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You might be feeling angry or like your life is out of control sometimes.
You are mad at yourself for staying with your partner.
And you can hate him or her at times when they break your heart because once again you trusted them and once again he or she lied.
But you don't really hate your partner. You love him or her. Deeply. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't care. That's why you feel so angry.
A girlfriend of mine from college is married to one of my favorite men in the world, who happens to be a recovering alcoholic. He told her, "We hate ourselves enough for everyone. You don't need to hate us too."
Whatever is in your heart determines what you say. You know who said that? Jesus.
And it's so true.
Most of the time we can attempt to muster up all the willpower in the world to control our anger, but it's not enough. We still end up yelling, guilt-tripping, lecturing, and letting loose on our loved one.
Who wouldn't when you live with this kind of craziness?
It's okay to feel angry. But, if you want to let go of your anger, you must change what's in your heart.
Trying to control your anger or shove it down will only leave you feeling resentful.
Replace anger with empathy and compassion.
Your partner has a disease and it's not your fault. He or she could love you to the moon and back, but it doesn't change the fact that they're still sick.
I know what you are thinking…
My partner can be awful to me. Distant. Verbally abusive. Manipulative. Neglectful. Deceitful.
And that's not okay. You deserve better. But you are choosing to be with him or her today.
If you want to stay in a relationship with him or her (and even if you don't), forgiving them and forgiving yourself for loving them is the fastest way to let go of anger. Be gentle and kind to yourself.
My girlfriend's husband once asked her to "love him when he least deserves it because that's when he really needs it."
It's the only way to change what's in your heart and lose the anger.
If you're ready to make your healing as important as your partner's sobriety – we are waiting for you. Our programs are online, confidential, and you have lifetime access – so you can do them at your own pace.
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