Football Cliches

Latest Episodes:

The Adjudication Panel: 1.4 billion years of hurt, Grealish's mayo hell & the opening-game formula Jun 10, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: an alternative methodology for calculating England's "years of hurt", the latest a team can take the lead "inside X minutes", the scourge of midfielders being included among the "forwards" in international squad graphics, the obligatory Euro 2024 "dark horses" debate, the Jack Grealish/Hellmann's mayonnaise Euros marketing calamity and obscure Arsenal figures namechecked in video games

Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the merits of Germany vs Scotland as an opening game and field some important listener questions on hailing, left pegs and players who can "slot in".

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Capos, club mentalities & calculating England's actual years of hurt: The listeners' loves & hates Jun 05, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the "capo" (the one who conducts the Ultras chants with his back to the game), the joy of just kicking a football right up into the air as high as possible, clubs who have a generation-spanning “mentality” attributed to them, the horrifying split-second when the ball is passed out of frame during a TV game and - once and for all - just how many “years of hurt” it has technically been for England.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel reflect on yet another skincrawling moment for footballspeak in the political sphere and pick apart the mandatory pre-tournament custom of team-by-team guides.

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The Adjudication Panel: Mourinho in Turkey, 71 billion calories & a football club every 2.24 seconds Jun 03, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Adam Lallana squeezing in the phrase "football club" three times in just 6.8 seconds, Gareth Bale declaring himself the last piece of Real Madrid's mid-2010s jigsaw, a former Chelsea captain popping up in The Wire, un-highlights-able sports and a very brief history of England's pre-tournament warm-up games.

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy the inevitable development that was Jose Mourinho to Fenerbache and decide if you can declare a tournament's "surprise package" in advance.

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Clicheship Years: 2023/24 May 30, 2024

Show notes

With the curtain now closed on the domestic season, Football Clichés takes another look at the podcast's very best moments of 2023/24. In the style of the bafflingly beloved Premier League Years, this review features:

A protracted summer transfer saga, the Pure La Liga XI, the finer technicalities of “ghosting in”, the birth of quiz format Happy Hunting Grounds, Gary Neville's unexpected Squid Game cameo, Eddie Howe being Eddie Howe, washing machines that sound like referees, The 'How Did [Player X] Never Play for [Club Y]?' XI, goalscoring chances that get "gobbled up", the Clichés Quiz taking on podcasting all-comers, the complex sovereignty of James Ward-Prowse territory, Andy Gray’s pretend conversations, "Gary Del Neil" and a long-awaited visit from Gary Lineker.

The Football Clichés pod will continue throughout the summer, including Euro 2024 and more.

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The Adjudication Panel: Double swoops, double saves & Down Under with Eddie Howe May 27, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and James Maw for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Eddie Howe's trip to the set of Neighbours, a technical query on the Premier League's save of the season, a stunning Match of the Day coincidence, Gus Poyet's JFK secret revealed and some heavy-metal Keys & Gray.

Meanwhile, the panel decide when a club is truly "established" in the Premier League and whether signing two players from different clubs could ever be a "double swoop”.

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The Football Clichés Quiz XIII: Cliches vs Dial F for Football May 23, 2024

Show notes

The Football Clichés Quiz returns and this month's opposition for the Clichés crew is Tayo Popoola, Mark G Smith and Stuart Laws who are the brains behind scripted football comedy podcast Dial F for Football.

The colourful questions include a kit-manufacturer mystery, players who somehow never signed for West Ham, ludicrous La Liga nicknames, Steve McManaman's unique units of footballing measurement, musical footballers, Premier League shortarses, some more classic foreign-language dubbing and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.

Listen to Dial F for Football here:

https://podfollow.com/1731856306/view

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The Adjudication Panel: Pep's ice cream van, popping up with a goal & an "absolute football club” May 20, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: another commentator answering their own rhetorical question, a brand new "good X for a big man" variation, a tuneful Serie A commentary exclamation, a Match of the Day protocol scandal, a superb rendition of a bragging-rights commentary classic and an all-conquering Manchester ice-cream merchant.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder which goals you can and cannot "pop up" to score and enjoy Keys & Gray's passionately-justified Premier League teams of the season.

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Hi-tech hoardings & tactically illiterate World XIs: The listeners' loves & hates May 15, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the slow-motion facial expression of choice for a missed chance, why players don't take practice swings before dead-ball situations, the cynical optical illusion of double advertising hoardings and the scourge of fantasy XIs that have no tactical balance.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel reflect on Ange Postecoglou's emotional week, some more bemoaning of underappreciated English managers and the secret behind Manchester City's era of Premier League dominance.

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The Adjudication Panel: "Why can't they go on and win it?" May 13, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: mangled football chants in sportswear adverts, a textbook crisis-deepener for Manchester United, some re-recorded commentary curiosity, more Football Names in Things and a brief history of last pieces of Premier League jigsaws.

Meanwhile, the panel examine a use of "who else but" for a goalscorer in ice hockey and reassess the "a goal worthy of" threshold.

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The Adjudication Panel: Mid-2000s Premier League antiques & how the square goalpost met its end May 09, 2024

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Tom Williams on a midweek Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: 1930s musical-inspired chants for Premier League right-backs, the mystery player behind a Premier League Player of the Month trophy on eBay, an unlikely after-dinner-speaking football duo, a perfectly-preserved cultural artefact in the men's toilets at Tranmere Rovers, why the EFL needs to fix its promotion-celebration banners, and much more.

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy one of European football's cult controversies from Tom's new book Va-Va-Voom: The Modern History of French Football and hear how France has embraced Premier League club nicknames.

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