Flying Free

Latest Episodes:

A Story About Letting Go [234] Aug 01, 2023

Show notes

"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you.

The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away.

But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to.

And he's counting on it.

You need to listen if:

You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stay
Your husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your life
You are responsible for everything, and you are constantly sacrificing your physical health, life dreams, and sanity to make your marriage work (to no avail)
You've begun to wonder just how much of his behavior is intentional and whether he truly wants to destroy you, piece by piece

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here*

*Friedman's Fables by Edwin H. Friedman 1990. Copyright Guilford Press. Reprinted with permission of The Guilford Press

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

Raising Resilient Kids Even if Your Co-parent Is Destructive [233] Jul 25, 2023

Show notes

Jessica Nagy is joining us today to talk about how to raise children to be resilient, even when their dad is destructive. No matter if your kids are spending time alone with their dad at his house because you are separated or divorced or if they are spending time with their dad while you are present, there is a lot of trauma that comes with having an emotionally abusive dad, and we as moms need to know how to help our kids become resilient in the face of this trauma.

In this episode, you will learn about co-regulation (you can regulate yourself right alongside your kids!), practical techniques to help your kids regulate their emotions and develop resilience, find out how to download a free PDF with even more resources, and more. If you are a mother who is also a survivor of emotional abuse, this episode is just for you.

Key Points From This Episode:

The story behind Mosaic Motherhood, Jessica’s website.
Why kids actually aren’t as resilient as we may trick ourselves to believe they are.
The reason why you probably won’t be able to get full custody of your kids (and how you can use your time and resources to prepare them for going over to their dad’s instead!)
How to co-regulate and why it’s so important for your kids AND for you.
Why healing ourselves and modeling healing work can be life-changing for your children.
Why community is so vital for our families.
Some good news: you only have to be a good enough parent 50% of the time (woot woot!)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Check out Jessica’s website, Mosaic Motherhood.
Get her free PDF download: “Four Keys to Raising Resilient Children.”
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Jessica Nagy is a mom of two, a survivor, a Trauma Support Specialist, and an NLP Master Coach. Her passion is helping moms to build community and empower their children to navigate their destructive family systems. Jessica has been building communities for over twenty years across all of North America, in English and in Spanish. Her most recent project is Mosaic Motherhood, a community of warrior moms who are navigating co-parenting with a destructive individual.

Dealing With Grief When Waking up to Emotional Abuse [232] Jul 18, 2023

Show notes

In today’s episode, we are going to be talking about the deep sadness that survivors experience as they begin to wake up to their reality and see the truth about their relationship. I get it — I was there. It took me a while to truly wake up to my reality, and when I did, that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It was painful.

Let’s talk about noticing and normalizing our pain so that we can move from grief a bit more quickly than if we just stuffed it down, ignoring it and drowning it out. We all have pain — the question is, how are you going to deal with yours?

Key Points From This Episode:

Why it took me so long to accept the painful truth of my abusive marriage.
Different ways you may grieve once you realize you are in an abusive marriage.
A great burn analogy.
How to notice and normalize our pain.
The definition of “disenfranchised grief.”
How I do my “grief work” now.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

How Cognitive Dissonance Can Be a Sign of Healthy Growth [231] Jul 11, 2023

Show notes

Cognitive dissonance seems like it would be a “bad” thing, right? It can actually be a very good thing, and vital to our growth! Take a deep breath - it’s okay if you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance.

In this episode, I break down what cognitive dissonance really is, why women in emotionally abusive marriages may experience a lot of cognitive dissonance, how cognitive dissonance can help us create better, healthier thoughts, and I also share three fun illustrations of cognitive dissonance for all you listeners who love a good word picture. Ready? Let’s dive in.

Key Points From This Episode:

Three definitions of cognitive dissonance.
Three reasons why we may not want to change what we believe or what we do. “Fear of pain” is the key phase here.
Some examples of cognitive dissonance that I see every day in the women within my private membership program, Flying Free.
Why changing our thinking can be so, so good.
Three illustrations of cognitive dissonance and how we can choose the thoughts we want to believe.
Why I delete the hate mail I get immediately, sometimes without even reading it. That was a fun rabbit trail.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

What if My Christian Husband Says My Body Belongs to Him? [230] Jul 04, 2023

Show notes

Let’s answer some more listener questions today! These questions include, “How do I respond to my husband who says that ‘Your body belongs to me, and you don't have any biblical grounds to say no when I want sex’?” “How can we continue to do the work of unraveling purity culture's effects if we're not in a healthy marriage?” and “What type of counselor should I be looking for?”

If you’re looking for some Biblical truth, a *few* snarky comments, and some very practical advice, you’re looking in the right place.

Key Points From This Episode:

Some wise responses to an abusive husband who mistakenly believes that you owe him sex whenever he wants.
A plethora of verses to combat the lie that “your body belongs to your husband.”
How to unravel purity culture’s long-lasting effects on us while still in an abusive marriage.
How to find a *good* counselor.
Why it’s not your responsibility to find your abusive husband a counselor.
Why people who are NOT in abusive marriages NEVER wonder, “Am I in an abusive marriage?”
How to “break up” with your counselor. Spoiler alert: no sappy break-up letters necessary.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Do Christian Women Ever Get Out of Their Abusive Marriage and Thrive? [229] Jun 27, 2023

Show notes

Let’s get practical today. In this episode, I answer four listener questions by directing you to the best resources I can offer from the Flying Free Podcast. These questions range from “At what point do you refuse to have sex with your husband if he is emotionally abusive?” to “Any recommendations or resources as I go into divorce court?”

After you listen to the episode, be sure to go down to the “Related Resources” section of the show notes to grab all the links to the podcast episodes that are recommended. They are absolute gems!

Key Points From This Episode:

How the Flying Free Sisterhood can help change your whole life.
Every episode we’ve done with abuse survivors who are thriving on the other side of divorce.
What “in-house” separation can look like.
Why the Bible can’t possibly share EVERY practical answer we have ever looked for.
Our best episodes on sex and abuse within marriage.
Our key episodes on divorce and the whole hairy process.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse [228] Jun 20, 2023

Show notes

When twelve women come together to write a book about rising above narcissistic abuse, you know they are a force to be reckoned with. Today’s episode is a sneak-peak into their stories and how they escaped their abusers, what their healing journey has been like since then, and more.

Join Ina Johnson Meyers, her co-authors, and yours truly as we discuss red flags, how religion can keep you in bondage, and how these women gained the courage to leave their abusive situations. Spoiler alert: God is at the center of all of these women’s stories, and He wants to give you the courage to rise above narcissistic abuse, too.

Key Points From This Episode:

Why writing “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse” was easy or difficult for each individual author.
A conversation about red flags in relationships.
Why listening to your body is so important.
Setting boundaries with a narcissistic.
What the breaking point was for some of these women when it came to leaving their abusive, narcissistic partner.
Why relationship over religion is key.
How the church can re-abuse victims.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:

Connect with Ina over email and check out her training course, books, and boutique, all at her convenient Linktree link.
Check out their book “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse.”
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

How Understanding Your Personality Can Help You Get Unstuck in Your Life Part Two [227] Jun 13, 2023

Show notes

Last week we explored the Myers-Briggs personality typology, and today we have a special guest, Stacey Wynn, talking with us about another personality typology: the Enneagram. Not only will the Enneagram inform you about who you are as a person and what motivates you, but it will also help point you toward where you can grow and develop.

No matter what you’ve heard about the Enneagram in the past, come along for an authentic conversation about the history of the Enneagram, its benefits, and how it can help you heal after abuse.

Key Points From This Episode:

The history of the Enneagram and why we don’t need to fear it.
Why the Enneagram is anything but a box for our personalities (and how we can grow within our Enneagram type!)
How the Enneagram helped Stacey in her healing journey after her divorce.
Why no one Enneagram type is more prone to finding themselves in an abusive situation than another type.
How you can apply the Enneagram to your whole life — personal, professional, and spiritual.
What your next steps could be if you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:

Listen to Part One of this two-part series.
Check out Stacey’s website, workbook, Facebook group, and Instagram all in one convenient place!
Receive 10% off of Stacey’s iEQ9 Couples Report or Individual Report by using the code FLYFREE at checkout.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Stacey Wynn is an ICF Certified Coach (PCC) who works in both corporate and private practice. As a survivor of a destructive marriage, Stacey understands that one major hurdle we must jump over is re-engaging with who we are— with authenticity. The iEQ9 (Enneagram framework) assessment helps us build the vocabulary around our personal development, which starts with self-awareness. The iEQ9 provides a growth path for development that is helpful as each of us builds our unique path forward.

Stacey brings 25 years of experience with Fortune 500 business operations leadership and 10+ years of private coaching expertise. As a coach and consultant, Stacey is known for bringing clarity to complex situations. She asks thought-provoking questions, maintains a calming presence, builds trust, and encourages authenticity and reflection. Stacey uses knowledge-based coaching techniques and is an expert resource for faith deconstruction work. Her published workbook, Deconstruction: Your Journey in Faith, is available on Amazon.

Certifications include: Hogan Assessments, iEQ9/Enneagram, MBTI® (Myers-Briggs), Change Style Indicator® (CSI)

How Understanding Your Personality Can Help You Get Unstuck in Your Life Part One [226] Jun 06, 2023

Show notes

Who are you, really? And how do the different parts of you work together to create the whole you? What makes you tick? What makes you un-tick? (That’s not a word, but you know what I mean, right?)

Our resident Myers-Briggs expert, Rebecca Ferris, is here to talk about how understanding your personality can help you unhook from abuse. This episode is jam-packed full of golden nuggets about what each letter in the Myers-Briggs system actually means, what those letters mean about you and how you function, and of course, how the topics of abuse and personality types meet and mingle.

Even if you have never taken the Myers-Briggs test, you will absolutely fall in love with Becky and this whole “secret code” once the episode is over. If you would like to take the test either before or after the episode, we highly recommend taking it through Personality Hacker (for free!)

Key Points From This Episode:

Why the Myers-Briggs test is actually hard science as opposed to soft science.
An explanation of what the terms “extroverted” and “introverted” actually mean.
How Myers-Briggs helped Becky heal after years of abuse from her husband and church.
Why certain personality types may be more prone to staying in an abusive environment for longer than they have to.
A “fun” Myers-Briggs personality type and abuse study that will blow your mind with incredible stats.
How to escape the box that your programming may have created for you.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Will God Punish Me if I Get a Divorce? [225] May 30, 2023

Show notes

Have you ever been sitting in a women’s Bible study when all of a sudden the Bible study curriculum asks a leading question, taking the verses you just read completely out of context, and now you feel confused and upset but like you need to nod your head “yes” to the rubbish you just heard?

Or have you ever wanted to leave your abusive marriage, but you find yourself continuously coming back to your abuser because 1. You feel bad for him 2. Your biblical counselor told you that you can’t leave and/or 3. You’re afraid God will punish you if you leave?

You’re not alone in this battle. Come sit down and listen while I answer some listener questions in an episode that will teach you all about how to NOT twist the Bible, how to NOT take responsibility for your abuser’s emotions, and how to NOT resist change and pain. Because change and pain can be really, really good things.

Key Points From This Episode:

Why certain Bible study curriculum can be extremely harmful instead of helpful.
A healthy interpretation of Psalm 15.
Why our programming and beliefs dictate our feelings and actions.
A red flag to look out for in a counselor.
Why change and pain can be good things.
The many reasons why God won’t “punish” you if you get a divorce.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

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