Keeping Records

Latest Episodes:

I Take Being Silly Seriously (with Geoffrey James) Jul 16, 2021

Show notes

I...don't know what to say about this one. Actor, writer, and fellow Headgum podcasterGeoffrey James is on the show and just...wow. What even happened here? Mayhem, tattoos, heavily reused bits from last episode, our hosts and guest are absolutely depraved this episode.

Geoff's Artifacts

When someone with acrylic nails scratches your back during a personal low (multisensory experience)
Pretty. Odd. by Panic! At the Disco (audio)
Feeling pride when buying something specific at a hardware store (human emotion)
Aioli (multisensory experience)
Making a friend feel bad about almost getting in a car accident for way longer than is fair (multisensory experience)
The 10-minute underwater scuba battle in Thunderball (1965) (audio-visual)

Follow Geoff on Instagram and Twitter, and listen to him on The Headgum Podcast and Review Revue!

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The Importance of Being Earnest (with Mitra Jouhari) Jul 09, 2021

Show notes

Shelby is ill and will NOT stop giving sex eyes. Caleb is in Portland and surviving the heatwave. It’s up to comedian, writer, and actress Mitra Jouhari (Three Busy Debras, Big Mouth, High Maintenance) to educate the aliens, and she’s created a Golden Record designed to showcase the pinnacle of entertainment on Earth.

Mitra’s Artifacts

Pretty Little Liars (audio-visual)
Lost & Found Music Studios (audio-visual)
Countess Luann and other Real Housewives music careers (audio-visual)
Galaxy Quest (audio-visual)
Gossip Girl (audio-visual)

Follow Mitra on Instagram and watch Three Busy Debras on HBO Max!

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Through Hate Breeds Art (with Raina Morris) Jul 02, 2021

Show notes

Caleb has fled to Portland. Shelby is sleeping in and doesn't miss Caleb...yet. Comedian and writer Raina Morris visits with them to prep her Golden Record and it's just...so much stuff! There's software to instruct the aliens on how to take care of humans; details on how to properly care for our skin and hair; how to satisfy oral fixations and stay hydrated at the same time. Raina swears up and down that she's not prepping the aliens for zoo-keeping an exhibit of humans, but truly you will have to decide on what her plans ultimately are.

Raina's Artifacts

The Sims 2 (software)
"Beautiful Liar" Beyoncé and Shakira music video (audio-visual)
YouTube ingrown hair extraction videos (audio-visual)
The feeling of when a hairstylist washes your hair and scratches your scalp (multi-sensory experience)
Eating ice (food)
A kiss on the lips from someone wearing lip gloss (multi-sensory experience)

Follow Raina on Instagram and Twitter!

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We All Like to Get Choked Nowadays (with Liza Treyger) Jun 25, 2021

Show notes

Shelby talks about her shaving injury. Caleb is displeased, but also preoccupied with speculative workplace drama. Comedian Liza Treyger almost leaves the podcast early due to the graphic description of Shelby's injury, but sticks it out to ensure her Golden Record is delivered to the aliens.

Liza's Artifacts

Britney Spears's catalog of MTV Making the Video episodes (audio-visual)
Miley Cyrus defending Kennedy Davenport and drag to Joe Rogan (audio-visual)
Ludacris, "What's Your Fantasy" (audio)
Bojack Horseman (audio-visual)
Emma Chamblerain's YouTube channel (audio-visual)

Follow Liza on Twitter and Instagram, and listen to That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.

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MRIs Are Expensive (with Nori Reed) Jun 18, 2021

Show notes

Caleb has fallen and hit his head. Like a true king he got back up, but now Shelby has the difficult task of convincing him that he doesn't have a brain bleed. Luckily, she has comedian, writer, and actress Nori Reed to assist in assuring Caleb that he doesn't need to seek immediate medical attention. And while Nori's here, why not find out what she'd put on her Golden Record? Absurd reality television, home decor superstores, Italian vistas and Diane Lane, and Normani's magic basketball bum bounce are all heading to space.

Nori's Artifacts

The Swan (audio-visual)
IKEA (architecture and multisensory experience)
Normani, "Motivation" (audio)
Under The Tuscan Sun (audio-visual)
Caleb falling and hitting his head during his self-tape (audio-visual)

Original Voyager Artifact

Rajasthani greeting, "Hello to everyone. We are happy here and you be happy there."

Listen to Hot White Heist on Audible, watch Nori's comedy on HBO Max, and follow her on Instagram and Twitter!

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Snakes Are a Problem For Me (with A.J. Marroquin) Jun 11, 2021

Show notes

Last week's episode...it really devastated Shelby and Caleb. So much so that they're taking some precautionary steps for the sanctity of the pod. Comedian, friend, and breakfast enthusiast A.J. Marroquin mediates our hosts' ongoing negotiations, occasionally sharing his own Golden Record when allowed to. Jennifer Lopez makes yet another guest appearance on the pod, and so do a hell of a lot of snakes. Theme park souvenir photos, cars spiraling down from the heavens, The Golden Corral, all of it is a wondrous backstop for hammering out Caleb and Shelby's dysfunctional functionality. And it is beautiful.

A.J.‘s Artifacts

Jennifer Lopez's filmography (audio-visual)
Saloon-style famkly portraits/theme park souvenirs (image)
Breakfast after a hook-up (multisensory experience)
Buffets (multisensory experience)
The Carvana vending machine (architecture)

Follow A.J. and do literally everything in your power to see him do comedy live.

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I See Two Holes Right Now (with E.R. Fightmaster) Jun 04, 2021

Show notes

Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something.

E.R.'s Artifacts

CrossFit (human behavior)
Temptation Island (audio-visual)
The WNBA "Wubble" Season (audio-visual)
Books about cities (literature)
Oysters (food)
A text that says “I’m running five behind” when you are really 20 behind (human behavior)

Follow E.R. and watch them on Shrill!Also listen to their music released as Twin!

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The Grand Game of the Goose (with Chris Gethard) May 28, 2021

Show notes

Comedian and writer Chris Gethard has a vision for how he wants the world to be, and that vision is one where you never know what's going to happen next. For that reason, his record is a collection of truly bizarre audio-visual television moments that he's encountered over the course of his life. Wrestling, bizarre Spanish-language gameshows, and a whole lot of Mr. T, like probably to the point where the aliens will believe he is a deity—which he, of course, is.

Chris's Artifacts

Drunk Ewoks on The Today Show (audio-visual)
The footage of Mr. T on El Gran Juego de la Oca (audio-visual)
Conan goes apple picking with Mr. T (audio-visual)
The unforgettable debut of The Shockmaster (audio-visual)
Malice at the Palace, a Pistons vs Pacers Fight 2004 (audio-visual)

Legacy viral videos mentioned in episode

Follow Chris, and watch his new special Half My Life on June 1st, on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, Pluto TV, Peacock, Tubi, and more! But preferably Tubi, because, well, you know. Tubi.

Follow the show @keepingrecordspod

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The Doctor Is In (with Taylor Ortega) May 21, 2021

Show notes

Comedian and actor Taylor Ortega (Kim Possible, Love Life, Welcome to Flatch) is crashing on Caleb and Dr. Wolstein's pull-out couch, so why not build a Golden Record? Along the way everyone recounts the trauma of having to go to the bathroom in the woods, and also the trauma of wearing Nike Shocks.

Taylor's Artifacts

Wet wipes (human ephemera)
The Real L-Word (audio-visual)
Cute, trendy plants that are easy to take care of (biological sample)
Taylor’s group chats (literature)
A good nonstick pan (human tool)

Original Voyager Artifact

Old Man With Beard and Glasses (Turkey), Jonathan Blair

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Flirting With Friends (with Meg Stalter) May 14, 2021

Show notes

What begins as a meeting with beloved friend and comedian Meg Stalter immediately devolves into an episode of depravity and psychosis. Shelby leaves the recording, seemingly out of rage. Caleb exposes himself repeatedly. Meg says the c-word. Producer Mike becomes Producer Michael. Quite simply, it's insanity.

But, aside from all that madness, Meg's Golden Record is angelic in its innocence.

Meg's Golden Record: