Intimate Interactions

Latest Episodes:

Crime and Self Relationship (Yana Skorstengaard) Jul 18, 2020

Show notes

Today, Yana Skorstengaard, a masters candidate at the University of Ottawa in criminology discusses how we relate to crime and are intimate with the criminal punishment. It has the power to come into our lives and take everything we have. We trust that it will be just and fair with us even though we know it isn’t like that with lots of other people. Why do we assume we’ll be treated fairly? Is it only white folks who assume they’ll be treated fairly? We have a good conversation that I’m excited to share with you.

Healing from Traumatic Power Exchange (Jazz Goldman) Jul 11, 2020

Show notes

Trauma is everywhere, even in power exchange. Relationships can be traumatic, and total power exchange is no different. Healing can take years and adversely affect relationships, kink, and sex. When processing trauma, I think it’s important to work through any mistaken beliefs first, and to come to different conclusions about yourself before moving on. I’ve found cognitive behavioural therapy to be helpful in changing those beliefs in myself.

I also didn’t find CBT healed much other than offering me some peace from the harm I was continuing to visit upon myself. When processing through the experience again, I was mindful first not to overwhelm my body with trauma, but rather to fill it with only the portion of the trauma I could safely process at once, using breathing and mindfulness to help anchor myself and control the experience. Those are also skills I learned with a counsellor - a somatic therapist this time.

Finally, I try to put myself in a place that’s beautiful and can stimulate me in an aesthetic way - somewhere that smells nice, sounds nice, and looks nice. Hopefully somewhere that feels transitionary. I picked the seaside village of Steveston, British Columbia, located on Lulu Island, the main body of the city of Richmond.

Jazz Goldman speaks about their journey out of a power exchange that wasn’t meeting their needs, and we talk about the unspoken power dynamics that exist underneath our negotiated ones. The focus was placed on their healing, not on the podcast session, but I’m grateful we captured it for you to experience, here on Intimate Interactions.

Social Leadership During Isolation (Yana Skorstengaard) Jul 11, 2020

Show notes

What cultural change would improve the health and wellness of your society? Today we chat with Yana about cultural ideas such as retributive or punitive justice - Yana is a criminology researcher after all - and discuss social leadership. When I’m gaming and see anti-social or harmful behaviour from a teenager, what responsibility do I have to intervene or improve the culture?

We ask important questions like: Is it possible to release only non-violent offenders for a temporary indefinite leave of absence where they are under house arrest with relatives if they have somewhere to go? Should we be releasing our non-violent offenders to save them - and us - from COVID-19? How would such a release reduce COVID-19 in the non-incarcerated population? And how would a release like that affect our way of thinking about imprisonment and punitive justice if letting them live under house arrest doesn’t increase crime?

I also incorrectly say that in Manitoba, 98% of girls incarcerated are indigenous. In Saskatchewan, 98% of girls incarcerated are indigenous. In Manitoba it’s 82% of girls and 81% of boys. Keep in mind that the population of Saskatchewan that is indigenous is about 15%. These numbers are less than two years old as I write this and linked in the long episode description.

But let’s hear more about society and criminology from the expert herself, here on Intimate Interactions.

Indigenous stats

https://www.oci-bec.gc.ca/cnt/rpt/annrpt/annrpt20182019-eng.aspx#s5

https://winnipegsun.com/news/provincial/nearly-half-of-youth-incarcerated-are-indigenous-statistics-canada (98% of girls incarcerated in Saskatchewan are indigenous; 92% of boys)

Link for petition

https://cp-ep.org/protectprisoners/ - Petition/List of Demands
Fundraiser to support prisoners and their families in Ontario: https://www.gofundme.com/f/prisoner-emergency-support-fund?utm_source=widget&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet
Here’s some numbers of COVID cases in Canadian prisons if people want to take a look at them: https://cp-ep.org/imprisoning-the-pandemic-confirmed-covid-19-cases-in-canadian-prisons/

Self Relationship and Suicidality (Dax) Jul 04, 2020

Show notes

This month we’ve focused a lot on two alternating threads in the show: more talking about sex, and more talking about the relationship to oneself. As I try to tackle harder concepts and try recording more outside and in less ideal environments, I’m continuing to experiment with different kinds of show ideas. Let me know what’s working for you and what isn’t by commenting on https://facebook.com/intimatevictor or on twitter @intimatevictor or on instagram at @intimatevictor or by emailing podcast@victorsalmon.com.

Today we talk about suicidality: what being close to suicide felt like for people who’ve had major depressive disorder and who have lived with depression for a very long time - in my case my whole life. I’ve also lived with suicidal ideation my whole life and think about it in a very granular fashion: am I just thinking about hurting myself? Just about suicide in an unrealistic situation because it helps me get through the day? Thinking about suicide in a semi serious way but with unrealistic means? The caution bulb goes on. Thinking about suicide in a semi serious way with things that are accessible to me? Now the alarms are going off that I have missed my ideal window to intervene and I really need to get help. And then there are serious plans for suicide that one intends to carry out. That’s probably the last stage before actually committing suicide for me.

Fortunately today, I’m not experiencing any suicidal ideation and it has legitimately gotten better; and while no one can guarantee it will get better, it usually does provided you’re working at making it better. Effort to change and time often lead to better places. Of course, it’s rare things improve on their own but occasionally we luck out and they do. Also occasionally something bad just happens that changes our life circumstances and a depressive or suicidal episode gets triggered.

We’ve talked in episode 70 what the experience of depression is like, and in episode 72 about coping methods without meds. Today we’ll talk about suicidality and touch a little bit on mental wellness medications. We’ll be back later to talk more about mental health medications and their side effects though we touch on it briefly at the end of today’s episode. Wherever you are and whatever your struggles are, I hope you find your way to something better. Genuinely, if you’re listening to this, it’s not over yet. From my heart to yours, no matter where you find yourself, there’s always, always a way home.

Best of luck finding less self resentment and more will to continue even by degrees. I honestly believe it’s worth it to keep trying. Please see the show notes for mental health resources.
https://intimatevictor.com/resources (scroll to the bottom for mental health resources including Vancouver specific ones)

https://www.cocothelouder.com/coco-resources/
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How Can Bad Butt Sex Get Better (Jazz Goldman) Jun 27, 2020

Show notes

Anal sex is one of my favourite topics because I enjoy giving anal sex, and have recently been attempting to enjoy receiving anal sex with limited success. Jazz Goldman is also a veteran of giving anal sex to others but they have recently become quite successful at enjoying receiving anal sex. We discuss our bodies, our strategies, and our outcomes. If you wanted a high level conversation about the ins and outs of anal sex, this is it.

Depression Coping Strategies (Dax) Jun 20, 2020

Show notes

“If you say mental wellness three times, some asshole in a ‘Live, Love, Laugh’ t-shirt will appear and tell you to go outside.” - sign at BitF 2019

Relationship to the self is critical when considering mental wellness. Often we think of that relationship being purely a mental one, but many things comprise one’s relationship to the self including sleep, hydration, diet, and exercise.

Dax is my guest today as we discuss the evidence based approaches to coping with struggles in mental wellness. We discuss our real life experiences of coping with depression and hopefully throw in some insight that might help you understand of people with depression if not help you gain insight into your own human experience.

https://intimatevictor.com/resources (scroll to the bottom for mental health resources including Vancouver specific ones)

https://www.cocothelouder.com/coco-resources/

https://themighty.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/xScreen-Shot-2018-01-25-at-12.56.40-PM.png.pagespeed.ic.eOHsDoXObS.webp

https://themighty.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/xScreen-Shot-2018-01-25-at-1.59.57-PM.png.pagespeed.ic.GQgYRqqou9.webp

Keep Vulnerable People Happy to Stop COVID-19 (Yana Skorstengaard) Jun 20, 2020

Show notes

Hi Intimates. Today we’re talking with Yana, the criminology researcher, about why it’s important we start looking at issues like homelessness and the conditions in prisons. If we each of us is to be safe in our quarantine from COVID-19, the sooner we reduce the number of new infections, the better. So, let’s talk about why keeping ourselves safe means taking care of social issues we’ve ignored with Yana Skorstengaard on Intimate Interactions.

Link for petition
https://cp-ep.org/protectprisoners/ - Petition/List of Demands
Fundraiser to support prisoners and their families in Ontario: https://www.gofundme.com/f/prisoner-emergency-support-fund?utm_source=widget&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

Making White Spaces Safer for Racial Minorities (Jazz Goldman) Jun 13, 2020

Show notes

Alternative relationship spaces like polyamory groups or kink organizations sometimes struggle to see when Racism is going on in the space because it tends to be more subtle than traditional violence.

Jazz Goldman is a mixed Black-Jewish American, and I’m a mixed British-Indo Canadian. We bring our mixed experiences of our heritages to this conversation about Racism. I try to document how Racism looks to us in these communities and what recommendations Jazz has for organizers looking to make these spaces more inclusive.

There is, in my opinion, a great importance of making a concerted effort to change culture among several organizers or events at the same time. Posters, policies, and hands-on education is the way to go in my opinion. It’s worth hiring an anti-oppression consultant if you can, and it’s always more effective when it’s more than one organizer.

Good luck taking an anti-Racism stance in your community, friends!

Jazz mentioned microaggressions as bee stings during the episode and it turns out it was microaggressions as mosquito bites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDd3bzA7450

I also just started reading an article about dealing with microaggressions as a POC here: https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/02/ways-racial-microaggressions-sneak-in/

Allhallowtide and Diwali (Irene) Jun 06, 2020

Show notes

Note: This episode published a day early so it could be in time for Halloween even though it's focused primarily on Diwali. As time goes on I'm going to continue to try to rush themed episodes to you in time for the appropriate dates but may not always be able to do this. Hey Intimates. I wanted to do a Hallowe'en episode because it’s such a popular holiday and I’ve been challenging myself to create and release special episodes around festivals or holidays. It turned into a Diwali episode because despite being descended from a half Roman Catholic family, I have been far more interested in my Indian heritage recently. This year, I’m celebrating both dates.

Before getting into the Indian celebration, I do my best to explain and do justice to Allhallowtide, a three day festival where Hallows Evening or Hallowe'en is just one part on October 31 involving a vigil for the Catholic saints in heaven (hallows is synonymous with saints).

Irene joins me today as an Indo Canadian woman who hasn’t lived in India like I have, but who has in my opinion had a far more traditional Indian upbringing as I haven’t. Our different perspectives as parts of the Indian diaspora hopefully offer one incomplete and imperfect portrait of folks grappling with culture and community in a very Canadian way: perhaps slightly distanced from it for likely different reasons, balancing different ideas of what it means to be from a place, and practicing culture as a form of identity.

If you want to learn more, feel free to wikipedia Diwali and the Ramayana or throw it into google and check out some of the awesome images of this Indian Festival of Lights. I wish you a Happy Diwali, and many cozy Autumn evenings with family and friends. Enjoy the episode, Intimates.

1. Can you give a brief explanation of what Diwali is about in three sentences or less?

2. Could you explain to folks who don't already know: what is the Ramayana about? [Itihasa]

3. How many days long is Diwali?

4. What sorts of rituals do you take part in over Diwali (do you do any rangoli, pujas to Lakshmi)?

5. Are you aware of any other variations of Diwali rituals that you don't participate in?

6. Who celebrates Diwali with you?

7. Does Diwali build a sense of community for you?

8. Do you relate your experience of Diwali to hope in the context of colder, literally darker days?

9. Do you draw strength in your identity from your culture as an Indian?

10. How does your sense of Indian culture relate to mental wellness in your experience?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allhallowtide
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramayana
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_calendar

How Racey Is Whiteness (Jazz Goldman) May 30, 2020

Show notes

Race is a complicated topic to discuss, because there are quite a few misconceptions out there. I want to tackle how white a lot of alternative spaces are because of how inhospitable they can be for people of colour. This episode discusses what races are, how eugenics impacted ideas that we internalize today, the supposed scientific basis of eugenics, and who gets to be white.

Despite our best efforts, I think we both agreed that this episode centered whiteness too much for our own liking, but it is my hope that it’s a great episode for you to listen to if you are a White person or are looking for some basics around Racism in alternative spaces like a polyamory community or a Kink community - of course depending on city.

Jazz mentioned people who survived the Bubonic Plague (Black Death) may carry a mutation that resists HIV infection!

https://www.the-scientist.com/research-round-up/could-the-black-death-protect-against-hiv-54468

Jazz mentioned a book on stereotypes which turned out to be called Typecasting and is written by Ewen and Ewen (not bowen and bowen). It’s a researched book on eugenics and Racism. https://www.amazon.com/Typecasting-Arts-Sciences-Human-Inequality/dp/1583227350

Jazz mentions a Sweedish girl who protested the government’s inaction on climate change. Her name is Greta Thunberg and her story is here: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/sep/01/swedish-15-year-old-cutting-class-to-fight-the-climate-crisis

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