Intimate Interactions

Latest Episodes:

Samhain with Sapphire (Sapphire) Oct 31, 2020

Show notes

My friend Sapphire is back to chat about the thinning of the veil tonight on Samhain or as you might know the night, if you’re not pagan, Hallowe’en.

Some of you might be celebrating All Saints Evening, the evening before All Saints Day, especially if you’re Catholic. Some, especially in certain parts of Europe, take All Saints Day seriously enough to go to the graves of their loved ones and pray for their departed dead to help get them from purgatory into heaven.

Some of you, especially in Latin America and the United States, are getting ready to connect with your departed relatives over the next couple of days on Dia de Muertos.

Or maybe this is just another day in the two weeks before Diwali, this year on November 14th. Keep in mind Indians don’t follow the Gregorian calendar, meaning the holiday falls on different days each year. Last year it was October 27th, and the year before, November 7th. Or perhaps you’re celebrating one of many other traditions. If I missed you, write in and let me know. I’ll happily give you a shout out on a future episode.

I also want to shout out Islamic Emperor Muhammad bin Tughlaq - apologies for my pronunciation - who ruled from his court in Delhi, India from 1324 to 1351 for being the first muslim emperor to celebrate a Hindu festival in his court. One of the reasons the Mushals made up a quarter of the world’s GDP at their height, eclipsing even the superpower of the age, the Ming dynasty was their inclusion of many different cultural groups in their empire. India is a bit of a buffet of varied cultural traditions and uniting most of it could not have been easy. I hope we can learn from their example and encourage those around us to be tolerant, especially as we approach a divisive and polarizing election season.

Speaking of collections of diverse cultures and traditions - for many of us secular folks like myself, Hallowe’en is just that. In Vancouver, Canada or the stolen unceeded lands of the Musqueam, Squamish, and Tsleil-Wautulth peoples, it barely resembles to me, traditional All Saints Eve even though it is technically the same holiday originally.

This modern version of Hallowe’en with Trick or Treating, horror movies, Autumn harvest feasting be it Samwain or a day early for All Saints’ Day’s feast - it is what many modern holidays are: an excuse to curl up warm after dinner and share some laughs with those who matter most to you.

The pandemic has made so many things harder for so many of us, especially those who are currently unpartnered. I encourage you to reach out and connect with groups online. There are plenty of folks on discord or reddit or many other places, who are just as desperate for a warm human voice to talk to. If you are really struggling and can afford it, consider joining some kind of distraction as a service provider like World of Warcraft or if you don’t have any money, something like Heroes of the Storm or Modern Warfare or any number of other free gaming communities online. There are *tons*.

We’re also approaching the darkest months of the year, and I’m extremely grateful to have found the mental health medication that works for me. Do you need to check in with your GP about starting into a medication? Or maybe you need to google what kind of sliding scale counselling is most readily available where you live? Don’t forget to do those things if they sound like they might be right for you. I can’t stress enough how important planning is in dealing with seasonal depression, something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I started trying medications in the summer. I do counselling every couple of weeks. I am working through workbooks on mental health and healthy communication. I’m also not saying any of those are right for you...
...

Kinky Semantics in a Hot Tub (Sophia Sky) Oct 31, 2020

Show notes

Sophia invites me to her hot tub for a skinny dip and podcasting about kink, BDSM, consent, consensual nonconsent (though Sophia doesn’t like that term), switching, bisexuality, pansexuality, hierarchical nonmonogamy, and many others. It’s sure to be an intimate session.

We talk about the origins of the Safe, Sane, Consensual or SSC paradigm. The origins are credited to Slave David Stein whose name eludes me in the recording. Feel free to google it if you’re interested in knowing more.

The director of Pan Eros Foundation in Seattle, Sophia is one of those bad asses that in my opinion has dedicated her life and efforts to making meaningful change in culture. Pan Eros supports the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Consent Academy, and an erotic art gallery in downtown seattle.

The hot tub was low so we had to add a lot of water and were worried it would be quite cold because the night was cold and in traditional Pacific North West fashion, it had been raining. The first thing I do on getting into the hot tub is lose my footing and almost submerge myself (and the recorder).

Note: I erroneously say 3 V of power when I recognize voltage isn’t power. The maximum capacity of those batteries is 1.2 Ah meaning the power varies by amperage draw. After reading some sites online, one said a short circuited AAA battery typically maxes out around 4.5 Amps which means less than 15 watts of power, so my point stands but my needs for security, accuracy, and correctness decided to spend your time explaining this. Thanks for your patience.

Also, no recorders were harmed in the making of this podcast.

World Class Success or Utter Failure (Wicked) Oct 24, 2020

Show notes

Depression is a serious mental illness that affects most of us at some point in our lives through our friends, loved ones, or personally. Lots of folks have some experience of depression during their teen years, but what if that depths-of-the-ocean kraken never went away? What if there was an ongoing lingering threat that you could slip back into it at any time?

My experience of depression has been sort of like that, an ongoing, cyclic struggle with depression that’s worse in the winter and then a little easier to manage when I’m out in the sun. I cope with therapy, UV light treatment, meds, and a host of strategies implemented from therapy. Currently, my depression is peeking through all of that as it’s January. Friends on meds have suggested I increase my dose in the winter, which is a great idea.

Today, I have one of my older friends, wicked, on the show. Her experience with depression isn’t that different from mine, but I’ll let her tell you about it herself.

Resources

Unhelpful Thinking Sylte

https://healthywa.wa.gov.au/Articles/U_Z/Unhelpful-thinking-styles

https://twitter.com/odawnip/status/1003036622429016071 (or if broken see https://intimatevictor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/unhelpful-thinking-styles.jpg )

Questions

Do you identify as a person with depression?
What have been your experiences and symptoms of depression as a teenager?
How has it changed with age as you’ve grown and what is your experience of depression now?
How have your self-perceptions of failure or success impacted your depression? (Thinking styles that don’t serve us, CBT)
What’s your gender?
How has gender stuff impacted your depression?

Chronic Illness at an Orgy, A Post Mortem (Jazz Goldman) Oct 17, 2020

Show notes

Jazz Goldman is back to talk about an orgy they invited me to at which we got to have fun sexy times. We talk about best practices, how we sometimes suspend best practices, and not being too hard on ourselves.

I process my feelings about having chronic illness and about not noticing an allergic reaction that happened to me at an orgy. While you can’t control what life throws at you, you can control how you respond to it and the people you choose to support and surround yourself with. Fortunately for me, I surrounded myself with the very best people who were incredibly understanding, kind, and compassionate. Jazz even helps me cultivate more self compassion.

Since we were both returning from a hot tub session, a demanding orgy, and then showering and getting ready for bed, we’re both pretty tired and dopey. While it picks up later in the session, I decided to do my nails. It may not seem like the best life decision to choose to do it while recording a podcast, but I wanted to get my thoughts down while the emotions were fresh and doing my nails is a form of self-love and self-validation because that kind of femme feels more authentically like me.

So while to cope with feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy, I do my nails while recording which results in a slower-paced conversation. Jazz and I usually record intimate sessions but this one takes the pie for most intimate in my opinion. Enjoy.

Monogamish Relationship Anarchist (Wicked) Oct 10, 2020

Show notes

Wicked is back to talk about sexual scripting, relationship anarchy, butt sex, and friends with benefits. We talk about people not being need fulfillment machines, how damaging scripting can be, and how liberating writing our own scripts is. Wicked helps us dispel myths that relationship anarchists are always non monogamous - she’s a perfect example of a mongamous or more recently monogamish relationship anarchist. Let’s hear it straight from the Wicked’s mouth on Intimate Interactions.

Art, Artist, and Patron (Sophia Sky) Oct 03, 2020

Show notes

Sophia Sky invites me to her bedroom to podcast about the subjectivity and intimacy of art. How does are create intimacy between the art subject and the viewer or for that matter between viewers? We’ll try not to be too all over the place but… no promises.

We also talk about Sophia’s passion for art and sexuality that has in part led her to become the director of pan eros foundation, a non profit organization that focuses on celebrating and cultivating sexuality through education and the arts.

Aside from the erotic gallery in the historic pioneer square neighbourhood of Seattle, Pan Eros is also responsible for Consent Academy and Seattle Erotic Arts Festival.

Let’s dive into the intimacy of art with Sophia Sky now on Intimate Interactions.

When and how did you first take stewardship of Pan Eros foundation?
When you think about art, how would you describe the kind of art that gets you most excited- what effect or achievement makes it art for you?
What relationship is there between the subject described in erotic art and the viewer?
Would you say art is about communication? What is art about for you?
As a person who enjoys sexual exhibitionism and often especially enjoys the embarrassment play of showcasing publicly how sexual a private person is, I relate to a facilitator role in helping shame-fetishists get their kink on. What role does the artist have in facilitating a relationship between art subject and viewer?
Part of my experience of appreciating art is imagining the experience of creating the art from the perspective of the artist. Do you do that as well?
Aside from relationships with artist and art subject, there’s also a place for art community in our relationships to each other as art appreciators. What role does community have in providing room for sharing our experiences with each other as a casual or even intimate exercise?

A COVID-19 Longhauler Speaks (Intimacy) Sep 28, 2020

Show notes

If you'd like to do so and can afford a few bucks, come support me at patreon.com/VictorSalmon and throw as little as one dollar my way. If you're able to do so, it all helps no matter how small. It's very appreciated. Thank-you. First, how much COVID-19 is out there? https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/covid-19-claims-4-more-lives-in-b-c-as-366-new-cases-confirmed-over-the-weekend-1.5733047 “It’s now been more than a month since she started experiencing symptoms, and she’s still battling a lingering headache, cough and fatigue.” (from May) https://www.cnbc.com/2020/05/01/coronavirus-patients-describe-symptoms-that-last-a-month-or-more.html "She's had a fever, she said, for more than 100 days.” (from June) https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/some-covid-19-patients-aren-t-getting-better-major-medical-n1231281 “"COVID-19 can result in prolonged illness even among persons with milder outpatient illness, including young adults," the report's authors wrote.” (from July) https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/monumental-acknowledgment-cdc-reports-long-term-covid-19-patients-n1234814 “When most people think of COVID-19, they imagine two possibilities: a flu-like illness that clears on its own, or a life-threatening condition that requires ventilation and a hospital stay.” (from Aug) https://time.com/5880191/long-haul-covid-19 “Participants were recruited about 2½ months after their illnesses, when their symptoms were expected to have subsided. More than half reported lasting fatigue. Researchers looked for certain biological signs that might explain the results, such as white blood cell counts and inflammatory blood markers. They found none.” (from Sep) https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/more-half-covid-19-patients-have-lasting-fatigue-research-suggests-n1240351 “A global online survey of almost four million people suggests that five per cent of people who contracted COVID-19 reported persistent symptoms one month later. According to a study recently accepted for publication in the European Respiratory Journal, 75 per cent of people admitted to hospital in Vancouver for COVID-19 continue to experience symptoms more than three months after the onset of symptoms.” (from Yesterday) https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5730904 https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=24&v=QibLtgTX6-I&feature=emb_logo

Gender Sorcery and Mental Health Meds (Wicked) Sep 26, 2020

Show notes

Today wicked is back to touch on career and gender stuff. What does success or failure look like in the mind of a depressive? How does career play into that?

Gender also plays an interesting role in depression as it informs your sense of community and isolation. Body language is powerful, and isolation in small communities can be fatal.

Outside of secondary sex characteristics like scent and lines of the body, almost all of gender is abstract and constructed from the clothes we wear to most of the behaviours we socialize as evidenced by differing behaviours among sexes in different societies. Some societies recognize a third gender and have done for millenia. Others have fewer boxes in which they categorize themselves.

Fortunately, more and more countries are understanding that cosmetic modification of children’s genitals is probably a really bad thing that leads to mental health problems later in life, and that gender affirmation surgery is literally a life saving procedure.

I think we discuss three notions today: that failure isn’t the absence of success, that gender is sorcery, and that mental health meds are a journey.

Resources

The Pyramid of Regulate-Relate-Reason from Dr. Bruce D. Perry (https://twitter.com/bdperry/status/931235578976329728)

The Window of Tolerance Image from Dr. Marie S. Dezelic (reposted on my site because her links appear broken). Read her article here: (https://www.drmariedezelic.com/window-of-tolerance--traumaanxiety-rela)

Questions

How has pursuit of excellence contributed to depression?
Now that you’re finally gaining career traction and doing super cool shit, is the success as fulfilling as you’d imagined before you had it?
Have you done cognitive behavioural therapy and if so, has it helped?
Have you tried medication and if so, has it helped?
What’s next for you in tackling your depression?

From Catholic Church to Sri Aurobindo Ashram (My Dad) Sep 19, 2020

Show notes

I’ll begin with an aside about a cat. I mention rescue cat 27705 who is a foster kitty with black and white tuxedo colouration and an incredibly sweet disposition found malnourished and abandoned on a wooden pallet that has gained 50% of its body weight in under two weeks with me. Still underweight and almost 11 pounds, this cat plays fetch, is easy to pick up, and meows at me while I’m recording these introductions. Now to the introduction.

My father like most humans is many things. He grew up Roman Catholic but commit apostasy and after travelling and soul searching decided to follow a spiritual path in an ashram in South India, the one in Puducherry specifically. If you’ve read Life of Pi, the ashram’s pool after which the protagonist is named is one in which my father has taken at least one swim.

The ashram has been accused of being cultish before, lead by two leaders, one called Aurobindo Ghose after which I derive my middle name and my sister derives part of her first name. He is known to the ashramites as Sri Aurobindo. He was “arrested in the aftermath of a number of bomb outrages linked to his organization but in a highly public trial where he faced charges of treason… could only be convicted and imprisoned for writing articles against British rule in India.” During his stay in jail, he had mystical and spiritual experiences, after which he moved to Pondicherry leaving politics for spiritual work.

The other is Mirra Alfassa, In her young adulthood she was a documented occultist, an atheist, and eventually a spiritual teacher. She married and divorced Heri Francois Morisset and Paul Antoine Richard. A full life to say the least. She also became revered as The Mother. I’ve heard stories through my father that these two leaders knew of each other before they met.

So there are two potential narratives here: there’s the skeptic’s narrative of the ashram as a cult, and the mystic’s narrative as the ashram as a teaching temple guiding those willing to take the spiritual journey to a place of awareness and consciousness, the next evolution of humanity.

The town of Auroville sprung up as a place of spiritual communism or if you prefer radical anarchism (to quote one man who met Mirra Alfassa), where anyone could meditate and advance their awareness regardless of creed, nationality, ethnicity, religion, etcetera. In Auroville is a quite amazing structure in my opinion called Matrimandir, an egg shaped structure with gold lotus-like petals arranged on the outside. I’ve had the privilege of going there and meditating inside the structure and offer my experience briefly.

All in all, I try not to have too strong an opinion about any of this. My father is my father. Whether I apply a veneer of mystic or cultist or something in between, he is who he is and that narrative is less important to me, especially if it were to damage or estrange me from him. I love my father and hope simply to offer all the facts and perspectives and leave it to you to decide the frame you wish to put on this interesting portrait.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sri_Aurobindo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirra_Alfassa

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrimandir

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auroville

Making Sex Positive Events Happen (Jazz Goldman) Sep 12, 2020

Show notes

Jazz Goldman and I talk about organizing sex positive and sex-on-premises events. We talk about our love of these events and why we volunteer to do that work. We share our experiences in sex communities including the burner scene. I do use the word “literally” in this episode to mean “figuratively” which is now definitively one of the definitions of the word literally - don’t hate me for using modern English. I don’t like that the word has come to mean what it means, but I’m rolling with the punches.

We also talk about the experience of organizing as mixed-race people of colour.

What’s the difference between sex-on-premises and sex-positive in event organizing?
What was going to your first sex event like?
What do you like most about sex events?
What kinds of sex-on-premises events exist in various cities you’ve been in?
How does your experience as a non-binary femme affect your experience at sex-on-premises events?
How does your experience as a Black person affect your experience at sex-on-premises events?
What are common misconceptions of attendees who want to come to a sex positive event?
What’s your experience with hosting events like these?
What are some common misconceptions about trying to host sex positive events?
What are some challenges to creating welcoming group sex environments? (shifts in relationship status, location, “aging out” ie: growing out of it, etc.)

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