IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

Latest Episodes:

How to Love Yourself More with Ali Terry Mar 10, 2022

Show notes

The World Thinks We Need To Better Love OTHERS

It seems like there's a lot of talk of loving one another or simply loving others, but I believe it starts with your ability to love yourself.

Most People Ignore Their Self Love

If you don't love yourself, it makes it hard to love others.

Most people completely ignore their own self-love and focus on whether or not others love them.

You don't have to "make" others love you.

Loving yourself is not Narcisistic

Loving yourself doesn't mean that you are better than others.

Loving yourself means having your own back.

I'm going to own all of me.

Loving yourself is not comparing yourself to others.

Loving yourself by choosing NOT to compare yourself to others is the best way.

Why is It Important To Avoid Comparisons

Comparison creates frustration.

Even when you compare others with others, it puts your focus on things outside of your control.

When you compare yourself to others, it likely leads to unhappiness.

When we compare ourselves, we don't hold compassion.

When we compare others, we don't hold compassion.

Comparing yourself to others is natural human behavior.

Teach your teen to not compare themselves to others start by not comparing yourself to others.

Create A Love List

What do you love about yourself?

Come up with 5 things that you love about yourself.

Teach your brain to find things that you love about yourself.

Most people focus on the things that they don't love about themselves.

Everyone has unique strengths, talents, and gifts.

Love yourself for what you love about yourself, not what the world loves about you.

Sometimes we don't even notice our strengths.

Practice finding your strengths and loving yourself for who you are!

What the world need now is LOVE

Love yourself. Our current social status is a reflection of our inner love. Learn how to love yourself.

Explore, How Can I Love Myself More?

Firmlyfounded.com/selflove

The more you love yourself, the more easily you will be able to love others.

If you lack self-confidence, it's because you lack self-love.

When you love yourself, you can trust yourself to be yourself!

Call to ACTION!

Download the FREE 5 Step PDF to Start Loving Yourself More!

Start Loving YOU!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen.
Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Confident Parenting with Heidi Benjaminsen Mar 03, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

What holds Parents Back?

DOing things "Right."

There's no right or wrong way from parenting.

SO many different ways.

"I'm going to try this . . . "

Trust that you are doing things exactly how they should be.

Being afraid of doing it wrong will paralyze you. This leads to disappointment and regret.

The "Wrong Way" Can Totally Be the "Right Way!"

No matter what, you can turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments.

You don't have to be perfect.

Just do your best!

Wanting Your Teen To Like You

I don't know if my teen likes me or not. I'm just going to make sure that I like them.

This will help you make better choices.

Remind yourself that you've never done this before.

You can't control whether or not your teen likes you.

Parenting Ways of Being

Wanting to BE "Right" will disconnect you with your teen.

BEing the learner will help to connect you.

My Kid is a Great Kid, AND . . .

Helps you realize that nothing has gone wrong.

My teen can fail math, AND they can still be successful.

My teen can have a messy room, AND it's okay.

This will help you limit catastrophizing.

What to Hear More From Heidi

You can listen to Heidi's Podcast "Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen" by clicking the link below:
https://heidibenjaminsen.com/podcast/

You can check out her website here:
https://heidibenjaminsen.com/

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

JOIN HERE!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Lead Your Life Boot Camp with Joey Mascio Feb 24, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Day 1 The Origin of The Hero

Day one was the scariest day for me.

I've spoken in public many times, but this time was different, it was in front of hundreds of teenagers.

At most, we probably only spoke to about 200-250 students at a time, but that's a lot of teens.

The goal was to share a message that was fun and entertaining, yet educational and motivating, and from each period we wanted to get about 10 to 20 students to signup for our 4-day boot camp.

It was amazing to speak to this many students, and it was fun to see the students that were really catching the message, and they were excited to join the boot camp.

The message was basically that it's easy to live the life of a sidekick but way more fulfilling to live life as your own hero.

We shared the message of me accidentally lighting my school bus on fire which really hooked a lot of the kids and shared how, even if you make mistakes, you can still become a hero.

Every good hero has a good origin story.

No matter what your past looks like, you can start being your own hero TODAY!

Day 2 Hero Thoughts vs Sidekick Thoughts

Day 2 was a lot of fun. This is where we met with the 10-25 kids that signed up with us from the day before and we taught them the difference between facts and stories and the difference between hero thoughts and sidekick thoughts.

Day 3 Managing Tough Emotions

On day 3 we taught about managing tough emotions.

We taught that emotions can't hurt you and that allowing them is better than avoiding, resisting, or ignoring them.

Day 4 Let Your Hero Be Your Guide

Day four was my favorite, and by the responses that we got from the students, day four was by far the fan favorite.

On this day we taught that you are responsible for yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and your results.

We taught about hero thoughts vs. sidekick thoughts and how we have thoughts that don't really help us to be the person we want to be. We taught that you can choose which thoughts you listen to and let guide your life.

Day 5 "To Be Honest, It's Like The Avengers, But In School!"

Day 5 we closed with Joey's story of the crow and how, now that the students know how to fly, it's important to intentionally fly rather than simply going back to their old ways.

We also asked had a discussion about the things they learned and how they hope to apply those things to their lives.

Most of the students LOVED the week-long boot camp.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the students in their exit survey responses.

"To be honest it's like the Avengers, but in a school."
"It's magical you have to go and see yourself."
"This bootcamp is a hands on experience that helps you control your emotions."
"The best experience I have had in middle school."
"The lead your life boot camp is a really peaceful place where you can feel open to be your self."
"I would describe it as a place to help find the superhero in you and help you control your life."
"Thank you so much Ben and Joey. I feel like I became more aware that I'm in control of my emotions and my life."

Seriously, it was magical!

Are You Interested In Attending a Workshop With Your Teen?

So, Joey and I want to ask you one question.

Would you and your teen be interested in attending a live workshop with us, where we'd do exciting activities that make learning fun?

If yes, please go fill out our interest survey!

All this interest survey does is help us know if this is something that parents and teens would be interested in, and if yes, it will help us make it magical.

It also puts you on a list to be the first to know if we decide to make this happen.

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Lean Into Your Parenting Fears Feb 17, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Most People Move Away From Fear

It's natural as human beings to want to move away from fear.

Fear is usually uncomfortable, and most humans try to move away from and avoid discomfort.

In the past, moving away from fear served us very well, both as a species and also individually.

As a species, moving away from scary animals and circumstances helped keep our species alive.

As individuals, avoiding scary things has helped keep you comfortable and safe.

Avoiding scary situations is a natural response.

Fear Isn't Always Bad

Fear isn't always bad. Having a healthy fear for things that could harm you keeps you safe. Fear has the power to paralyze and the power to make you run.

Fear can also help you grow. It's often, as we go through fear, that we grow the most.

Things Are Rarely As Bas As You Fear

One of the things that makes human beings special is our ability to imagine and dream.

This is seriously one of our greatest strengths, but it is also one of our greatest weaknesses.

With this ability comes the ability to catastrophize.

If you're like me, you are a fantastic catastrophizer. You can see hundreds of ways that things could go wrong, and it's super scary.

So, we spend tons of our energy and attention avoiding the thing that we are scared of.

How Fear Affects You As a Parent

Through the years that I've coached parents and teens, I've noticed a few things about fear.

NOBODY likes how they behave when they're being driven by fear.

NOBODY!

In a conversation with one of my teen clients, he explained that when he is driven by fear, he holds back. This affects him on the basketball court, in his relationships with friends (especially cute girls), and in life in general.

In a recent conversation with one of my parent clients, she explained that when she is driven by fear she tries to control things outside of her control. This has a negative effect on her relationship with her children, with her spouse, and it completely changes how she parents.

When you parent from a place of fear, your brain goes into overdrive to find all the things that you "should" be scared of.

If you're like me, fear makes you more controlling, less trusting, and it shifts your focus from things within your control to things outside of your control.

Fear Is The Answer?

One of the things that I've been noticing with both the parents and teens that I work with is that their fears are actually the answer.

If you're like most parents that I work with, you have some fears about your teens.

"Are they okay?" "Will they be okay?" "What if they . . . ?"

How To Manage Your Parenting Fears

Identify and Acknowledge Your Fear
Mentally Go There
Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your Fear
Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case Scenario
Practice BEing The Parent Of Your Dreams

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

JOIN HERE!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Bring Balance to Your Relationship Feb 10, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them!

If you're like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen.

Me too!

In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens.

The problem is, . . .

. . . If you're like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . .

. . . BUT, your teen wants YOU to connect with them!

And, what ends up happening looks a lot like this.

You try to get your teen to change, (get better grades, be more honest, be happier, be more obedient, be less anxious) so you guys can have a better relationship, and your teen tries to get you to change (be less controlling, change your values and opinions, and leave them alone) so you guys can have a better relationship.

This looks slightly different in every home, but this often leads to arguing, fighting, yelling, avoiding each other, and/or throwing your hands up and giving up.

The secret is this . . .

You can't change your teen . . .

. . . BUT . . .

. . . YOU can BE The Change!

YOU can connect with them, right where they are.

This is the BEST news ever!

Restore The Balance (Or Even Tip the Scales In Your Favor)

Over the years that I've been coaching parents and teens, I've noticed that there's a balance that is at play with our relationships.

There are things that will connect you with your teens and there are things that will disconnect you from your teens.

Here are a few things that will disconnect you from your teen:

Distrust
Correction
Trying to control them
Feeling fear, doubt, and worry
Catastrophizing (looking for the worst possible . . . )
Focusing on your differences
Disaproving of their differences
Trying to change or fix them

Here are a few things that will connect you to your teen:

Trust them
Learn from them
Teach them
Feel confidence, hope, and love
Optimizing (looking for all the best possible . . . )
Focusing on your similarities
Value their differences
Accepting them
Appreciating them

The problem is, if you're struggling to connect with your teen, it's likely because the balance is tipped in favor of disconnection.

You have the power to bring balance back to your relationship.

In fact, you have the power to completely tip the scales in your favor.

You don't have to be perfect. There will be times when you don't trust your teen. There might even be times when you don't like your teen, but you always have the power to balance the scales.

Connect Just To Connect

One of the biggest things that holds parents back in my coaching is when their focus is on their teen changing rather than BEing the change themselves.

Sometimes this sneaks in when parents want to BE the change, . . . so their teen will change.

This does two things. #1 It shifts your focus to something outside of your control (your teen changing), and #2 it shifts your focus from BEing the change to DOing change.

Now, rather than working from the Be, Do, Have model, you are working from the Do, Have, Be model.

I want to invite you to commit to connecting with your teen just for the sake of connecting with them.

It's not your job to change them. You can't change them. But, you CAN BE the change yourself!

Call to ACTION!

Join me for my 3 Day BE THE CHANGE PARENT TRAINING on February 10th, 15th, and 17th at 2:00 pm MST.

Click the button below to get notified when I go live.

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

YES! LET ME KNOW!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Please Share Your Connection Feb 03, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Humans NEED Connection

Being connected a fundamental human need.

One of the struggles that we've been facing over the years in education is a lack of connection. One of the struggles that I believe is facing families is a lack of connection.

And, I believe that we are starting to see the consequences.

Schools are focusing more and more on academics and results. Covid has made things tough. Phones, electronics, and social media are all competing for our attention and our teen's attention.

But hope is not lost, you can still connect!

A Message to Schools

I know it's tough. I know you are being measured by your ability to help kids achieve certain standards and benchmarks.

I know oftentimes you are asked to work with your hands figuratively tied behind your back.

But YOU still have the power to connect with teens.

In fact, I promise you, the better you connect with your teens and students, the better they will achieve in academic settings.

I am not asking you to abandon educational standards, but I am asking you to start with a focus on your connection and relationship with your students.

Get to know your teens, as they are, without trying to change, fix, or improve them.

Help them know that they are awesome, just the way they are.

A Message to Parents

I know it often doesn't seem like it, but your teen wants to connect with you.

Possibly more accurately, they want YOU to connect with them.

Find ways to connect with them right where they are.

Find ways to connect with them right as they are.

Most parents make the mistake of trying to change, fix, or control their teens. Instead of connection, this actually causes a disconnect.

If you're like most parents, you've probably tried to change, fix, or control your teen and it's resulted in frustration, anger, and resentment, which often leads to fighting and arguing.

Instead, I invite you to find a way to connect with your teen right where they are.

What is something that your teen values that you could value?

When I was a teen, football was the thing I valued most.

My parents, grandparents, and my favorite teachers understood this. So, they often went to my games and talked to me about my games afterwards.

I know moms and dads who have started playing Fortnite and Minecraft with their teens, just so they can connect with them.

A Message to Communities

We need our teens. Their mental and emotional health should be one of our top priorities as a community. Find a way to support your local teens.

Go to their sporting events. Go to their plays and competitions.

Create opportunities for teens to create connections within your communities that will live long after their high school days are over.

If You'd Like Me To Speak at Your School and/or Community Event

If you'd like me to speak at your school or community event, please feel free to email me at Ben@FirmlyFounded.com.

Call to ACTION!

Join me for my 3 Day BE THE CHANGE PARENT TRAINING Next week!
Click the button below to get notified when I go live.

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

YES! LET ME KNOW!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Nothing Has Gone Wrong! Jan 27, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Nothing Has Gone Wrong, Even When Your Team Loses!

The idea for this episode came to me while I was watching a bowl game with my wife.

Pitt and Michigan State were playing.

Pitt was winning most of the second half and it looked like they'd cruise on to victory pretty easily, but with less than 3 minutes left, everything changed.

Michigan State drove down and scored a touchdown, went for two, and went up by 3.

I'm sure Pitt fans were worried, but there was still plenty of time for them to drive down and score, . . .

. . . Until Pitt's QB threw a pick-six and Michigan State went up by ten.

But, there was still enough time for a little hope, until . . .

Pitt failed to recover the kickoff, giving MS the ball with only seconds left.

The TV showed excited Michigan St. fans and devastated Pitt fans. Some even looked to be crying.

Then the TV showed a dad, a Pitt fan, and his son who looked rather devastated and disappointed.

Only, the dad looked at the son with compassion, and sorrow for his son's disappointment, but with an understanding that nothing had gone wrong.

I don't know what was going through the dad's head, but he looked totally calm, cool, collected, maybe a little disappointed, but as if nothing had actually gone wrong. In fact, he's just been able to enjoy a pretty awesome game with his son.

But that look that he gave his son was so powerful.

To me, his look said, "Son, I'm sorry you're upset. I'm upset too. It's hard to lose, but you'll be okay. I promise, and I love you!"

Catastrophising Is Scary for Both You and Your Teen

Recently I was at the dentist getting some work done. I needed my mouth to be numb. Unfortunately, for some reason, my nerves are slightly different and that makes it difficult for dentists to get my mouth completely numb. On this specific occasion, my dentist, trying to get my mouth numb, directly hit the nerve, which really hurt. Instantly there was a patch of my face that turned white.

I couldn't see my own face obviously, but the look of fear on his face had me worried. He then told said, "That's bad!" and proceeded to tell me that he'd never actually seen this happen and we'd need to keep an eye on it.

I wasn't scared until he was scared.

Sometimes as parents, we show up like my dentist and think, "Oh no. That's bad." Which causes us to feel fear which changes how we behave.

As herd animals, our teens are able to sense when you are scared, and that's scary for them.

Ultimately, catastrophizing is scary for both of you.

Be Your Teen's Tom Brady

One of the examples that I use when it comes to being positive and optimistic is Tom Brady. Before everyone called him the GOAT, people used to call him the Comeback Kid.

I want you to imagine how he must be in the huddle.

Confident, calm, and a crazy little grin on his face like he knows something that nobody else knows.

What if, when things "go wrong," you could show up like Tom Brady in your teen's huddle?

What would your calmness and confidence convey to your teen?

Trust that Your Teen is the Winning Team!

Have you ever heard the saying, "Everyone wants to be on a winning team"?

You want to be on a winning team, your teen wants to be, everyone wants to be on the winning team.

Help your teen know that they are the winning team by you choosing to believe and trust in them, their capability, and their resilience.

Call to ACTION!

I'm doing a FREE 3 day LIVE training on Being the Change! If you'd like be notified when I'm going live, Click the button below.

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

YES! I WANT TO KNOW!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Daily Habits for Parenting Success Jan 20, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Daily Habits for Parenting Success

Set Your Intention Each Day
- Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.
- First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention.
- Here's some examples from my life.
  - Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love.
  - Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged with my children.
  - Today I will learn a new way to connect with my 15 year old son.
Commit to Connection Daily
- Be 100% committed to connect to your teen.
- Choose to love your teen.
- Show them that you love them.
- Show them that you are confident that they will be okay.
- Let them know that you trust that EVERYTHING will be okay.
- Connect with them right where they are.
- Stay calm, listen, treat your teen with kindness and fairness, and do your best to let them know that you aren't mad and that you love and care about them.
Embrace the Moment
- Far too often we are guilty of not being present.
- Don't try to avoid the moment.
- Don't try to fix, change, or improve it.
- BE IN THE MOMENT.
- Be in the moment WITH your teen!
Manage Your Mind
- I like to use the Self-Coaching Model
- I also like to use the Be, Do, Have Model.
- I am starting to get into journaling and writing.
- Sharing what I've learned with others.
Trust Yourself, Your Teen, and the Process
- This one is HUGE for me this year.
- Trust will change everything.
- You are exactly what your teen need, they are exactly what you need and want, and the process you two are experiencing is exactly what you need.
Let Go Of Things Outside of Your Control
- This is hard, but so powerful.
- When you hold onto things outside of your control, you lose power and energy.
- When you let go, you have more power and energy to put towards things within your control.
- Let go of your teen's model and manage your own!
Practice, Practice, Practice
- One of my favorite lessons, and one I came up with myself, is the "Wheel of Time."
- When you're on the top of the wheel, practice and prepare for when you are on the bottom.
- When you're on the bottom of the wheel, just keep going and do your best to do what you practiced at the top of the wheel.
- Life is all about practice and improvement.
- It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect.
Be Willing to Be Wrong and/or Make Mistakes
- One of the things that divides parents and teens is when one or both of them are committed to being "Right!"
- Be willing to be wrong.
- Let your teen be "Right!"
- Be willing to make mistakes.
- Be the example of what to do when you make mistakes.
Be The Change You Want to See
- If you want your teen to be something else, YOU Be that change!
- If you want your teen to be more confident, YOU Be more confident in both your teen and yourself.
Play to Your Strengths
- Last but not least, play to your strengths.
- Yes, you have weaknesses, and if you're listening to this podcast you probably want to address your weaknesses, but trust your strengths.
- God gave you strengths that are unique to you.
- Trust them and use them!

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

JOIN HERE!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Trust - My Word for 2022 Jan 13, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Why Is Trust Important To Me?

One of the reasons that I've chosen "TRUST" as my word of 2022 is because I often catch myself not trusting myself and others.

One of the things that I've found is that the more I trust myself, the more my business grows.

Another thing I've found is that the more I trust others, the better I feel.

I would rather trust people than distrust them. I like how it feels better than distrust.

So this year as a parent, I'm committing to trust myself. I'm trusting that I am exactly the parent that my children need. I'm trusting that my best is good enough. I'm trusting that my instincts are there to serve me.

I'm choosing to trust my family because I like how I feel when I trust them. I'm choosing to trust that my teen is capable of overcoming anything!

I'm choosing to trust that EVERYTHING always has been, is, and will be okay!

How Does Trust Impact Your Life?

If you're like most parents of teens, you've probably found yourself having a hard time trusting your teen. It's easy to distrust your teen, but who does that affect the most?

Most of the parents that I coach on this report that when they distrust their teen, they feel skeptical, distrustful, and anxious/worried.

The lack of trust changes how you feel, which changes how you parent.

Most of the parents that I've coached on this report that when they at least want to trust their teen, they feel more love and compassion towards their teen.

When parents are actually able to choose to trust their teens, they report feeling more confident and empowered.

Would you rather parent from the emotions of skepticism, distrust, fear, and worry or from compassion, love, and confidence.

When you embrace trust, you will be able to let go of things that are actually outside of your control.

I want to invite you to practice trusting that your teen is doing their very best!

In fact, imagine that you actually believed that. How would you feel?

Trust it!

I promise, your teen IS doing their very best!

Trust Is a Powerful Choice

Trust is a choice.

I get it. It can be a hard choice to make. It's easy to choose to distrust someone, even yourself.

But look at it this way. Whether you trust or distrust someone ONLY affects YOU!

Choosing not to trust someone changes how you feel towards that person.

I choose to trust that everyone is doing their best.

Choose To Trust Yourself

When I first started my business, I didn't trust myself.

I delayed starting my podcast because I didn't trust that I had anything worth saying.

I delayed getting certified as a life coach because I didn't trust that I would be good enough.

If you've delayed joining the Firmly Founded Parent membership, it's probably due to a lack of trust with yourself.

I get it. I used to not trust that I could change and improve.

I want to invite you to trust yourself.

Trust your ability to grow.

Trust that I can help you!

Choose to trust!

Call to ACTION!

Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!

Start being the parent of your dreams TODAY!

JOIN HERE!

Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?

Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.

https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz

Your Teen's Model Jan 06, 2022

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"Send Ben a text"

Don't Try To Force The Model On Your Teen

One of the most powerful tools that I teach is the Self-Coaching Model!

When I teach it to parents they love it and say it makes total sense.

Usually when I teach it to teens the model they love it.

But, I've noticed a trend with teens whose parents are coaches or who have coaches.

Oftentimes, these teens tell me, "I hate the model!"

Every time this has happened, it's because their parents have tried to force the model on them or tried to get them to change their model somehow.

I totally get it.

I love the model. It's so powerful.

I want all teens to know, understand, and use this tool, ESPECIALLY my teen.

I love parents teaching the model! I love parents talking their teens through the model.

My warning is this . . .

. . . Don't try to force the model on your teen.

. . . Don't try to change your teen with the model.

If you do, they are likely to hate it.

So, How Can You Help Your Teen Learn The Model?

One of the most powerful ways that you can help your teen learn the model is by managing your own model.

Another way is by realizing that you only change the circumstance of your teen's model.

The biggest thing is, manage your model and let your teen manage theirs.

Be Open To Your Teen's Thoughts

One of the things that I teach people to help them use the model is to do thought downloads.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see parents making is parents try to change their teen's thoughts by telling them, "Don't think like that," or "Don't talk like that."

When I teach people to do thought downloads, I tell them it's important to be aware of ALL of your thoughts.

When your teen is complaining to you or venting to you, or just telling you what they are worried about, see this as them doing a thought download with you. You are their paper, and they are just pouring out their thoughts to you.

Validate Their Feelings

Emotional Health is the ability to feel any and ALL emotions and to identify and process them.

Far too many parents try to manage their teen's emotions.

This is actually the opposite of emotional health as it is encouraging the teens to only feel certain emotions and to avoid identifying and processing the feeling.

Give Them Autonomy to Take Action

It's hard to see your teen do things that you completely disagree with. I totally get it. I'm a human and a parent too. It's hard, but you CAN'T control your teen. It's not your job

Trust and Let Them Own Their Results

One of the things I see parents doing is blaming themselves for their teen's results. This takes power away from your teen. If you want to give power back to your teen, respect their results. Let them own it.

Another problem that I see is parents catastrophizing about their teen's results, believing the their results are "wrong" or "bad" or that their results should be different.

Your teen is the only one who can create their results!

Trust that their results are theirs and that their results are exactly what they need.

Manage Your Own Model

Bottom line is this, MANAGE YOUR OWN MODEL!

You can't control your teen's model, and any effort trying to control their model is simply wasted energy that could be spent managing your own model.

I promise you, if you want to improve your relationship with your teen, do your own mental and emotional work. Practice connecting with your teen right where they are.

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