Freedom from Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#568 Journey Of Attachment: Did I Say Something Stupid? Examining Your Communication Style. Apr 20, 2021

Show notes

You just said something that pissed off your partner. But geez, you were only joking. Then your friend asked for your opinion about what they were wearing, and was hurt by what you said. It seems like you’re always stepping on landmines, then constantly defending what you said or going on damage control. Should you be honest or not? Why is everyone so damn sensitive? Maybe it’s not them. When you don’t own what you say, and instead blow it off by saying, “I call it like I see it!” or “That’s just how I was raised,” or “Can’t you take a joke?” you invalidate the other person. You’re not able to see beyond your own perspective to realize the impact it has on others. If you want to have relationships that you’re not constantly repairing, take a deeper look at what you say and why. In this week’s podcast you’ll be challenged to look at the motivation behind the way you communicate. What are you trying to achieve? Is it working? What negative beliefs are at play? This self-examination will keep you from running on autopilot so you catch yourself before putting your foot in your mouth. It’s a relationship saver. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#567 The Journey of Attachment: The Not So Rare Avoidant/Anxious Attachment Type (REBROADCAST) Apr 13, 2021

Show notes

Insecure attachment issues are very painful. Some may be familiar with John Bowlby’s attachment theory on childhood development. I talked about these in Podcast #63: Your Attachment Style, and encourage you to listen to it for an overview. Here I take the Anxious/Avoidant style a step further. Based on my own experience, and talking with hundreds of clients, the supposedly rare style of an Avoidant/Anxious/Avoidant is not so rare. This is when an independent person (avoidant) thinks they’ve found their soulmate in another avoidant, then becomes anxious that he/she will leave. This may manifest in choosing someone who likes you more than you like them (how could they possibly leave you?)so even if you have a lack of interest--it gives you something, or trying to rescue/fix someone (how can they leave if they need you?), or any number of different scenarios. The problem is, these relationships keep you avoiding YOURSELF and that’s not a place you want to live. Learn more about this style of attachment and how to break the pattern plus I also cover what true avoidant and true anxious behavior are in terms of characteristics--so you can find your style and do something about it. There’s a lot of info, so listen closely! Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#566 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Jill de Jong Apr 07, 2021

Show notes

From a small village in Holland to the international modeling scene, Jill de Jong led an adventurous but exhausting life. At 17 she moved to Milan, working long days and sleeping on planes. After four years of missed birthdays and weddings, she tried to settle down and leave modeling, but restlessness bubbled up. She moved to NY with her husband where modeling continued taking a toll on her physical, mental, and emotional health. Constantly depleted with a lot of uncomfortable body issues, Jill dove deep into health and nutrition. “If you really need weekends to recover, you’re not implementing enough time to rest during the week.” --Jill de Jong As she healed her body, Jill’s relationship was falling apart. She lost herself while trying to “fix” her husband and make him happy. When the marriage eventually ended after 12 years, Jill saw an opportunity to design the life she wanted. She became a personal trainer and started sharing her knowledge of fitness and nutrition with others. Today she is retired from modeling, and happily married to the man she met just one day after she wrote down her goal to fall in love again. In addition to writing the book “Models Do Eat,” Jill hosts a podcast and coaches others on their health and wellness journey. Join me as Jill shares her thirst for life and adventure with an energy that’s palpable. Her life advice: Do one thing differently to spark a little bit of new energy. You can learn more about Jill at https://www.jilldejong.com/. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#565 Journey Of Attachment: The Search for Unicorns Apr 06, 2021

Show notes

Are you a unicorn hunter, chasing some magical fantasy as the answer to your problems? When you find your perfect mate, when you write your best-selling book, when you win the lottery. You think your unicorn is waiting for you “out there” somewhere, but it never appears because what you’re really searching for is what you lack inside: value, worthiness, acceptance, love, validation. You’re disconnected from yourself. As the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” When you feel like a deflated shell of yourself, it’s easier to focus on the magical moments that will rescue you rather than what’s going on internally. You look for an exit to avoid those negative feelings, believing there is a place where only positivity exists. A place where someone else sees your magic because you don’t see it in yourself. Searching is no small feat; it requires a lot of work and suffering… to what end? Disappointment is the real destination because you never do find what you’re looking for. In this week’s podcast, you’ll learn the chase only ends when you decide to deal with yourself. When you look beyond the fantasy in your mind to accept your reality. And reality is not as ugly as you may feel it is. It’s where life is lived. Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget) Chasing unicorns will keep you chasing as a life pursuit. Be in your reality now and accept all feelings. Love yourself now. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#564 Journey Of Attachment: I Want To Have an Authentic Relationship With Someone Mar 30, 2021

Show notes

In your sphere of relationships—partner, friend, colleague, family, acquaintance, etc.—how do you show up? Are you trying to fit in, be liked or be respected? Do you want to be thought of as nice, smart, strong, reliable and/or helpful? And to achieve those objectives, do you act differently with different people? You might perform the way you think somebody wants you to without even realizing it. Yes, perform. When you are playing a role that is focused on how you want to be perceived instead of who you truly are, you’re performing. And it not only depletes you of energy, it also robs your relationships of intimacy because you are not being your authentic self. So why work so hard to be a chameleon? Most people behave according to someone else’s expectations (real or assumed) to avoid abandonment. If you show up as the perfect friend, co-worker, lover, son/daughter, etc., you’ll preserve the relationship. But the consequences are many. In this week’s podcast you’ll see how much you sacrifice by being a chameleon, and that relationships are far more intuitive than you think. I’ll walk you through a reframing exercise that focuses on the purpose of your relationships so you can experience how it feels to show up as YOU. Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget) Valuing yourself means what’s NOT okay IS okay, and sharing it with the world. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#563 Journey Of Attachment: The Comfort of Dysfunction (REBROADCAST) Mar 23, 2021

Show notes

Attachment issues are big among my podcast listeners; there’s a reason I have an entire series devoted to it! But there is a difference between those who are ATTACHED to their attached relationship, and those who truly want to let go. You need to honestly ask yourself: Are you more comfortable with the devil you know, or are you willing to do the hard work needed to make a change? Deciding you have value and wanting to move out of a dysfunctional relationship is one of the hardest things to do. I remember being chained to a relationship I didn’t want, yet no matter how many times I broke up with him or refused to talk to him, it never made those attachment feelings go away. Fear keeps us stuck in these relationships, and it’s where I lived for a long time. I felt a total loss of control over myself and my relationship, like I couldn’t get a handle on either. Fear of commitment showed up too, as it often does. Attached relationships are perfect for those of us who don’t want to commit to ourselves because we never have to. I couldn’t see how much I was settling because I was more concerned with the safety of the familiar. I unconsciously hoped he would rescue me from the empty space inside, and I held onto that, waiting. It’s an illusion that keeps us stuck, not sure we’re ready to leave our emotionally comfortable, yet painful place. Because what if one day things magically change… While deciding you truly WANT a healthy relationship is the first step, the next step isn’t necessarily letting go of your attached relationship. Sometimes we do this prematurely and jump right into another one because we don’t take the time to learn. Check in with your feelings, notice your reactions, see what triggers your partner hits and where they come from. It’s also important to honor the dysfunctional space you’re in without beating yourself up. You CAN have a healthy, happy relationship. But you have to truly want it. Do you? Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#562 Journey Of Attachment: What’s REALLY Going On? Mar 16, 2021

Show notes

The people in your life have heard you complain about the same problem over and over. It’s your relationship or your job or your money issues—whatever it is, you’re a victim. It’s someone else’s fault. You say you want to solve the problem, but you won’t “go there.” If someone tries to dig a little deeper to get to the root of it (a friend, a therapist, a coach, a partner), you get defensive. You’d rather steer the conversation away from anything emotional and focus on the problem you THINK is the real problem. So what’s really going on? Something much deeper. Something attached to fear, disappointment, shame or some other ugly emotion that’s too hard to look at. Instead, you double-down on trying to solve the surface problem over and over. But it doesn’t budge. You’re not actually solving anything. This week’s podcast is about how we bury our problems so deep, we end up hiding them from ourselves. If you’re beating your head against the wall, trying to solve a problem that won’t go away, stop. Open yourself to the possibility of something deeper going on—something you don’t want to look at. When you keep trying to control the conversation to avoid what’s going on inside, you stay exactly where you are. Want the problem to go away? Start looking at what’s REALLY going on. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#561 Journey Of Attachment: I Know What You’re Thinking, So Why Ask? Mar 09, 2021

Show notes

Does this conversation sound familiar to you? “So-and-so is mad at me.” “Oh really, did she say she was mad at you?” “No, I can just tell.” Or what about this one? “So-and-so doesn’t want to hang out anymore.” “Oh really, why do you think that?” “Because he found someone else to spend time with so he doesn’t need me anymore.” Ah, assuming. You get to feel self-righteous by making someone else the bad guy while you’re the victim who did nothing wrong. It’s an excuse not to communicate. When you create a story about what someone else is thinking or feeling, it keeps you insulated from all those “bad people.” Instead of asking questions or seeking the truth, you drive a wedge between you and the other person. It positions you as the suffering victim with them as the perpetrator, which means you have no power. In this episode I’ll show you why this is so damaging to relationships (you’ll never get close to someone this way), and how to catch yourself making up these stories. Because when you pay attention and catch yourself, you have a choice. You can take responsibility for your thoughts and seek the truth instead of assuming you know what’s going on with someone else. You can choose open communication that connects you to someone instead of made-up stories that create distance. Do you really want to make decisions based on assumptions that may not have a kernel of truth? Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#560 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Joel Primus Mar 03, 2021

Show notes

Joel Primus is an author, speaker, filmmaker and serial entrepreneur. His first success, however, was as a runner, representing Canada at the World Youth Games. His identity as a runner was everything—then he blew up his achilles and that life was over. Trying to fill a void, he hitchhiked across Canada to make a movie—until his camera fell off a cliff. Third time’s a charm? While traveling in Peru, Joel found underwear that was so much better than anything he had worn before. His company Naked was born. Over the course of the next decade, Joel put everything into growing Naked. He raised $10 million and eventually went public, but he also suffered from terrible anxiety and depression. His marriage was on the brink. He knew he needed to make sweeping changes because, as it turned out, he never really stopped running. ”The journey begins with vulnerability. When we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we don’t allow ourselves to do the work.” –Joel Primus Once Joel stood still and focused on his inner journey, he noticed the same negative belief surfacing: I’m not good enough; I’m not worthy. He realized it framed his decision-making, and it started with his parents’ divorce. So he began questioning his choices, and why he cared what other people thought. As his self-awareness grew, his anxiety and depression lessened their grip. He reconnected with his wife. Listen to my inspiring conversation with Joel as he shares his path to letting go, and the opportunities that have come as a result. He reminds us that everything starts to unfold when you let go of the outcome. Today Joel lives on a farm with his wife and two daughters. His book “Getting Naked” was released in January 2021. Learn more about Joel at: Website: https://joelprimus.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joel.primus/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Primusblog Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#559 Journey Of Attachment: I Need To Keep My Anxiety a Secret From My Mate Mar 02, 2021

Show notes

Anxiety is painful enough, but hiding it from your mate makes it even worse. Maybe you worry about where they are, or when they’re going to call, or why they ignored you. But instead of expressing that, you hide behind a façade of “everything’s just fine.” You’re afraid if your partner knew about these thoughts, he/she might freak out. Maybe you have even shown concern in the past, but he/she felt you didn’t trust them so you shut it down. How often have you asked yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be ok with the way things are?!” It’s scary and lonely to feel you have nowhere to turn. And that your feelings are unacceptable. As a kid, if you were shamed for how you felt or told you were too sensitive, you carried that over into adulthood. Now it creates problems in your relationships because you’re always holding back. In this week’s episode, learn to make friends with your anxiety and allow yourself to be what you fear. I’ll walk you through it. Anxiety won’t disappear overnight, but if you want to be connected to your partner instead of suffering in silence, you have to acknowledge what’s going on and work through your fears. Stop driving yourself crazy. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Holding it in hides it from no one. It makes you act weird. Let it blow, then let it go without blame. You deserve it! Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

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