Keeping Records

Latest Episodes:

Duke of Done Wrong (with Laura Peek) Apr 01, 2022

Show notes

Comedian/Tennessee native Laura Peek logs on with Caleb and Shelby to wade through the trials and tribulations of the best/worst four years of everyone's life: high school. Remember senior privileges? Remember absolutely roasting your teachers any time they even slightly misspoke? Remember how hot it was when 16-year-old boys chewed tobacco and had that little faded ring on the back pocket of their jeans? Yeah, no, definitely, us either, we also think that's gross........

Laura's Artifacts

When you see a guy who looks like he would suck do something nice (Experience)
Waking up and thinking “oh shit it’s probably 7:30 am” but then looking at your phone and it’s like 2 am (Sense of Relief)
Chicken tenders and ranch from Nashville Shores Water Park (Food)
The time I pooped HUGE in my pants in first grade and didn’t realize it for a whole school day (Human Experience)
When someone is laughing and they touch your arm to kinda brace themselves against the laugh (Gesture)
Perfect cacio e pepe (Food)
The Holiday (2006 Film)
Hopping out of the pool at your friend’s birthday party for a quick bite of Ruffles and onion dip in the year 2000 (Experience)
One Camel cigarette (Vice)

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Digging Around (with Tamara Yajia) Mar 25, 2022

Show notes

No amount of explicit content warning could possibly prepare you for what happened when writer/actress Tamara Yajia stopped by the Keeping Records studio as our first in-studio guest. Producers and Headgum staff still traumatized, need time to process. We ask that you respect our privacy and we have no further comment at this time.

Tam's Artifacts

PEN15 episode, "Grammy" (2021 TV Episode)
Smelling your tooth floss (Olfactory Sensation)
Cheesecake Factory’s Chicken Madeira (Food)
A first class airplane ride (Experience)

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Timelessly Cool (with Jill Gutowitz) Mar 18, 2022

Show notes

An episode that will undoubtedly be used as a resource on LGBTQIA+ allyship and gay rights manual for the alien species forever into the future. Writer and world's biggest and last remaining Pinkberry customer Jill Gutowitz stops by to explain to us (and the aliens) that adjusting a lesbian's clothing is actually a homophobic slur, how to get a boyfriend through AIM as a young closeted resident of New Jersey, and that the looks exchanged by hot young cheerleaders in an early aughts cinematic masterpiece are actually peak gay.

Jill's Artifacts

AIM (Technology)
Freaky Friday (2003 Film)
The glances exchanged between Kirsten Dunst, Gabrielle Union, and Eliza Dushku in Bring It On (Cinematic Moment)
Pinkberry (Food)
A Taylor Swift Avatar On Twitter Telling You To Die (Experience)

Follow Jill on Twitter and Instagram and buy her new book, Girls Can Kiss Now, out now from Simon & Schuster.

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Hot Girls and Their Ugly Dogs (with Ashley Nicole Black) Mar 11, 2022

Show notes

This week on the pod, Caleb, Shelby, and Emmy-winning (!!!) writer/actress/comedian Ashley Nicole Black get into it. It = the best moments of the human experience, the things we should be most proud to show off to the aliens in space. It mostly = the 1997 ouevre My Best Friend's Wedding.

They also get into the use of stalls vs. urinals, how to actually give someone a compliment without telling on yourself, and an absolutely harrowing tale from Caleb's dating life. Let this be a reminder to do a thorough background check on all your dates, lil freaks!!!!

Ashley's Artifacts

Day Drinking Outside (Experience)
When a Baby Uses You As a Couch (Behavior)
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997 Film)
Being a Drunk Girl in the Bathroom (Shared Feeling)
Adopting Dogs (Activity)

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Truly No Worries Mar 04, 2022

Show notes

Live (not really!) from the brand new Headgum Studios (yes really!) it's everybody's favorite comedy/friendship duo Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein!!!!

Our first in-studio episode has something for everyone: Caleb trying to cry on command and then blaming everyone else in the studio when he can't; Shelby revealing that God is her social media manager; the two of them reconciling after a near-show-ending fight about potato chip flavors; and Caleb's mom texting to ask a question that's been on all of our minds lately: "What is Netflix?" No answer is given.

Of course, Caleb and Shelby also turned to you, their lil freaks, to see what you've been wanting to add/delete from the Golden Record these days:

Your Record Additions

Kwik Trip (Place)
One Direction's Performance of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia on X Factor at Simon Cowell's House (Audio-Visual)
Dill Pickle Flavored Chips (Snack)
Finding a Loaded Gift Card You Forgot You Had (Currency)

Your Deletions

When Escalators Are Out of Order (Inconvenience)

P.S. If you like it when Caleb and Shelby sing, this is the ep for you.

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It's Not Nothing (with Robby Hoffman) Feb 25, 2022

Show notes

What if we sent the absolute most unhinged takes on present-day society to the aliens on a Golden Record? Would it confuse them? Maybe make us seem wild and ungovernable?

Or do they also think that only women and children should be allowed to wear flip flops and that all dogs should be kept outside?

Those are the questions we reckon with on this week's episode with "small ex-Hasidic queer Jewish stand-up comedian, writer, and true original," Robby Hoffman. A must-listen, especially if you're an alien that thinks you might want to make contact with the human race to your own detriment.

Robby's Artifacts

Hallways and Rooms
Hardware Stores
Neapolitan Ice Cream
$100 Bill

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A Perfect Episode (with Brian Robert Jones) Feb 18, 2022

Show notes

Musician/producer Brian Robert Jones stops by the ~virtual~ Keeping Records studio to talk about what the kids mean when they say "throwing neck," TI-89 calculators, and his lifelong dream of performing live at KFC's Yum! Center in Louisville, KY. (Where, incidentally, Shelby thinks would be a cool place to lose your virginity.)

The best part of this perfect episode is that there was not a single technical difficulty or internet connection issue and we all love recording podcasts remotely for everyone's safety. It's the best!

Brian's artifacts:

Absolutely killing It as a plus one to an event where you know very few if any people (Experience)
*NSYNC - Discography (Audio)
Nick Jonas performing Spaceman on SNL (Audio-Visual)
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (Movie)
Eating a Gigantic Breakfast at a Nice Hotel (Experience)

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Head Trauma Slay! (with Sarah Ramos) Feb 11, 2022

Show notes

This episode is mostly Caleb and Shelby singing along to their favorite songs. But they are at some point joined by actress, filmmaker, and amateur pop culture oracle Sarah Ramos, who has a long list of her fave pieces of modern civilization to send out to space (notably Taylor Swift's entire discography, RuPaul's drag race, and weed edibles).

There's also a discussion of best practices for self-tapes, and how to avoid being embarrassed when someone walks in on you in the bathroom. Probably also useful for the aliens to know, we have to assume!!!

Sarah's Artifacts

Taylor Swift's Discography (Audio)
Enlightened (TV show)
Hustlers (2019 film)
Mary-Kate and Ashley VHSes (Audio-Visuals)
Weed edibles (Food)
Social Media stan accounts (Phenomenon)
RuPaul's Drag Race (TV show)

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The Yassification of Motherhood (with Ruby Caster) Feb 04, 2022

Show notes

Caleb and Shelby are joined by writer Ruby Caster to discuss how Ruby and Shelby can't read (bummer!!) and whether or not table-side Caesar salad preparation is inherently gay.

They briefly touch on Ruby's Golden Record picks (which is incidentally the point of this show): romaine lettuce + parmesan cheese, the best band to have ever existed, and Midol, which Ruby attests is a miracle drug. Spoiler: it seems it is not.

Ruby's Artifacts

Caesar Salad from Bernie’s Restaurant in Williamsburg, BK (Food)
All of ABBA’s music (Audio)
Midol (Remedy)

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That's Oral by the Way (with Maggie Winters) Jan 28, 2022

Show notes

Comedian Maggie Winters joins Caleb and Shelby for their second video episode, which devolves into chaos after a game of f*ck, marry, kill. Shelby leaves the zoom but eventually returns. Caleb's tennis leg cramps? Back for a special appearance. Also, everybody learns what paramour means.

Eventually they get to Maggie aka Marguerite's Golden Record, which is a blend of visuals and experiences the Aliens will love. On the topic of her Disney past, Caleb and Shelby ask the pointed but necessary question: is Maggie someone who calls Goofy a friend? And stick with us here: Goofy's paws are, more often than not, "up." Is Goofy...a lil freak?

Maggie's Artifacts

Deep Dish Pizza (Food)
Schiller Visions: Hidden Camera Commercials Sketch with Chris Farley (Audio-visual)
Her parents surprising her and her brothers with a trip to Disney World in 1992 (Feeling)
Going to the movies alone and ordering a big popcorn, drink, and candy and also the movie is good (Multi-sensory Experience)
All reality TV ever (Entertainment)
When her mom found a fiddlers glove on the ground and used it to hold her wine on St. Patricks Day (Experience)

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Contributing music by John Bartmann https://johnbartmann.com

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