Freedom from Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#598 Freedom from Attachment: How to Communicate With a Space Alien and Other Avoidants! Oct 05, 2021

Show notes

How do you communicate with an avoidant? And how do you determine if they are a narcissist, pathological liar, or have some other “malady”? I get questions like this a lot. People want strategies for dealing with partners they are quick to label. Here is the short answer: There is no special language for communicating with avoidants, and it is not your job to diagnose people. If you don’t believe you can have what you want (e.g. a healthy relationship), you’ll turn to manipulation. And yes, communicating in a particular way to get what you want is manipulative because it is not coming from an authentic, loving place. It is rooted in fear. In this week’s episode we’ll explore being “other” directed, and how labeling someone else is a way of distracting yourself from YOU. It’s not about figuring out how to deal with your partner, it’s asking yourself why you choose relationships that require mental strategies. Your happiness and wellbeing is not the responsibility of anyone but you, and as long as you diagnose others and try to manipulate them to get what you want, you’ll be miserable. Instead of searching for tips and tricks, look at the choices that got you here… and why you made them. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Focus on yourself. All parts of you. Trust that your choices are leading you somewhere—to another lesson or to your goals. It is the same road for all of us.

#597 Freedom from Attachment: You Can’t Take It Anymore… Yet You Stay Sep 28, 2021

Show notes

You can’t take it anymore. You are stuck in a toxic relationship and you want the pain to stop. You want out. But instead of taking some sort of action… you do nothing. Resistance kicks in and your whole body says, “nope!” So you stay in your own personal hell, afraid of losing what you have, even though what you have is so far away from what you want. Why? Because it’s familiar. Because breadcrumbs of love and attention are better than nothing. But is “nothing” really the only alternative? This is not your lot in life. You are not the unlucky one who has to settle for a fraction of what you deserve. But believing you can have something meaningful and fulfilling is foreign because you have avoided intimacy your whole life. I know this pain very well because I lived it for many years. In this week’s podcast we’ll talk about empowering steps you can take to push past the resistance that keeps you stuck. Your situation is a symptom of something that is happening inside you. When you start exploring internally and connect with your feelings, you find the courage to get out of your pain. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Chemistry of love is not intense; it is not breadcrumbs. It is courage, freedom, care and deep connection!

#596 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Megan Huber Sep 22, 2021

Show notes

Megan Huber grew up in a small, rural North Carolina town with a teacher for a mom. The classroom was what she knew, so when she graduated from college with no clue about what she wanted to do, she accepted her mom’s offer to pay for a Master’s degree in teaching. That landed her as a teacher in her hometown high school right alongside her mom. Although teaching resonated with her on some level, it wasn’t until much later that Megan realized she was living her mom’s vision for her life—not her own. “We all know the greatness that exists inside of us… and we have such a craving to let that version of ourselves run the show.” –Megan Huber When Megan's husband introduced her to a coaching program, it was her first real taste of personal development. There were parallels to teaching, but she still wasn’t sure how the pieces fit together or what her future looked like. She believed she had greatness in her, but it was locked inside so tightly that she had a debilitating fear of missing out on her life’s purpose. Listen to Megan’s story of individuation where she found her own teaching path (not her mother's), let go of approval-seeking and grew her coaching business from $0-$500k in just 12 months. Today she works with coaches and other service-based entrepreneurs to reach those same goals. Learn more about Megan and connect with her here: Website: www.meganjohnsonhuber.com Facebook: @MeganJohnsonHuber Instagram: @meganjhuber

#595 Freedom from Attachment: Passive Aggressive. Who Me? How To Stop and Get What You Want! Sep 21, 2021

Show notes

Passive aggressiveness is an indirect resistance to the demands of others, and an avoidance of direct confrontation (i.e., procrastinating, pouting, gossiping, etc.). Let’s say you hire someone and they don’t work out, but instead of having a difficult conversation about their performance, you make yourself unavailable. You don’t reply to emails and are always busy when they call. Maybe you even throw menial tasks their way—all to get them to quit. People complain all the time about passive aggressive behavior in others without acknowledging it in themselves. Walking on eggshells is a sign of passive aggressiveness. You’re not speaking your truth. And when that happens, people have trouble trusting or bonding with you. Listen to this week’s podcast where we look at what fuels this behavior: fear of loss and shame. Shame is a dream killer and it can keep you tip-toeing through life, holding your tongue and sending mixed messages. By accepting the parts of yourself you don’t like—including your passive aggressive behavior—and speaking your truth, your words and actions start to match. People don’t worry about you saying something negative behind their back. They trust you and feel connected to you because they know you’re a straight-shooter. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Accept yourself as being okay. The more you do, the less you fear loss, and that makes you the driver on your journey.

#594 If You Only Contact Me When You Need Me, Find Someone Else To Fill the Need Sep 14, 2021

Show notes

Do you need to be needed by someone, believing you’re the only one who understands them? “Let me help! Call anytime… I’m always here for you.” You over-volunteer to the point of making yourself feel small and insignificant, and believe it’s the only way to keep people in your life. There is a scorecard in your head as you wait for recognition or reciprocity that never comes. And at the same time, you resent them for only contacting you when they need something. You feel angry and used, yet you don’t see how you are contributing to this dynamic. Believing you are the only one who can help, then cursing them for taking advantage of you, is not a peaceful way to live. In this week’s podcast we’ll look at why you say yes (what do you want in return?), and what it costs you. Giving with strings attached is an opportunity to look at your motivation. When you finally stop rescuing your partner, friend, etc., they will find others who are willing to step up. You can be there for them without sacrificing yourself. Generosity is giving because you want to, not because you have to. It’s a loving act that brings you peace, compassion and connection. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Connection is what you deeply desire. Ask yourself before you commit: Can I connect authentically?

#593 Freedom from Attachment: Ignoring Red Flags Because You See the Good Sep 07, 2021

Show notes

Yes, there is good in all of us. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore red flags in a relationship because you want to see the good in people. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s your job to make those red flags go away; to shine that diamond in the rough! When you tell yourself what an amazing person you are for seeing the good in someone, that’s your ego talking. It’s the false part of yourself seeing the false part of others. And it’s totally rooted in insecure attachment. Emotionally healthy people don’t sacrifice their own wellbeing for others. When you believe this martyr story and ignore or excuse red flags, you sell yourself short. You do NOT deserve a “broken” person who needs rescuing. That road leads to unhappiness because it’s an impossible journey, and you’ll never find what you’re looking for. Focusing on the other person means you’re avoiding yourself. In today’s podcast we’ll explore this story we tend to create, and how to change it. Ignoring red flags doesn’t make you noble. Let’s dispel that belief so you can shift to the real work: the work that begins with you. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) You are your own red flag. Surrender to reality, stop the story and be that hero for yourself.

#592 Freedom from Attachment: Hiding How You Feel Among Judgmental People Aug 31, 2021

Show notes

You wish you could be calm, cool and collected. Other people seem to do it—they can pull off being mysterious while your facial expressions always give you away. You feel like the weird emotional one, trying to tame whatever is brewing inside while everyone else stays calmly in control. You’re afraid if anyone knew how you really felt, they would judge you. But following the rules of what other people deem as “acceptable” will leave you disconnected from yourself and your life. If you want to be comfortable in your skin, you need to value your own truth and stop seeking outside approval. In this week’s episode I’ll show you how to pay attention to your insecurities, and identify which situations provoke them. From there you can practice showing up in those situations however you feel, and not expecting yourself to be different. Gauging how you’re supposed to act by watching the body language, words and actions of others is the opposite of authentic. Instead, take action from an internal desire for happiness and wellbeing. Over time your insecurities will fade and your confidence will grow! WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) Valuing your truth makes it easier to find true connection. Letting go of that fear changes your life.

#591 Problems, Complaints and Lack of Trust Will Never Get You the Pot of Gold! Aug 24, 2021

Show notes

How much time do you spend complaining about problems and/or fixing them? You finally join the country club, but you can never get the tee-time you want, the food is bland and all the members are annoying. Or you criticize your co-worker for doing a project “wrong,” then take it over and do it yourself because no one can measure up to you. This, my friends, is classic avoidance. When your focus is on problems outside of you, it lets you off the hook to address what’s happening INSIDE of you. When you don’t trust life or other people, you work harder to control things, including solving problems that don’t exist. And when you criticize everything under the sun, you are resistant to change and growth. These are signs of unhappiness. In this week’s episode we’ll look at your expectations of others and why they exist. You will also be challenged to stop solving problems for one day to see what happens when you allow life to unfold without judgment or control. Problems are everywhere, but they don’t have to become your problems. Instead of focusing on them, you can learn to trust that things will work out without your interference. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) You can be a martyr or problem-solver, but neither will open you up to happiness.

#590 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Scout Sobel Aug 19, 2021

Show notes

“Entrepreneurship and starting your own business is just one big personal development game.” Scout Sobel is a trailblazer in the media industry. She is the founder of Scout’s Agency, the co-host of Okay Sis Podcast, and the host of SCOUT Podcast. But growing up, she suffered from emotional paralysis, experiencing her first bout of anxiety in kindergarten. A depressive episode in high school led to therapy intervention, followed by paranoia in college. When she was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 20, Scout thought her life was over. She painfully watched friends succeed while she failed to hold down part-time jobs as a college drop-out. It wasn’t until faced with losing her boyfriend that she started taking responsibility for the cards she was dealt instead of blaming God for giving them to her. She sought out resources for her mental illness, got a job and took community college classes. Her brain kicked into high gear when she started a magazine with a friend… leading her down the path of entrepreneurship. Listen in as Scout vulnerably shares how accepting, allowing and honoring her emotions has been critical to her success as an entrepreneur and as a human. Her first book, “Emotional Entrepreneur,” guides women through the emotional challenges of launching, running, and scaling a business. “I’ve made a contract with myself that no matter what happens or what emotion happens in that moment, I will love my life unconditionally.” --Scout Sobel Grab a copy of her book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0578951754. Learn more about Scout and connect with her here: https://www.scoutsobel.com/ Instagram: @scoutsobel

#589 Freedom from Attachment: The Gift of Gratitude Aug 17, 2021

Show notes

It’s hard to be grateful for misfortune, and the suffering that results. It’s much easier to wallow in “Why me? Poor me!” than to look for the gift. The truth is, you can find gratitude in every situation. It’s being thankful for some aspect of every situation rather than only focusing on the negative. When you surrender to reality and look for the blessing, you arrive at gratitude. It’s expansive and helps you see yourself more clearly. Let’s say you lose your job. You can dwell on the situation and be pissed off, or accept the reality and look for the gifts. Maybe your next job will be better or you can start the business you’ve always wanted. It’s also a chance to look at how you showed up for the job, using it as an opportunity for growth. Perhaps your discontent was reflected in your work, or you disconnected from your co-workers. With gratitude comes opportunity because you get to be the creator of your life rather than a helpless victim. This is not about being a Pollyanna and ignoring your pain. Feel all your emotions, then look for an opening, possibility or opportunity. It’s also not about giving lip service to gratitude—that does nothing. Gratitude is a feeling that you need to connect with. Once you do, you’ll be able to see the situation more clearly and your role in it. It’s a gift you give yourself and it’s ALWAYS available.

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