Matinee Manatees

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Bloodsport (1988) Aug 03, 2022

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What can we say, we missed Mortal Kombat so much we decided to go after its dad: 1988's cult classic Bloodsport! Directed by Newt Arnold and starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bloodsport is about a guy who goes to Hong Kong and fights a bunch of people. Somehow, Forest Whitaker is there. That's about it, that's all you need.

The manatees do a deep dive into the history and traditions underpinning competitive martial arts and jump-tackle the darkest secrets of the MMA underground, such as how shorts make you a better fighter, why you can't just stop after learning the Dim Mak, how the UFC is this movie's fault, and why Andre The Giant should have been in this movie. And, just because we know everyone's asking, yes, there is a lengthy segment on JCVD's underwear. Don't worry, we've got you covered. Unlike JCVD's butt. Ha-HA!

Double Dragon (1994) Jun 27, 2022

Show notes

What do you get when you combine the setting from Escape From La, the costumes from Siegfried and Roy, the car from Back To The Future, the half locket from Annie, and the prosthetics from the Garbage Pail Kids? Why, Double Dragon, of course, the movie based on the game that had none of those things. Directed by James Yukich and starring Robert Patrick, Mark Dacascos, and Scott Wolf, Double Dragon takes a game about two brothers with mullets working on their hot rod and beating up a town full of gangsters and turns it into a movie about two brothers in the future whose father was either a king or an archaeologist who need to steal half a medallion before the T-1000 does. Also, Alyssa Milano is there! The manatees do their best with this one and tackle the hard-hitting questions, such as: What should a remake look like? Are the games any good? Did they already make a plot hole in the opening crawl? What's the difference between an amulet and a medallion? And most importantly, where exactly is the line between so bad it's irredeemable and so bad it's good? Float along for the answers to these and more exciting questions with 1994's Double Dragon. (Maybe just rewatch Ninja Turtles instead.)

Over The Top (1987) May 23, 2022

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We're back in the weird 80's genre with 1987's Over The Top, directed by Menahem Golan and starring Sylvester Stallone and Robert Loggia. We both thought this was a movie about arm wrestling, but it's actually more like two separate movies, one about arm wrestling and one about an awkward father-son road trip. Also, the son's name is Mike Hawk, and if you think we couldn't possibly overdo a joke about that, you are very wrong. Float along with us as we tackle the serious questions like: Why was this movie made? Is this a different singer than the last one? How come this movie was made? Is Lincoln a serial killer? For what reason was this movie made? How many photos is too many photos? To what end was this movie made? And so on! (We actually kind of loved this one.)

Felix The Cat (1988) Mar 31, 2022

Show notes

It's a patron request month! This month we're checking out 1988's Felix The Cat animated feature, aptly described to us as "an acid trip box office flop". If you haven't heard of it, that's probably because almost nobody saw it. But why? We've all heard of Felix The Cat, seen the clocks, might have won a stuffed animal at a carnival once or twice, so how come nobody saw the movie? Does it deserve more attention, or is it where it ought to be in the cultural consciousness? Who'd win in a fight between Felix and Micky? Did Sonic the Hedgehog copy this movie for his 2006 game's plot? If Felix and Garfield and Heathcliff formed a faction could they compete with the Looney Tunes and the Disney gang? We have no idea, this movie melted our brains. Float along with us?

Batman and Robin (1997) Feb 26, 2022

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Welcome back Batmanatees! Anthony drags Sam across the finish line of their Batman journey with 1997's notorious Batman and Robin, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Matinee Manatee alums Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris O'Donnell, Michael Gough, and John Glover, and also newcomers George Clooney, Alicia Silverstone, and Uma Thurman! Wow, that's a lot of names, you may say. That sounds like kind of a mess, you may say. Interesting! Apparently there had been plans to continue Schumacher's Batman movies for several more installments, but the critical and audience reception of this one put those plans on hold and effectively ended the series. But, was that harsh reaction deserved? Pack your bat credit cards (never leave home without them), float along with us, and find out!

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Jan 20, 2022

Show notes

Happy 2022 everybody! We're still on our 90's kick with 1991's legendary Terminator 2: Judgment Day, directed by James Cameron and starring Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Robert Patrick. Can you believe it took us this long to get to a Schwarzenegger movie? The second of what would eventually be six movies and a television show, Terminator 2 retells the timeless struggle between a guy with a robot skeleton and an angry jelly man and, arguably, tells this classic tale better than any movie before or since.

Ben rants about the bar exam and pitches Terminator franchise sequels that nobody's tried yet, Sam explores theme composition and the effect of seeing movies' legacies before the movies themselves, and both manatees tackle the important questions other podcasts haven't had the guts to, like: Are those laser planes also terminators? Should online reviews use mean, median, or mode? Are The Terminator and The Matrix in the same universe? Would Danny DeVito have been a good T-1000? (Yes, obviously.) Tune in to find out!

Home Alone (1990) Dec 12, 2021

Show notes

Happy holidays everybody! To get in the mood for the season, we're revisiting the famous 1990 Christmas movie Home Alone, directed by Chris Columbus and starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, and Daniel Stern. The classic story of a child being able to do whatever he wants in his house and a rich family shocked that they can't buy their way out of problems, it kind of starts as like an abandoned-building Dawn of the Dead for kids, then in the last half hour turns into more of a Straw Dogs... for kids. It's definitely a movie for kids, and perhaps it loses something if viewed too hard by adults, but the nostalgia is strong with this one. Maybe it's also a Moby Dick for robbers? The Odyssey for moms? Are we reaching too hard? Probably. Sam talks music composition, Ben compulsively compares it to other movies, both notice a few more holes than they'd hoped, but overall it's a pretty chill time. Float along with us?

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) Nov 26, 2021

Show notes

Happy turkey day everybody! In celebration, we went back to one of our favorite movies about dinosaurs which are kind of sort of birds, and then watched the sequel instead: 1997's The Lost World (Jurassic Park 2) directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore! The Lost World got a lot of flak for not being as good as the first Jurassic Park, but if not for having to fill those giant puddle-rippling shoes, is it really that bad? Come find out with us! Is Julianne Moore a dinosaur agent? Should Jeff Goldblum play James Bond? Are T-Rexes telekinetic? Why are we talking about David Duchovny so much? We get right to the bottom of it. Eventually. Sort of.

28 Days Later (2002) Oct 18, 2021

Show notes

Happy Scary-tober everybody! This month the manatees checked out 28 Days Later, directed by Danny Boyle and starring Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris! This one was a patreon poll, and honestly we're pretty glad it turned out the way it did. The movie that arguably kicked off the zombie resurgence of the early 2000s, 28 Days Later isn't actually a zombie movie according to its creators, but it's close enough that it gets lumped in with them quite a bit. Is that fair? Float along with the manatees as they wrestle with this question for about two seconds, then spend a lot longer ranting about zombie survival plans, pandemics, proper coma patient dressing etiquette, and revealing that they know almost nothing about European geography. If there were a rage vaccine, would people even take it? What's the difference between an apartment and a flat? How would The Mariner deal with running out of water? Listen for the answers to all these questions and more!

Jason And The Argonauts (1963) Aug 31, 2021

Show notes

Tom Hanks once said that Jason And The Argonauts was the greatest film ever made. But was he right? I mean, yeah, probably. Directed by Don Chaffey, starring Todd Armstrong and Honor Blackman, and featuring an original score by the fantastic Bernard Herrmann, Jason And The Argonauts is perhaps better known as a showcase of the legendary Ray Harryhausen's visual effects, but even aside from those it's got a pace and a feel that's worth catching. Also, it's free on the web archives, so that's a plus! Float along with the manatees as they gush over mid-century claymation, discuss responsible provisioning plans, and demonstrate a consistent and profound lack of Greek myth expertise. This is a fun one!

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