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    Christianity

    Flying Free

    Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone. Learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

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    Copyright: © 2022 Flying Free

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    Latest Episodes:
    What I Would Preach to the Modern Day Preachers (if they would listen...) [131] Aug 10, 2021
    Show notes

    Have you ever talked to people who weren't there? Imagined conversations in your head? Perfected your argument while showering or lying in bed?


    I did that...and made it into a podcast.


    But this conversation isn't with just one person. It's with tens of thousands of people. Pastors.


    Because the survivor community knows the price of patriarchy in the church. We know the cost of being controlled. We know the damage of being devalued. And pastors NEED to KNOW this too.


    If they'd only listen, I'd tell pastors:

    • How they create a cycle of shame and perfectionism
    • People's fundamental motivation for change (and why it matters in abusive situations)
    • Their view of women is an open invitation for oppression
    • Why their treatment of people (and approach to ministry) show how anti-Jesus and faithless they are
    • The profound and simple FOUR-LETTER ANSWER to all of these problems (and they've been staring at it without seeing it)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    What You Need to Know When You Leave [130] Aug 03, 2021
    Show notes

    Your marriage was like a jigsaw puzzle. A big, confusing, fragmented mess.


    Once you found the "abuse" piece, everything fell into place.


    But are you prepared for what happens when you leave? Cause the gloves come off and the rulebook gets tossed out the window.


    From two women who've been there and who've heard countless stories of the same, here's the cheat sheet for what you need to know when you get out.


    This playbook includes:

    • Rules of the "Game": Insight into what your husband's "normal" behavior will be (and by "normal" we mean crazy but predictable)
    • Strategy: A tried and true response method to his behavior (it's the most boring, fabulous thing ever)
    • Recovery Tips: Why you should treat yourself like a fuzzy little cat during this time (truckloads of compassion and flexibility...and maybe treats)
    • Inside Secrets: There's another person who's been abusing you beside your husband (and you can't get away from them!)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    Why Hanging on to Hope in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship Doesn't Work [129] Jul 27, 2021
    Show notes

    "Till death do us part." Those words haunt you.


    The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away.


    But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to.


    And he's counting on it.


    You need to listen if:

    • You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stay
    • Your husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your life
    • You are responsible for everything, and you are constantly sacrificing your physical health, life dreams, and sanity to make your marriage work (to no avail)
    • You've begun to wonder just how much of his behavior is intentional and whether he truly wants to destroy you, piece by piece

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here*

    *Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman 1990. Copyright Guilford Press. Reprinted with permission of The Guilford Press

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    Is the Cost to Leave an Abusive Marriage Worth It? [128] Jul 20, 2021
    Show notes

    Why are you staying in your abusive marriage?


    For many women, the price to get free seems too high. They fear destitution, losing their children, revenge by their husband, more trauma and heartache, a scarlet "D" on their chests, the legal hassle...the list goes on.


    These are real, valid fears. And terribly high, but prevalent, costs. Which raise the question: Is it worth it?


    Amie experienced all of these things and more to get out. Listen to her story and decide for yourself.


    This podcast includes:

    • How the Bible was used to FORCE Amie to marry her abuser
    • The SECRET her husband kept from her for years (ALERT: withholding information IS abuse)
    • Why she stayed for so long even as her health broke down
    • The heartbreaking trauma she endured from her church, her children, her ex-husband, and multiple counselors
    • Where she is today and whether it was worth it (The MOST IMPORTANT part of this incredible story)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    My Three Biggest Mistakes When Getting Away From Emotional Abuse Part Two [127] Jul 13, 2021
    Show notes

    If it's true that we learn from our mistakes, then I know a whole heck of a lot.

    This episode, Part 2 of 2, is about the mistakes I made in church — the three main ways I lit myself on fire, with the encouragement of church leaders. All while trying to escape the inferno of an abusive marriage.


    Confused? Horrified? Thirsty?

    Then tune in. Cause it's tea time, and I'm pouring.


    Check out these fire starters:

    • Never expose yourself to other learning/beliefs/opinions beside church or church leaders (Don't you DARE think for yourself!)
    • Treat church leaders like they are God (They're ALWAYS right)
    • Believe you are trash (Cause that's what a loving Father wants his precious daughter to do. Duh.)
    • Wash, rinse, and repeat for ultimate cleansing (I did for years, and it nearly killed me.)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    My Three Biggest Mistakes When Getting Away From Emotional Abuse Part One [126] Jul 06, 2021
    Show notes

    Put your stretchy pants on, cause this episode's a three-course dinner on what NOT to do once you realize your marriage is a hamster wheel of emotional abuse.


    These three mistakes caused me greater pain, for much longer. But I didn't know then what I know now. Because when we KNOW differently, we DO differently.


    And that's what Flying Free is all about.


    Dig in to:

    • Unconscious messages I ingested that made me think abusive behavior was normal and even loving
    • Why I tried to feed a dead marriage (and the not-obvious-to-me-at-the-time reasons that didn't work)
    • A fork in the road: The two choices I never realized I had
    • The potluck approach to decision-making that I no longer take (I stay in my own kitchen now)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in abuse cycles (and what sets you free) [125] Jun 29, 2021
    Show notes

    Abusers are terrified. They mask their fear with rage, manipulation, false piety, and good ole-fashioned bullying.


    If they're actually weak, scared babies, how are they so powerful and unchecked in churches (and in marriages)?


    Because you're afraid too. And you're also really good at pretending. All while being destroyed.


    It doesn't have to be this way anymore, and I can show you how...to fly free.


    In today's episode, listen to learn:

    • How the pattern of your destructive marriage isn't just physical—it's mirrored in your brain's perception of reality
    • Why FEAR prevents us from living a life of love (which heals and protects us)
    • How PRETENDING prevents us from walking in the truth (which sets us free)
    • The BEST RESOURCE I know of for survivors desperate for a life of truth, healing, freedom, joy, and love (don't take it from me; read all the reviews from real survivors)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    Emotional Abuse Survivor Q&A [124] Jun 22, 2021
    Show notes

    If my husband has a mental health issue or a personality disorder, does that excuse his abusive behavior? My husband isn’t the typical abuser; is my marriage actually abusive or just bad? Am I wrong for wanting privacy that my husband demands I should give up? How will I know for sure that my abuser has changed? Since I’ve made the decision to stay in my marriage for now, how can I grow while doing so?

    I answer these questions and more in this episode. This is a replay of a Q&A done in the Flying Free Sisterhood program. One of the many life-changing benefits of this group is the ability to have your questions answered in a monthly Q&A, weekly during coaching, and every day in the private forum.

    Listen to learn:

    • The boundaries you can (and SHOULD) still have if your husband has a diagnosis
    • Though you aren’t a computer, your programming is behind all of these questions, and the answers
    • What parroting is (it has nothing to do with birds)
    • Why rocking the boat should be your favorite pastime with a “reformed” abuser
    • The problem with ALL of these questions (it’s their FOCUS)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

    The Big Problem with Christian Marriage Counseling [123] Jun 15, 2021
    Show notes

    Love lets evil do whatever it wants, pretends nothing's happened, and calls a prison a palace. Right? This is the kind of "biblical" message Christian counselors often tout. And it's killing women and children, whether all at once or piece by precious piece.

    If you've been hurt by "love," especially when you were desperate for help and safety, you've got an advocate in Cindy Burrell.


    Strap in because this episode is loaded with truth bombs:

    • Why abusers have the automatic advantage in most Christian counseling
    • A big, red flag at a counselor's office (when you see it, RUN)
    • Why "Can he change?" is the WRONG question, and, frankly, irrelevant when it comes to abusers
    • Two things that will bring out the truth, GUARANTEED (Hint: One is a simple, two-letter word)
    • Why the sanctity of marriage is not built on the absence of divorce

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    Related Resources:

    • Reformulating the Christian Marriage Counseling Model Where Abuse Is Involved by Cindy Burrell
    • An Extraordinary Ordinary Life: A Testimony of God’s Faithfulness by Cindy Burrell
    • If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
    • I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
    • You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
    • And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

    Cindy is a survivor of a 20-year marriage to a verbal and emotional abuser, the mother of four adult children, and now married to Douglas Burrell. In 2009, she and her husband founded Hurtbylove.com, a web-based outreach ministry for women in abusive relationships. She is the author of approximately 100 articles on the abuse dynamic as well as several books. Her newest book, Reformulating the Christian Marriage Counseling Model Where Abuse Is Involved, was written to educate victims so they can pick wise, helpful counseling that will lead them toward true healing and freedom. Cindy also offers personal coaching for victims of abuse.

    Is it Possible to Stay Well in an Abusive Marriage? [122] Jun 08, 2021
    Show notes

    You've got two options and you HATE them both. You know you're married to an abuser, but you DON'T want a divorce. So...you're staying.

    But will you be consumed by your husband's reckless hate? Can you and Jesus be enough in the years to come? Will healing happen in the midst of destruction? Can you survive staying married and, what's more, thrive? Is it even possible to stay well in an abusive marriage?


    In this episode, I discuss:

    • How staying well is completely subjective (and some clear examples of what it may mean/may not mean FOR YOU)
    • Why there's only ONE place where you need to look for an answer
    • My own story of staying well...and leaving

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

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