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    Christianity

    Flying Free

    Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone. Learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    Advertise

    Copyright: © 2022 Flying Free

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    Latest Episodes:
    The One About God and Religion and Hell [163] Mar 22, 2022
    Show notes

    This may be controversial for some of my audience. Twenty years ago, I may have unsubscribed, not understanding what this was actually about.


    What IS this about? It’s about Who God is. It’s about representing Him well. That’s what Jesus did, and that is our calling, as Christians.


    This is about the way we view God and how our view impacts the way we live our lives. We either honor the truth about God’s character or we tell a lie about God’s character.


    This is about a lie I used to believe about God.


    I don’t have the answers. That’s what makes me different from who I was twenty years ago. Back then, I knew everything. And I told everyone so they could also know everything. And I judged everyone who didn’t know everything. Like I did.


    Twenty years later I definitely do NOT know everything. I believe a couple of simple, life-changing things about God, and I run everything through the grid of that simple faith.


    And it brings love and peace and joy into my life, and that hopefully touches the lives of those around me.


    This is a message of love, and yet you might hear it and get upset. I encourage you to get curious about your feelings. They come, not from this message, but from what your brain makes this message mean for you. And it is quite possible your brain will make this message mean something threatening to your programming, and that will feel scary and uncomfortable.


    When Jesus came to this earth with a message of radical love that went against the programming of the people, they got scared and upset too. So much so, that they killed Him.


    All I hope is that this message of love reflects HIS message of love. How would our lives be different if we could just drop into the love of Jesus without fear of condemnation and shame? Without all the religious words and rules and sacrifices?


    Religiously programmed brains are far more comfortable with rules and regulations than simple faith and love.


    It’s okay to get upset. It means your brain is being stretched and challenged, and that’s a good thing. You may decide to keep your brain’s programming, but at least keep it from a place of awareness, intentionality, and choice rather than unaware, non-conscious programming.


    If I could accomplish only one thing with my life, it would be to play a role in raising the awareness of the world I live in today of Who God really is. He is not a control-freak abuser like so many of his followers reflect through their own beliefs and behavior.


    God is Love. Period. What would happen if we believed that? How would we change? How would the world change?


    That’s what this episode is about.

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    What If I Had an Affair While I Was Married to My Abusive Husband? [162] Mar 15, 2022
    Show notes

    Did you know that abuse has a bestie?


    Its sneaky little friend is Shame. Shame is a talkative fellow but very dependable.


    He hangs on your earlobes and yells:


    “You’re not perfect, so you can’t point out your husband’s faults.”

    “You yelled back, so you expect him to stop.”

    “You pull away emotionally, so you can’t get angry when he stonewalls.”

    “You hit him after he hit you, so you deserved it.”

    “You found comfort in someone else’s arms, so you’re just as bad as him.”

    “You have no right to expect better when you’re so screwed up.”


    Shame keeps us bound and trapped, even long after a divorce.


    So what should you do with these painful, tormenting thoughts?


    This episode’s bird’s-eye view:

    • How we’re all toddlers running around with giant knives
    • Why what we make things mean matters more than anything else (if that made no sense, you definitely need to listen)
    • What to do with the torment of wanting people to support you
    • The solution for the shame of your poor choices (it’s warm, thick, organic, and probably grass-fed, and starts with an “L”)
    • The cool club you can join if you’re a sinner (HINT: It’s called “The Human Race”)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    The Woman They Could Not Silence [161] Mar 08, 2022
    Show notes

    Imagine a world where women are property.


    Where they have no rights — not even to defend themselves against abuse or to claim ownership over their minds…to declare, for instance, that they are not insane. That they shouldn’t be held prisoner in an insane asylum because they disagreed with their husband.


    That horrifying world you imagined? You're living in it.


    Of the countless women who’ve gone before you, Elizabeth Packard stands out as one who fought for the oppressed and the voiceless, for her relentless faith, and for freedom.


    Her true, daring story has been dug from history, and you need to hear it. Because the impact of her life is still echoing today.


    I interviewed award-winning author and champion of women, Kate Moore, to learn more about The Woman They Could Not Silence. I was on the edge of my seat, and you will be too.


    The Recap:

    • How the weapon of Elizabeth’s betrayal is still often used to this day (#MeToo, anyone?)
    • Why the worst thing was the best thing (when you’ve got nothing to lose, you’re especially brave)
    • The strange and incredible way Kate stumbled upon Elizabeth’s story
    • The power of hindsight (100 years later, her legacy is only expanding)
    • How writing played a critical part in keeping Elizabeth sane

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    Related Resources:

    • Now that you’re fired up, get the book (audio, digital, and print — I tell you my favorite version in the podcast): The Woman They Could Not Silence.
    • Women condemned to death. A landmark fight for justice. A world left safer and better by their sacrifice. Read The Radium Girls by Kate Moore.
    • Learn more about Kate and what she’s up to on her website.
    • If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
    • I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
    • You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
    • And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

    Kate Moore is a British writer and the New York Times bestselling author of The Radium Girls, which won the 2017 Goodreads Choice Award for Best History, was voted U.S. librarians’ favorite nonfiction book of 2017, and was named a Notable Nonfiction Book of 2018 by the American Library Association. Her latest book is The Woman They Could Not Silence, the true story of a nineteenth-century housewife who was committed to an insane asylum for daring to defy her husband. TWTCNS is a LibraryReads and Indie Next pick and was the runner-up for Best History in the 2021 Goodreads Choice Awards.


    An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything [160] Mar 01, 2022
    Show notes

    The only reason I’m where I am today — divorced from an abusive husband, healed, remarried to a good man, helping others, and thriving — is because of one simple tool.


    I share it in Flying Free and Flying Higher, my online coaching, education, and support communities that are worth their weight in fat-melting chocolate (please science, make this real).


    Today, I'm sharing the best thing I have.


    You get a free, front-row seat to this show. Prepare yourself. Cause I absolutely stake my secret pie stash on the fact that if you use this tool, it will ROCK YOUR WORLD.


    In my funky magnum opus for your listening delight:*

    • What “CTFAR” means (this is the solid bass line)
    • Why we think we’re victims of our circumstances, but we’re really victims of our thoughts (woohoo, the groovy chorus)
    • How letting go of control plays a huge part in resetting the stage of our life (cue the irresistible drum solo)
    • The important difference between facts and opinions, and feelings and sensations (ooh, the surprising jazzy bridge)
    • Why we're all prophets and how to make that a good thing (a tear-jerking fade-out to riotous applause)
    • The credits (when you realize YOU ARE THE ROCKSTAR in this story)

    *There isn’t actually any music in this episode. I’m sorry. Please imagine me singing all of it, with my blessing.

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    Ten Thoughts Confident Women Think When Their Husbands Act Like Jerks [159] Feb 22, 2022
    Show notes

    It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?


    A grown man throwing a tantrum. Stomping around, calling you names, slamming doors.


    Hits you right in the feels, eh?


    Or maybe he’s the quiet type of mean. Stonewalling. Sleeping for days. Leaving for hours without warning.


    However a husband’s jerky behavior manifests, most Christian wives are taught to respond the same ways:


    Assume you’re the problem. Feel shame.

    Assume you have to endure his behavior. Feel despair.

    Assume you have to make his life work. Feel resentment.


    For all these common feelings, I’ve got some uncommon alternatives. And they WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Which is a lot more attractive than a grown man acting like a two-year-old.


    Episode Highlights:

    • The “Versus” Game: Ten common thoughts versus ten uncommon responses to abusive behavior (as mind-blowing as finding out that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore, 10x)
    • The “Blue Hair” Game: No hair dye needed; you just have to do a bit of reframing your perspective (specifically that he’s a little nuts and you’re not)
    • The “Peace Out” Game: The aim is to get your peace back by walking away from disrespect. Worth its weight in gold, people.
    • The “30-Minute” Game: This is when I tell you the podcast is over. It seems like nobody wins this game, but really you just get to binge-listen to a bunch more. (158 episodes more, winky wink.)
    • The “I Want to Tell You More But All I’m Really Doing Is Keeping You From Listening to the Podcast Already” Game: You know what to do. Click it. Click the play button.

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away? [158] Feb 15, 2022
    Show notes

    “He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone.


    “I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.”


    “But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured.


    “THIS IS INSANE. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR!” her sister exploded.


    “Yes,” she said.


    It finally clicked. And in that moment, she knew.


    “I have to separate.”


    It was her “enough” moment. And she never looked back.


    A summary form of my two cents:

    • There’s no right or wrong answer (but lots of valuable advice; I put my money where my mouth is)
    • Important factors that play into calculating this decision (no math needed, phew!)
    • The one person who needs to sign this check (Hint: It ain’t your pastor or mother-in-law or dad or boss or a celebrity or Magic 8-ball or even, gasp, God)
    • The stinky visitor living rent-free in your brain (May I suggest an eviction notice?)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    How Do You Break the Cycle of Emotional and Spiritual Abuse? [157] Feb 08, 2022
    Show notes

    Hit it with a hammer.


    Done.


    If only it were that easy.


    In reality, the cycle of emotional and spiritual abuse feels like a freight train rushing down the tracks of your everyday. An unstoppable force. And if you stand in its way, you’ll be run down. A sad little pancake beholden to the destructive patterns you’ve existed in since…who knows when.


    My dear. You forgot about two things.


    First: You can’t stop that train.


    Second: You don’t need to stop that train to heal and be free and come into your power.


    Remember the handle thingy on the side of the tracks, controlling the railroad switch?


    Yup. Start there.


    In this episode:

    • A heart-warming tale of what the Flying Free podcast is accomplishing in the lives of survivors
    • How many nickels I theoretically have and why (very important)
    • What love has to do with breaking cycles (I’ve got a great, but super old, example)
    • The reason giraffes refuse to have short necks (a purely scientific explanation)
    • Why authentic growth is the opposite of abusive control

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce? (And Other Questions!) [156] Feb 01, 2022
    Show notes

    Are you confused over whether you have legitimate grounds for divorce?


    How should you respond to people who claim you’re cynical and oversensitive when you try to speak against emotional and spiritual abuse?


    What’s the best way to handle family members, especially children, who think you’re the bad guy in your abusive marriage?


    What if you’re separated but you just aren’t ready to divorce…and the clock keeps ticking?


    Limbo is a fun party game…and a lousy place to live. So let me offer some advice that will break you out of the ruts these difficult questions might have you stuck in.


    Highlights from this episode:

    • The three main Christian views on divorce (and how your belief in God informs your view on divorce)
    • Why the future has a hefty price tag (and how to determine what price you want to pay for which future)
    • What pigs and pearls have to do with hard conversations (it’s not the smell or the irritation)
    • Why Jesus is “in a ditch” instead of trying to convince other people they’re wrong (and how this example applies to us)
    • The effects of living in limbo (and I don’t mean the ridiculous, back-breaking game)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    When Wolves Play Dress Up [154] Jan 18, 2022
    Show notes

    Is your husband great at playing dress up?


    One moment, usually in public, he speaks sweetly, cuddles the baby, and prays over your family. The next moment, usually in the privacy of your home, he glares at you, yells in disgust, and gives you the silent treatment.


    He’s the sun and a raging storm.


    He’s heaven and hell.


    He’s…? How do you figure out reality? How do you come to terms with the oil and water of who he is?


    And what do you do when nobody believes that he and others like him are actually wolves in sweet, little sheep’s clothing?


    In this Q&A, I discuss:

    • Why serial killers are a great analogy for victims of emotional abuse
    • Why “embracing reality” is critical (you NEED the truth to be free)
    • How Flying Free can be a pivotal part of your journey to wholeness
    • What fear over people’s perceptions leads to (it ain’t pretty)
    • What you can do to get your power and freedom back

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


    Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse [153] Jan 11, 2022
    Show notes

    Feeling like a moldy lemon?


    Maybe you’re just an onion.


    If you've escaped the horror of a destructive relationship, but you still feel numb, anxious, depressed, and like a steaming hot mess...it's easy to believe that “being jacked up” is the new normal. And your whole identity.


    It’s not. In fact, what you're searching for is closer than you can believe:


    You're still a whole person. Your true self isn’t lost. Your body is actually trying to help you heal. The best of you is still there.


    But some of these things are covered by layers. Like an onion.


    Coatings of trauma. Blankets of pain. Wrappings of core wounds. Cocooned lies.


    Want to know how to find that sweet little onion core again? Sara Richmond and I explore this very question.


    Listen as we discuss the following revelations and more:

    • How your story (and information about abuse) can be a distraction from real healing
    • Why “brokenness” is a crappy description for survivors (and a better word that she's claimed)
    • Why our bodies often "act" broken (HINT: Whatever you resist, persists)
    • What embracing her emotional stress through somatic therapy revealed to Sara (it was sad but extremely powerful)
    • Examples of triggers that she and I peeled back and reset
    • The word that Natalie couldn’t remember (sadly, it wasn’t “onion”)

    Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

    If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

    I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

    You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

    And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com


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