Life Is A Marathon

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LIAM 029 – A Perspective on Victory! Richmond Marathon 2014 Nov 17, 2014

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A Perspective on Victory! I ran the Richmond Marathon on November 15, 2014. It did not go exactly as I planned, but I made some significant, mid-course mindset adjustments, shifted from victim to victor, and turned failure into victory! Listen as I talk you through the marathon, both literally and metaphorically. Show outline: THANK YOU! I got so many Tweets, Facebook messages, and emails wishing me luck and warmth for the marathon! Even though I've run many marathons, this was, in many ways my first marathon Foot surgery 8/13 Cancer surgery 4/14 No running at all for 10 months - ground zero! Marathon breakdown Got plenty of sleep the night before, ate well, hydrated, did all the prep just as planned Got up at 5:00am, had breakfast and coffee, got dressed just as planned Picked up neighbor at 6:15, drove downtown, found parking spot, sat in the car to stay warm It was 22 degrees! Got to starting line, sun was up and had warmed to 26! First 13 miles were great, just ahead of target pace Family met me, swapped water bottles with my son, rolled on Mile 15, turned left to cross the James River heading north brutal, cold headwind 2.5 mile uphill climb Right hip--specifically the top of the sartorius muscle--became very sore while fighting the cold wind and the grade By the time I hit 18 it was screaming at me, which effected my stride/gate, forcing me onto my left leg I could feel my left knee, which I injured many years ago become weak. I was walking/jogging by 20 and knew I would not reach my goal 20-22 is where most people hit "the wall" anyway, it's not uncommon to find people walking here The wall is where the mind and body want to quit The mind plays games, you can get disoriented, or deeply discouraged Many people bail out at this point Could I have pushed through to keep my pace? Maybe Ryan Hall - London Olympics DNF Is the goal worth serious injury/long recovery if recovery is possible? I decided it wasn't worth it. I'm not a professional, I just do this for fun I had to do mid-course attitude/expectation adjustment For a mile or two, I was very discouraged I allowed myself to feel those feelings instead of telling myself I shouldn't feel them When it passed, I reminded myself of all I have come through in last 15 months At mile 23.5 I had tears rolling down my cheeks Not tears of frustration or pain -- although I was in pain! Tears of joy and gratitude! 15 months ago, I couldn't walk 7 months ago, I couldn't get out of bed without help because of the blood loss and abdominal pain Right now, I am walking the last 3 miles of a marathon I very carefully shuffled my way down the steep hill to the finish line My goal had been 4:00 My actual time was 4:27 I missed my goal by 27 minutes You tell me, is that a failure or a victory? I call it a HUGE VICTORY!!! The bonus was my neighbor! He ran his 1st marathon ever 3-weeks ago in 5:02 He knocked 30 minutes off of his time, passed me at the end and beat me by 45 seconds! I was SO happy for him! It's all about perspective, and adjusting your expectations when life doesn't go the way you want it to After all, life is a marathon! All you can do on any given day is your best! The 4th agreement: Always do your best! Your best will be different on different days, under different circumstances If you did your best, give yourself a break, celebrate you did your best! If you didn't do what you wanted, but still did your best, try again tomorrow If you didn't do your best, that's OK, try tomorrow to do your best Doing your best is about the action, not about the outcome/goal If you do your best, you find intense satisfaction in the doing, regardless of the outcome Mentioned in this show: You CAN Go the Distance! Marathon Training Guide - Bruce Van Horn The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

LIAM 028 – Do Not Make Assumptions! Nov 14, 2014

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Do not make Assumptions! An assumption is when we don't know the answer to something, so we formulate an answer in our mind. Making assumptions and taking things personally account for the overwhelming majority of suffering and drama we experience in our lives. In this episode, I continue the teachings from the book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, with the 3rd Agreement: Don't make assumptions! Show outline: The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz Be impeccable with your word Don't take anything personally Don't make assumptions Always do your best Not All of Your Thoughts Are True It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. — Mark Twain So often we construct elaborate stories in our minds, complete with elaborate emotions, around a "truth" that we constructed or was told us that we accepted as "truth" that simply isn't true We made an assumption and called it "truth" The 3rd Agreement - Don't Make Assumptions This one issue, combined with taking things personally, create well over 90% of our problems - both personally and socially An assumption is when we don't know the answer to something, so we formulate an answer in our mind That formulation is based on all of the beliefs, mindsets, interactions, education we have experienced from our birth up that this moment in time. Because we have become so comfortable with who we are and what we think, we believe that our assumption is the truth. We make assumptions about everything--why people do or say what they do, what they are thinking Assume our assumption is truth and we take it personally We react based on our assumption and that can cause us to send emotional poison to them, which they may take personally, which creates a never ending cycle. We create a whole big drama for nothing The overwhelming majority of your sadness and drama you have experienced in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally Stop a minute to consider this statement We create and spread so much emotional poison because we usually start gossiping about our assumptions We make assumptions We believe we are right about our assumptions We defend our assumptions We try to make someone else wrong because we believe our assumption is right Assumptions set us up for suffering and creates so much chaos and causes us to misinterpret things We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear We don't perceive things the way they are We have a habit of dreaming with no basis in reality When we learn our dream was not real, our bubble is burst and we suffer Think about some assumptions that are easy to make You see someone you think is attractive, you smile; he/she smiles back You assume that person finds you attractive You start to fantasize a relationship A whole dream of a relationship and a life together can be created simply because someone smiled at you Social media is a very dangerous place for this Someone you don't know responds playfully or just nicely to a tweet You assume that person wants a real relationship A dream begins to form that has no basis in reality Assumptions in relationships create so much tension We assume our partner knows what we want without us saying it We assume just because our partner like something one time, they want more of it When our partner doesn't do what we want or responds differently that we assumed, we take it personally and get our feelings hurt Many people get married based on assumptions After the honeymoon is over and we learn our assumption was wrong, we are crushed We want so much to believe the truth of our assumption that we are afraid to come right out and ask our partner Our fear keeps us trapped from ever knowing the truth so we make new assumptions, which create new traps

LIAM 027 – Do Not Take Anything Personally Nov 12, 2014

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Do not take ANYTHING personally! The core of taking things personally is actually selfishness, self-centeredness, thinking it is all about me. Whatever anyone else does, thinks, or says to you has nothing to do with you--it is all about them! The best teaching on this subject comes from the book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, and I use that as the outline for this episode. Show outline: The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz Be impeccable with your word Don't take anything personally Don't make assumptions Always do your best The 2nd Agreement - Don't take anything personally Whatever happens around you or to you, don't take it personally If someone insults you, don't take it personally It is about them, their domestication, their beliefs, their agreements If you take it personally, you agree with it and take the poison as your own and trap yourself in a new agreement What causes you to be trapped is called "Personal Importance" or taking things personally It is the maximum expression of selfishness It is the assumption that everything is about "me" During our "Domestication," education and upbringing we are taught to take everything personally We are taught we have the power to hurt other people's feelings We are taught to believe what others say to and about us Nothing other people do is because of you! It is because of themselves. Everyone lives in their own mind, their own world, their own beliefs/agreements When someone directly insults you, it is not about you, it is about them The things they do, say, and the opinions they have in their minds are according to the agreements they have with themselves and the world Their point of view comes from their programming, their domestication When someone says or does something to you, they are dealing with their own feelings and beliefs -- Don't take it personally. That person, whether intentionally or unintentionally, sent poison to you. If you take it personally, you agree to take the poison as yours, which will probably cause you to spread it to someone else. Their personal garbage becomes your personal garbage It weakens your immune system which makes it easier for you to take other people's poison--it creates a vicious circle of self-destruction If you do not take it personally, you strengthen your immunity to poison Immunity to poison is freedom and the gift of this agreement Everything you feel, do and say is a reflection of your own personal agreements What you say, do, think or feel, and the opinions you have are according the agreements you have made and these opinions have nothing to do with me It is the way you see the world. It is nothing personal to me, because you are dealing with yourself, not with me You create a movie or novel in your mind. You are the writer and producer. You are the main character. Everyone else is secondary. It is your story. The way you see your story is through the agreements you have made with life Your point of view is no-one's truth but yours. When you live without fear, with love for yourself, you are happy and everything in your story reflects that happiness. You reject poison from others and you have no poison within you to spread to others. Do not take ANYTHING personally If people tell you how wonderful you are, do not take it personally It is not about you, it is about them and how they perceive you If you take it personally, you can become addicted to their praise If they stop praising you, you get upset and think they don't love you anymore You know you are wonderful. You don't need others to tell you so. Even if someone commits a violent or hateful act against you, don't take it personally It was not about you. It was about them This is a major key to forgiveness and letting to of the past It was not about you. It was about them.

LIAM 026 – Introducing the Latest Upgrade: Bruce 5.1 Nov 10, 2014

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In this episode, I introduce you to Bruce 5.1. Yes, it was my birthday and I turned 51! I don't think of it as getting another year older. I think of it as adding some new features, making a few improvements, and removing some outdated and unnecessary things from my life--just like installing an upgraded version of an Operating System on a computer or smart phone. Listen as I share with you what I have planned for Bruce 5.1! Show outline: Review of Bruce 5.0: Mindset really is like installing a new OS You must plan for upgrades to your life by adding new features and removing outdated, non-essential code that slows you down Published book: You CAN Go The Distance! - Now FREE for Kindle on Amazon (11/10-14) Started writing LifeThoughts on 1/1/14 Really ramped up my Life Coaching practice Attended Coaching with Excellence conference Diagnosed with Prostate Cancer 2/17 Had a major personal/family crisis in early March Put my life on hold Surgery 4/7/14 In hospital 5 days instead of 1.5 days Surgery Recovery lasted about 2-3 months Brought my Running, Writing, Coaching back online Selected as Guest Speaker and Life Coach for Run For Fun Cruise Launched "Life Is A Marathon" podcast on 9/14/14 Introducing Bruce 5.1 Running a marathon this weekend - 11/15 15 months after foot surgery 7 months after cancer surgery Run For Fun Cruise in Feb. (Caribbean), June (Alaska) Continue to grow the Bruce Van Horn / Life Is A Marathon brand podcast webinars group coaching speaking appearances Goal of publishing 2 books Currently recording audiobook version of "You CAN Go the Distance!" Financial Goals Personal/Family goals Big year for oldest son - turns 18, starts looking at colleges Youngest son starts Middle School This will be the year of saying "No" to almost everything unless it is a "Heck YES!!" opportunity By saying Yes to something, you simultaneously say No to something else When you say “Yes,” you are also saying “No!” When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you! Mentioned in this show: I received from my 11-year-old son The Birthday Card EVER! Announcing the Lastest Upgrade: Bruce 5.1! - Bruce Van Horn EPISODE SPONSOR: Flint - Accept credit card payments on your iPhone w/ Flint Mobile Subscription/Social Links: Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on Stitcher Radio! LIAM on Twitter: @LifeIs262 LIAM on Facebook / LifeIsAMarathon Subscribe to the LIAM Mailing List www.BruceVanHorn.com Bruce Van Horn on Twitter Bruce Van Horn on Facebook Please share this episode with your friends and followers. You may even embed a copy of the show directly on your website!

LIAM 025 – Pace 2 Finish! A Conversation with Katie Mehnert Nov 07, 2014

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In this episode, I have a conversation with Katie Mehnert about how life has truly been a marathon for her. She is a fellow marathon runner and cancer survivor and has fought many other battles to arrive at this point of her life. You will be inspired by Katie's message of determination to succeed. Quotes from the show: I've always used running to set my mind in motion. It puts me in a good place to be able to think and make clear decisions. When you look at the bigger picture, and think about the longer term, and you try to put the immediate pain of what's in front of you out of the way, you can really create what your future is going to look like. At some point I got my head out of the pity party and I said "you need to own this and you need to do something about it!" Running and therapy saved me! Mentioned in this show: KatieMehnert website: www.katiemehnert.com twitter: @katiemehnert facebook: /pace2finish EPISODE SPONSOR: eVoice - Claim your FREE 30-day trial Subscription/Social Links: Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on Stitcher Radio! LIAM on Twitter: @LifeIs262 LIAM on Facebook / LifeIsAMarathon Subscribe to the LIAM Mailing List www.BruceVanHorn.com Bruce Van Horn on Twitter Bruce Van Horn on Facebook Please share this episode with your friends and followers. You may even embed a copy of the show directly on your website!

LIAM 024 – Procrastinate On Purpose. A Conversation with Rory Vaden Nov 05, 2014

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In this episode, I have a conversation with Rory Vaden about life, doing the things that matter most for tomorrow--not just doing what is urgent today. He shares valuable insights from his new book "Procrastinate On Purpose," as well as his best seller "Take The Stairs." You will very much enjoy and value what Rory has to share in this episode. Mentioned in this show: RoryVaden website: www.roryvaden.com twitter: @rory_vaden Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success - Rory Vaden Procrastinate On Purpose Webinar - 1 hour video training LifeThought: When things aren’t adding up, start subtracting! - Bruce Van Horn LifeThought: Be like a Buffalo, not like a Cow - Bruce Van Horn EPISODE SPONSOR: eVoice - Claim your FREE 30-day trial Subscription/Social Links: Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on Stitcher Radio! LIAM on Twitter: @LifeIs262 LIAM on Facebook / LifeIsAMarathon Subscribe to the LIAM Mailing List www.BruceVanHorn.com Bruce Van Horn on Twitter Bruce Van Horn on Facebook Please share this episode with your friends and followers. You may even embed a copy of the show directly on your website!

LIAM 023 – Focus on What You Want: The Solutions Focus! Nov 03, 2014

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In this episode, I talk about how we tend to get more of what we focus on. Therefore, we should focus on solutions, not problems; on what is working, not on what is not. I introduce you to The Solutions Focus by Paul Jackson & Mark McKergow. Show Outline: The Law of Expansion - what you focus on expands/increases Most focus on the problems, what is wrong, what they hate, what they don't want to happen Debt Relationship problems Politics "Don't drop this!" Most counseling focuses on the problems and the past There can be benefit to this, but should not be the emphasis Most bosses and leaders focus on what employees are doing wrong They tend to get more of the same Focus on what you want, what you love, what you want more of! Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate Vote FOR something, rather than AGAINST something What you want must be stated in the positive The man I want doesn't drink excessively, doesn't put me down or call me names, doesn't watch football all the time, and isn't a slob... The best coaches never point out what someone did wrong, just what they can do differently to get a better result We should be coaching, not criticizing Leaders/Manager will do better to tell employees how to improve, focusing on the desired results Parents will get more results by telling kids what they did right, rather than what they did wrong Over emphasize good grades, good behavior Focus on successes rather than failures We learn more from success than we do from failure LIAM 008 - Set Yourself Up for Victory; Learn from Your Successes! LifeThought: Success comes in Can, not in Cannots Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses My experience is that focusing more on solutions, than problems, what's right instead of what's wrong, the problems tend to fix themselves or disappear. The Solutions Focus - Paul Jackson & Mark McKergow I use the process from this book with every one of my clients, on my kids and on myself! Don't waste time on looking for/analyzing the cause of the problem, Go straight to the solution! "The focus on solutions (not problems), the future (not the past) and on what’s going well (rather than what’s gone wrong) leads to a positive and pragmatic way of making progress." "Focusing on solutions rejects conventional approaches that share the widespread assumption that focusing on problems is the best way to solve them." "Identify what works and do more of it / Stop doing what doesn't work and do something different" "I really appreciate when you do..." "Thank you for doing...." "Hey, the way you handled that_______ was really impressive." "The way you handled that situation didn't get the results you wanted. How about doing ____ instead next time?" A Solutions Focus Technique for most situations: Think of a situation that you’ve been complaining about. Rate how you feel about it on a scale of 1 to 10 There is no "wrong" number. Whatever it is is right for you or the other person Instead of asking "why so low?" Ask "why so high?" Why is it a 5 and not a 4 or 3? This question forces you to focus on what is working instead of what is wrong List all the things that are working that make it as high as it is, instead of lower What are some things that could be done/improved to move it 1 point higher What signs/evidence would be the recognizable to let you know it had moved 1 point higher Use the magic sleep method Set yourself up for victory by just trying to move 1 point higher What small steps/actions can you take today to make those things happen? Mentioned in this show: LIAM 008 - Set Yourself Up for Victory; Learn from Your Successes! Success comes in Cans, not in Cannots - Bruce Van Horn Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses - Bruce Van Horn The Solutions Focus - Paul Jackson & Mark McKergow ...

LIAM 022 – Are You Living Intentionally? Oct 31, 2014

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In this episode, I talk about the importance of living intentionally, and exactly what that means. An intention is an aim, a plan, a desired outcome. You should have intentions for every area of your life and take the actions necessary to fulfill that intention. If you are not living intentionally, you are just wondering aimlessly in the world, subject to the intentions of others. Aim your life in the direction you want to go, then go there! Show Outline: My social media profiles say "Living intentionally." I spent most of my life just living from moment to moment, day-to-day, without any real plan I had lofty, long-range, vague desires for how I hoped my life would turn out, but no plan to get there I was just settling for the life I received, rather than creating the life I wanted Getting in shape was my first "intention" Intention - an aim or a plan; deciding in advance what you want to do, how you want to do, what the desired outcome is. "You did that intentionally!" kids will yell at each other means that one kid did something to the other kid on purpose, with a plan or intention Intention is the framework for your life Each day should start with intention Each meeting should have an intention While some interactions with people are spontaneous, you should still have an intention for feelings, etc Your life should be guided by intention Intention alone is useless, it must be acted upon! 3 seagulls sitting on a dock Wife is mad at husband. Doesn't she know he intended to buy her flowers and take her to dinner? What is the BIG intention, aim or plan for your life? You should have goals for your life and work toward them with the "intention" achieving them It determines how you show up in the world The energy you bring to each day, each situation It keeps you grounded and guides you through unforeseen events It is your "agreement with reality" It guides your "R" in the E+R=O formula In response to circumstances, are you the victim, or the victor? It allows you to be in control of your value/self-worth It's so easy to confuse your circumstance with your value Intention puts you in control of your life It allows you to respond, rather than react responsible = response / able It allows you to see your life, circumstances, and other people from a new perspective You get to choose how to respond in alignment with your intention You get to evaluate all of your thoughts, feelings, and actions with your goals/life purpose Is this response useful? Does this move me closer to or farther away from my goal Is my intention in alignment with my purpose and core values Live intentionally! Have an aim, a plan and act on it If you don't like it, you can change it Stop settling for the life you get. Intentionally create the life you want. If you're not living your life intentionally, according to your plan, you wind up living your life according to other people's plans--so have a plan and live intentionally, with MASSIVE amounts of action to make your plan work! Mentioned in this show: Dr. Steve Maraboli - www.stevemaraboli.com LIAM 21 - A Conversation About Perspective with Steve Maraboli Run For Fun Cruise Subscription/Social Links: Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on Stitcher Radio! LIAM on Twitter: @LifeIs262 LIAM on Facebook / LifeIsAMarathon Subscribe to the LIAM Mailing List www.BruceVanHorn.com Bruce Van Horn on Twitter Bruce Van Horn on Facebook Please share this episode with your friends and followers. You may even embed a copy of the show directly on your website!

LIAM 021 – A Conversation About Perspective with Steve Maraboli Oct 29, 2014

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In this episode, I have an amazingly honest, energetic conversation with Dr. Steve Maraboli. Steve talks with me about his personal journey to discover his calling. He has dedicated his life to helping people break out of victim thinking and to craft an "agreement with reality" that moves you forward to a positive future. There is so much actionable wisdom in this episode! Do not miss it. Quotes from the show: Your agreement with reality defines your life. It's so easy to confuse your circumstance with your value. You are your value, not your circumstance! There is neither sunrise or sunset. It's all perspective. Because what I am calling the "sunset," at the same exact time, for the very same sun, someone else on the other side of the world is calling "sunrise." And we are both right. And we are both wrong. Because it is perspective that makes the difference. The question isn't "where are you?" The question is "how are you viewing where you are?" The question is "what is the message in the mess?" When you embrace reality and take accountability and strength in what you do control, instead of craving control over things you simply don't, you can empower yourself and move your life in the right direction. You are leaving an impact on this world no matter what. It's up to you to decide whether it's a positive or negative one. Let go of yesterday because it already let go of you. It's gone! For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare (Hamlet) Say to yourself: "I am better than the life I have settled for!" Mentioned in this show: Dr. Steve Maraboli - www.stevemaraboli.com twitter.com/stevemaraboli facebook.com/authorstevemaraboli Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience Amy Purdy - Living Beyond Limits Run For Fun Cruise Subscription/Social Links: Subscribe on iTunes! Subscribe on Stitcher Radio! LIAM on Twitter: @LifeIs262 LIAM on Facebook / LifeIsAMarathon Subscribe to the LIAM Mailing List www.BruceVanHorn.com Bruce Van Horn on Twitter Bruce Van Horn on Facebook Please share this episode with your friends and followers. You may even embed a copy of the show directly on your website!

LIAM 020 – Do You Believe in Miracles? You Should! Oct 27, 2014

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In this episode, I talk about the importance of looking back through your life to examine all of the miracles that have happened in your life. By looking at what you have come through, you will find strength and encouragement to face current and future obstacles. Do you believe in miracles? You should because you are one! Listen as I unpack this important mindset. Quotes from the show: There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. — Albert Einstein If your life were a book and you were the author, how would you want your story to go? — Amy Purdy Don’t let the miracles that haven’t happened yet blind you to the ones that already have! — Bruce Van Horn Show Outline: Are you in a rough place right now where you think only a miracle can save you? Dr. James Dobson shared one my articles with his audience Don’t let the miracles that haven’t happened yet blind you to the ones that already have! Are you letting your emotions rule your choices? It is so easy to let our emotions, particularly our fears, to dominate our thoughts and choices. Our "negative" emotions, like anger, anxiety, fear, stress, betrayal, worry create a kind of "mental myopia" Nearsightedness We can't remember our past and the previous low points we've overcome We can't see a future where all of what's happening now has been resolved favorably We only see the present and a life filled with more of the same In the midst of crisis, all we can see is the immediate, insurmountable need We need to focus on the problem, but as calmly and rationally as possible What we really need is a new perspective a different way of seeing things there are more options than we think! The myopia of crisis often turns usintoparanoids We think the world, God, universe is out to get us or punish us We can only think of ourselves, our pain and struggle We forget we are part of a much bigger plan; that we are loved by many and we have come so far, though so much already! Emotional, spiritual endurance is so important! It's what this show is all about When the hard times come, you'll have the strength, the resources, techniques to get through them It gives you the ability to detach, in a healthy way, from the "now is all that exists" pattern of thinking Allows you to see that the tree in front of you is part of much larger forest Allows you to see more options, ponder and choose the best one Can turn us into "reverseparanoids" God, the universe, people, want us to succeed and are here to help us This is just a challenge, a test, not a punishment Replay the past to find your "Ebenezers" Ebenezer means "Stone of help" Monuments, reminders of having come through a hard time, or remind you of a place you never what to go back to Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing - Here I raise my Ebenezer; Hither by Thy help I’ve come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home. If you have been alive for very long, you have experienced miracles in your life So many things are unexplainable by rational thought Bags of groceries, envelopes containing cash Missed or changed flights So many amazing 911 stories Miracles/Accomplishments: You were born You learned to walk and talk You've lived as long as you have in this fragile, dangerous world Sometimesweare blinded to the miracles in our lives because we think we've produced them Cynical: why give thanks for something I did by myself Question: just because we did it ourselves, does that make it any less of a miracle? Perspective: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle" — Albert Einstein Sometimes the miracle is simply our decision to make the best of a hard circumstance

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