Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

Latest Episodes:

178: Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex, Featuring Francie Winslow Mar 15, 2024

Show notes

Can you relate? Growing up in a good, Christian family, you conversations about sex were mostly about biological reproduction or God's word on chastity.

Perhaps those conversations served you well as a teenager, but after married, you're left with a lot of questions and maybe even painful experiences as the realities of sex and marriage didn't fit with what you thought it would be.

I used to think sexuality and spirituality were incompatible.

However, after digging into our own Christian theology, I came to understand that it supports embodiment, sensuality, and sexuality in a very positive way. I look around and I see a God who is powerful, creative, passionate, and very personal. Of all the religions, I think ours ought to be the most sex positive.

Even if you're not a Christian, there's no denying that some of the most meaningful experiences we can have is being loved and desired deeply by another person and experiencing a special kind of pleasure. And this experience is spiritual and transcendent.

My guest today is Francie Winslow, a friend and the fellow podcaster. And here's some of what we talk about:

Francie's story of sexual healing and growth
How frequency of sexual experiences doesn't automatically translate to quality of sexual experiences
How sex fits with spirituality
Connected to the deeper meaning of sensuality to God's design for us
Advice on creating margin in your lifestyle, so you have time and energy leftover to invest in your marriage relationship
Francie's black belt sex tip at the end, which my wife and I have tried it out since the time we recorded this episode. We had such a great time doing it, we're definitely going to make it a regular part of what we do!

Find out more!

You can also find this episode on our YouTube channel!

You may also be interested in following us on Instagram or downloading our free app, Intimately Us!

177: Coaching A Couple Through Resurrecting Their Dead Sex Life, with Dan Purcell & Amy Langford Mar 08, 2024

Show notes

For anyone listening that wishes intimacy was less conflict and more connection, this episode is for you!

I messed up

Two weeks ago, I released a podcast episode about dead bedrooms. I read an email from a man who is in a lot of pain around his relationship. So I addressed areas where I could see that he could work on in his relationship, but unfortunately, that episode lacked compassion and I was wrong. So I want another chance to do it again properly this time.

I've been there before

I've been there before, to an extent, where the quality of the intimate relationship isn't what you hope it could be. It can be extremely frustrating, lonely, and even hopeless at times when you feel like you're stuck in a relationship where everything else seems to be going well, except when it comes to sex.

For the spouse with the higher desire, he or she feels rejected and hurt. For the lower desire spouse, he or she feels confused and overwhelmed.

Good sex is important for a thriving marriage

As I've stated before, I believe good sex is healthy for a thriving growing marriage relationship. Sex can be replenishing for the relationship. It can be bonding has many health benefits and breeds life into an otherwise mundane partnership.

However, according to Justin Lee Miller PhD, he's a sex researcher he says about one in seven americans are in relationships with little to no sex. There are probably as many reasons as there are couples for why they've developed that pattern of intimacy avoidance in their marriages. It's hard to make generalizations in this area.

But I am on a mission to eliminate poverty and bedrooms everywhere. I want to help couples overcome their challenges that inhibit them from fully giving generously and fully receiving the goodness that an intimate marriage can provide.

I received many emails from people who are confused and struggling in their marriage and I'm grateful for your emails and your messages. With their permission. I want to share another email today. The names and other identifying details have changed, but their story is a real story.

My co-host, Amy Langford, has been a guest on my podcast before (see episode number 101). She's a very talented marriage and intimacy coach, and works with me in my Next Level Program and teaches and coaches alongside me at our marriage retreats!

176: Pregnancy & Postpartum Sex, Sexting, Swinging, and Meddlesome Masturbation Habits - Q&A with Dan Purcell Mar 01, 2024

Show notes

Today we get to talk about some really exciting topics as we answer your questions from the anonymous question form on our website:

How to deal with sex and intimacy while you're pregnant and postpartum.
What to do when you're hesitant about taking sexy photos or nude photos of each other.
What to do when you have a spouse as obsessed with swinging and you disagree with it.
What to do when a masturbation habit is interfering with intimacy and pleasure for the couple.

I really appreciate your willing to open your heart and trust me with some of the difficulties that you're facing when it comes to sex and intimacy in your marriage. I hope you find something helpful in our discussion today.

I love and care about you. I think about you're constantly and that prepare these podcasts episodes with you in mind.

If there other future topics that you would like me to address, please reach out to me. And if you want to submit an anonymous question, you can do so on our website. I love to hear what's on your mind and how I can help you in your marriage. That's what I love to do.

Looking for more?

I have something big in the works: a brand new program! It's a way to bring much of what happens at the retreat to a more accessible, self-paced format. So stay tuned for that.

Get all our apps and resources on our website: getyourmarriageon.com

174: Dirty Talk, Bondage, Masturbation and More - Q&A with Dan Purcell Feb 16, 2024

Show notes

I'm excited to answer some anonymous questions I have received from listeners.

Some topics we cover include the following:

Learning to dirty talk and flirt more
How to deal with undesireable sexual side effects from medications
Self-Soothing
Overcoming gridlock
The use of bondage in a marriage bed
When grief affects sexuality
Masturbation
and more!

If you would like to submit an anonymous question for me to answer on the podcast, on Instagram, or in an email, you can do so on our website.

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We have an exciting new program coming up at the end of March! Watch your email newsletter for more information!

173: How to Initiate Sex Like a Pro, Featuring James Christensen Feb 09, 2024

Show notes

We recently hit a major milestone with this podcast: 1 million downloads! Thank you for your support!

Let's be honest here. Initiating sex is not easy at all. We want the other person to take charge and initiate, right? We worry, how are we going to be received? There's also so much of ourselves wrapped up in what it means to initiate, or not initiate, sex. And past experiences tend to influence our reluctance to initiate as well. Yet, the reality is if one of you doesn't initiate sex, sex is never going to happen in your relationship.

So why is initiating sex so hard? What are some common reasons why people, me included, struggle to initiate sex sometimes? How do we get better at this very intimate act of bidding for sexual connection?

I've been pondering these questions lately, and I'm grateful to meet up with James Christiansen, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Roseville, California. You'll quickly find out that he has a brilliant sharp mind and quickly cuts right to the heart of the matter.

And this episode, we're going to talk about what's at the heart of initiating sex, because it gets a lot deeper than what you're probably thinking. And by the end of this episode, hopefully you'll take more courageous action to cherish your spouse more than before.

Links referenced in the episode:

⬇️ Download the Intimately Us and get in on the Sextimacy Challenge before it's over!

🌟 Get info on the DIY Boudoir Date Night Box

🙋 Snag the last spot at our couples retreat coming up in just 5 weeks!

172: Vagina & Pelvic Floor Power with Pauli, Physical Therapist Feb 02, 2024

Show notes

Do you wish you could have more powerful, more pleasurable orgasms? Or to not need to cross your legs when you sneeze? Or jump on the trampoline like you used to before kids? Studies show only about 30% of women have an orgasm from penetration. But perhaps that number could be higher if your pelvic floor (the muscles in and around your vagina) were in better condition. Research also shows that the stronger and healthier your pelvic floor muscles are, the more pleasure you'll find from orgasms (the orgasm is the most powerful pelvic floor contraction possible!), and no pain from intercourse too!

Our special guest Pauli Hannan is a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist that specializes in helping women have a better life with a healthier pelvic floor.

She's created No Kegel University, where she debunks the idea that you need to do more Kegel exercises or buy vaginal ben-wa balls to strengthen your pelvic floor.

This episode is an abridged version of a live 90-minute workshop, and you can watch the full replay on our website.

Although this content is directed towards women, men are invited to learn along. After all, men have pelvic floors that need strengthening too!

171: Would You Rather…? Sexy Edition & Embracing Your Eroticism Jan 26, 2024

Show notes

Today I want to talk about embracing your eroticism. This is a beautiful part of being human; your eroticism is going to be unique to you just as your fingerprints are unique to you!

In this episode, we're going to address the following common questions:

What is eroticism?
Why is eroticism such an important part of a thriving marriage?
Why are most people afraid of it?
How do you figure out what your eroticism is?
How do you figure out what gets you going?
How do you cultivate more of this goodness in your life?

And, we also give you some fun "would you rather" questions you can use as a spring board to understand your own and your spouse's erotic interests.

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Resources we mentioned in the episode:

DIY Boudoir Date Night Box: We've teamed up with EveryLove Intimates to bring you this kit that brings the magic of a professional boudoir photoshoot right to the comfort of your home!

Couples Retreat (only 3 spots left!)

Picture this: sunny days, red rock landscapes, and outdoor adventures, coupled with a perfect balance of powerful instruction on sex and intimacy, personalized expert coaching, relaxed downtime (wink wink), in a supportive environment. So why not register today before someone else takes your spot? Come join us in March!

Just Between Us app: This app is linked directly to your spouse and it encrypts everything so you never have to worry about your intimate photos or conversations accidentally going to someone unintended!

170: Behold Your Beautiful Body Through the Lens of Boudoir Photography! Jan 19, 2024

Show notes

DIY or professionally done, boudoir photography has the potential to empower women and open their minds and hearts to their own inherent beauty, as well as add an extra spark and intimacy to a marriage.

I discuss this and more with my guest today, Sierra Beltran, an experienced photographer from Arizona. In this podcast episode, we talk about the following in our deep dive on boudoir photography:

How it can benefit you and your marriage
What to expect
What common objections there are to having boudoir photos done
Concerns about faith and nudity
Ways to feel more confident in your photos
How to do your own boudoir photography at home with a lot of fantastic DIY tips from a professional

If you're interested in DIY boudoir photography at home, I have two fantastic resources for you!

EveryLove Intimated DIY Boudoir Photography Date Night Box. We have partnered with EveryLove Intimates, one of our favorite lingerie and date night box brands to create a DIY Photo box. This box comes with everything you need for a memorable at-home boudoir experience and date night. My wife and I recently did the DIY session with the items in this box, and it has definitely easily become one of our top 10, most memorable date nights.
Just Between Us App. If you want to share your photos with your spouse, you can do it safely on this app. It encrypts everything so you never have to worry about your intimate photos or conversations accidentally going to someone unintended. Also, there's a feature where you can take photos now and send them later.

169: 8 Reasons Why Sex in Marriage is Hard (But Also Worth the Effort!) Jan 12, 2024

Show notes

Sex can be hard for couples for many reasons. And if you feel like it's hard for you right now, you're not alone. Sex is so highly personal and it's a very anxious behavior, yet it's also at the core of who we are. So it's like this dichotomy: we want to be close to another person, yet, in order to get there, we have to overcome a lot of nervousness and anxiety in order to enjoy that. And by the way, sex is so much more than just two bodies bumping into each other; our minds and our spirits are highly involved in sex as well.

Humans are the only species on earth capable of making meaning in sex. Dogs don't have sex and think, "Oh, he really loves me." Or, "She was really into that." Dogs and other animals don't do that. It's a very human thing to find meaning in sex. And, that's a double-edged sword for a lot of people.

The anxiety in sex make sex a horrible experience or a difficult experience to enjoy for some people. But the flip side of that is the transcendent capacity for deep connection that can come through sex. It is one of the most unique human and wonderful things about being a person.

So in this episode, we dive deep into why sex can be hard for couples. Understanding our hangups and why we have them is the first step to overcoming them!

Valentine's Day is coming up, and that means so is our 14-Day Sextimacy Challenge! Watch the Intimately Us app for more details!

Our free workshop coming up on January 19 will be all about increasing pelvic floor health. Strong pelvic floors benefit us in so many ways. I hope you'll join us! Details will be hitting your inbox soon.

The life-changing Get Your Marriage On! couples retreat is coming up just around the corner. There are only a couple weeks left to sign up before registrations are closed! Grab your spot today!

168: How Your Marital Power Dynamics Are Affecting Your Sexual Relationship Jan 05, 2024

Show notes

Who in your relationship has more of a say in general, who in your relationship organizes themselves around the other more? Are there any unaddressed resentments that you deal with in your relationship right now, do some things feel just one sided in your marriage? Couples that thrive have a shared sense of power in the relationship power in this context is defined as note shared power shared influence.

One person can receive the influence from the other. The moment we start creating hierarchies in our relationship. Meaning one person is more important than the other, or the general order of things goes like, no, God husband, wife, for example. When we create these hierarchies in our relationship, we set ourselves up for power struggles and this often undermines sexual desire and intimacy in the marriage. I work with couples that want to grow their sexual relationship.

And that's one of the purposes of this podcast. The reality is you grow the sexual relationship by strengthening the marriage and upgrading the relationship dynamic. One way to quickly improve your sex life is by paying close attention to the power dynamics at play in a relationship. And some of them might be invisible to you or very covert. My guest today is Bonnie Young.

She's a licensed marriage and family therapist licensed in Utah in Washington state. She's also currently working on her PhD.

She's super smart, caring. And as you'll get to know, very experienced in this topic we're going to talk about today.

She's also a mom of two, almost three children and runs a mental health clinic with almost a dozen therapists working for her in two states in her spare time.

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Ready to level up your marriage this year? Check out our romantic and life-changing marriage retreat coming up this March!

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For more fun, connection, and intimacy daily, download our free app: Intimately Us

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