Keeping Records

Latest Episodes:

Who Is This For? (with Jon Lomberg) May 07, 2021

Show notes

You guys...wait...This is huge.

Space artist and science journalist Jon Lomberg, co-creator of the original Voyager Golden Record (!!!), joins Caleb and Shelby to talk about his experience putting together humanity's epitaph, which left Earth in 1977.

Jon offers his take on aliens, behind the scene stories, and how to comprehend yourself at the scale of the universe.

Jon's own personal Golden Record is expansive and comprises as many genres of world music as possible, including (but not limited to):

Hawaiian slack key or vocals, like “Ho’olauna Aloha” Teresa Bright from her album Self Portrait
Celtic music
Middle Eastern music
Flamenco
Inuit throat singing
Tibetan chants
Musical Theater
Marching Band
Michael Jackson
Afrojazz
K-pop

With hypothetical new technology since the original records, Jon would also include Earth's favorite molecules for the ETs, like caffeine and THC, as well as the smell of of roses and the taste of mango. Software like Tetris is on the table now, too.

You can learn more about Jon at his website www.jonlomberg.com, where you'll find his original artwork as well as links to his lectures and writings.

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Chapstick Lesbian (with Grace Kuhlenschmidt) Apr 30, 2021

Show notes

Comedian Grace Kuhlenschmidt realizes that her Golden Record is only for her—and that's ok. The aliens will take what they can and leave the rest.

But truly, how could they leave the cookies? And she made that cocktail for them, would the aliens dare refuse? They will love quirky, early 2000s pop music. And hopefully the documentary teaches them to not put humans in tiny cages when they conquer us.

Grace's Golden Record

Hoku and Mandy Moore (audio)
Blackfish (audio-visual)
Quadratinis (food)
Laying in warm grass (multisensory experience)
Being tomboy (multisensory experience)
Beeresca—a homemade cocktail recipe (food)

Original Voyager Artifact

"X-Ray of Hand" (image)

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You're So Embryonic (with Negin Farsad) Apr 23, 2021

Show notes

Negin Farsad—comedian, writer, director, host of the podcast Fake the Nation—needs the aliens to experience humanity in a very specific way. And that way is...perfect. Swan dresses, elevated train tracks extending across the Manhattan skyline, trying not to cry when you see something beautiful in public, nouvelle cuisine...it's all there. Except for Plumber's Crack. That's gone, she got rid of that.

Negin's Golden Record Artifacts:

Anything Bjork related (audio-visual)
The Highline in NYC and the thrill of a public works project (architecture)
That moment when a concert violinist is playing for free in a park and they play something beautiful and then you cry in public but try to act like you have allergies (multisensory experience)
The first time having French food made by French people (food)
The Grinder (audio-visual)
Knowing you're wearing a cute outfits (multisensory experience)

Listen to Negin on Fake the Nationand Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!and follow her socials.

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Giving the Gift of Gab (with Tanerélle) Apr 16, 2021

Show notes

Musician and interstellar voyager Tanerélle blesses Caleb and Shelby with her Golden Record, a visual and aural amalgamation so beautiful and powerful that the aliens will have no choice but to understand, and thus be inspired by, the overwhelming genius of planet Earth.

Tanerélle's Golden Record

Sugar Shack by Ernie Barnes (image)
Sade’s Greatest Hits (audio)
All Marvel films (audio-visual)
Girlfriends and Moesha (audio-visual)

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Listen to Tanerélle on Spotify, Apple Music, or anywhere else you listen to music.

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A Woman With Whimsy (with Blair Socci) Apr 09, 2021

Show notes

Blair Socci. Comedian. Actress. Writer. Scientist.

Totally spur of the moment, out of nowhere, random as all hell, Caleb and Shelby ask Blair what she'd put on her Golden Record. And what Blair creates is a work of art. It's a record that will teach the aliens of how adorable humanity can be, and also of an unparalleled, Grammy Award-winning alternative rock record from 1995. Blair also rebukes those who abandoned Anne Hathaway in her time of need, in the process absolving one of our hosts (ok it's Shelby but she KNOWS what she did and sees the error of her ways).

Blair's Golden Record

Tiny children with glasses (image)
Sending and receiving surprise gifts (human ephemera)
Alanis Morisette, Jagged Little Pill(audio)
Hook (audio-visual)
Eating large meals with friends and family (multisensory experience)

Original Voyager Artifact

Mexico, "El Cascabel," performed by Lorenzo Barcelata and the Mariachi México (audio)

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Ball Saves Lives (with Katie Kershaw) Apr 02, 2021

Show notes

Katie Kershaw (Mrs. Fletcher, Fargo, Pathetic Woman) thought hard about what to include on her Golden Record. And —truly? honestly?—it shows in its perfection. The aliens need to understand that humans are a species that should not be messed with, and they will learn that through our insane eating habits, eagerness to engage in awkward social interactions, and folk songs about fire.

Katie's Artifacts

Martina McBride, "Independence Day" (audio-visual)
The coffee cup of a keynote speaker at a hotel conference (human ephemera)
Rupaul's Drag Race seasons 1-13, plus all stars, plus international seasons (audio-visual)
Muriels Wedding (audio-visual)
The Best Man and The Best Man Holiday (audio-visual)
Everything Kelly Ripa eats in a day (audio-visual)
The moment in film, TV, or real life when a mom relaxes after a preparing a holiday meal (human behavior)
The Mother Goose House in Hazard, Kentucky (architectural advancement)
Garth Brooks, "Standing Outside The Fire" (audio)
The moment when you're not sure if you should shake hands or hug (human behavior)

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Check out our show and many hilarious other pods featured on Stitcher's first-ever Comedy Week! In-app or at Stitcherapp.com/comedy

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I Love Murder (with Amy Miller) Mar 26, 2021

Show notes

Comedian Amy Miller comes to the pod to settle an age-old feud with Caleb (started like a month ago?) and to ignite a brand-new feud with Shelby (over burritos). And there's also her Golden Record, which is loaded like a Bay Area super-burrito with artifacts to communicate to the aliens what they need to know about human life.

Caleb and Shelby and Amy also discuss the scariest sound collage of all time, which, incidentally, is what NASA sent to the aliens.

Amy's Artifacts

Watching a grown man try to take off his hoodie, and then his undershirt also goes up a little and you making eye contact to acknowledge that you witnessed the hotness (human behavior)
Being super mad but not being able to help laughing (human behavior)
The last three bites of a Bay Area carnitas super burrito (culinary advancement)
Cabbage fart joke from The Golden Girls (audio-visual)
Sam Rockwell dancing (human being)
Vine “I want to be famous.” (audio-visual)
YouTube “More sand.” (audio-visual)
So I Married an Axe Murderer Soundtrack (audio)
Dateline (audio-visual)
Movie theaters with recliners, a full bar, and a full menu including milkshakes (human experience)
Scented candles from Target (human ephemera)
A salvation tract, preferably "Some Day You Will Stand Before God" (document)
The Diary of Anne Frank (document)

Original Voyager Artifact

"Footsteps, Heartbeat, Laughter" (audio)

Follow Amy and listen to her on her podcast Who's Your God?

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Hard and Wet (with Jacquis Neal) Mar 19, 2021

Show notes

Actor, podcaster, and producer Jacquis Neal (Culture Kings, The Cast, UCB) puts together one of the most well-rounded records we here at not-NASA have ever seen. Film, television, music, food, and human experience—it's all on there. We fully endorse Jacquis for President of the United States of America.

Jacquis's Artifacts

Jay-Z, "Meet The Parents" (audio)
Martin (audio-visual)
The Truman Show (audio-visual)
Skinny Dipping in Provincetown, MA (human experience)
Crispy Onion Chicken Recipe (food and document)

Original Voyager Artifact

Greek Greeting: "Greetings to you, whoever you are. We come in friendship to those who are friends." (audio)

Follow Jacquis on Twitter and listen to him on The Cast with Rae and Jacquis

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Shitting Your Pants for Perspective (with Molly Kearney) Mar 12, 2021

Show notes

Comedian Molly Kearney builds a Golden Record full of the things the aliens could never dream of. What will they think of an animated film in which all of the characters are humanoid dogs, some of which are insanely hot? Sure, they could imagine a car, but what about a minivan with the door falling off and all the back benches removed, blaring the best piano rock tunes of the last fifty years? Do they have geode caverns on their planet? Probably not. A hug from Molly's mom? Not in their galaxy.

There is also a lot of talk about pants-shitting and death-by-toilet. It is simultaneously our blessing and curse as a species.

Molly's Artifacts

A Goofy Movie (audio-visual)
Not knowing your favorite chicken patty is vegetarian (multisensory experience)
Driving in Molly's Ford Windstar with no back benches, sliding door falling off, and an Elton John Greatest Hits cassette stuck in player (multisensory experience)
Crystal Cave in Put-in-Bay, Ohio (geologic formation)
The bond between restaurant staff (human behavior)
Hug from Mom (multisensory experience)
The chewed up baseball from The Sandlot (human ephemera)
A personal pedicab ride from Molly (human experience)

Original Voyager Artifact

"Tame Dog" (audio)

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Manic Pixie Dream Cop (with Lauren Lapkus) Mar 05, 2021

Show notes

Actress, comedian, writer, and podcaster Lauren Lapkus (The Wrong Missy, Jurassic World, Crashing) creates a Golden Record full of experiences, emotions, and tastes. She will not, however, taste anything called "salad" that isn't an actual salad, because honestly that is a repulsive concept.

Lauren's Artifacts

Watching the opening credits of Who's the Boss (multisensory experience)
The feeling of lost cat being found (multisensory experience)
About Time (audio-visual)
The sensation of peeing in the shower for the first time (multisensory experience)
The taste and feeling of eating half-baked chocolate chip cookies while stoned (multisensory experience)

Original Voyager Artifact