christine to the point she feared being alone with the two children
How Christine felt inadequate to walk through this terrain of transition with her daughter to the point that she felt like a failure as a mother
How Christine’s relationship with her own mother changed and left her feeling unsupported and isolated in an extended period of estrangement between them
How her newborn son’s fussiness and vomiting escalated into full-blown colic, and Christine drew strength from her husband’s calm optimism
How an interaction with her sister gave Christine a new perspective on her situation
When her son’s colic settled down around nine months, she sought help from acupuncture, therapy, and learning more about her daughter’s unique needs
When Christine became pregnant again, she feared a repeat of her postpartum experience, so she took maternal mental health training and listened to the Mom & Mind podcast, trying to make a different plan for herself and her older two children
How Christine took physical and emotional space after the birth of her third child to authentically bounce back and learned to ask for help
With her fourth baby, she hired a postpartum doula to help and learned how to ask friends and family for specific help
How she made her basement her “recovery cave” and took some “sitting in” time, which left her recovered, steady, and calm as a new mother of four children
How Christine helps other families through her Mindful Parenting program at her school and her online classes

Resources:

The Family Flow

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