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    Health

    Intimate Interactions

    Improve your relationships, get confident asking for what you really want, and have more intimate, satisfying sex! These lessons in intimacy from a non monogamy and consensual kink practitioner can improve any relationship and help you connect more with yourself and others. Check out https://intimatevictor.com/podcast

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    Latest Episodes:
    Performers, Burlesque, and Identity (Jet Noir) Jan 09, 2021
    Show notes

    There’s a fascinating distinction between the way we see ourselves and the way others see us. Those might be the same. Those might be radically different. For public facing folks like Jet Noir or even myself, it might be intentional that we show part of who we are to make art, construct a performance, or for a host of other reasons or pressures.

    I love events like burlesque and related but quite different events like drag. They often have something valuable to say about sex, sexuality, and identity. What that is differs by performer, act, and the audience experiencing it. I encourage you to experience both burlesque and drag for different reasons, but what they both have in common is you will possibly learn a lot about other people if you don’t also learn something about yourself.

    Jet Noir is a Black, cis-gender, non-monogamous, pansexual burlesque performer and sex educator from the Bay Area. This was recorded on April 12th, on day 27 of self isolation for him during the Covid-19 crisis.

    https://linktr.ee/JetNoir

    1. How did you first get into burlesque?
    2. Why is burlesque important to you?
    3. What function do you think burlesque serves in society?
    4. How does your identity as a burlesque performer relate to dating?
    5. How is your dating life impacted by your identity?
    6. What are “sexpectations” as you use the word?
    7. How do you manage expectations others have of who you are in relationships?

    Ménage à Trois (Charisma) Jan 02, 2021
    Show notes

    Today we talk about scripts around what words like community mean. We talk about housing and how we’ve been taught to “live together” either in couples or with roommates. How does that look for folks off script like triads?

    We’ll talk about relationship orientation, the traditional white-picket fence Canadian dream, gender and its impact on scripts, queerness and its impact on scripts, and we’ll even chat a bit about environmental sustainability. Really, we aren’t having happy, loving relationships with more than two people for the sake of the planet, but hey - it’s a legit benefit! Now let’s chat about triads here on Intimate Interactions.

    1. Do you identify as non monogamous?
    2. Can you explain what a triad is?
    3. Did you practice polyfidelity, a sort of closed triad or did you practice non exclusivity and more of an open triad?
    4. How did your triad decide to practice that and what sorts of conversations were had around that?
    5. Did anyone ever object to that style of triad?
    6. What are the pros of being in a triad for you?
    7. What are the cons of being in a triad for you?
    8. Do you think you’d try another triad if you had the opportunity in future and why?

    Long Distance and Comets (Jazz Goldman) Dec 26, 2020
    Show notes

    Long distance relationships like any kind of relationship are diverse, varied, and complicated. Jazz Goldman discusses the benefits, challenges, and milestones of long distance relationships while reflecting on our comet partnership, one flavour of long distance relationship. We have had some struggles that felt intense to me and some successes that felt like big wins. Your mileage may vary, but we can only speak from our experiences. Here’s Jazz and myself talking about our comet partnership on Intimate Interactions.

    1. What are comet partners?

    2. How do you distinguish between comet partners and other non monogamous long distance relationships?

    3. What regular maintenance do you think is helpful for you in long distance relationships?

    4. Are holidays significant for you in long distance relationships?

    5. What feeds you about long distance relationships?

    6. What are some milestones of long distance relationships?


    Podcasting in the Time of Corona (Morgan) Dec 19, 2020
    Show notes

    There are places in the world right now where you can’t even say the words coronavirus. This episode I catch up with my friend Morgan while we’re both doing self isolation as directed by government policy. While we don’t live in a place that enforces lockdown, we’re both responsible enough to know if the government says it’s dangerous for us to be out and about, we’ll do our very best to self isolate for the full 14 days.

    We’re also fortunate that we both have roommates who are understanding. Mine helped me out with some shopping! Part of being low FODMAP for me is the tremendous difficulty of finding food that won’t make me sick though usually plain meat is okay. I had just recently bought a chest freezer from Craigslist and after a particularly good sale on eye-of-round beef at a local grocery store, I had more than 28 days of protein making meals significantly easier for me though they were plain and similar. Most recommendations: pasta, tomato sauce - had to be very specific forms. Rice pasta makes me sick, and any garlic in anything makes me sick so most prepared pasta sauces are out. Wheat makes me sick so most cereals are out. Corn I can have in limited quantity so some cereals are tolerable in small amounts. Yeah. So basically I ate eggs for breakfast every morning, small amounts of cereal or oatmeal in the afternoon, and beef for dinner for fourteen straight days. Remember, barbecue sauce and ketchup are out of the picture because I can’t eat much fructose without getting sick. Plain beef. Spelt pasta with olive oil and white vinegar was an option though.

    Right - back to Morgan the extrovert who’s one day ahead of me in isolation. Actually I’ll just let Morgan tell you about their situation here on Intimate Interactions.


    Stigma, Herpes, Nonmonogamy (Charisma) Dec 12, 2020
    Show notes

    Getting a throat infection or cold sores are often seen as something that most people experience at some point in their lives. However when those infections are lower down, say on someone’s genitals, there’s a tremendous amount of added stigma that seems to come out of nowhere.

    Whether you get cold sores on the lips on your face or on your genitals, they’re still just cold sores. A bacterial infection in your throat that is easily treatable with antibiotics isn’t really different from a bacterial infection on your arm or genitals that is also treatable with antibiotics, so why all the stigma?

    Today we’re talking with Charisma, a former addict and genital cold sore person about the concept of catching stigma. The real fear for me in contracting any STI is really catching stigma rather than the infection itself.

    I know which ones are easily treatable like most Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphillis infections. In fact, those infections only really do damage if they go undetected and untreated so get checked! They may cause pelvic inflammatory disease as well as serious long term permanent consequences if untreated. What’s stopping you getting tested? Is it stigma?

    Consider that you might have contracted them from someone asymptomatic. For some diseases, most infections are without symptoms. For others, many infections are without symptoms. If you’ve never been tested, if you can, go get a read-out that says you’re all negative - unless you’ve literally never had sex.

    I also know which ones have vaccines like HPV, the treatment for which is a nearly painless cooling of the skin over the infected areas, stimulating your immune system to naturally take care of the infection itself. The process takes less than two weeks although you may be infectious to others before you see infected areas, during infection of course, and afterwards. Like HSV - that’s herpes simplex or cold sores - any viral infection can be transmitted when you’re asymptomatic.

    Even HIV has a treatment these days. What used to be a death sentence is only a real danger if you use a condom and have sex with someone without telling them where you can be convicted in court - thanks to stigma - of crimes like attempted murder - though I should mention these crappy outdated laws are finally being overturned in courts.

    The point being the most harmful part of STIs in my opinion are the long term effects and the stigma itself. Stigma also gets in the way of testing, diagnosis, and treatment. So go get tested and get educated about what’s really at stake. Be safe. Try not to get sick. If someone gets sick, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to; you can always say no; however be as supportive as you’d be if they had gotten sick in a non genital way. Just my two cents. Now, let’s hear from Charisma.

    http://www.bccdc.ca/resource-gallery/Documents/Educational%20Materials/STI/Herpes%20Patient%20Guide.pdf


    Queerness, Gender, and Misogyny (Tillie) Dec 05, 2020
    Show notes

    Tillie is back to chat with us about kink, edge play, when we discovered we were first interested in those things, queerness, gender dysphoria, and self-acceptance. How has power exchange changes for us as we’ve gotten older? Let’s get to the session and hear Tillie’s perspective.

    1. Do you do edge play? What is it?
    2. What edge do you play on?
    3. When did you first discover you were interested?
    4. How has your relationship to queerness changed as you’ve gotten older?
    5. When did you first know you were kinky?
    6. How has your relationship to power exchange changed as you’ve gotten older?
    7. What thrills you about it if anything?
    8. What are three primary kinks for you and what needs does each meet?

    Chronic Conditions, Anxiety, Depression (Charisma) Nov 28, 2020
    Show notes

    Chronic conditions are rarely easy. It’s a seemingly permanent change to your quality of life and the habits and behaviours you can have for the rest of your experience on this planet. Sometimes, the conditions are long term and treatable, but other times there’s nothing you can do.

    Today, we’re talking with Charisma, a former addict and HSV positive person about her anxiety and depression. We talk about social acceptance but will dig into stigma in another episode. However depression and anxiety can be chronic conditions. I’m excited to chat more about mental health with an old friend with whom I haven’t caught up in years.


    Reduced Function Planning and Processing Loss (Tillie) Nov 21, 2020
    Show notes

    Okay this session with Tillie is much more content rich than the last one I recorded while experiencing intestinal distress. We chat about power exchange and how it informs self-domming or executive function as it’s more academically described.

    How do you plan or organize for having reduced function? We note that managing self care can be exhausting but list strategies for dealing with chronic conditions and talk about how we reduce the emotional labour behind self care.

    We share strategies like touch and somatic movement as a way to manage and distract from pain. Tillie offers a model of expensive versus cheap feelings. We briefly touch on ring theory, and I talk about my fear of trying to hold down a job.

    We also talk about processing the loss of connection or loss of experiences that can come up when chronic conditions or our bodies demand we miss out on something or someone.

    About half way through we take a break to check in with friends and then come back to finish our conversation about boot blacking - our initial topic. An anonymous friend consenting to podcast with us joins us to chat about ADHD, and connective tissue disorders like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Tillie and friend share their origin stories. I say goodbye afterwards and do a brief summary. Enjoy!


    Art and Society (Sophia Sky) Nov 14, 2020
    Show notes

    We talk briefly about consent and art. In and among these conversations, we somehow get on the topic of consent in bestiality - consider this your content warning that that’s in here. We also talk very briefly about a warehouse fire in California where some people died. So content warning for that. And with those in mind, let’s go to the session with Sophia here on Intimate Interactions.

    We talk briefly about consent and art. In and among these conversations, we somehow get on the topic of consent in bestiality - consider this your content warning that that’s in here. We also talk very briefly about a warehouse fire in California where some people died. So content warning for that. And with those in mind, let’s go to the session with Sophia here on Intimate Interactions.

    1. How much do you think about challenging social norms in your selection process at SEAF and at the PEF gallery for the art you choose?
    2. Do you find the selection process for SEAF challenges your opinions more or that your opinions challenge the pieces more?
    3. What was your last experience with art that felt dangerous or that challenged you?
    4. How does consent work with art that squicks you out, and how do you manage art in a public space that might provoke negative emotions or responses?

    Chronic Illness at a Kink Conference (Tillie) Nov 07, 2020
    Show notes

    At WCB this year, I had some pretty severe chronic pain. I get periodic intestinal issues leading to severe headaches and sometimes nausea. I’ve had the same gastro enterologist for almost two years now and nothing we’ve tried has helped except hydrating more and eating low FODMAP which have helped a little. When I’m in distress, a little goes a long way. The difference between an 8 out of 10 and an 8.5 out of 10 is significant in my emotional exhaustion.

    This session, I chat with Tillie about self-care and our chronic conditions. I’m pretty sick for most of the episode so if you find it’s not content rich enough for you, I understand. What this episode does in my opinion is open an intimate window into what my experience of the world is like. If you don’t have chronic pain or illness, this might give you a look into what one specific kind might look like - very different from other kinds.

    About 20 minutes in, I get interrupted to go do my volunteering duties. I take some medication and then get right back to it. To be honest, the podcasting was a helpful distraction from my condition.


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