Freedom from Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#578 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Guy Finley Jun 16, 2021

Show notes

Guy Finley is a best-selling author of more than 45 books and audios on self-realization, including his newest release, “Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together” which explores the purpose of relationships. His journey began when he was 12 or 13 years old, upon hearing a voice whose message formed the path of his entire life. Since then he has experienced a series of blows to who he was and who he thought he would be. In our riveting conversation, Guy shares his views on suffering, letting go, triggers, resistance, identity and so much more. He also talks about what he calls “peephole consciousness,” and how it limits our perspective of reality. Guy challenges us to ask what we can learn from each moment instead of focusing on what we tell ourselves about the moment. And also to stop thinking about what we are, and work to see what we are. He is full of wisdom, and I always enjoy talking with him. “Resistance is the revelation killer. You cannot resist anything in the moment, and hope to learn that lesson in the moment at the same time.” –Guy Finley You can learn more about Guy Finley, including his free online classes, at www.guyfinley.org.

#577 Journey of Attachment: Selfish Is Not a Four-Letter Word (REBROADCAST) Jun 15, 2021

Show notes

People think “selfish” is a dirty word, so there’s a lot of fear around it. They’ve had it beat into them that being selfish is bad, which leads to people-pleasing. When you succumb to people-pleasing, you’re constantly at the mercy of the rest of the world to validate you. You think if you don’t give to someone else or do what they want, you’re being selfish. And being selfish makes you feel guilty! You become so focused on not wanting to be selfish you walk on eggshells, over-doing to avoid the label. Try as hard as you can to be a saint and it won’t matter—when you try to compensate for your negative beliefs, it comes back to bite you. The thing is, you’re never going to feel good when you go against yourself. You end up in this pattern of giving, thinking you’ll be seen as a good person and eventually get something in return. But when that doesn’t happen, you end up resentful… and then you try even harder. It’s a vicious cycle that’s not only painful, it also stops you from getting close to people. I know you’re afraid you won’t be likeable if you’re “selfish,” but if someone only likes you when you’re catering to their every whim, ask yourself if that’s really a two-way relationship. What are you getting out of it? Is it worth it? Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you selfish, but giving to get does. Yep, when you give out of obligation, you’re not coming from a genuine place. You’re manipulating to get something—be it attention, validation, acceptance, etc. That’s actually more selfish than taking care of yourself. So, if you want to feel good and stop putting others before yourself, embrace being selfish. You’ll find that when you allow it rather than resisting, you’re able to own it. Make “selfish” a positive word in your vocabulary; it means you’re taking care of yourself instead of always prioritizing someone else. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Only then can you truly give from your heart.

#576 Journey of Attachment: When You’re Attached, There’s Only Room In the Relationship For You Jun 08, 2021

Show notes

If you can’t live without someone, and are knee-deep in soulmate territory where you need them to “complete” you, you are very likely stuck in attachment. You have a picture in your head of what you want your life to be and how you want to feel, so you’re trying to fit them into it, regardless of how things really are. So you push and pull, trying to mold them into what you want. Perhaps you cherry pick the good moments to convince yourself they’re the one. But where are their feelings in all of this? Are you in this relationship together, or are you just focused on getting what you want? And are you even getting it? Attachment is self-absorption in many ways. Not because you’re self-centered or a bad person—not at all. You are simply reacting to your pain, which can be all-consuming. It’s an emptiness that needs to be fed, so you are constantly looking for ways to fill it. The quicker the better because you’re in scarcity land and it may disappear in a blink. Attachment like this can be an out-of-body experience where you are completely disconnected from your deeper feelings. In this week’s podcast I challenge you to look beyond yourself to see the other person for who they truly are—with empathy and compassion. This will help loosen that tight grip of yours so you ease anxiety and see your relationship a little more clearly. Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget) Self absorption is attachment. Feeling your real feelings will help you connect better with others. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#575 Journey of Attachment: Why Does There Always Have To Be a Bad Guy? Jun 01, 2021

Show notes

How often do you look for the enemy in your life? Whether it’s a partner who can’t commit, a condescending boss or an entitled rich person, labeling them as the bad guy can make you feel better about yourself. After all, if they are the bad guy, that makes you the good guy, right? And when you’re the good guy, you don’t need to do anything differently; the responsibility to change or be different is all on them. But people and situations are not inherently good or bad—it is only your perception. Passing judgment on others is also a way to hide from your emotions and remain a victim. If everything is their fault, you don’t have to look at how you are contributing. Instead, perhaps you fantasize about what life would be life if your partner finally committed to the relationship or your boss started respecting you, but that fantasy does nothing to change your reality. In this week’s podcast I invite you to look at things from a different perspective. By dropping the labels and looking at what you’re avoiding (i.e. your feelings), you’ll be able see the situation a lot more clearly. Then you can take action based on reality instead of holding tightly to your hero/villain fantasy.

#574 Journey of Attachment: Setting Boundaries (REBROADCAST) May 24, 2021

Show notes

You may think boundaries are set for the benefit of others, and get angry when they aren’t followed. But you probably go against your own boundaries all the time without realizing it. People take their cues from how you treat yourself, so if you’re upset about putting in extra effort despite expressing your need for help and you keep doing it, look at how you continue to pick up the slack. If your partner is constantly making plans with you at the last minute, despite you asking him/her to plan ahead, you have to ask why you stay in a relationship with yourself where you are disrespecting you which is then reflected in this relationship where you don’t feel like a priority. Even if you yell at them or punish them for their unacceptable behavior, you’re still allowing it to happen, because you are not respecting you. Boundaries are not the responsibility of others, they are yours. If your boundaries aren’t being respected, look at whether YOU are respecting them. Telling someone what you want or what is acceptable is not enough; you need to back it up with action in how you treat yourself. Show them, don’t tell them. If you have to tell someone you have to ask yourself again, “What am I doing here?” Start treating yourself the way you want to be treated. And if your actions DO support your boundaries but someone isn’t respecting them, it’s probably time to make a new choice in that relationship. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#573 Journey of Attachment: You Are Not Worthless. How To Change Your Tune! May 18, 2021

Show notes

Go ahead, buy that car. You’re worth it. Your well-earned promotion will finally show people you have arrived. How do you measure your worth? Is it by what other people label as important, or what you feel inside? Will chasing money, fame and success make you feel worthy and valued? Of course not. Some of the most successful people in the world have an enormous sense of lack, believing more accolades will eventually fill them up. Intellectually you know fulfillment doesn’t work this way, yet your subconscious still searches for validation over the next mountain. So where does your internal value come from? Much of it is learned in childhood from your parents’ feelings of worthlessness. Yep, it’s passed down, so to speak, through the generations. Of course you didn’t know this as a kid; you simply modeled their behavior and emotional responses. And instead of seeing the problem as theirs, you believed something was wrong with you. In today’s podcast we’ll look at how we search for worthiness externally, and how to cultivate it internally. Everything you avoid takes away your worth, so start by accepting where you are right now—even if you feel utterly worthless. Then, let resistance be your guide. What you most resist is often the pathway to a more fulfilling life. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#572 Journey of Attachment: Instead of Trying to Fix People, Try This Instead May 11, 2021

Show notes

Your partner is a narcissist or an avoidant or emotionally unavailable… or some other label you have assigned to him/her. You’ve read up about how to deal with people like that, and have taken it upon yourself to fix them. You want to show them how they can be better, so you as a couple can be better. But why is it their responsibility to change? What about your role? Beating them up for your relationship problems won’t solve the issues between you. So what’s the answer? Start with compassion. Subconscious patterns are hard to break. If you are working on yourself, you know this to be true. Your partner isn’t bad or broken. They are human, just like you. Putting energy toward telling them what they need to do differently is energy better spent on yourself. Maybe they don’t want to be “fixed.” And if they do want to change, it’s their journey… not yours. In this week’s podcast we will focus on acceptance and compassion—for yourself and your mate. And really, this applies all relationships, not just intimate ones. This shift will move you from a constrictive space where you feel powerless, to a loving and expansive place that brings you peace. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#571 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Marilyn Alauria May 05, 2021

Show notes

“I’m like Bewitched with a lot of vodka!” Meet psychic medium Marilyn Alauria. From the age of three she had psychic experiences, but she didn’t know that’s what they were. As a kid she was constantly told it was just her imagination and she was overly sensitive. Those messages, coupled with childhood abuse, led Marilyn to push her abilities aside. She turned to drinking and drugs in her early teens to quiet the feelings, voices and confusion she experienced—not knowing how to deal with it. It wasn’t until after college that she connected with a medium who encouraged her to use her gifts, which opened up a whole new world to her. Marilyn had finally come home. “I fell into my soul. I fell into my alignment. I fell into who I am—my home.” –Marilyn Alauria Today Marilyn is a healer, instructor, coach and world-renowned psychic medium. Through her Soul Finder Academy and Membership for your Soul programs, Marilyn helps people live a practical, meaningful and joyous life (no unicorns, flying carpets, or impossible routines required!). Join me as she shares the low and high points of her journey—from watching her dad shoot a gun at her mom to winning an Emmy award—to finally arrive at a place of alignment with who she truly is. Marilyn leaves us with three simple yet powerful exercises to connect with your soul that I encourage you to try! You can learn more about Marilyn at: Website: marilynalauria.com Facebook: facebook.com/marilynalauria1 Instagram: instagram.com/marilynalauria Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#570 Journey of Attachment: Feel Criticized? How To Let It Go and Be Happy May 04, 2021

Show notes

Someone makes an off-handed remark and you bristle. Or they criticize you and you go into full-blown defensive mode before you dissolve into a million pieces. Why does this happen? Why are you so sensitive to some things while others slide off your back? You react when there is some truth in what was said; a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, let alone have it pointed out by another person. When they call it out you become awash with shame. Shame is a VERY uncomfortable emotion to deal with so instead of feeling it, you deflect, attack, avoid or blame. Maybe your friend says you can’t be alone, which is why you’re always jumping from one bad relationship to the next. If that’s not true, there would be no reaction. Nothing would be triggered inside of you. But if you strike back and/or want to crawl into a hole… that’s a sign. Shame is talking and it’s time to listen. In this week’s podcast we’re talking about how to deal with criticism and shame. It’s hard to see the unsavory or unlikeable parts of yourself, but acknowledging those parts is the road to self-love, self-acceptance and emotional freedom. When you own your actions and feel the shame, you open the door to healing. No one likes criticism, but it can be an incredibly powerful tool for growth. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Put on your cape and open yourself to all sorts of criticism. Own what’s yours and let it flow through you. Remember you have your magic cape! Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

#569 Journey Of Attachment: Breaking the Toxic Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Cycle Apr 27, 2021

Show notes

The same dance happens all the time in unhealthy relationships between an anxious and an avoidant. The anxious struggles with self-value so they perform: see me, pay attention to me! This neediness causes the avoidant to run. But then, when the avoidant is away, they miss their anxious partner. They want to feel that “closeness” again so the avoidant returns and the whole cycle goes on repeat with the anxious clinging and the avoidant running. The anxious partner tends to blame the avoidant for problems in the relationship because THEY did the leaving. Anxious see themselves as the emotional ones while their avoidant partners are robots. In truth, the anxious person is avoiding too. They are avoiding their feelings and avoiding responsibility. Both parties want control, blaming the other person so there is a winner and a loser. Where is the love in that?? In this week’s podcast we’ll dig into attached relationships driven by fear and anxiety. There are no winners and losers here—only losers. Whether you are the anxious or avoidant partner, learn how to break the cycle by focusing on yourself so you change the way you show up in relationships. There IS a better way! WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Whether you are anxious or avoidant, it is about YOU, not the other person. And since it IS you, you can change your relationships NOW. Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

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