Helping Couples Heal Podcast

Welcome to the Helping Couples Heal podcast. If you have lost hope around healing your relationship due to infidelity, relational or betrayal trauma you have come to the right place. Helping Couples Heal is an ongoing podcast designed to help couples recover and heal from the impact of betrayal trauma on their relationships. We cumulatively bring over two decades of experience and expertise in the field of betrayal. Throughout this podcast series, we will offer resources and support and teach you the tools and skills necessary to heal your relationship. You will also hear from recovered addicts, partners, and couples who will share their stories, as well as from experts in the field of betrayal. With compassion, love and fierce commitment, we will guide you and walk beside you as you navigate this journey of recovery, hope, and healing. Thank you for inviting us into your world; we are honored to support you.

Latest Episodes:

35: Sexual Health with Dr. Emily Morse Mar 23, 2022

Show notes

PLEASE READ BEFORE LISTENING:

Please be advised that we will be talking about sexuality in this episode and, at times, will be using graphic language that may be triggering or bring up uncomfortable emotions for some. The content of this episode will not be appropriate for those of you who have recently had discovery, are in acute trauma or crisis, and/or have not yet (or have just started) to work on relational healing. This episode is for our listeners who are at a place in their healing and couples recovery where they want to begin to explore sexuality after betrayal. We don't believe anyone should even consider being sexual with a partner when there is a lack of safety, ongoing abuse, or danger. Sexual Reintegration comes at a later stage of recovery once there has been trauma reduction/resolution and relational stabilization.

Episode Synopsis

In this episode, Marnie and Duane talk with sex expert Dr. Emily Morse about sexual health and wellness and how to create the safety necessary for couples recovering from betrayal trauma. By exploring such questions as "What is healthy sexuality?" and "What is not healthy sexuality?" we begin to create a template to guide and assist couples who are ready to take this next step in their relational healing.

34: Betrayed By Porn Mar 02, 2022

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss the topic of pornography, specifically in the context of betrayal. This episode isn't a moral debate about pornography. Instead, it is a candid discussion about the traumatic impact of discovering a secret sexual life on an unknowing partner.

"It's just porn" is often used as a way to minimize the damage or pain experienced by the partner who was left in the dark for years. However, by definition, betrayal in itself (regardless of the nature of the sexual behavior) causes complex trauma to those who had no idea about their partner's secret sex life.

Please listen to understand how a secret pornography life causes betrayal trauma and creates deep and long-lasting wounds in couples who want to heal.

You can find out more about Duane and Marnie at http://www.helpingcouplesheal.com/

33: The Complexity of Trust Feb 14, 2022

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Duane and Marnie discuss how the compartmentalization of trust can hinder relational healing and further traumatize a betrayed partner.

While many betrayers are able to understand why their partner can no longer trust them when it comes to sexual and relational fidelity, many do not understand why their partner is no longer able to trust them in other areas "separate from the betrayal." Marnie and Duane explain why nothing remains "separate" after betrayal and how understanding the danger of distorted thinking in recovery can help prevent further trauma.

32: Therapeutic Separation Dec 14, 2021

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane address therapeutic separation in the context of betrayal and relational trauma, a topic often talked about but not often understood. They discuss everything from what it is and what it is not to why a therapeutic separation can feel threatening or scary and why (if used correctly and with professional support and guidance) it can be a practical intervention for couples trying to heal their relationships after betrayal.

31: Feeling Stuck Nov 09, 2021

Show notes

A note to our listeners:

We want you to know how sorry we are that it's been so long since we released a podcast episode. Please know that you've been on our minds and in our hearts; it's just been a particularly crazy busy time for us and we're doing our very best to meet the needs of all of our clients, staff, and listeners. Sadly, there just isn't enough time in the day. Please bear with us, we're here for you!

Feeling stuck can mean a lot of things. In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss what feeling stuck means in the context of relational healing and betrayal trauma. What does it look like when sobriety has been established but integrity disorder behaviors, abuse, and/or deception continue and trust and safety remain unattainable? How can you as the betrayed partner take care of yourself and get your needs met when the person who has hurt you is incapable or unwilling to take the necessary action to help you heal? This is an important conversation to listen to if you're feeling stuck in healing your relationship and don't know how to move forward with or without your partner.

30: The Truth: A Conversation with Neil Strauss Part 2 Jun 22, 2021

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, author and transformational journalist Neil Strauss joins Marnie and Duane once again to continue their conversation about his personal journey of betrayal and healing and the transformative work that changed his life.

Part 1

https://helpingcouplesheal.com/the-truth-a-conversation-with-neil-strauss/

29: When Feeling of Safety Don't Align: Sexual Recovery is Not Enough Jun 07, 2021

Show notes

In this episode of Helping Couples Heal, Marnie and Duane, explore why betrayed partners often still don't feel safe even after sexual recovery has been achieved.

28: Couples Therapy: Too Soon or Not Soon Enough? Apr 14, 2021

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane respond to a listener's request for guidance about couple therapy, including when it is and isn't clinically recommended and the indicators that it is too soon or not soon enough. Betrayed partners commonly report that they have been pushed to do therapy as a couple early on in the process before they are ready and while they still feel unsafe. Join Marnie and Duane for this important conversation as they discern early couples work focused on crisis management and safety building from later couple therapy where bonding, connection, repair, and vulnerability are encouraged.

You can find out more about Duane and Marnie at helpingcouplesheal.com/about

Learn More About Our Helping Couples Online Workshop at helpingcouplesheal.com/workshop

27: PACT Therapy, Attachment and Betrayal Trauma with Stan Tatkin Mar 05, 2021

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane talk with Stan Tatkin - clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy (PACT) neuroscience and the role of attachment theory in healing betrayal and relational trauma.

Please listen carefully to every word of this interview if you are someone who has betrayed your partner and can't understand why she is as traumatized as she is by your betrayal.

26 Finding Professional Support Feb 02, 2021

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie and Duane discuss the unique and often challenging process of finding the "right" help in the aftermath of betrayal. They stress the importance of a collaborative and systems-focused approach to relational helping and address the potential pitfalls of using a non-relational model, including further trauma.

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