Keeping Records

Latest Episodes:

Best Of: The First 75 Episodes Aug 19, 2022

Show notes

The moment you've all been waiting for... an episode long in the making.... the Keeping Records phone has been ringing off the hook.... audiences have been begging....... for Anya and Casey to step up to the mic. Also in this episode: all your favorite moments in Keeping Records history, according to you. Eat it up, lil freaks!!!!!

And don't forget that we're BACK NEXT WEEK, August 26th, WITH A BRAND NEW EPISODE!!!!! Hallelujah.

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I See Two Holes Right Now (with E.R. Fightmaster) [Re-release] Aug 12, 2022

Show notes

OK tiny freaks! This is our very last re-release before a very special episode next week (!) and an even more special (!!) episode the week after. So hang tight, stay tuned, don't touch that dial. We're almost back, baby.

Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something.

E.R.'s Artifacts

CrossFit (human behavior)
Temptation Island (audio-visual)
The WNBA "Wubble" Season (audio-visual)
Books about cities (literature)
Oysters (food)
A text that says “I’m running five behind” when you are really 20 behind (human behavior)

Follow E.R. and watch them on Shrill!Also listen to their music released as Twin!

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A Lil Update!!!!!! Aug 05, 2022

Show notes

Your burning questions????? Finally answered!!!! Smash that play button in to hear what we've been up to over at the KR HQ!!!!

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Bonus Episode: The Voyager Artifacts Jul 29, 2022

Show notes

All right, settle in lil freaks, we're wheeling in the AV cart for a very special session of Keeping Records. Yes, that's right, we're gonna dim the lights and sit quietly in our chairs while Caleb and Shelby tell us about some of the artifacts that NASA sent (without our input weirdly) on the original Voyager Golden Record. We'll learn about things that seem funny to us but normal to people in other parts of the world, we'll learn about fetuses and how that all works more or less, we'll learn that the Immaculate Conception was really the Original Cuckolding. All in all, we'll learn. Together. While we eagerly wait for new episodes to drop. Soon. We promise.

Be sure to watch the video version of the episode for a complete audio-visual experience and for two of the best wigs you'll ever see in your life.

The Artifacts:

Greeting: Cantonese
Image: School Room
Image: Fetus Diagram
Image: Rush Hour Traffic
Greeting: Portuguese
Music: "Dark Was the Night," written and performed by Blind Willie Johnson
Greeting: Nepali
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It's Not For You (with Beth Stelling) [Re-release] Jul 22, 2022

Show notes

Give us a minute, OK? Keeping Records is on a brief hiatus but you better believe it's coming back. Stay tuned for updates from their latest mission, dropping in your feeds soon.

Comedian and podcaster Beth Stelling ordered some sandwiches...like...an hour ago. They're still not here yet but she's going to go ahead and get started telling Caleb and Shelby her plans for her Golden Record: people falling over and hurting themselves but like not reaaaally hurting themselves, her niece meeting a woodland creature, Ted Danson absolutely nailing it on—oh shit, someone's knocking, brb

Beth's Artifacts

Falling compilations (audio-visual)
Niece meeting a bunny for the first time (audio-visual)
Mr. Mayor (audio-visual)
Photo of Beth and her mom in Hawaii after her mom retired from teaching (image)
6th grade home videos or her and her friends making music videos (audio-visual)

Original Voyager Artifact

Mountain Climber (Gaston Rébuffat)(image)

Follow Beth and watch Girl Daddy on HBO Max.

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Don't Broke What's Not Broken Jul 15, 2022

Show notes

Hey it's Caleb and Shelbo! Back with the long-awaited Golden Record from our main girl! Shelbo takes a while to find her camera but when she does, she FINALLY sets the record straight (in a gay way): we're taking a brief chhhiatus (a Jewish break), but we will be back with new episodes in a few weeks. So don't you dare hit that unsubscribe button, because we've got so much more Keeping Recordings for you. More news coming in this feed next week.

To tide you over 'til then, Shelbo's artifacts:

When Two People Meet at a Revolving Door at the Same Time and Push it together (Collaboration)
The Last 24 hrs at Summer Camp (Traumatic Childhood Event)
Rats On the Street vs Rats People Keep as Pets (Comparison)
Hanging Out with a Friend's Parent in Their Kitchen (Experience)
A New Nicki Minaj Verse Specifically for the Aliens (Audio)
Driving Around with your Friends Listening to Music w/ No Real Destination (Muli-Sensory Experience)
When the Cleveland Caveliers Won NBA Championship in 2016 (Sports History Moment)
The OC (2003-2007 Television Show)
Survivor (2000-Present Day Television Show)
Group Date to a Movie Theater at Age 12 (Tween Experience)
Shel Silverstein (Poet/Author)
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Time of Your Life Jul 08, 2022

Show notes

Good morning America (or wherever you're listening from, hopefully from a different planet)! The long awaited Golden Record from our one and only Caleb Hearon is finally here. It's a bittersweet symphony as we go through a lot of feelings. Queue Vitamin C… and let us know… F/K Jason Segal and Vince Vaughn.

Caleb's Artifacts

The feeling of unrequited love, as expressed by "I Can Love You Better" by The Chicks (audio)
They pushed me down and maced me Animaniacs (audio-visual)
The blowjob scene with Brenda Song and Andrew Garfield in The Social Network" (audio-visual)
The out-of-body feeling when you're having a special moment and you realize you will remember it forever (feeling)
Lauryn Hill's album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (audio)
Every single John Goodman performance (audio-visual)
The Break-Up starring Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn (2006 Film)
"Money" by The Flying Lizards (audio)
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Mommy is Home Jul 01, 2022

Show notes

They're back from their meeting with NASA; seems like things went well. Now, Caleb's in New York, and Shelby's in LA. But the Zoom that connects them through the cosmos? That's Mommy, and Mommy is home. They play F/M/K with the Supreme Court (answers open to interpretation) and then open up the submission line to solicit additions/deletions for the Golden Record, and as usual you lil freaks did not disappoint. Covering a real wide breadth of the most pressing issues of our time, we have the following:

Your Record Additions:

"Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson (Audio)\
Soft pretzels dipped in cheese (Food)
Finding out a coworker hates the same coworker as you (Feeling)

Your Record Deletions:

Fluorescent Lighting (Light source)
Rolling Coal (Activity)
Anya Making the Temperature Too Hot in the Studio (Producer Oversight)
Charmin Bears (Product Mascot)

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Night is for the Freaks (with Samantha Irby) [Re-Release] Jun 24, 2022

Show notes

Well lil freaks, it finally happened. We got the call last week on the secure Headgum line (red phone) from Bill Nelson (head of NASA, reports to POTUS, first coined the phrase "Houston, we have a problem") and Caleb and Shelby are on their way to the John F. Kennedy Space Center for an important meeting and we are not cleared to give you any other info (strictly need-to-know basis at this time). Anyway, while that's all happening, we unearthed from the archives one of our all-time favorite episodes of the show, which we think in turn will one day be on the Golden Record itself. If this meeting goes well. Enjoy and see you next week.

Comedian and writer Samantha Irby (Wow, No Thank You; Meaty; Shrill) creates a Golden Record full of artifacts that she hopes the aliens will find life-changing. She also expresses her thoughts on what she would do with Henry Cavill in inappropriate public settings.

Sam's Artifacts

Gone Girl, the book not the movie (literature)
A live Tori Amos bootleg cassette (audio)
Mission: Impossible - Fallout (audio-visual)
Dlisted.com comment section from 2008 - (web archive)
The burn of an excessively carbonated gas station fountain soda (multisensory experience)

Original Voyager Artifact

Navajo Night Chant (audio)

"Do You Think...?" Listener Picks

Lenny Kravitz accidental dick exposure (audio-visual)
Plain rice with butter (food)
"Like a G6" by Far East Movement (audio)
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Old Meme Energy (with EJ Marcus) Jun 17, 2022

Show notes

Shelby's back in studio (missed you, girl!); Caleb's finally on Raya (congrats, girl!); and EJ Marcus stops by the pod to kind of randomly make fun of producer Anya (who is actually writing this description but totally forgives you, girl!). After all, EJ is, by their own admission, Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating.

Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating EJ brought along a near-perfect Golden Record that is at once practical and... dare we say... provocative? Listen in for arguably the best hour-and-change of your day.

EJ's Artifacts: