Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

Latest Episodes:

Episode #2x10: The Drop Bear Conspiracy Mar 15, 2016

Show notes

What does a year in space do to your body, besides deprive it of sex? Astronaut Scott Kelly holds the answers. Listener Feedback is best described as, "You're all idiots," but we know that, so at least there's common ground. This week's installment of Hidden from the Headlines is brought to you by Fuck You, Pakistan, and whatever shit bigoted horse you rode in on. News this week kicks off by asking listeners to imagine spending $50 for a movie, if you get to watch it in your pajamas. (Can't you do that anyway if you just stop giving a shit?) Trump and Hillary make front pages again, as the GOP front runner sees mass violence break out at his rallies and the Democratic contender says something dumb about the Reagans. How much food do you throw out each day? Chances are, enough to feed someone else. That's why Tesco will begin donating all their unsold food to charity next year. Get your shit together, Whole Foods. No Context puts us all on the hot seat this week, and Aussie listener Greg gets his turn in the spotlight. WE KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO US AUSSIES. GTFO.

And in this week's After Dark:

Let's circle back around to our listener feedback and the growing PC culture debate. Because we haven't quite pissed off all of you yet. Personal stories of run-ins with extreme Social Justice Warriors abound. Where do we think the movement is valid, and where is it going too far? What even is a "safe space" and why is Andrew so God damned wise about them?

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Episode #2x09: Problematic Mar 09, 2016

Show notes

Our assholes are lubed up for your furious emails. But first: check out our band new #Millennial t-shirts, brought to you by the letter "p" -- please clap. All shirts are $20 and come with one free month of Patreon! Existing Patrons get a sweet little bonus too. Pucker up. As for this week's episode:

Let's dispel this myth that Facebook friends don't know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing. And they need to fucking stop. Hidden from the Headlines takes us to a distant land where being gay-- or reincarnated-- is banned from television and all movies are cut down to approximately 5 seconds. A new SCOTUS ruling decides to treat gay couples like real people, JP Morgan tells fossil fuels where they can stick it, we all contemplate moving to Canada, and J.K. Rowling comes under fire for appropriating Native American culture. All in this installment of Quickfire News. Embark with us on a main discussion about generational shifts toward liberalism. How will the next lineup of crotch dropplings be even more socially progressive? How will we cope with their superiority? Can you speak up? Get off my lawn. Surprise, bitch! welcomes a voicemail box to the show.

And in this week's After Dark:

On a scale of 1 to Literally Everyone, how many people would have watched Fox's proposed Trump v. Sanders debate? Another main discussion pulls open our financial wounds and peers inside. Is it true what they say about Millennials' dire financial state? What is this new hipster word "savings"? Watch the whole show unravel into a slew of personal tales about Laura's drinking habits, which can summarized only as "majestic."

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Episode #2x08: Super White Mar 03, 2016

Show notes

We’re back this week with a SUPER packed election episode. But first, Chris Rock took on the Academy for #OscarsSoWhite. Leo finally won an Oscar though, so… #progress? The #Millennial Confessional brings some exciting news, as well as questions about striking a work/life balance.

The shocking results from Super Tuesday states reveal PR team telling us that the only person shocked by results is Marco Rubio, who is currently experiencing software difficulties and needs a reboot. BRB.

What are the chances of a Sanders nomination? Improbable, but not impossible. This just in: Trump is no longer a joke. Stop laughing. No. Really… Stop. Chris Christie and the Republican Party Schism. No Context requires us to make Super Tuesday connections to songs about work and funerals. What? Hidden from the Headlines takes us to the Matrix.

In this week’s installment of After Dark:

Will it ever be “cool” to act presidential again, or are we doomed to a century of racist sociopaths with bad combovers and multiple bankruptcies? Move over ISIL, Emoji terrorism has come to America. The hosts prove they can’t even effectively hit on hotties on social media. Andrew sends a dick pic to Laura.

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Episode #2x07: Exceptional Feb 24, 2016

Show notes

If it looks like an asshole and talks like an asshole, it's probably Sony. #FreeKesha gains some much-needed momentum as the embattled singer struggles to ditch a binding contract with her alleged rapist. Apple takes on the FBI in an epic David and Goliath showdown over privacy and business rights. A very special Photoshop challenge is issued. Sea levels are rising faster than previously believed, but the real challenge is convincing people that's even true. Hashtag SCIENCE, BITCH. More tragic gun violence to really put the shine on your day! Innocent bystanders in Kalamazoo, Michigan paid the price this week for our rampant obsession with guns. New Words: brought to you by the letter "A" for Andrew. Or anus. We prove we're down with the kids by guessing what all these new hip words mean. Shit is on fleek. Or something. Surprise, bitch! exposes one listener's chronic meth addiction.

In this week's installment of After Dark:

TRIGGER WARNING. We discuss the struggle of quarter-life crises and how common it is to still not have any fucking clue at 28. What if your career sucks? (It does.) What if you just want to travel forever? (You do.) It all turns very weird and personal, and we're too lazy to edit it out. Enjoy.

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Episode #2x06: What Constitution? Feb 17, 2016

Show notes

Welcome back, sycophants, and enjoy this week's dose of gluten-free headlines.

Associate Producer's Choice wants to know in what ways is the U.S. worse off because of Obama, or in spite of him. THE 8TH HARRY POTTER BOOK GUYS!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!! Except not because it's a fucking script adapted by someone not named J.K. Rowling. But fine, we're still excited. The elephant in the room comes out. In fact, we dress it up and give it a name: Antonin Scalia. How will Scalia's death impact upcoming Supreme Court decisions, the election, and Mitch McConnell's credibility? Trick question. Mitch McConnell has no credibility. Devil's Advocate asks us to argue against better sense and judgment by putting ourselves in the shoes of our beloved Senate Majority Leader. Surprise, bitch! takes us to Nebraska, where Lily speaks on behalf of the whitest state in the union.

And this week on After Dark:

In this special installment, we bring on three Patrons who add their own opinions to our conversation about the generational divide. Thank you to Brittany, Jeremy, and Linnea for joining us!

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Episode #2x05: Better Halves Feb 10, 2016

Show notes

Episode 5 starts by revealing episode 4's secrets, ideas for Valentine's Day, and thoughts on the Super Bowl non-controversy controversy.

News kicks off with questioning… the news. What makes New Hampshire's primary important? Is it worth the media circus? Why is it so God damned white?

We sum up Twitter's new changes in 140 characters or less: dumb.

Thanks to the Supreme Court, we can't have nice things. Like cleaner energy. Or climate change policy. Or the fucking rule of law.

Hidden from the Headlines throws some much-deserved shade at President Obama, the fallen king of (certain) civil liberties.

Valentine's Day Special: the hosts bring on their boyfriends for The Newlywed Game, wherein we learn some strange things about each other and our taste in men.

No, we don't know why we agreed to this.

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Episode #2x04: Of Caucuses and Kings Feb 03, 2016

Show notes

Andrew humbles himself before God and man over last week's poor audio quality. We forgive you, Andrew, but Jesus doesn't. "Freedom" is spelled c-a-u-c-u-s if you're an Iowan or clinically insane person. We jump right into the goods with an overview of why, God, why do we do this to ourselves? How did we get here. Why don't we have nice things. The Iowa results, why they're pretty over-hyped, and our thoughts on what's coming up next in this circus of an election year. An AP Choice-Palooza brings up several new ideas for "Wait But Why?", questions whether we'd have sex with our clones (?!), and asks how the fuck we can make election day a national holiday. (Answer: Assert dominance. Stop showing up to work.) Hidden from the Headlines: Fake Out Edition gets nice and weird, with two real stories and one fake one. Listen closely and guess which lying piece of shit is the intruder. Surprise, BITCH! finally brings us Tiara after 493 unsuccessful calls. Thanks for being a team player, Tiara.

And in this week's After Dark (now available to all $2/month Patrons):

A new app promises to be the OKCupid of platonic relationships. Would we use this? Why don't we have any friends? Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? How are long-distance friendships different (and often more real) than traditional ones? We share our personal stories and tribulations, most notably about each other, and Andrew reveals he doesn't like us that much. Fuck you Andrew.

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Episode #2x03: We're Doomed, Part II Jan 26, 2016

Show notes

Note: There is an issue with Andrew's voice on this recording that we were unable to correct. We apologize for the issue and promise it won't happen again!

Andrew was almost murdered by a serial killer last week, so this episode is brought to you by paranoia: saving your life, one gut instinct at a time.

Divinely inspired during his near-death experience, Andrew introduces a new game designed specifically to make the other hosts cringe. Sarah Palin is bringing stupid back with her formal endorsement of Potato Face, and we're all mystified as to how the GOP let it get to this point. Associate Producer's Choice asks us: is the world really doomed? Or are we just cynics? The answer is yes. News tells the prophecy of a world engulfed in flame and shadow, so yeah I guess we all gonna die. If you care about your sushi (or your oceans), you'll start demanding hunting moratoriums on local fish populations cause they're dying too. Look, it's a party. I have no friends. You have no friends. And Facebook deceives us both. A new study shows there is zero correlation between social media friends and actual friends, yet we're all still about those filtered food pics. Taking on the sexy, compelling stories the lamestream media won't, we parse two Hidden from the Headlines gems sure to throw your inner outrage into high gear. Surprise, bitch! welcomes Summer and her apparent sexual fetish for cracklin. What... whatever that is?

And in this installment of After Dark:

Sarah Palin's dumpy ass endorsement of Trump deserves a few extra minutes, God damn it. Resident drug addict Laura Tee initiates a series of stories about getting high, watching each other get high, and whether that was actually Jupiter in our friend's oven. "Just say no. Unless it's a hit of acid. Then say, 'okay but only once.'" -Andrew Sims

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Episode #2x02: Burn It Down Jan 20, 2016

Show notes

Andrew is gearing up for an awful storm in New York. Alan Rickman has passed away. It makes us wonder: How many people are hiding their cancer? And why? The Iowa caucus is getting close! We look at the frontrunners (lolTrump) and a Sarah Palin endorsement. “Wait, what’s a caucus?” asks Denmark resident Selina. Listen feedback addresses uncut dicks and Natalie Cole (— sorry that these two had to share a sentence). Who’s the one person we absolutely dread dying? And what the hell will happen when Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling dies? The Guest Game: How will Selina respond to out of context, inside jokes about #Millennial? Flint, Michigan’s water situation is seriously awful. How could this happen in America? Did You Know? Wait… But Why? returns, and we all feel passionate about the issue of animal cruelty. Laura announces the #Millennial Book Club!

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Episode #2x01: But WHY? Jan 13, 2016

Show notes

Season 2 of #Millennial has arrived!

The four hosts survived their New Years celebrations (thanks in part to staying home), and one of us became a mage. What’s a mage?
Speaking of partying, someone in this episode is secretly drinking. Who is it? Take a guess and we’ll share the answer on 2x02.
The new year ushers in big new changes for our Patreon. New benefits and milestones are now available for those who pledge $2/month, and we’re now working towards BIG changes for our flagship Patreon feature, After Dark. Lean more by clicking here.
The new year has also ushered in new laws across America. We discuss a few of them, including an official state pie for Illinois!
New game: Wait But Why? In the premiere installment, we discuss circumcision. WHY?!
Quickfire News touches on Al Qaeda’s Oregon affiliate, David Bowie, China’s animal-cloning factory, and (sigh) Kim Davis.
Obama got hard on gun control over our break, and we’re getting hard in return.
New game: #Millennial for America. Laura and Matt are the first contestants!

And this week, on After Dark:

Political updates: State of the Union predictions (we recorded just before the speech) and Hillary losing her lead to Bernie.
Hidden from the Headlines: Microsoft has announced it will begin warning e-mail users of suspected hacking by government agencies. But will they really?
Making a Murderer: The world’s new obsession.

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