Her Rules Radio

Latest Episodes:

269: Nourishing Our Creative Spirit May 26, 2021

Show notes

Are you a multi-talented, multi-passionate woman with a lot of interests and ideas? Are you like me--someone who refuses to niche down into one singular box? Maybe you’re an entrepreneur like me who can’t stand being told that you have to pick “one thing.” What about your personal boundaries? Do they help you maintain the productivity and creative output that you want? Do you have community support and inspiring people in your life who motivate you to take risks and do things differently? Whatever your answers are, I’m pretty confident that THIS is the podcast for you. Join us as we begin Season 6 with an overview of upcoming shows here on Her Rules Radio.

You can read the full show notes at http://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/256

268: Harriet Tubman Herself with Actress Christine Dixon Sep 30, 2020

Show notes

There are many challenges to being a creative person. I’ve experienced many of those challenges, and we’ve discussed many of them here on the show. Today’s show will inspire us to make it through a crisis situation to thrive in your craft. In addition, we’ll be taking a sabbatical of sorts after today’s show, but Her Rules Radio will be back soon with more interesting guests and perspectives.

Christine Dixon is an actress whom I met on Instagram. Since then, we’ve had many email and video conversations, and I knew that her story was one that my listeners needed to hear. Her experiences bring up many themes around the obstacles that creative thinkers face in putting their work and ideas out into the world. Chris has been performing her one-woman show, Harriet Tubman, for years. She has incredible stories about the challenges she’s overcome to deliver this performance. It’s a combination of education and entertainment that brings empowerment to each audience. Chris shares with us how she faced the fear of failure and rejection and learned to adapt to tough situations. She demonstrates how to think positively and proactively while reaching out for help when it’s needed. She shares how we can keep moving forward, so we live with no regrets. I hope you’re inspired to help support Chris and her amazing work. Her story is a beautiful ribbon as we wrap up the package that is this season of Her Rules Radio.

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/255

267: Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free with Nancy Levin Sep 23, 2020

Show notes

This show is all about living life by your own rules. One of the challenging areas in which we need to break the rules is in setting boundaries. It’s an ongoing battle for many people--and for most women. Let’s dive into this topic and learn more!

Nancy Levin has written a new book, Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free, and she’s busted a lot of myths around setting boundaries. We’re discussing the nitty-gritty of boundary setting, and Nancy is sharing truth bombs to revolutionize your life and your relationships.

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/254.

266: Creativity, Courage, and Compassion Sep 16, 2020

Show notes

Creativity, Compassion, Courage...

The 3 C's we need now.

We need to be creative to solve big, new problems we're all facing…

...and we need to be creative to heal, grow into, and discover our best selves.

We need compassion for each other if we're going to come together and survive as a species…

... and we need compassion for ourselves so we can embrace our failures, failings, and fuck-ups, and continue to grow and achieve.

We need COURAGE to change habits that lead to the healing we want, the growth we desire, the relationships we dream of…

... and we need COURAGE to dismantle the unjust systems we live in, speak uncomfortable truths, and stand up for what we believe in.

Becoming an Artist has required all 3 of these - some days all at the same time.

STAYING an Entrepreneur has required all of these… every day.

Today, I’m excited to invite you to the Creatrix Circle 2020, a 28-day group experience with:

The support and accountability you need
The inspiration you desire
The community and coaching you’ll love…

See the info here, and sign up!

http://bit.ly/Create28

254: The 7 80's Movies That Changed My Life & Showed Me How To Break The Rules Sep 08, 2020

Show notes

#1 - 9 to 5: 1980, Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda Dolly Parton

(take out the boss, become the boss, change the system from the inside)

Don’t assume the gorgeous girl is a slut, no matter what the guys are saying about her
If you want to tell a story, you may have to write it yourself… Jane Fonda came up with the idea, then she asked Dolly to come on and Dolly wrote that iconic song for the movie - In fact, Dolly would only be IN the movie if she could write the thems song! (which was SUPER smart - she keeps the IP/Song Writing credits, she owns the songs, the profits, forever.)

#2 - Working Girl: 1988 Melanie Grifith, Harrison Ford, Sigornie Weaver, dress for the job you want, go for the job you’re not “qualified” for, creative thinking (crashes the wedding to pitch her idea to the father of the bride) - Shipping Co President/painting

If you want to grow, find someone to copy (a mentor)
Just do you - Tess is defined by her unflinching independence throughout Working Girl. "I'm not going to spend the rest of my life working my ass off and getting nowhere just because I followed rules that I had nothing to do with setting up,” she says, marking her refusal to bend to societal gender norms.

#3 - Baby Boom - leave corporate, follow your dream, leave everything behind, ditch the lame partner holding you back, create your own business, work on your own terms

Sometimes it’s about taking a leap of faith. Quitting a good job with a high salary to move to the country seems like the worst idea ever to some, but “with great risk comes great reward.” (J.C. didn’t say that. Thomas Jefferson did. But J.C. could have.)
You have to thrive where you’re planted, instead of whining about the garden. Sure, J.C. made a mistake in purchasing a lemon of a house. But, she makes it past the frozen well and leaky roof, and she leverages her apple orchard into a successful business to support her child.
Motherhood is hard. It’s no picnic. And you can lose yourself a little, but that doesn’t mean you’re lost forever. It just means you have to adapt and figure out who you are now. And if you go from “Tiger Lady” to country mama and grassroots entrepreneur, that’s more than OK. It’s freaking awesome.

#4: Dirty Dancing - stand up for what you believe in, learn to dance, fall in love with the “wrong guy not good on paper, who is actually a good guy, hard worker, moral, etc.

Have the confidence to be yourself - ‘Nobody puts Baby in the corner,’ is by far the most famous quote to make it out of Dirty Dancing, and for a very good reason. Dance lessons aside, Johnny has the knack of bringing the best out of Baby, whether she’s risking it all to ask her dad for help or getting up on the stage in front of hundreds.
Trust your instincts - Robbie, the medical student, might appear to be the best catch in Kellerman’s, but it's Johnny, Penny and Billy who turn out to be the good guys. As we all know, Robbie gets Penny pregnant and leaves Baby’s father to unknowingly come to the rescue. 'Now, you’ll hurt me if you don’t trust me, all right?' Johnny nails it.
Rules are made to be broken - Sometimes the rules are made to be broken, as demonstrated by Johnny at the end, who despite being fired, returns to Kellerman’s to do the final dance, including that illicit lift.

#5 - Breakfast Club: talk about the dark stuff with people, find weirdos who believe in something, listen to each other - you have more in common than you may think on the surface

John Hughes 1985 classic, The Breakfast Club made stars of Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez and has become beloved by people all over the world. The story of five kids trapped in Saturday detention is widely regarded as one of the greatest coming of age stories of all time and has taught lessons that are relevant to people of all ages.
To ask the important questions in life.
To be proud of your talents.
No one's home life is perfect.
Never underestimate the power of a dance break.
Growing up sucks.
People aren't always what they seem.
Sometimes breaking the rules has its rewards.
To step out of your comfort zone every once in a while.
Everyone has feelings.
Opposites attract.
Sometimes you end up exactly where you need to be...even if it's Saturday detention

#6 - Pretty In Pink:

Pretty In Pink is a story of class, humor, and love.
Andie, played by Molly Ringwald, isn’t your typical high school girl. She’s quirky, independent and has her own unique sense of style, one not dictated by name brand clothes. She made the most of what she had.
It resonates with me I think because I relate to feeling like the “poor girl” too, kind of being her actually. A lot of the people I spent time around in junior high and high school were upper middle class I remember, or middle class-plus. Some weren’t, but most were. So I found a character I could relate to who didn’t wear a mask when I did.
like Andie, I grew up in a single parent home, too, from the age of about 11-18. Even though I saw my dad regularly, my mom like Andie’s dad had some mental health issues and was a traumatized human. I didn’t understand it until years later, but I, like Andie, funneled my energies into my job to save money for college (and vintage clothes!), and to be out of the house, which was a depressing place to be.
Accept you’re different and unique: Andie, when sent to the principal’s office for teasing one of the “Richie” girls in gym, says something that is so poignant to me that puts my experience into perspective. The principal tells Andie, who doesn’t quite fit with her status and quirky personal style, that if she keeps putting out signals that she doesn’t want to belong, people will make sure that she doesn’t. To which she responds, “That’s a beautiful theory.”be the weird one, own your own style, work hard, be what you want, no matter what box others put you in, be bizarre and unexpected
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF: I admire Andie’s boldness in dealing with bullying and awful situations. She kept her head high and stood her ground. I try to be like this in my own life, to speak boldly and unapologetically despite social pressures.
BE A CREATIVE ALCHEMIST: I always loved Andie’s personal style. She had a way of dressing that was cool and unique. She wore short hair in endless ways. Hats, stockings, pearls ...So cool. Y Andie TOOK APART, AND REWORKED the dress to her liking for a fabulous end product. Andie’s ingenuity shows me that I am enough and that I have more than I might think to my disposal in my life. Her creativity gives me tons of inspiration and courage.

#7 - Dead Poets Society:

In watching the movie, I was struck by the impact one person can have on the lives of others. Through Keating’s encouragement and leadership, the boys take risks, find their passions, and come to understand the importance of independent thinking. He was able to inspire his students to attempt and accomplish things they hadn’t even dared to dream about before.
It’s not who you are but what you do that defines you. Keating conveys this message to his students because he doesn’t want them to be held back by preconceived ideas. It’s not about race, gender, age, or even experience. People are measured by what they accomplish. Keating encourages action on the part of his students. He wants them to relentlessly pursue their passions. Isn’t that what you want for the people on your team?
Change the angle. Keating tells his students that when you think you have something all figured out, it’s time to look at it from a new perspective. He encourages independent thinking. He wants his students to avoid conformity. We all work for organizations that have their own culture and where there is an established way of doing things—and maybe an established way of thinking. If you really want to break through the status quo, you need to get your people thinking in new and innovative ways. You need to get them looking at things from a new perspective. Warning: In the movie, it costs Keating his job, but it leaves an impression on a group of boys and changes their lives.
Carpe diem—seize the day. Keating tells his students to seize the day. It’s OK to talk and dream, but in the end, it’s action that will allow you to grab the prize. You must encourage action in your people. All of the talking, planning, and strategizing will get you nowhere unless you put them into action. I constantly talk about the employees in our company who are action-oriented. I don’t care that they tend to make more mistakes or pursue endeavors that don’t work out because they’re making something happen. You need to convince your people to seize the day. The time we waste today is gone forever.

Being an optimist is sometimes a revolutionary act, and sometimes the rebellion takes the form of pretending you’re more experienced than you are, leaving the partner who isn’t the right fit for you, starting a business, learning to dance, going for the competition even if you’re not exactly the “right” person for the gig

Find and stick with their weirdos who believe in you - and stick with and support them!

We’re flawed, but we CAN overcome those flaws

Work hard, stick with it, practice, keep showing up, get through the failures.

Get your free How To Write Your Fuck It List Guide: https://alexandrajamieson.com/fuck-it-list/

264: Discovering Your Feminine Genius with LiYana Silver Aug 26, 2020

Show notes

We know that every woman’s worst critic is . . . herself. It’s a sad but true fact. Why do we spend so much time and energy berating and judging ourselves for falling short of our perfectionist ideals? Why can’t we embrace the truth of who we were created to be and who we have become through the ups and downs of life? This might be just the interview that you need to hear today.

In this episode, we discuss some juicy topics for women. What if you took the energy you spend on self-improving and bashing your body in chasing impossible standards of perfectionism and channeled that energy into things that truly bring you alive? Join us!

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/253

263: This is Your Brain on Food with Dr. Uma Naidoo Aug 19, 2020

Show notes

Your thinking, clarity, and the ability to be present as a creative leader are tied to how you nourish your body with meals and snacks. A change to how and what you eat can improve how you think. Want to know more? Join us!

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/252

262 BOUNDARIES: Make, Share & Keep Them Aug 05, 2020

Show notes

Have a tough time making and keeping personal boundaries? You're not alone!

In this episode you'll learn:

Alex's most popular and commented upon boundary (that keeps her distraction-free)
The 2 questions to ask yourself and others to help you define powerful, compassionate boundaries

Pre-order your copy of Radical Alignment at www.RadicalAlignmentBook.com to master this and the All-In Method, and get your bonuses here!

261: End Shame & Imposter Syndrome with the All-In Method Jul 29, 2020

Show notes

Ever struggle with shame?

Imposter Syndrome?

Yeah, me too.

When a client experiences shame, they live in constant fear of being rejected. And they become trapped in the avoidance strategies they create to escape the pain.

However, shame left untreated grows more powerful. And it can often lead our clients into behaviors that invite even greater shame.

I’m going to show you the ONE thing that has been studied and shown to dissolve them BOTH - the ONLY studied method used by professional trauma therapists and researchers…

AND I’m going to show you how the All-In Method, the tool at the heart of our book Radical Alignment, works to dissolve BOTH.

HUGE new info coming to my attention:

Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of the body keeps the score, in a special course from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

The one counterintuitive technique that removes the fear of rejection from shame… it’s the same one that dissolves imposter syndrome…SHARING YOUR SHAME AND FEAR OF BEING SHAMED WITH SOMEONE SAFE, IN A NON-JUDGMENTAL SPACE.

Impostor syndrome is often comorbid with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or impostor experience) describes high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.1 People with impostor syndrome struggle with accurately attributing their performance to their actual competence (i.e., they attribute successes to external factors such as luck or receiving help from others and attribute setbacks as evidence of their professional inadequacy.

People with impostor syndrome had fears that were significantly related to maintaining their social standing and not wanting to display imperfection to others

The only studied method for helping people with Imposter Syndrome is sharing your fears and concerns in a safe space.

A 1985 paper by Matthews and Clance qualitatively described their experiences in private practice caring for 41 people with impostor feelings.53 They recommended validating patients’ doubts and fears, directly addressing fears of failure, and providing group therapy since these patients often feel isolated and that they alone experience impostor feelings;

SO: HOW can you start to implement this in your life?

Use the All-In Method from our new book, Radical Alignment:

Intentions

Concerns

Boundaries

Dreams

I’ve seen it work again and again in my marriage and in parenting my son.

We now have a safe structure and habit of communicating our fears.

Order your copy of Radical Alignment and share your receipt number at RadicalAlignmentBook.com to get a bonus workshop with me and co-author/hubby Bob Gower!

260: Tough Talks Challenge! All-In Method for your emotional conversations Jul 22, 2020

Show notes

Need to have a talk about a tough topic? This show is for you!

Welcome back to Her Rules Radio where you come to learn how to live life by your own rules!

Today’s show is brought to you by my new book, co-authored with my incredible husband Bob Gower, Radical Alignment, how to have game-changing conversations that will change your business and your life!

SOOO excited to be back here with you, talking again - I took a little summer break and now we are basically back here in Season 6 (yes, coming up on our 6th anniversary of this show!)...

If you’re listening for the first time, or the first time in a long time, I grew up in a radio station - my mom had her own organic gardening radio show for 10 years, and every once in a while I would go on the show and do a “children’s gardening” episode with her! My older brother brendan was her sound engineer, so it was a family affair!

Even though we were a creative, often collaborative family, there’s one thing I didn’t really learn growing up with my fam:

How to have tough, emotional, or high-stakes conversations that felt safe, where everyone could be bravely vulnerable.

It’s part of why Bob and I finally wrote this book - RAdical Alignment.

You know those skills you wish you'd mastered earlier in life?

ME too.

I didn't learn how to gracefully talk about emotional topics until well into adulthood. Important conversations would veer wildly from where we started, and it felt so dangerous.

Maybe you grew up in a family where any past mistake could be brought up again.
Maybe you didn't have space to talk.
Maybe one person would dominate conversations so you felt like "what's the point?"

Emotional conversations were hard for me until my late 30s because I always felt I had to argue my points and “win” - and that never felt right to me. I would show up to conversations with people I cared about, friends or family or even business colleagues, and I would feel like I was trying to be fair and generous, and maybe the other person was out for blood!
The heart of our book Radical Alignment is The All In Method, which helps each person commit to sharing their intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams about a topic. It’s not about arguing points, or “winning” - it’s a format to collect information so you don’t avoid talking about really valuable emotional stuff that sits underneath all important things. YES - emotions matter and they’re always present!
- I grew up thinking emotions were bad, or invalid or even unfair to bring into conversations. But we are all human! EVERYONE has emotions. So our AIM helps you share them in a respectful, safe way where people are able to listen to each other better than ever before.
Another thing that kept me from bringing up tough topics? Things going off the rails! Has this ever happened to you? You start talking about one tough topic, and the other person brings up something completely different that happened in the past, and now you’re arguing about something completely different.

In our book Radical Alignment we show you how to set up a conversation with another person or people so that you all agree in the beginning on the topic, so you can come back to it if things feel like they’re getting off course. It's such a relief!
- I like to think of it as a linear process for emotional topics.
- When you have a shared map - ok, everyone we are agreeing at the start to share our intentions, then our concerns, then our boundaries, and then our dreams, and everyone gets the same amount of time, and no one will talk over each other - we are just hear to listen to each other …
- With THAT roadmap? Totally new outcomes are possible.

One of the tough conversations we are in as a family, and that’s me and my husband, my son, and his dad and step-mom, is what is life going to look like in September.

My son is getting ready to go into high school here in New York City, although at the point I’m recording the show, I don’t know if he’ll be going to school or starting the year from his bedroom. This is a tough choice and many families are feeling really upended because we don’t know what to do, or what’s coming.

So we are using our AIM to help us have conversations about the decisions that need to be made as an extended family. We use AIM to help us understand each other’s needs, worries, and to actually build empathy with each other - which in blended families with competing needs and fears isn’t always easy.

This is a way to have a shared vocabulary, a shared commitment to how we will communicate that is respectful, fair, and productive. It helps us stay grounded. And it helps us make space for our son to share his thoughts and feelings, and because we’ve been using it with him for a while, since he was 7 or so, he feels comfortable talking about tough topics with us -

WHICH feels so huge to me.

A few weeks ago at the dinner table, he said, out of nowhere, “I’m really glad I’m being raised learning to care about other people’s feelings.”

I don’t know about you, but this feels like a huge parenting WIN!

SO: I offer you a challenge: to invite someone in your life to have a tough conversation in the next 48 hours.

Invite them with openness and kindness: don’t say “WE NEED TO TALK.”

No one likes to hear that.

How to invite someone to a tough conversation

Be specific but not rigid.

Be inviting, and be clear about the topic.

See what happens!

Personally I’ve had a BIG breakthrough with some family members recently about topics I’ve been avoiding for decades… the conversation is ongoing but we are off to a clear, caring start.

I would love to hear from you how this goes!

Pre-order Radical Alignment and get your bonuses here! https://radicalalignmentbook.com/

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