Keeping Records

Latest Episodes:

Boil the Frog (with Blaire Erskine) Sep 24, 2021

Show notes

September 20th, 2021

Dear Diary,

Waz up!!!!!! Today Blaire Erskine (you know, comedian and writer on Jimmy Kimmel Live!) came on the podcast to tell us all about what she would blast off into outer space to send to the aliens. We had such a crazy fun time singing along to Leanne Rhymes, Sheryl Crow, Kelly Clarkson, and Pat Monahan (total dreamboat!!!). We watched Dragon Tales, Coyote Ugly and Nurse Jackie, and then Blaire read to us from her diary and guess what!!! She is totally crushing on Nick!!!!!11 Also Billy Baldwin is SUCH a creep!!!

N-e way, gtg ttyl! Mom's coming upstairs and it's past lights out!!!

Blaire's Artifacts

When a Sheryl Crow song comes on at the grocery store and you feel like you’re in a movie (multisensory experience)
My diary from 5th grade (document)
"Can’t Fight the Moonlight" by LeAnn Rimes (audio)
Public Access Television (audio-visual)
When my mom texts me back (multisensory experience)

Follow Blaire on Twitter and Instagram

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Time Starts Now (with Michael Cruz Kayne) Sep 17, 2021

Show notes

It's a no-holds-barred episode. Weddings, canceling plans, CHANGING plans, appetizers, monkey bread, they're all on the chopping block, and you can be sure the podcast premise is gonna take a LONG time to get to.

Thankfully, comedian, actor, and writer Michael Cruz Kayne (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Late Night with Seth Meyers) is here to move the show along and advocate for his Golden Record. He's got basketball players that don't look like basketball players, musicals and overzealous singers, crispy red meat, and a man reaching into his underwear to make him feel like he's never felt (in a non-sexual way, it's a massage thing).

Michael's Artifacts

Personalities, represented by the human actor Richard Schiff (human specimen)
Nikola Jokić (human specimen)
People who sing the harmony on happy birthday and really go for it (human behavior)
The burnt bits of a steak (food)
Every musical (audio-visual)
Physical therapy (human behavior)

Follow Michael on Twitter and Instagram, and listen to his new podcast A Good Cry, premiering September 30th!

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Caleb and Shelby Hit It Raw From Behind Sep 10, 2021

Show notes

If you've ever wondered what Keeping Records would sound like if the guest was off-mic in the corner of the room, and then left 15 minutes into the episode leaving Caleb and Shelby to their own devices, well, have we got an episode for you.

It's an episode devoted totally (TOTALLY!) to your (YOU! THE LISTENER!!) picks! There are way wayyyy too many to list, and just as many Delete Its, so I'm just going to tell you to check out MUNA's new music video for "Silk Chiffon (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)" to marvel at the acting abilities and overall hotness of two specific supporting cast members.

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Boston Crime Donut (with Lureena Cornwell) Sep 03, 2021

Show notes

Some people say that art is chaos, and, in that sense? This episode is...art.

Actor, improviser, and writer Lureena Cornwell has a virtual visit with Caleb and Shelby, who, per usual, are in a fight. This time it's over a cat turd. Aside from that, though, our hosts must know what's on Lureena's record, which is so unfortunate because her internet service provider absolutely does not want that.

When the dust has settled and Lureena's upload speed has improved beyond 1 Mbps, she gives the aliens a picture of the most ideal Earth: one in which domesticated animals walk themselves, clothes are reused, soup is filling, and where every human speaks with a non-rhotic dialect and either commits crime or cracks down on it.

Lureena's Artifacts

Pets walking with their humans without a leash (animal behavior)
Boston crime movies, ex: The Departed, Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone (audio visual)
When someone compliments your outfit and you get to tell them it’s all thrifted and how much you spent on every item, with a bonus when it’s a 69 cent item from Salvation Army on 69 cent Saturday (multisensory experience)
Hearty soup (food)
Hand cut French fries (food)
Family (human social structure)

The dog painting video that Shelby likes.

Follow Lureena on Instagram and Twitter!

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Human Life Is Not Beautiful (with Dan Sheehan) Aug 27, 2021

Show notes

Caleb and Shelby have been ousted from their home and must seek refuge in the Headgum office. Joining them via conference call from his landline is writer and comedian Dan Sheehan, who spontaneously generates a list of artifacts to put on his Golden Record. He'll introduce the aliens to the Mediterranean diet and local area network gaming. He'll give them the perfect entrance/invasion music. He'll show them majestic, decorated domesticated animals. And most generous of all? He'll help the aliens understand the the relief of being let off the hook.

Dan's Artifacts

Italian food (food)
Being informed that no one is angry at you (multisensory experience)
"Sirius," The Alan Parsons Project (audio)
Photos of animals that have won contests (photograph)
LAN parties (multisensory experience)

Original Voyager Artifact

Birth, Wayne Miller (photograph)

Follow Dan on Twitter @ItsDanSheehan and @SICKOFWOLVES, support him on Patreon and buy his novel I Am Not a Wolf wherever you get books!

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

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Some Dumb Joke (with Abby McEnany) Aug 20, 2021

Show notes

Writer, comedian, actress, improviser (and if I'm being honest? friend!) Abby McEnany is on the podcast, and she's brought her deep, deep passion for the United States Postal Service. (UPS is also close to her but for different reasons.) Vincent D'Onofrio, brand-name ibuprofen, Abby's kickass nephews, and President Jimmy Carter himself are all going to space. Ok, President Carter himself isn't going, but the aliens do need to know about everything he's been up to.

Abby's Artifacts

Procedural crime dramas (audio-visual)
Mail (human institution and interaction)
Advil (molecule)
The knowledge of Abby's nephews' existences (human being)
A record of Jimmy Carter's post-presidency (historical record)

Watch Abby in the season premiere of Work in Progress on Showtime, on Sunday, August 22nd.

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Fundamentally Corny (with Taylor Garron) Aug 13, 2021

Show notes

Join Shelby and Caleb as they discuss their lives of opulence and mental stability with writer and comedian Taylor Garron. Yes, eventually they will get to Taylor's Golden Record picks, but it is extremely important that they spend 20+ minutes discussing gold futures and the frustrations of property tax variances from state to state.

Of course, with all of that wealth must come the finer things in life, all of which Taylor is sending to the aliens—dining (and, frankly? lunching) on crustaceans, elegant music and television, and dislodging the aforementioned bits of crustaceans from one's...um...chompers.

Taylor's Artifacts:

Shrimp (food)
Hot service workers (human archetype)
Horny eye contact with strangers (human behavior)
MIA’s first and second albums (audio)
Flavor of Love and I Love New York (video)
Finally getting a bit of food unstuck from your molar (multisensory experience)

Follow Taylor on Twitter and Instagram

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Billionaire Mindset (with Liva Pierce) Aug 06, 2021

Show notes

Caleb and Shelby have a sit-down with writer and comedian Liva Pierce to talk about their hopes, dreams, and personal choices of artifacts to send to outer space so that aliens may one day come to understand what life on Earth was like at its zenith.

Of COURSE there's Kate Bush. Of COURSE there's delicious food. You KNOW there are human social practices on there, and musicals. IT'S. ALL. THERE. Enjoy, aliens.

Shelby and Caleb are also extremely uncooperative when role-playing.

Liva's Artifacts

"The Big Sky" by Kate Bush (song)
A hot cookie (food)
When a coworker shares personal information (human social behavior)
Debriefing a party with funny friends whom you love (human social behavior)
Any production of Newsies (audio-visual)

Original Voyager Artifact

Cathy Rigby, Phillip Leonian (photograph)

Follow Liva on Twitter and Instagram!

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Pretty Committee Strikes Back (with Benito Skinner) Jul 30, 2021

Show notes

Actor. Comedian. Writer. Icon. Benito Skinner is on the pod and he's here to show the aliens (or any other beings who might find the record, he does not discriminate!!!) more than just pop culture—he wants them to feel the passage of time.

Groundbreaking albums go from panned to adored. Musicians put on amazing performances and are shunned. TV-shows run 100 episodes without heeding any stop signs. Meh clothing becomes a uniform. And The Lion King goes from being an animated film, to a live Broadway musical, to The Lion King with 3D-rendered, lifelike animals voiced by an all-star cast, just because we can.

Benito's Artifacts

A compact disc of ARTPOP, Lady Gaga (audio)
Nicki Minaj's performance of Roman Holiday at the Grammys (audio-visual)
The Riverdale pilot episode and then one from Season 5 (audio-visual)
A Gucci belt (human ephemera)
The 2019 remake of The Lion King (audio-visual)

Follow Benito on Twitter and Instagram and listen to him and Mary Beth Barone on their podcast Obsessed.

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Defending Rubbernecking (with Marcella Arguello) Jul 23, 2021

Show notes

Caleb and Shelby welcome stand-up comedian Marcella Arguello into the Headgum family the only way they know how—by getting into a Dick Feud with her. TBQH it's mostly Shelby's feud, with Caleb instigating and causing chaos from the sidelines (as he does). And all this happens around building Marcella's Golden Record, which has iconic TV, iconic music, iconic GIFs, iconic nails, and iconic toddlers.

Marcella's Artifacts

Rihanna GIF where she rolls up the car window (visual)
Mariah Carey, Butterfly (audio)
Seinfeld (audio-visual)
A hug from a toddler who thinks you’re the coolest person on the planet (multisensory experience)
Press-On nails (human ephemera)

Follow Marcella on Twitter and Instagram, watch her comedy live, and listen to her and Niccole Thurman's new Headgum podcast The Scroll Down.

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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