Matinee Manatees

Doom (2005) Feb 28, 2025

We're going back to video game movies with 2005's Doom! Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak and starring John (the Wayne) Rockson and Karl Urban, Doom is very dark. Not thematically, we mean, like, brightness-wise. While the Doom video game revolves around sci-fi technology accidentally opening a portal to hell, the Doom movie revolves more around sci-fi technology intentionally opening a portal to a lab where an extra chromosome turns people into monsters from Resident Evil. Float along with the manatees as they try to feel their way through the inky darkness that is this movie. Sam renames the entire cast of characters, Ben introduces a tough new standard for bodybuilders in cinema, both discuss whether making Down Syndrome a villain-defining superpower in your script is a good idea (probably not, eh?). This one's a lot, gang!

Die Hard (1988) Dec 16, 2024

Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Pancha Ganapati/Festivus/Yule/Saturnalia, one and all! To try to drag themselves into the holiday spirit, the manatees are staying in 1988 for another month to check out one of the most hotly debated is-it-a-Christmas-movie classics of all time, Die Hard! Directed by John McTiernan and starring Matinee Manatee alums Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, Die Hard is the story of a rogue super cop with nothing to lose named Carl Winslow before he started his family, singlehandedly saving a building full of hostages using only a walkie talkie and a hapless civilian on the inside named John.

The manatees dive right in to get at the important unanswered questions surrounding this classic, such as: does fear of flying usually strike after you land? Is it possible that Cybill Shepherd has a manatee child? And of course, what's the best way to consume the writing of Karl Marx? As a bonus, you'll get a free pitch for a Hallmark movie and AND advice on proper cocaine party etiquette absolutely free. Why? Because we love you. Happy Holidays, everybody!

Pumpkinhead (1988) Oct 07, 2024

It's spooky season again! This time around we're watching the 1988 cult classic "Pumpkinhead" one of only two movies directed by special effects legend Stan Winston. At a tight hour and twenty-six minutes, it's the perfect fun-sized movie that's tragically fallen out of fashion since. But is it any good? Float along with the manatees as they get into the pulp of Pumpkinhead and ask the important questions, like: just what IS that big bug sound effect? What are the pros and cons of naming a child Bunt? Would becoming a pumpkinhead even be a bad retirement plan? And, when exactly did we become a bimonthly podcast? (Sorry!) Hope you like monsters; we're a bit divided ourselves.

The Prophecy (1995) Aug 28, 2024

Apparently there were like a lot of movies about angels in the 90s, and 1995's The Prophecy is one of them. Written and directed by our old friend Gregory Widen of Highlander fame, and starring most of the cast of Pulp Fiction (but mostly Christopher Walken), this strange little movie feels like mixing terminators and vampires and cowboys but somehow being about none of those things. Plus, Viggo Mortensen shows up as the devil. Float along and check out this odd curio with us! I mean, you know, if you feel like it.

Men In Black (1997) Jun 26, 2024

Aliens, you guys! This month we checked out the classic (?) 1997 movie Men In Black, starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, but mostly starring Vincent D'Onofrio and his mime skills. The second Barry Sonnenfeld - Will Smith project to feature on this podcast, Men In Black is what we assume Wild Wild West wanted to be but wasn't. Float along with the manatees while they talk fashion, comics, aliens, secret coverups, and the art of zen slacking with this summer blockbuster from (almost) thirty years ago, and relax.

3000 Miles To Graceland (2001) Apr 22, 2024

We're back! Life circumstances, you know how it goes, sorry for the quiet month. To make it up to you, we've forced ourselves to sit through probably the single largest collection of missed opportunities we've ever seen: 2001's "3000 Miles To Graceland"! Starring Kurt Russel and Kevin Costner, 3000 Miles To Graceland is a series of largely unconnected vignettes that purport to have something to do with Elvis, but with a very few exceptions, don't. Not quite a heist movie, not quite a roadtrip movie, not quite a concert movie, and not quite a crime movie, 3000 Miles To Graceland is really more of a... um. It's, uh. Well, it's certainly a movie. But was it really as bad as the box office returns suggest? Float along with us and find out, why don't you.

Dante's Peak (1997) Feb 19, 2024

We're back and we're checking out another Patreon poll winner: the 1997 disaster movie Dante's Peak! Directed by Roger Donaldson and starring Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton, Dante's Peak was one of two big volcano movies to come out in 1997, but the only one to take a scientific eye and really address those age old volcano questions, like: What if a volcano erupted like three times? What would that do? Would it look kind of cool? What if you, like, drove through lava? And others! This one's like two completely different movies, folks. Really something else.

Elf (2003) Dec 19, 2023

Happy Holidays everybody! This year the manatees are going a little more recent for the 20th birthday of a modern classic Christmas movie, 2003's Elf! Directed by Jon Favreau and starring Will Ferrell and James Caan, Elf is a colorful little modern-day fairy tale that's pretty much appropriate for all ages and moves along at a good clip. But how compelling is it really? The manatees talk red flags in dating coworkers, the inner workings of hybrid engines, commiserate on the pros and cons of being the biggest guy in a workshop, and wind up talking a lot about video games. Float along with us and enjoy the season, won't you?

Jingle All The Way (1996) Nov 22, 2023

Happy Black Friday week everybody. In the spirit of the holidays (consumerism) we're rewatching the widely reviled but oddly charming holiday flop Jingle All the Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad, and directed by Brian Levant. It's almost thirty years old! You've probably heard of this one; it's almost universally panned by critics but has its fans regardless, and we're going to find out if we're among them. Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: should bodybuilders' kids be played by other bodybuilders? How do masks work, exactly? And of course, just how many daylight hours are there in Minnesota in December? Literally none of these will be answered satisfactorily. Come take a nap!

The Thing (1982) Oct 25, 2023

Happy Halloween, everyone! We're taking a look John Carpenter's 1982 classic, The Thing! Starring Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley, and a bunch of other guys in parkas. While it was a flop at its release, The Thing has become a cult classic since and appears on just about every top 100 list of horror movies ever made, famous both for its special effects and for its paranoid psychological tone. But does it deserve the hype? Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: is the monster kinda dumb? Are flamethrowers normal de-icing equipment? And, are we sure this ending is actually ambiguous? Among others. Take a look-see if you've got a strong stomach, or maybe skip this month if scary movies aren't your thing, but we're diving right in.

Conan The Barbarian (1982) Sep 27, 2023

At long last, the manatees are covering the famous story beloved around the world about a long-haired bronze age man who was crucified by an evil empire and then rose from the dead to save us all from the serpent... Conan the Barbarian! The 1982 version, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, and James Earl Jones, directed by John Milius, and featuring a soundtrack by the incomparable Basil Poledouris, this sword-and-sandahl epic (GET IT?!?) has remained above all its imitators since through sheer style and unconventional casting choices. But does it hold up? Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: how much of paleolithic history do we actually know about anyway? Is there any combination of ingredients that make it a good idea to serve soup at an orgy? And of course, that age-old industry calculus: is it better to invest in oxen or orphan power for your mill? Get the answers to these and other pressing questions, or just nod off and dream of being exceptionally large, with the manatees and Conan. Lamentations!

Troll 2 (1990) Jul 30, 2023

It had to happen. We finally check out the infamous, the legendary, the nigh-on-indescribable work that defined a generation, 1990's Troll 2. Directed by Claudio Fragasso and starring Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, and Deborah Reed, Troll 2 has exactly zero connection to the movie Troll and indeed zero trolls in it. But does it deserve the reputation and cult following that it has? Float along with the manatees to the mysterious town of Nilbog as they talk sorcery, lavender dating, geography, and what makes a life well lived while trying to decode this mind-bending work that the world still isn't ready for and probably never will be.

Twister (1996) Jun 21, 2023

We're returning to the 90's well with 1996's "Twister", directed by Jan de Bont and starring Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. Twister is an interesting attempt at making a natural disaster movie by making a slasher movie and replacing the slasher with a twister. But does it work? Well... that's debatable. The manatees have more pressing concerns, like: just how complicated is barrel opening? Could a catapult solve this entire situation? And aren't the bad guys way better guys than the good guys here? Float along with us to find out the answer to these and other pressing questions.

Mars Attacks (1996) Apr 30, 2023

There are two movies out there based on Topps trading card limited series from the 60's, and of those two, 1996's Mars Attacks is our personal favorite. Directed by Tim Burton and starring pretty much everyone who's ever been in another Burton movie, Mars Attacks has the extreme honor of being the first Burton film that's title isn't just a character's name. However, it also had the bad luck of being released the same year as the much-more-beloved Independence Day, and predictably under performed. But was it actually that bad? The manatees dust off this curio of a film and tackle the important questions like: what exactly counts as a flop? What is the ideal number of Jack Nicholson characters in a feature film? And wait a second, is that Ray-J? (it IS!) Float along and watch it all burn down with us. TW: intentionally over-the-top cartoon gore, violence, etc.

Avatar (2009) Mar 13, 2023

We're back after an unplanned month off (sorry!) and checking out the suddenly-sequeled 2009 cgi spectacle "Avatar"! Written and directed by our old pal James Cameron and starring Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana, Avatar famously leans style over substance, but that doesn't mean it can't have both, does it? As of the writing of this episode note, Avatar remains the highest grossing film of all time, was seen by pretty much everyone in the world, and is about... um. I guess it's Ferngully? But also Pocahontas. But all the characters you care about are giant skinny blue people. It's um. It's actually pretty strange. Have you seen it?

Float along with the manatees as they ask some of the less-frequently-examined questions of the film, like: are the avatars just alien men in black? What puts something in the uncanny valley? And, if you can make hybrid avatars of alien species on a planet with giant butterfly dragons, why choose the blue people? Also, book recommendations, discussions of caricatures and tropes, and several very contrived excuses to talk about Jason Momoa. Happy listening!

The NeverEnding Story (1984) Jan 26, 2023

We're going back to the 80's for another movie with puppets with 1984's cult classic The NeverEnding Story, directed by Wolfgang Petersen and based (contentiously) on the book by Michael Ende. Famously one of the most expensive movies ever made outside of the US at the time, The NeverEnding Story features one of the most overtly fantastical settings of any movie ever, and the youngest cast of any movie the manatees have seen to date. But does it hold up?

The manatees face the truly challenging questions this movie poses, such as: Which fictional world would actually be possible to survive in? Which horrible puppet monster would make the best husband? And of course, just how old is Law and Order actually? Float along with us to find out the answers to these and so many other definitely relevant questions.

Edward Scissorhands (1990) Dec 25, 2022

Seasons Greetings and Happy Holidays and so forth and so on! We're staying in the sort of spooky sort of holiday spirit with the 1990 Christmas classic(?) Edward Scissorhands! The first of a long line of collaborations between Tim Burton, Danny Elfman, and Johnny Depp (Helena Bonham Carter had not joined the gang yet) and also starring Winona Ryder and Matinee Manatees alum Dianne Wiest, Edward Scissorhands arguably cemented Burton's reputation and style for the rest of his career and became a standby for the kind of sad and somewhat spooky for a generation. But how long has it been since you actually sat down and watched it? The manatees discuss pressing issues like the propensity of neighborhood kids to hang out in derelict buildings, ideal utensils to have instead of fingers, and the sad neglected fate of Edgar Cookiefeet, the sad robot boy who could have been. Float along with us as we revisit this cult favorite, and a very merry any-holiday to you and yours.

The Mothman Prophecies (2002) Nov 28, 2022

We're starting the holiday season early with the famously saccharine Christmas romance, The Mothman Prophecies (alternate title: Mothman Saves Christmas). Richard Gere plays a grumpy widower from the big city who doesn't want to do anything on Christmas but sit at home and play with his phone, but one day when his car breaks down in the idyllic rural town of Point Pleasant, his life gets turned upside down and he finds that he just doesn't want to leave! With a little meddling and a little magic from his mysterious guardian angel, Richard Gere begins to find love with a pretty small-town cop who has a lot of Christmas cheer, considers abandoning the big city career that doesn't make him happy, and most importantly learns that Christmas is about more than fancy parties and presents in: The Mothman Prophecies.

(TW actually a parapsychological thriller. Kind of.)

Leprechaun (1993) Oct 13, 2022

We're revisiting some beloved Matinee Manatee alumni with Leprechaun, the 1993 comedy-horror starring Jennifer Aniston and Warwick Davis, our old friends from Office Space and Willow. Written and directed by Mark Jones, Leprechaun would go on to spawn seven sequels to date, so it must be doing something right, right? Float along with us to relive this bizarre little film and also get some free bonus content from the manatees, such as discussion on the proper handling of potentially rabid animals, learning fun new words like "numismatologist", and super valuable blood donation hacks you can try at home! (Do not try them at home.)

Office Space (1999) Sep 23, 2022

Just in time for being way too late for labor day, the Manatees are revisiting the 1999 Mike Judge classic Office Space, supposedly starring Ron Livingston and Jennifer Aniston but actually starring Gary Cole and Stephen Root, and also featuring Matinee Manatee alums Orlando Jones and Michale McShane! While it was a flop at release, Office Space quickly became a cult classic in large part due to its portrayal of middle American office culture at the turn of the millennium. But does it hold up? Float along with the manatees and find out! Personal anecdotes about office jobs and incessant comparisons to Fight Club ensue.

The manatees share old guy advice on how to get away with slacking at work, why you should never dramatically quit when you can make them fire you, and why there is never a good way to ask a service worker out on a date while they're at work, and ask the tough questions, like: Is Milton real? Is this job actually bad or is it just the protagonist's personality? What does any of this have to do with Drew Carey? Answers to all these and more on the next exciting episode of Matinee Manatees! (Please note: description of episode as exciting is not intended to be legally binding)

Bloodsport (1988) Aug 03, 2022

What can we say, we missed Mortal Kombat so much we decided to go after its dad: 1988's cult classic Bloodsport! Directed by Newt Arnold and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bloodsport is about a guy who goes to Hong Kong and fights a bunch of people. Somehow, Forest Whitaker is there. That's about it, that's all you need.

The manatees do a deep dive into the history and traditions underpinning competitive martial arts and jump-tackle the darkest secrets of the MMA underground, such as how shorts make you a better fighter, why you can't just stop after learning the Dim Mak, how the UFC is this movie's fault, and why Andre The Giant should have been in this movie. And, just because we know everyone's asking, yes, there is a lengthy segment on JCVD's underwear. Don't worry, we've got you covered. Unlike JCVD's butt. Ha-HA!

Double Dragon (1994) Jun 27, 2022

What do you get when you combine the setting from Escape From La, the costumes from Siegfried and Roy, the car from Back To The Future, the half locket from Annie, and the prosthetics from the Garbage Pail Kids? Why, Double Dragon, of course, the movie based on the game that had none of those things. Directed by James Yukich and starring Robert Patrick, Mark Dacascos, and Scott Wolf, Double Dragon takes a game about two brothers with mullets working on their hot rod and beating up a town full of gangsters and turns it into a movie about two brothers in the future whose father was either a king or an archaeologist who need to steal half a medallion before the T-1000 does. Also, Alyssa Milano is there! The manatees do their best with this one and tackle the hard-hitting questions, such as: What should a remake look like? Are the games any good? Did they already make a plot hole in the opening crawl? What's the difference between an amulet and a medallion? And most importantly, where exactly is the line between so bad it's irredeemable and so bad it's good? Float along for the answers to these and more exciting questions with 1994's Double Dragon. (Maybe just rewatch Ninja Turtles instead.)

Over The Top (1987) May 23, 2022

We're back in the weird 80's genre with 1987's Over The Top, directed by Menahem Golan and starring Sylvester Stallone and Robert Loggia. We both thought this was a movie about arm wrestling, but it's actually more like two separate movies, one about arm wrestling and one about an awkward father-son road trip. Also, the son's name is Mike Hawk, and if you think we couldn't possibly overdo a joke about that, you are very wrong. Float along with us as we tackle the serious questions like: Why was this movie made? Is this a different singer than the last one? How come this movie was made? Is Lincoln a serial killer? For what reason was this movie made? How many photos is too many photos? To what end was this movie made? And so on! (We actually kind of loved this one.)

Felix The Cat (1988) Mar 31, 2022

It's a patron request month! This month we're checking out 1988's Felix The Cat animated feature, aptly described to us as "an acid trip box office flop". If you haven't heard of it, that's probably because almost nobody saw it. But why? We've all heard of Felix The Cat, seen the clocks, might have won a stuffed animal at a carnival once or twice, so how come nobody saw the movie? Does it deserve more attention, or is it where it ought to be in the cultural consciousness? Who'd win in a fight between Felix and Micky? Did Sonic the Hedgehog copy this movie for his 2006 game's plot? If Felix and Garfield and Heathcliff formed a faction could they compete with the Looney Tunes and the Disney gang? We have no idea, this movie melted our brains. Float along with us?

Batman and Robin (1997) Feb 26, 2022

Welcome back Batmanatees! Anthony drags Sam across the finish line of their Batman journey with 1997's notorious Batman and Robin, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Matinee Manatee alums Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris O'Donnell, Michael Gough, and John Glover, and also newcomers George Clooney, Alicia Silverstone, and Uma Thurman! Wow, that's a lot of names, you may say. That sounds like kind of a mess, you may say. Interesting! Apparently there had been plans to continue Schumacher's Batman movies for several more installments, but the critical and audience reception of this one put those plans on hold and effectively ended the series. But, was that harsh reaction deserved? Pack your bat credit cards (never leave home without them), float along with us, and find out!

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Jan 20, 2022

Happy 2022 everybody! We're still on our 90's kick with 1991's legendary Terminator 2: Judgment Day, directed by James Cameron and starring Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Robert Patrick. Can you believe it took us this long to get to a Schwarzenegger movie? The second of what would eventually be six movies and a television show, Terminator 2 retells the timeless struggle between a guy with a robot skeleton and an angry jelly man and, arguably, tells this classic tale better than any movie before or since.

Ben rants about the bar exam and pitches Terminator franchise sequels that nobody's tried yet, Sam explores theme composition and the effect of seeing movies' legacies before the movies themselves, and both manatees tackle the important questions other podcasts haven't had the guts to, like: Are those laser planes also terminators? Should online reviews use mean, median, or mode? Are The Terminator and The Matrix in the same universe? Would Danny DeVito have been a good T-1000? (Yes, obviously.) Tune in to find out!

Home Alone (1990) Dec 12, 2021

Happy holidays everybody! To get in the mood for the season, we're revisiting the famous 1990 Christmas movie Home Alone, directed by Chris Columbus and starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, and Daniel Stern. The classic story of a child being able to do whatever he wants in his house and a rich family shocked that they can't buy their way out of problems, it kind of starts as like an abandoned-building Dawn of the Dead for kids, then in the last half hour turns into more of a Straw Dogs... for kids. It's definitely a movie for kids, and perhaps it loses something if viewed too hard by adults, but the nostalgia is strong with this one. Maybe it's also a Moby Dick for robbers? The Odyssey for moms? Are we reaching too hard? Probably. Sam talks music composition, Ben compulsively compares it to other movies, both notice a few more holes than they'd hoped, but overall it's a pretty chill time. Float along with us?

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) Nov 26, 2021

Happy turkey day everybody! In celebration, we went back to one of our favorite movies about dinosaurs which are kind of sort of birds, and then watched the sequel instead: 1997's The Lost World (Jurassic Park 2) directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore! The Lost World got a lot of flak for not being as good as the first Jurassic Park, but if not for having to fill those giant puddle-rippling shoes, is it really that bad? Come find out with us! Is Julianne Moore a dinosaur agent? Should Jeff Goldblum play James Bond? Are T-Rexes telekinetic? Why are we talking about David Duchovny so much? We get right to the bottom of it. Eventually. Sort of.

28 Days Later (2002) Oct 18, 2021

Happy Scary-tober everybody! This month the manatees checked out 28 Days Later, directed by Danny Boyle and starring Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris! This one was a patreon poll, and honestly we're pretty glad it turned out the way it did. The movie that arguably kicked off the zombie resurgence of the early 2000s, 28 Days Later isn't actually a zombie movie according to its creators, but it's close enough that it gets lumped in with them quite a bit. Is that fair? Float along with the manatees as they wrestle with this question for about two seconds, then spend a lot longer ranting about zombie survival plans, pandemics, proper coma patient dressing etiquette, and revealing that they know almost nothing about European geography. If there were a rage vaccine, would people even take it? What's the difference between an apartment and a flat? How would The Mariner deal with running out of water? Listen for the answers to all these questions and more!

Jason And The Argonauts (1963) Aug 31, 2021

Tom Hanks once said that Jason And The Argonauts was the greatest film ever made. But was he right? I mean, yeah, probably. Directed by Don Chaffey, starring Todd Armstrong and Honor Blackman, and featuring an original score by the fantastic Bernard Herrmann, Jason And The Argonauts is perhaps better known as a showcase of the legendary Ray Harryhausen's visual effects, but even aside from those it's got a pace and a feel that's worth catching. Also, it's free on the web archives, so that's a plus! Float along with the manatees as they gush over mid-century claymation, discuss responsible provisioning plans, and demonstrate a consistent and profound lack of Greek myth expertise. This is a fun one!

Waterworld (1995) Jul 09, 2021

This month we're watching another collaboration by the Kevins Reynolds and Costner with 1995's Waterworld! Also featuring the triumphant return of Dennis Hopper and the podcast's first appearance of Jeanne Tripplehorn and Tina Majorino. The most expensive movie ever made at the time of its release, Waterworld was widely considered a flop but actually did make its budget back eventually, and poses many thought provoking questions, such as: Is there weather in the future? Can we breathe through fish? Why is pee easier to purify than salt water? How are cigarettes made? What makes a man a fish? Where does water come from? What is water? And so on! Sam sets out to design two new video games, Ben says "piss" about a hundred times, both accidentally reveal how little they know about sailing, and a generally good time is had by all. Float along with us?

Highlander (1986) May 26, 2021

HEEEEERE WE ARE! It's one of the 80's most notorious cult classics and every mall samurai's fever dream, 1986's Highlander, which made no money but somehow spawned half a dozen sequels and four TV series! Directed by our old friend Russell Mulcahy and starring Matinee Manatee alumni Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, and Clancy Brown, along with newcomer Roxanne Hart, Highlander is just self-aware enough to make for some pretty spectacular schlock. It's got everything you could want! Queen! Swords! Very white sneakers! 80's lightning! Bad age makeup! And, an immortal elk? Sam shares wrestling facts, Ben rants about streaming services, both vow to watch the followups which probably neither of them do. Come float along and be bemused with us at this bizarre artifact of a more creative and, arguably, less demanding time.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) Apr 01, 2021

You've definitely heard of this one! The manatees are back to crushing on Bob Hoskins with 1988's Who Framed Roger Rabbit, directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Bob Hoskins, Charles Fleischer, Christopher Lloyd, and Joanna Cassidy. Made in the era before CGI, Who Framed Roger Rabbit presents probably the most impressive precedent of pretending between actual actors and animated art anywhere at the age it appeared! (And, arguably, after!) I tried to have some fun with alliteration there but I'm not sure it worked. Includes wrestling trivia from Sam, failed novel settings from Ben, and a bit of history about Los Angeles' public transit system for your perusal. Float along with us as we gush over Bob, noir, and cartoons in general, and try not to let Judge Doom give you any nightmares.

Street Fighter (1994) Feb 28, 2021

Good morning Shadaloo! This month we're returning to our roots and sitting through the notorious video-game-to-movie-adaptation Street Fighter, from 1994! Directed by by Steven de Souza and starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, and about a dozen others, Street Fighter is remembered mostly for being a flop and also for being Julia's final performance, and oh, you guys, it is a magnificent performance. Float along with the manatees while they discuss streets, fighting, and the lack of both in this weird G.I. Joe lookin' movie based on a fighting game that it has almost nothing to do with. Have a watch, have a listen, have a nice nap!

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) Jan 29, 2021

We're back after the holidays with a super-sized three-manatee episode! This month, in honor of the late great Sean Connery, the manatees are re-watching his last movie, 2003's The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen! Directed by Stephen Norrington. It's not great, but does it deserve as bad a reputation as it has? Float along with us and find out!

Batman Returns (1992) Nov 28, 2020

Season's Greetings, Batmanatees! Anthony is triumphant. Sam finally gives in and watches our favorite Christmas movie, Tim Burton's Batman Returns, starring Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Danny DeVito. Simultaneously, Anthony usurps Ben's place as co-host of the podcast. Everything is falling into place. The manatees beef with Roger Ebert, plot to bring back Ben as a Catwomantee, and y'all already know who Christoper Walken's Max Shreck reminds us of. Happy Holidays! Come for a float?

Exorcist 2: The Heretic (1977) Oct 28, 2020

For this year's Scarytober the manatees are watching one of the most notorious sequels to a horror movie in cinematic history: 1977's Exorcist II: The Heretic! Directed by John Boorman and starring Linda Blair, Richard Burton, and Louise Fletcher, Exorcist 2 takes the franchise in a different direction, replacing demons with grasshoppers, exorcists with investigative journalists, and ritual exorcism with punching. The manatees are dumbfounded. Float along with us?

The Princess Bride (1987) Sep 30, 2020

It's a listener request month! Luckily our patrons have very good taste and have chosen 1987's The Princess Bride, written by William Goldman, directed by Rob Reiner and starring Robin Wright, Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, and Andre the Giant! This one's an old favorite, so we went an extra step and actually read a whole book about the making of this movie, and guys? It's just a really fun hang. Float along with us, learn about a classic, and please don't forget to vote.

Starship Troopers (1997) Aug 26, 2020

We're checking out Paul Verhoeven's famous 1997 satire Starship Troopers! Starring Casper Van Dien (the puppet from Team America), Denise Richards (Tammy from Tammy and the T-Rex), and Dina Meyer (cool lady from Dragonheart), Starship Troopers flopped at the time, but we're convinced a lot of it got missed by audiences. The manatees discuss propaganda reels, the problem with netflix, bugs and power armor in starcraft and warhammer 40k, and the difference between space fiddles and space violins.

Point Break (1991) Jul 01, 2020

Do you guys remember Point Break? Directed by Kathryn Bigelow and starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, and Lori Petty, Point Break is an oft-misremembered classic and directly responsible for one of the top-grossing movie franchises still active right now. (You'll know which one as soon as you see it.) Ben tries his flippers at puns, Tony proposes a script edit that would fix the entire third act, everybody has a pretty okay time.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) May 23, 2020

We're back with an old favorite, 1990's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, directed by Steve Barron and starring Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, and some very endearing foam-rubber puppet suits. It's basically an overall silly, nostalgic romp, and we're here for it. The manatees discuss the logistics of setting up teen cult hideouts, early 2000's fighting games, comic books in general, and the difference in romantic relationships with fish people vs amphibian people.

Willow (1988) Apr 22, 2020

Our patrons have spoken! The winner of this quarter's sword-and-sorcery poll is 1988's Willow, directed by Ron Howard and starring Warwick Davis, Val Kilmer, and Patricia Hayes. It's a fun little fairy tale and it makes very little sense and that's a lot of fun. The manatees discuss the rules of magic, best wizard voices, and what even is a possum. Have a listen, stay indoors, be safe, we love you.

Jumanji (1995) Mar 23, 2020

Do you guys remember Jumanji? The first one, from 1995? Directed by Joe Johnston, starring Robin Williams and Bonnie Hunt and David Alan Grier? With Matinee Manatees alums Kirsten Dunst and Jonathan Hyde? Well, we like it. Float along for bonus tips on mystical board game speedrunning, bad car repair praxis, and possible alternative podcasts hosted by monkeys. For free!

Top Gun (1986) Feb 10, 2020

After some glitches, the manatees are back! This time around they're watching culturally iconic Top Gun, directed by Tony Scott and starring Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Edwards. And it's... um. Well. Float along with the manatees as they pine for an Iceman and Goose movie instead, discuss the merits of voiceover narratives in action movies, and detail why Maverick should probably be on a registry... and we don't mean the national film registry.

The Mummy (1999) Dec 20, 2019

We're back, and for the cold season we're going straight to Morocco-dressed-as-Egypt for 1999's The Mummy, directed by Stephen Sommers and starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, and Arnold Vosloo. Float along as the manatees discuss mummification hangovers, better ways to prevent resurrections, and yet another spec script! Sam is sleepy and creates a band. Ben gets mad about camels and game of thrones. Neither knows anything about history. Enjoy!

Batman (1989) Nov 29, 2019

For our first 100% Ben-free episode, bat-fan Anthony (Batmanatee? Fanatee?) has finally convinced Sam to watch 1989's Batman! Directed by Tim Burton (with mandatory score by Danny Elfman) and starring Jack Nicholson, Michael Keaton, and Kim Basinger, Batman 1989 is arguably the movie that started the grim 90's superhero movie trend, and for that we owe it a lot.

Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) Oct 22, 2019

For the spookiest month of the year (I guess?) the manatees are diving into halloween flippers-first with 1991's Ernest Scared Stupid. Do you guys remember Ernest? The character created by Jim Varney was ubiquitous during his heyday, appearing in ten movies, his own tv show, and dozens if not hundreds of commercials. And now, this podcast! Float along for insights into monster hunting, treehouse defense system savings tips, and the similarities between Ernest Worrell and Freddy Krueger. Also, trolls.

Evolution (2001) Sep 21, 2019

The manatees finally start watching movies from this millennium with 2001's Evolution, directed by Ivan Reitman and starring David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, and Seann William Scott. It doesn't super hold up, but, y'know, whatever. Ben rants about Evolution... and vaccines... and the shape of the earth. Sam theorizes about Seann William Scott's career trajectory. Both provide a tantalizing glimpse into the military strategies of a manatee nation united. It's a good time all around.

The Crow (1994) Jul 01, 2019

This month the manatees are checking out Brandon Lee's tragic last film, The Crow. Directed by Alex Proyas and starring Brandon Lee, Ernie Hudson, Bai Ling, Tony Todd, and featuring the triumphant return of Michael Wincott, the guy with the voice from Robin Hood! Discussion points include whether or not Shelley shoulda been the Crow, Sting (the wrestler, not the singer), alternate casting (Tommy Wiseau!), a spec script for a fifth sequel written by yours truly, and the practicality of pooping out bullets.

The Fifth Element (1997) Jun 02, 2019

This month the manatees are revisiting 1997's The Fifth Element, directed by Luc Besson and starring Bruce Willis and Milla Jovovich! Ben and Anthony discuss age appropriate relationships, the logistics of murphy appliances, and the problem of too many Chris's to eventually solve that age old riddle: what do you mix with breath, sweat, sand, and matches to make lasers? (Hint: it's smoochin'.) Come float with us!

Godzilla (1998) May 10, 2019

Redesignated simply "Zilla" by insulted fans of the series, Roland Emmerich's 1998 adaptation Godzilla stars Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, Maria Pitillo, and Jean Reno, and wishes it was Jurassic Park, which it very much is not. It is seventeen hours long and features several lizards. Fish! Boats! Simpsons voice actors! Guys named Jean! All of these things are in this movie. So. There's that?

The Shadow (1994) Mar 23, 2019

We're doing 90s remakes of 30s pulps again! 1994's The Shadow directed by Russell Mulcahy and starring Alec Baldwin, is a strange, strange film. Join the manatees as they gush over Ian McKellen and Tim Curry's supporting roles, start suggesting edits almost from minute one, demonstrate an embarrassing lack of nuclear physics knowledge, and repeatedly struggle and fail to not call it The Phantom. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? But the ice is slippery! ... Wait. No. That's not how that goes.

Tomb Raider (2001) Feb 02, 2019

We're starting 2019 off with the moderately notorious 2001 summer blockbuster Tomb Raider! Starring Angelina Jolie and Daniel Craig a little bit. But is it really as bad as people say? (Hint: yeah.) Float along with us as we force ourselves to finish this movie and take frequent breaks to talk astronomy, dream houses, and virtually anything else we can come up with to not focus on this movie. ... This one was kind of exhausting, guys. But! Listener choice episode coming up next month!

Interview With The Vampire (1994) Dec 15, 2018

We're back on our vampire kick with 1994's classic(?) Interview With The Vampire, written by Anne Rice, directed by Neil Jordan, and starring Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, a young Kirsten Dunst, and Antonio Banderas for like a hot minute. As a free bonus, you'll also get the manatees' grim prediction of when the book series may have jumped the shark, Sam's long war with films' portrayal of piano playing, and a summary of Ben's spec script for a vampire cowboy movie. FOR FREE!

Tombstone (1993) Nov 21, 2018

Quite possibly the most macho movie ever made, 1993's western Tombstone stars EVERYONE, including several stars we've seen on Matinee Manatees before. Tony has suspicions about lightning, Ben accidentally reveals what he looks for in a spouse, both gush over Doc Holliday, and everybody has a pretty good time. Float along with us to Arizona 1881 from the comfort of your own bed, listen from the beginning to hear how things are going with the charity or skip to minute 8 if you hate podcast updates, and enjoy!

The Phantom (1996) Oct 22, 2018

1996's The Phantom is directed by Simon Wincer, stars Billy Zane, is widely reviled, and is actually awesome. We'll tell you how, and it's definitely not only because we're in love with Billy Zane. That's admittedly part of it, but. It's only... it's only about 80% because we're in love with Billy Zane. Float along with us for fun facts about the comics, embarrassing ignorance of basic geology, and a hypothetical casting choice that would have made this movie truly legendary.

Labyrinth (1986) Sep 02, 2018

Starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly, Jim Henson's 1986 classic Labyrinth holds a special place in a lot of 80s kids' hearts despite a rocky commercial release. But does it hold up to adults looking back? Float along and find out as we explore maze strategies, logic puzzles, and how many rock stars are actually in this movie. This one's a little less funny and more wistful than most, so fair warning! Bonus life update at the beginning, but you can skip to 17:00 if you'd rather just hear about movies.

Wild Wild West (1999) Jul 25, 2018

As a fairly obvious attempt to replicate the success of 1997's Men In Black, 1999's Wild Wild West underperformed pretty dramatically. But does it deserve its bad reputation? To find out, the manatees get academic in one of our most informative episodes ever, revealing secrets of the universe like the physics of how magnets work, why Harry Potter will never be as good as Lord of the Rings (no maps!), and the fact that chainmail was not a stunning new invention in 1869. It soon becomes fairly obvious that they don't remember much from history class, which works out nicely, because neither does the movie. It's, uh. It's really something, folks.

Batman Forever (1995) Jun 14, 2018

Matinee Manatees is a year old, and to celebrate our 1st birthday, we're doing a super-sized three-host episode! (It's an experiment, we'll see how it goes.) We're hanging out with Joel Schumacher again for his infamous 1995 classic Batman Forever. Listen for tips on the best places to get recruited into a supervillain gang, advice on how to trick-or-treat properly, similarities between the Riddler and Mark Zuckerberg, and whether crowns or tiaras go better on manatees. Also, we talk about Batman. A little.

The Lost Boys (1987) May 05, 2018

We're back at it with the vampire thing! Joel Schumacher's famous/infamous The Lost Boys (starring Kiefer Southerland, Jason Patric, Dianne Wiest and BOTH COREYS) is both a huge influence on virtually every vampire movie that came after it AND possibly the most 80's thing we've ever seen. But is it any good? The manatees dive right in and ask the really tough questions, like: Are DVDs really better than VHS tapes? Is the abandoned analogy in this movie about drug use or coming out of the closet? Would it be feasible for a modern vampire to subsist entirely on nazis? And, would you still even want to be immortal if they fed on poop instead of blood? (The movie brought it up, not us!) Float along under the boardwalk with us to lovely Santa Carla, California for 1987's summer classic: The Lost Boys.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) Apr 17, 2018

1990's Gremlins 2: The New Batch is directed by Joe Dante, stars Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, John Glover, and Haviland Morris, features Christopher Lee, Dick Miller, and Robert Picardo, and just might be among the best sequels ever made. On this there was no disagreement. Nervous about potentially boring the audience with a complete consensus, Ben attempts to manufacture conflict by announcing that he has beef with xenomorphs, New York style pizza, toll bridges, and cats; Tony gives babies a piece of his mind.

Mean Girls (2004) Mar 01, 2018

This month was our very first patron request, and it's a good one! 2004's Mean Girls starring Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams was, for some of us, a very special movie... in that we'd heard most of its most memorable lines quoted at us long before actually seeing it. But how does this high school teenage comedy hold up to an adult audience? Actually, surprisingly well. Get in, losers, we're going floating! (Remember that? Do you remember that quote? Do you remember when they said that?)

Twilight (2008) Feb 01, 2018

For February, home of the most weirdly forced romantic holiday of the year, we watch one of the most weirdly forced romantic movies in recent memory: 2008's Twilight! Starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, Twilight was pretty obviously geared towards a different target audience, but we tried to give it a fair shake. Includes: practical advice for hiding immortality, the science behind Vampire (baseball) Bats, obligatory rants on abusive relationships, and why this movie makes one manatee feel old.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) Jan 17, 2018

Of all of the retellings of the Robin Hood legend, 1991's Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner stands apart, though not necessarily for the best reasons. The manatees dive in to unravel the movie's many mysteries: castle maintenance, Morgan Freeman's magical powers, vanishing dogs, and Alan Rickman's starring role in a completely separate movie. Y'all remember this one?

Road House (1989) Nov 12, 2017

Tony forces Ben to watch one of his favorites: 1989's Road House, featuring Sam Elliott but technically starring Patrick Swayze and Kelly Lynch. Road House reveals many things about the secret world of celebrity bouncers, such as how to tell if somebody is evil by whether they wear underwear, the variable lethality of knives, how not to run a protection racket, and the complete believability that Sam Elliott could have been a sex symbol. Have you seen this one? Because it's, uh, it's definitely something.

Hellboy (2004) Oct 16, 2017

For arguably the spookiest month of the year, the manatees watched the really-more-action-fantasy-than-horror movie Hellboy, directed by Guillermo del Toro and starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, and Doug Jones. And, spoiler, they really liked it. Also in this episode: the manatees discuss casting picks for the Hellboy reboot (Aubrey Plaza for Liz!), Ben attempts to bully Sam for being a slightly different kind of nerd than he is about Star Wars, and even more fawning appreciation for practical effects.

Fantastic Four (2005) Sep 15, 2017

The Fantastic Four have been the stars of three separate movie franchises, four cartoon series, and a serialized radio drama over the last fifty years. Directed by Tim Story and starring Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Jessica Alba, and Ioan Gruffudd, 2005's Fantastic Four is certainly one of them.

Big Trouble In Little China (1986) Aug 04, 2017

Ben finally convinces Sam to watch one of his favorite movies, John Carpenter's Big Trouble In Little China, starring Kurt Russell and Dennis Dun! But does it hold up? Also featuring the swan song of Ben's old microphone, which you can hear dying even as the episode progresses, and a half hour spiral on additional movie recommendations, the problems with CGI, and why 80s movies continue to hold a special place in one manatee's heart.

Mortal Kombat (1995) Jul 11, 2017

Based on the still-famous fighting game, 1995's Mortal Kombat is remembered more for its theme song than its merit as a film. But is that because the movie was bad, or because that song is just so good? And just how much does it have in common with Super Mario Bros? We go back to 1995 and all the way to Outworld to find out.

Super Mario Bros (1993) Jun 02, 2017

1993's Super Mario Bros. is widely regarded as one of the worst video game adaptations ever put to film. Is that true, or is it one of the THE BEST MOVIES EVER?

Resident Evil (2002) May 29, 2017

Based on the popular video game series of the same name, Resident Evil spawned six sequels over the next fifteen years. But is it any good? In this episode, the manatees go back to the beginning to see what all the fuss is about with 2002's Resident Evil.

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