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    Kids & Family

    IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

    This podcast will help parents of teens keep life’s struggles as a teen, and as a parent of a teen, in perspective. Parents will learn real tools to help them help their teens. They will learn how to build a rock solid relationship with their teen so they will have a powerful impact and a positive influence on their teen’s life.

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    Copyright: © 2022 IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

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    Latest Episodes:
    How to Use the Honeymoon Phase Mar 25, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    What is the Honeymoon Phase?

    This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you.

    Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent.

    One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of foster parents would discredit and discount the positive behaviors of their foster kids, and say things like, "They're just on their best behavior right now," or "It's just the honeymoon phase. It won't last."

    This mentality does not help you as a parent. It actually limits you as a parent, and it keeps you from taking advantage of one of the most powerful phases in your teen's life!

    The honeymoon phase is simply a period of change in your teen's life, and often in their relationship with you when they are trying their best. The honeymoon phase is often short-lived and seen as "not their true behavior."

    Think of a honeymoon with a young newlywed couple. They are both on their best behavior. They are both trying to impress the other person. They are both treating the other person with more love and compassion than they might down the road.

    As foster parents we would often experience the honey moon phase with new foster kids, kids who were returning to our home from a court mandated stay at a detention center, or with kids, even our own kids, recently after they have gotten in trouble.

    The honeymoon phase is actually a powerful time when your teen is doing their best!

    Why do Parents Hate the Honeymoon Phase?

    Lots of times parents think that their teenager is simply trying to manipulate them by exhibiting the behavior that the teen thinks that their parent wants to see.

    I've heard parents say, "This isn't the real them", or "This won't last."

    Because of this mentality, many times parents end up being upset at their teens for doing exactly what they wanted their teen to do in the first place.

    As mentioned in the Arbinger Institute book, Leadership and Self-Deception, this is am example of "being in the box."

    The Honeymoon Phase is Actually AMAZING!

    The truth is, the honeymoon phase is AWESOME!

    Think about it . . .

    . . . Your teen is doing their best. . .

    . . . They are trying to change and be better. . .

    . . . They are on their best behavior.

    The honeymoon phase is something that should be recognized, appreciated, and celebrated.

    Easy Tips to Use The Honeymoon Phase

    Join In On the Honeymoon Phase

    Get excited with them.
    Match their level of effort.
    Be on your best behavior too!

    Appreciate and Celebrate Their Effort

    Understand that it's hard to change.
    They are making a huge effort.
    Be grateful for their willingness and desire to change.

    Promote Growth and Set Goals

    During the honeymoon phase, push yourself and your teen!
    Set some goals for yourself as a parent.
    Help your teen identify and set some goals.
    Focus on developing new skills.

    Reward and Reinforce Desired Behaviors

    Compliment your teen on their efforts.
    Show them that you notice.
    Do something special for them.
    Behaviours that get rewarded get repeated.

    Focus on Building a Rock Solid Relationship

    This one is HUGE!
    Focus on connecting with your teen where they are.
    Practice compassion, patience, curiosity.

    Call to ACTION!

    Get on the waitlist to join the Lead Your Life Masterclass- click the button below.

    Join the Waitlist for Lead Your Life

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Intention After Awareness Part 2 Mar 18, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!

    Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness.

    I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes.

    Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change.

    Intentionality is the Next Step.

    It's powerful to be aware of what's truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we jump straight into trying to change things.

    Now that we've developed some awareness, we can start to identify things that we would like to change. From last week's exercise of developing awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and unintentional models, you now have a greater awareness of what is really going on.

    Now being intentional is the next step.

    Now that you've identified your unintentional thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, you can start becoming intentional with your model.

    Intention Impacts Who We Are

    Last week we talked about how simply changing the action doesn't create lasting change and how it's so important to develop awareness before trying to make changes.

    Most of the time, after temporarily changing our actions, we go right back to being who we used to be.

    Last week we used the example weight loss. Usually, people don't take the time to understand exactly what is going on or developing an awareness of what's going wrong. Instead, they jump right into a new diet or exercise program. They might experience temporary results, but without awareness, the real issue usually takes over again.

    You go right back to being who you were before because your identity never changed.

    Now that we have have the awareness, rather than simply changing what we do, we want to intentionally change who we are!

    Someone who is extremely physically fit isn't that way simply because they exercise regularly or because they eat healthily. Instead, they exercise regularly and eat healthy because they ARE someone who is physically fit.

    Simple Steps to Develop Intention and Identity

    #1 Do Daily Thought Downloads

    #2 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Think

    #3 Explore Who You Want to Be and How They'd Feel

    #4 Do Unintentional and Intentional Models to Create Your Results

    #5 Be Intentional and Patient

    Give it some time. Be willing to practice, and practice, and practice. Continue gaining awareness, start making decisions intentionally, and practice living in alignment with your intentional model.

    This is changing who you are as a parent and how you show up in the world. This will take practice and time.

    Call to ACTION!

    Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Awareness Before Intention Part 1 Mar 11, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Awareness Changes EVERYTHING!

    Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"?

    This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change.

    Often times we think we can simply change our actions and gets the change that we are looking for.

    Simply changing the action is rarely enough to create the change that we want.

    Increasing awareness also creates the Observer Effect in our lives. In science, this refers to how the act of observing something can change the outcome.

    Many times in our lives, we don't actually have to actively make changes. Instead, we can increase our awareness, which is often enough to bring about the change that we are hoping for.

    Awareness Is Hard and Often Uncomfortable

    Awareness seems like it'd be super easy, right?

    Unfortunately, it's harder than most people realize. It takes effort, willingness to explore and be vulnerable, and willingness to experience some discomfort.

    It's hard because it challenges our individual identity. It compares who we think we are, who we want to be, and who we really are.

    Most of us want to skip awareness and dive into the work of changing things.

    Simple Steps to Develop Awareness

    #1 Do Daily Thought Downloads

    #2 Explore the Thoughts without Judgement and with Compassion

    #3 Explore the Feelings without Judgement and with Compassion

    #4 Do an Unintentional Model to Be Aware of Your Results

    #5 Sit with the Awareness

    You don't know what you don't know.

    The more you know the more you know.

    The more awareness you develop, the more you control you will develop.

    Simply being aware will change some things. Be aware of that, and give yourself some space to just allow what you find.

    Call to ACTION!

    Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents become the parents that their teens love and respect.

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    You Find What You Look For Mar 04, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Your Brain is Like Google

    Your brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence.

    Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside.

    Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are.

    The brain is constantly searching for what we want to find.

    I love seeing bald eagles while I'm out. When I'm in the mountains or driving by lakes, I'm always on the look out for bald eagles. As a result of this, I am always the first to see them and point them out to everybody else.

    Your Brain is Constantly Trying to Prove You Right.

    Not only is your brain looking for what you want to find, but it is also constantly trying to prove you right. It's constantly trying to support your thoughts and beliefs.

    This is called confirmation bias. It's part of being human.

    If you believe the world is a bad place full of violence and evil, you will constantly find evidence to support that.

    If you believe that you are not good enough as a parent, your brain will find evidence proving you right.

    If you believe that your teen is lazy, you'll see everything through a lense that supports that.

    If you think your teen is ruining their life, or that they don't care about anyone other than themselves, or that they are the enemy, your brain will change how you perceive your teen, how you think about them, and how you feel towards them.

    Often times we have subconscious thoughts and beliefs that we aren't even aware of, and still, our brain is working to make them true and our reality.

    What are You Looking For & What Results are You Getting?

    A while back, I was frustrated with my teenage son. I was complaining that he was self-centered and didn't care about anyone but himself, and I had tons of evidence to prove this. I told my wife about some of the things that I had noticed.

    She asked, "Why are you focusing on all the negative things about our son?"

    I was a little hurt that she wasn't on my side, but I realized she was totally right.

    I committed to finding the positive instead of the negative.

    Almost instantly my perception changed and I saw so many things that he was doing that were kind, thoughtful, and selfless.

    I was moving my BBQ grill into my garage so I could cook out of the wind. My teenage son, who was jumping on the tramp with friends, saw me lifting the grill with a friend and jumped off to help saying, "Dad, I'll do that. I don't want you to hurt your back!"

    All of a sudden my brain was flooded with evidence that my son was kind, caring, and thoughtful.

    What to do about it?

    Increase your awareness. Understand what you are looking for. Question why you are looking for the negative. Explore the results that you are getting and whether or not you like your results.

    As you develop awareness about your mind (your thoughts, beliefs, and biases) you will begin to see where your focus on the negative has blinded you to the positive.

    With increased awareness, you will be able to be more intentional about what you look for and what you believe. Rather that focusing on the negative, and searching for supporting evidence, you will find yourself searching for the positive and all the supporting evidence.

    You'll begin to understand how your perception is connected to your results through your feelings and actions.

    Call to ACTION!

    Join Firmly Founded Parent, our monthly membership helping parents be parents that their teens love and respect.

    FREE Consultation

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    YOUR Thoughts and Beliefs Impact Your Teens! Feb 25, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs!
    "Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for 'calm' — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] "So we like 'calm' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand."
    ~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver

    Human Beings are Herd Animals

    We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around us.

    Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with.” Not only are you influenced by the people closest to you, but you are influenced by your society, your community, your family, anybody that you spend time with.

    We can't help it. It's a survival and defense mechanism. We try to fit in with those around us.

    Teens' Models Their Parents' Models

    Teens subconsciously are trying to become like their parents. Sure, they are trying to grow up, be unique, and become themselves, but everything they do is processed through their brain which has been highly influenced by you.

    Most people adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. You can see this in politics, religion, and even sports fandom.

    This isn't bad. It's not brainwashing; it's simply how we are designed as human beings.

    What you think and believe, your teen will likely think and believe.

    How you feel, your teen will likely adopt.

    How you act and what you do, your teen will probably mirror.

    This is why it's so important that we as parents become aware of our own models.

    My teen's struggling with ___________, what should I do?

    "My teen's struggling with . . . "
    Confidence,
    Anxiety,
    Motivation,
    You fill in the blank.

    Parents all over the country, world really, want to help their teens. They want to change their teens. They want to help them be different.

    But their focus is usually in the wrong place.

    Parents usually focus on their teen, on changing their teen. But this means that their focus is on something outside of their control.

    When you focus on your teen, and your try to fix your teen, you only push them away.

    Instead, bring the focus inward onto you. What can you do? How can you be the change that you want to see?

    Understand and observe your own personal models.

    Develop your own awareness, and then, develop intentionality.

    Call to ACTION!

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Blame, Shame and Excuses Feb 18, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    What is blaming?

    First of all, blaming is part of being human!

    As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it.

    Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else.

    We live in a day and age when blaming is the norm, and it is 100% acceptable.

    Why do we blame?

    The main reason that we blame others is to avoid feeling certain thoughts and/or emotions.

    Our brains are really good at believing what we tell them to believe. When we can blame someone else, we feel and emotional sense of relief.

    We use blame as a defense against feeling unwanted emotions such as shame and embarrassment.

    Blaming turns you into the victim.

    When we blame others, we shift our focus to something, often someone, that is out of our control. This turns us into a victim. Now, in our minds, we are at the mercy of the person or thing that we are blaming. Rather than having the power to change our circumstances, we try to depend on others to change.

    So Now What?

    #1 Increase your awareness around blaming

    Many of us blame others and make excuses without even thinking about it. It is a habit and part of who we are. The first step is to become aware of when you are blaming or making excuses. By doing this, you can also gain some awareness of the emotions that you are trying to avoid by blaming.

    For me it is almost always, if not always, shame that I try to avoid. By blaming others, I try to shift the burden of shame to them.

    #2 Identify what you can control and take responsibility for that.

    Usually when we blame, we try to shift our focus from something within our control to something outside of our control.

    I invite you to get curious and find what is within your control and take responsibility for that. Doesn't matter how good or true the excuse is, or how real the blame is, take responsibility for what you CAN control. This puts you in a position of power.

    #3 Practice, practice, practice

    If you're like most people, this is going to be a shift for you, and it will take time and practice.

    Practice awareness. Much of this will take place in the thought line of the mode. Some will take place in the feeling line.

    Practice experiencing the emotion that you are trying to avoid. This will take place in the feeling line.

    Practice the habit of taking responsibility.

    Call to ACTION!

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals Feb 11, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    What is Manipulation?

    Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness.

    Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad.

    What is People-Pleasing?

    People-Pleasing is when we do something that we do not want to do in an effort to please someone else. People-Pleasing is socially acceptable manipulation. We we do it, we are trying to manipulate how the other person thinks and feels. It is lying, and it is typically a one sided sacrifice.

    Often times, as parents, we are guilty of trying to manipulate our kids into people pleasing. We want them to eat certain foods to make grandma happy. We want them to do certain things that they don't want to, because we think it will make the someone else feel better, but deep down we are hoping it will make us feel better.

    Often times we are guilty of wanting others to People-Please us.

    What are Manuals?

    A manual is what we want someone else to do. It's how we think they "should" think, feel, or act. We think that if the other person simply did what we wanted them to, we would feel a certain way.

    Everyone has manuals. We have manuals for how we think our teens should behave. Our teens have manuals for how they think their parents should behave. It's part of being human, but the more aware we are of our manuals for others, and other's manuals for us, the more emotional suffering we can avoid.

    So Now What?

    #1 Increase Your Awareness.

    Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals all have one thing in common . . .

    They are all efforts to control or change someone else or something outside of your control.

    It's important to be aware of these, both when others are trying to control you, and when you are trying to control someone else.

    As you increase your awareness, you will likely notice two things; you will see it when others are doing this to you, and you will see it when you are trying to do it to others.

    #2 Increase Your Intentionality

    I say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!

    You can't change your teen, your parents, your spouse, or your in-laws, but you CAN, 100%, change you.

    Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently (dropping their manuals or their manipulating ways) focus on what YOU can control (dropping your manuals or your manipulating ways).

    Be intentional about how you parent your teens.

    This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen.

    Often we are guilty of perpetuating People-Pleasing when we teach our kids to worry about "hurting someone's feelings" or "making them feel bad."

    #3 Choose Love and Compassion

    It's not our job to get others to quit manipulating, people-pleasing, or to drop their manuals. That would be manipulating them to follow our manual.

    But, WE DO NOT have to be the victim. We are not responsible for others' emotions. We get to live our lives, how we want, and we can be committed to loving the other person no matter what.

    Call to ACTION!

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Are you Driving Away your Teen? Feb 04, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Why Do We "Need" to Fix Others?

    I want to start out by saying that human beings are fixers!

    We love to fix things!

    As parents, many of us have come to believe that it is our job to fix our teens. Coupled with our years of experience and all our time, love and resources invested on our kids, we think we have the duty and right to change and fix our teens.

    When we try to fix or change our teens, what it really means is that we think there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough.

    Our teens often feel like there is something wrong with them and that they are not good enough.

    As parents we often feel shame, embarrassment, frustration when we think that our teen "should be . . . "

    How This Often Looks In The Model

    Believe it or not, this is the #1 problem that parents come to me for help with. Their teen is "pulling away," or "We're not close anymore. We just don't like each other," or "I can't watch them throw their life away!"

    Here's a recent model with one of my clients:
    Circumstance- Son's friends smoke weed.
    Thought- My son needs better friends or he'll ruin his life.
    Feeling- Fear
    Action- Ban his friends from our house.
    Result- I push my son away.

    Circumstance- Daughter gets a D in math
    Thought- She should be getting A's in math.
    Feeling- Frustration
    Action- Ground her for a week.
    Result- I'm trying to fix my daughter.

    When we try to fix them, we're actually pushing them away

    Often times our teen adopt our thoughts and beliefs into their own models.

    Circumstance- Friends smoke weed.
    Thought- I need better friends or I'll ruin my life.
    Feeling- Fear
    Action- Worry that my friends will ruin my life.
    Result- Struggle making friends.

    Circumstance- I got a D in math
    Thought- I should be getting A's in math.
    Feeling- shame
    Action- Negative self talk like, "I'm stupid."
    Result- Don't try in classes.

    Trying to fix our teens often has the opposite affect. In fact, trying to fix or change them often supports their suspicion that they are not good enough.

    Here's 2 Things You Can Do Instead

    #1 Connect With Your Teen Right Where They Are!

    I know it's hard. We want our teens to have the best possible life. And, sometimes it's hard to see how things will work out in the end when their current circumstances seem so bleak.

    BUT, I promise things WILL work out for the best! ALWAYS!!

    Every circumstance that you experience with your teen is an opportunity for connection.

    Your teen has friends that smoke weed . . .

    . . . Find a way to connect with them right there!

    Your teen is struggling in school . . .

    . . . Find a way to connect with them right there!

    Rather than trying to fix them, connect with them.

    Sure, you can invite them to change, but I promise connecting with them will have a more powerful impact in their life!

    #2 Shift Your Focus to YOU!

    I say this all the time, but be the change you want to see!

    You can't change your teen, but you CAN, 100%, change you.

    Rather than focusing on what you want THEM to do differently, focus on what you want YOU to do differently.

    This will empower you. This will help you reconnect with your teen.

    Call to ACTION!

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop pushing your teen away and start connecting with them right where they are.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Find Out What's Possible! Jan 28, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Have You Ever Limited Yourself with a Goal?

    I have done this, and I've seen both the parents and teens that I work with do this too.

    You set a goal that's "realistic." In fact, you hold yourself back a little just to make sure that is is realistic. You reach your goal in half the time that you planned, and then you sit back and relax and do little to nothing more.

    This is just one example of having a limiting goal.

    Other times, we simply don't set our sights high enough.

    I heard Cliff Ravenscraft speaking about his weight loss experience. He believed that he needed to lose weight slowly, so that's what he did. He believed that the last 10 lbs. would be the hardest and take the longest, so it did. At one point, after struggling with the last 10 lbs., he questioned the belief that the last 10 lbs. would take the longest and be the hardest. He questioned why he believed that and wondered if the opposite could be true. When he got curious and questioned his belief, he found out that it was actually pretty easy to lose the last 10 lbs. and he lost it relatively quickly.

    What's Possible for You?

    I heard it said that a Navy Seal taught that when your brain tells you that you can do no more, go no further, you are actually only at about 40% of your capacity?

    So, how do you know what it possible for you?

    I hear tons of parents say, "I can't do this", or "I could never be . . . "

    They are simply limited by what they believe is possible for themselves.

    I want to invite you to explore, What IS Possible for Me?"

    You will be shocked. You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for.

    That kind mother of your dreams, or that fun and loving father of your dreams are completely possible.

    It's 100% possible for you to have the relationship of your dreams with your teen.

    What's Possible for Your Teen?

    This one is tricky. We don't want to fall into the trap of seeing what's possible for our teens and then setting all sorts of expectations that we feel our teens "should" live up to.

    Instead I want you to simply believe that EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is possible for them.

    One of the things that parents struggle with is their own limiting beliefs about their teens.

    Parents think things like, "If Bob fails math, he'll never get into college." or "If Sally gets pregnant, she'll ruin her life."

    By doing this we are showing our own limiting beliefs about our teens.

    Instead, we can choose to believe, "If Bob fails math, he can still get into college." or, "If Sally gets pregnant, she will still have an amazing life!"
    Call to ACTION!

    Get on a FREE consultation call with me today to see how you can stop limiting yourself as a parent and start creating your own amazing possibilities.

    FREE Consultation With Me!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





    Improving your Mental and Emotional Health Jan 21, 2021
    Show notes

    "Send Ben a text"

    Everyone's Mental Health Needs are Unique

    Last week we talked about mental and emotional health and how I define it.

    For me, Mental Health refers to:

    • Mental and emotional well being.
    • The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions and results.
    • The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small.
    • It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges.

    Not everyone's mental and emotional health needs are the same.

    There is no "one size fits all" solution.

    This is why it is vital that you take the time to figure out your own mental and emotional health needs and wants.

    I had one teenager who wanted to increase his ability to sleep at night. He wasn't sure how, but he thought this was somehow tied to his mental and emotional health. (I'll tell you later what he did to go from struggling to fall asleep, stay asleep, and then wake up in the morning to sleeping like a baby all night long.)

    I had another client who constantly worried about mistakes from their past. They worried that they had ruined their future, upset God, and they constantly felt like they weren't good enough.

    I have parents who constantly worry that their teenager or young adult will do something "too bad" and "ruin their lives."

    These are all areas that can be improved by increasing your mental health.

    Increase Your Own Awareness

    One of the things that I've seen that helps people identify areas where they would like to increase their mental health, is to explore areas of your life that you are unhappy with.
    What things frustrate you?
    What things seem overwhelming or insurmountable?
    What are the things or areas of your life that you are avoiding?

    It's empowering to increase your awareness. Rather than ignoring and avoiding areas of your life that cause you discomfort or dissatisfaction, we face them and experience them.

    Awareness empowers you to make a change.

    Make Mental Health a Simple, Sustainable, Priority

    It's important that you don't over complicate your mental health.

    Find things that are simple and sustainable for you. They don't have to take too long. They don't have to be hard.

    The young man who couldn't sleep at night started doing a 5 minute thought download 30-60 minutes before bed. Within a week he was sleeping better. Within a month he had the sleep schedule that he wanted and only did thought downloads once or twice a week.

    The client who struggled with their past actions explored those past actions and found some benefits and positives associated with it. The worked on accepting that circumstances are neutral, and that if there are negatives there has to also be an equal number of positives. Once they found that the past actions were truly neutral, it stopped bugging them overnight.

    Some of my clients exercise their mental health by doing physical exercise. Others do writing in journals, thought downloads, or even creative writing.

    Some join sports teams or school/community theater.

    The bottom line is that YOUR mental health is yours. You get to decide how to take care of you best.

    If you're worried about your teen's mental health, be the example. Make your mental health a bigger priority. Your example to your teen is the most powerful thing you can do to help them change.

    Become a Member TODAY!

    Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

    Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

    Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
    Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

    https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz





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