I Do, We Do

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Episode 12: Lifelong Learning Oct 01, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss lifelong learning. Learning didn't stop for us when we walked across the stage for our high school diplomas, bachelor's degree, or master's degree. Learning is a key value of ours as a couple. To grow together, we constantly challenge ourselves, to grow more, and to learn more. It takes an investment in time and financial resources. In this episode, we discuss our favorite ways to learn including conferences, seminars, books, podcast, blogs, coaches, mentors, and self-reflection.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

We discuss our shared value for lifelong learning
- Learning doesn't end with formal education (like school)
- Lifelong learning can look like:
- - formal education
  - courses, conferences, seminars
  - books, podcasts, blogs
  - coaches, mentors, self-reflection
- Billy's best learning has come from the things he has chosen to learn, not from things he was told he needed to learn
We discuss how you can learn from books
- Every year, Billy sets a goal to read a book a week (only achieves some years)
- Billy believes in reading things that make you more of an expert, for him that is leadership development books
- Billy repeats some books because "repetition is the motor of learning"
- Some of those books are
- - As a Man Thinketh, James Allen
  - Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni
  - Mindset, Carol Dweck
We discuss how you can learn from other people
- "You'll be successful because of the books your read and the people you meet."
- Billy's greatest mentor and coach has been his Dad
- You can learn about people through observations
- Billy has learned a lot through Ashley as well, in particular, empathy
- We're better together because we teach other how to be better through the things we are individually passionate about
We discuss our experiences learning through conferences & trainings
- In our most recent trip to Boston, we were in a training for facilitators of the New Politics Answering the Call
- - We learned new thoughts on facilitating
  - We are excited to learn more through the participants
- Billy recently attending the National Speakers Association Conference
- - Billy learned best practices from other speakers
  - Billy was inspired by the other 2,000 attendees
- Ashley is attending a conference this week
- - Ashley walks away with entire notebooks of notes
  - Ashley learns from the presenters, and alongside the other attendees
  - and Ashley is excited to present this year!
We discuss how learning is a commitment
- Every organization should invest in their people, because that is how the organization grows
- If your organization isn't investing you, that doesn't mean you cannot invest in yourself
- you should always be investing in yourself
- It is the only invest in your life that you are guaranteed a return
- Ashley earned her MBA as an employee of the school, but continued to make the financial investment when she changed jobs even without her employer's support
We discuss how Ashley chooses to learn through podcasts
- Ashley plays podcast at her office nearly all day
- Ashley has learned alot from Jenna Kutcher's Goal Digger podcast
- It's a great way to get more intimate with the content
- Can learn in a more passive way to learn than reading
- You can learn from people who may never be able to meet
- and it is affordable!!
We discuss how you can learn through reflection
- Reflection is taking the time to think back on past experiences and past activities
- If you didn't learn in the moment, you can
- Ashley uses her bullet journal for reflection
- Journal prompts can be immensely helpful for guiding this
- Billy encourages clients to ask:
- - What is right in my life?
  - What is wrong in my life?
  - What is missing in my life
- Reflection needs to be done in a quiet time
We discuss our favorite ways to learn
- For Ashley it is conferences, podcasts, and reflection
- For Billy it is conferences, coaching, and books

Episode 11: We Do the Enneagram Sep 24, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss our Enneagram personality types. We aren't too familiar with this test, but so many people have been asking us what our Enneagram types are so we thought we would give it a try. We have different Enneagram types. Shocking, right? In this episode, we each share the strengths and weaknesses that our types bring to the table. We reflect and evaluate how accurate/inaccurate the characteristics of our types are and we get a little vulnerable. Our types complement each other and confirm that we really are better together.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

We each discuss the general strengths and weaknesses of our Enneagram Types

Billy is a Type 8 (The Challenger)
- "the powerful, dominating type: self-confident, decisive, willful and confrontational"
- strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent
- 8s love to challenge norms and people
- 8s take on big challenges to see if they can pull off the impossible or turn a hopeless cause into a great success. 8s believe that they can fix everything
  - "People cannot be fixed. You don't fix people. You can fix dogs."
- can be too controlling

Ashley is a Type 2 (The Helper)
- "the caring, interpersonal type: generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive"
- Types 2s exemplify the desire to feel loved, to connect with others in a heartfelt way, and to be a source of benevolence and love in our world
- Types 2s are the easily the most people-oriented of the enneagram
- Type 2s want to share the good in their lives and genuinely enjoy supporting others through the attention and care
- 2s can be clingy, worrisome, insincere, and possessive
- 2s can get into denial about the extent of their own needs while insisting that their only concern is taking care of others
- 2s tend to take care of others too much that they can sometimes forget to take care of themselves mentally, physically, and emotionally
- 2s want to have a unique place in others lives and know privileged information about others that no one else know. 2s want to be regarded as others' best friends

We each share and discuss our "hidden side" of our enneagram types
- Types 8s are "affected by the reactions that those closest to them far more than what they want to lead on. They often expect that others will dislike or reject them and so they are profoundly touched sentimentally when they feel like someone they care about truly understands them and loves them."
- Types 2s appear to feel at ease with others and to be a source of emotional sustenance for the people in their lives, but they themselves also suffer from well hidden feelings of rejection. 2s want or expect a thank you in return when supporting or helping others

We talk about how the type 8 and type 2 work together in a relationship
- Billy likes to get results through people and Ashley likes to get results with people
- we both are action-oriented
- we both want a personal impact on our environment
- we both like results, but we like seeing it in different ways
- 8s often bask in the glow of 2s affection and 2s truly enjoy 8s strengths and efforts

We discuss the trouble spots that our enneagram types bring in a relationship
- Billy mentions that 8s "act out difficult psychological issues, rages, binges, and/or performs acts of revenge"
- Ashley mentions that 2s can be "hovering around and not giving the other adequate space." 2s expect their partner to do a lot of mind-reading for whenever they feel upset rather than just explicitly tell their partner that they are upset

Enneagram: to work with your significant other or to learn how to better communicate with each other
DISC: to help know the people you'll work with on a team in a business setting
Myers-Briggs: for personality assessment

Episode 10: We Do Networking Sep 17, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we dig into the important topic of networking. We have networked our way to success in our careers and we share more about how, why and where we network. We have different networking styles and we discuss how we use those styles to our advantage, including tips for introverts and extroverts. We have learned that we are more successful when we work together in networking, as always we are better together.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

We share a great 5 star review from a listener: "If you are wanting some advice on how to work with someone who's the complete opposite of you-whether it be in a relationship, a working relationship, a group project, ect.--- then this is the podcast for you, because Billy and Ashley share how they work together everyday despite their difference in terms of personality, lifestyle, jobs, and the fact that they share one car."
Networking is not just about self-promotion even though we joked about that. It is about connecting with people
When we network together, we often divide and conquer
- A recent example is when at an event Billy was talking to someone and Ashley to someone else and Billy knew the person he was talking to needed to meet Ashley so he made the connection
- We use our different styles to our advantage when networking together
Billy shared his rules on successful networking as an introvert
- Get there early, look for open conversations, sit down, have a plan
- Invite people to coffee, where you excel better one on one
- Less is more
Getting to events early is one area where we disagree and sometimes have conflict
- Billy needs to get places early and Ashley doesn't always place a high value on it
- Communication, patience and acceptance is key here
Ashley shares some thoughts on networking from an extrovert
- Slow down - She often tries to do too much, to talk to too many people - she gets too excited!
- Remind yourself to listen - If you are dominating conversations you are not networking successfully
- Ask questions - Allow people to talk about themselves by asking them questions
Where we network - Finding like-minded people is key, but you also should challenge yourself
- Alumni groups - TCU Alumni for Ashley, St. Edward's Alumni for Billy - this is an easy place to network with like minded people
- Professional associations - There are associations for everything!
- Chambers - Billy and Ashley are both a part of the Austin Young Chamber
- Ubers!!
- Everywhere
Use technology for follow-up not to network
Networking has helped us build successful careers and become active in the community
- Billy built his entire business through networking
- We have both gotten business, sponsors and community involvement opportunities from networking
We love building relationships with people and we love it even more when we are doing it together. We are better together!
- Remember that connection is key and networking is not about you, it's about helping other people accomplish their goals!

Episode 9: Powerhouse Teams of Two Sep 10, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we share three celebrity powerhouse teams of two who we admire. Two of the three duos we profile show our differences and the other is one we both totally agree on. These three couples can definitely be considered power couples in the old definition, but we believe they fall into the label we prefer, powerhouse teams of two.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

In our last episode, we redefined the phrase Power Couple and shared the phrase we prefer Powerhouse Team of Two
- The ultimate team of two is Michelle and Barack Obama
- But we save talking about them in detail for a future episode
Ashley shares the first celebrity couple we admire, The Carters - Beyonce and Jay Z
- They are a great example of the original definition of a Power Couple as they are both independently successful
- They have chosen to live their lives together and are proving to be even better together
- They have worked through challenges
- We believe they have similar styles and/or personalities
Billy shares the next duo - Julie and Zach Ertz
- Julie Ertz is a professional soccer player and Zach plays football of the Philadelphia Eagles
- They met in college and are both successful independent from each other but they are coming together more and more
- Julie had a moment go viral when she found out Zach was going to the Super Bowl after her own soccer match - This was the ultimate sign of support
- Supporting each other is so important in a relationship, you cannot collaborate without first support the other person
Billy picks athletes and Ashley picks musicians - this is a big difference for them
The last couple we chat about is one we totally agree on - Chip and Joanna Gaines
- Billy grew up in Waco and has seen how Chip and Joanna have transformed the city - People now are visiting Waco and moving to Waco
- Chip and Joanna are like peanut butter and jelly - They seem to be opposites like us who fill in each other's gaps
- - Chip is a dreamer, Joanna is more detailed
  - Joanna is creative and Chip makes her creations a reality
  - They bring out the best in each other

Episode 8: Power Couples Redefined Sep 03, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we try to redefine the phrase "Power Couples." This has been used in the past by others to describe us, but we aren't that comfortable with the label. We are trying to redefine Power Couples because we aren't in love with the word "power" and we don't like that people too often consider them perfect relationships. We chat about how we have worked to become a Powerhouse Team of Two who embraces our differences to be better together.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

People have referred to us as a Power Couple in the past, but we don't love the label
- Michelle and Barack Obama are the ultimate Power Couple
- Power seems like a word for a dictator or for Frank Underwood on House of Cards
- Celebrities are more often considered Power Couples and sometimes it refers to a perfect relationship which is something we don't like
- It's truest definition is - a couple consisting of two people who are each successful
- We started to embrace the label a bit when a friend reminded us of the positive influence that could come from the label
We prefer Powerhouse Team of Two
- As a Team of Two, Billy handle the details, Ashley sometimes handles the fun…Billy helps Ashley tighten up, Ashley helps Billy lighten up
- Doesn't have to be a romantic relationship - Billy teaches his clients about how to become an effective Team of Two
- In a Team of Two 1+1 no longer equals 2, it equals 3 - It creates a multiplier
- Diversity is so important in our world today, success comes when you have DIFFERENT people working together - All of the SAME people working together leads to poor results and not much fun
- This is a phrase we have coined because although we are each successful independent of each other, we are way better together
- We choose to come together on projects and we are able to get amazing results
- A Team of Two is two different people coming together to achieve more
A few things we do to be a Powerhouse Team of Two - "Our house is a whole lot more powerful with the two of us in it"
- We do goals check-ins often to ensure we are working towards what we want to achieve together
  - "You should really try to have goals check-ins with your partner…whether it's your married partner or your partner at work, or whoever it is, how often are you checking in on the goals that you have?"
- We constantly communicate with each to ensure we are not off track, to brainstorm ideas and most importantly to problem solve
- We fully support each other and embrace each others individualism
In our next episode, we will look at some of our favorite Powerhouse Teams of Two

Episode 7: We Do Goal Setting Aug 27, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we talk about one of our favorite subjects… Goal Setting. We share why we set goals and how. We believe setting goals together ensures that we are always growing together rather than apart. Billy has a long history with goal setting. Ashley drank the kool-aid and together we consider setting and achieving goals one of our greatest and most important collabs.

Download a free goal setting lesson for partners at BashleyMoyer.com/goals.

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

Billy went through his first goal setting program when he was just four-years-old
- He has continued learning about goal setting and teaching others about the subject ever since
- Paul J. Meyer, the founder of the personal development industry said, "If you are not making the progress you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined."
- Goals bring out the best in us.
Ashley shares the story of Billy asking her about her goals and sharing his goals when they first met
- Some companions from Billy's past were turned off by this, but Ashley was intrigued and of course stuck around to learn more
- Ashley shares more about her own personal thoughts on goal setting and how they have changed with Billy
Ashley is go with the flow, Billy is the planner
- But we both enjoy setting goals.
The goal setting process begins with a Dream List
- This is how we got started goal setting together and they continue adding to their list every year.
- A Dream List is exactly what it sounds like. Some call it a bucket list. This is simply all the things you want to do in your life together.

Next comes creating a short list of goals - no more than 10
- We do this every year as well.
- We start by setting individual goals and then coming together for a date night to share the goals and work on our combined list.
- Through this process especially, it is important that we fully support one another.
- - There are no stupid goals. This should be a real discussion.
  - What do we really want to accomplish together over the next year? What are the benefits of the goal? What obstacles stand in our way? What steps need to be taken to achieve it?
Set challenging goals together that are realistic
- There are no unrealistic goals just some really bad target dates.
- Goal setting is supposed to be uncomfortable.
Goal setting begins with an awareness of where you are right now and a desire to change your future together
Goals are a prelude to action, they are a course to take; they are an expression of your strengths; they are an exercise of your desire for becoming better together
Growing together is a choice all partners must make
- Growing apart is an excuse.

Episode 6: We Do the Whole30 Diet Aug 20, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we share our Whole30 diet story. We describe what our eating habits were before starting the Whole30 diet, what motivated us to start Whole30 together, and how we made Whole30 work for us.

Learn more about us at BashleyMoyer.com.

Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com.

What We Talked About in this Episode:

Billy gives an overview of what his general eating habits were prior to Whole30
- Usually no breakfast
- - If has breakfast → Snickers, Red Bull, sometimes a honeybun in replacement of Snickers
- Rarely eats lunch, tends to be fast food if he does

Ashley gives an overview of here eating habits
- Always ended up getting UberEats rather than eating the lunches she makes
- Grabbing something quick and on the go, because of "convenience"
- - Poptarts
  - Bagels
  - One of us would come home late from an event and would bring home whatever was from the event or pick up fast food rather than go out to eat or cook from home
"Our eating habits is one of the ways we are not better together"
July 2nd, 2018: Billy went to the doctor and had a high cholesterol report

"You do things for two reasons: to gain a benefit or avoid a loss"
- Originally, Billy didn't think there was a benefit that needed to be gained or a loss that needed to be avoided regarding his eating habits until he went to the doctor
Billy loves fruits and vegetables, but didn't eat them a lot before Whole30
While on Whole30, Billy started eating foods such as hard boiled eggs and a fruit smoothie for breakfast
- As a result, he feels much better and longer throughout the day than when he eats Snickers, Red Bull, and/or honeybun for breakfast

We didn't follow the the Whole30 diet book; instead, we networked with friends and followed certain Instagram accounts for motivation
"We were leaning too much on excuses for our poor eating habits"
"We learned why our poor eating habits formed"
- we don't like leftovers
- we don't like knowing what we have to eat the next day

RESULTS:
- Lost 20lbs
- We saved $500 while on Whole30 diet
- Billy's relationship with sodas are done
- Billy drinks as many sparkling waters a day as he did sodas
- Continuing Whole30

Episode 5: Inspiring Duos - Bill and Rose Moyer Aug 13, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we interview our very first duo, Bill and Rose Moyer. They are one of the duo's we admire most and they happen to be Billy's parents. We chat with them about their different careers, interests and styles and how they have been better together for 40 years! We also discuss the important of growing together rather than growing apart.

About Bill and Rose Moyer:

Bill and Rose have been married for 40 years. They have four grown kids and eight grandkids. They have always had different careers and interests, but they have made the choice to grow together. Bill works with Billy in SOS Leadership, that they founded together. He has written four books and is one of the top leadership minds in the world. Rose has dedicated her life to social work, mostly serving the elderly. She spent 20 plus years working at Meals on Wheels.

What We Discussed in this Interview:

Since we're about to hit our seven year anniversary, we had Bill and Rose reflect on where they were at their seven year anniversary
We asked if they consider themselves a couple that's very different from each other or if they're more like two peas in a pod
- In response, Bill and Rose claim that at first, early in their relationship, they were opposites in terms of personality, behavior, and styles based on the DISC Assessment.
- Now, they are two peas in a pod that finish each other's sentences.
We asked them how they built their relationship from being complete opposites to now being two peas in a pod
- "Through the years, you get to the point where you just want to be together and so you kind of figure out that by being together sometimes you may do things you may not want to do and sometimes you may try something new and you may think 'Oh my gosh! That's really good. I want to keep on doing that.'"
We asked them to provide some examples of things that they use to not be crazy about that the other was crazy about in the early years of their marriage and are now crazy about because of the other
- Rose did not care about sports at all in the beginning years, now she loves sports.
- Bill use to not be crazy about symphonies, quiet walks, theater, etc and now enjoys all of those things.
We how they collaborate with each other within and outside of their careers
- They support each other in the work they do.
- They also have worked closely together outside of their careers when they collaborated as youth ministers at their church. This was something they were both passionate about and that they made the decision to do together even though it was like a second job. They loved it!
We asked them to describe their process of how they make crucial decisions together

- "We use the Ben Franklin method," Bill said. "Where you draw the a line in the middle of a piece of paper and list the pros and cons and talk it out through there; even though one side may be bigger than the other, sometimes things are weighted in a different way, so we look at the importance of that."
- They consider logic more so than emotion when it comes to decision-making.
- "We're always going to have different ideas, opinions, desires, but it all comes down to why we exist and what our purpose is, and how can we walk that journey together to work it out."
We discussed how Bill and Rose choose to grow together rather than grow apart
- "If you don't pay attention to where you are going together, it's so easy that when you go one degree off and go too far down the road to where you and your partner can have "irreconcilable differences," which leads to a split.
- They want to resolve and work through their differences no matter how many differences they may have with each other.

Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com. Learn more about Billy and Ashley at BashleyMoyer.com.

Episode 4: Competition Kills Relationships Aug 06, 2018

Show notes

In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss how competition negatively impacts relationships. Billy is very competitive, Ashley is not. That has led to conflict in the past when playing games against each other. We have come to realize that competition and scorekeeping really kill relationships because instead of I Do, We Do it becomes I Did, You Didn't. Instead of For Better or Worse it is "I'm better, you're worse."

Check us out at BashleyMoyer.com/podcast.

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:

We discussed that the easiest way we see competition in our relationship is in different games that we play
We mentioned how Ashley is a big believer in that "you play games to have fun" whereas Billy believes that you play games for the one and only reason, which is to win
We discussed that "the number one killer in a team/relationship is competition"
- You need to oppose the idea/situation where it could involve teammate vs. teammate, husband vs. wife, or partner vs. partner, because you want to go into the mindset that the team needs to win, not one person over the other
- eventually someone loses in a competition (which could increase tension within the relationship)
We discussed how keeping score is a killer as well
- Ashley discussed how growing up, her and her sister had to evenly split up the house chores/duties. It wasn't fair if Ashley cooked dinner and then had to wash the dishes the same night. It wasn't fair if Ashley did two chores and her sister did zero.
- Billy talked about how he learn early on from his Dad about the danger of keeping score in relationships, even though he loves keeping score in all other competitions.
We discussed how keeping score can also happen with accomplishments, but really in a partnership there are not individual accomplishments. It all is about us.
- "One person's win, success, and/or accomplishment is the other's as well in a relationship."
- - One employee's success in a business indicates that the business is successful too
"You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone"
We discussed how compromise is key
- "If compromise is difficult for you in a relationship regardless, maybe there's a little too much competition there."

Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com.

Episode 3: One Couple, One Car Jul 30, 2018

Show notes

We are busy bodies. We are always going somewhere or doing something. We have different jobs usually in different locations. How do we manage to share one car? In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss why we decided to share one car as a busy couple that likes to move and transport from place-to-place a lot, why we continue to share one car, and how we make it work.

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:

We discuss how we manage sharing one car
- We have flexible jobs that enable us to share one car and lets us choose where their offices can be
- Sharing one car allows us to spend extra time together
- We use effective communication and planning with each other throughout the day since we both have each other's calendars on hand

We discuss the challenges that we face sharing one car
- One of us rear-ended someone earlier this year and we planned to drive to Dallas the following morning for a flight
- There was a time when one wasn't ready for wherever she needed to be

We discussed the pros of having one car
- Protecting the environment
- Forces communication
- Costs

We discussed the cons of having one car:
- Emergencies
- More time together (can be a con for people that don't like spending time together, not us though!)
- limited alone time

WHAT WE USE TO MAKE SHARING ONE CAR POSSIBLE:

Google Calendar
Car2Go
Uber and Lyft
Capital Metro Rail in Austin
Carvana - Bought a car through them

Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com

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