Flying Free

Latest Episodes:

I'm So Confused! Is This Really Abuse? [224] May 23, 2023

Show notes

Covert abuse sneaks up on you. You may not recognize certain behaviors in your spouse as being abusive for days, weeks, months, or years, and even then, they can be hard to identify. That’s what makes covert abuse so incredibly painful, confusing, and hard to see, especially from the outside.

Is your husband emotionally abusive, or does he just not know what it takes to be a good husband in a marriage? When does abuse become abuse — the first time, or after it is repeated many times over? If it’s just covert abuse and not overt, “obvious” abuse, does that even count as abuse, and should you just be patient with your husband? Let’s talk through each of these listener questions and more together.

Key Points From This Episode:

The difference between a healthy, good man, and an emotionally abusive man.
Why abuse is still abuse, even the first time.
The different masks that abusers put on to trick us and distract us from what is really going on.
What emotional abandonment can look like and why it is abusive.
Why the Flying Free Sisterhood may be able to help you if you are suffering from emotional abuse.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up [223] May 16, 2023

Show notes

You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better. This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better, but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more.

Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, how you can heal, and how you can help raise the next generation to have a better chance at believing and living in the truth.

Key Points From This Episode:

Why She Deserves Better was written and the stats to back up the book.
How purity culture was born (and why it’s a big bunch of lies squashed together because of fear and then fed to us and our children).
How to help our children have high self-esteem.
Why Christian women struggle with vaginismus at twice the rate of the general population.
How She Deserves Better can help you reparent yourself.
Why telling the truth to our children about sex is vital to their physical, mental, and emotional health.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Read She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire not only to reparent yourself, but to help your daughters learn how to resist the toxic teachings surrounding sex, self, and speaking up.
Connect with Sheila on her website, Bare Marriage.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Sheila Wray Gregoire is an author, podcaster, and researcher into evangelicalism and sex. The founder of baremarriage.com, together with her team she has surveyed over 32,000 people for her books The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Her goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ. A graduate of Queen’s University, she’s married to her husband Keith, a pediatrician, who writes and speaks with her.

Decluttering in a Toxic Environment [222] May 09, 2023

Show notes

Does your cluttered house ever make you feel crazy? And does it help to have a cluttered home on top of your cluttered brain from dealing with emotional abuse from your spouse all day? Probably not. Cue Dawn Madsen, The Minimal Mom. She is a declutterer extraordinaire, and if you want to learn a tip or two about how to keep your home tidy (and keep your brain tidy), you won’t want to miss listening to this episode.

Let’s discuss the intersection between a destructive marriage and simplifying/decluttering (if you think it’s a far stretch, you might find that you are mistaken), some strategies to help you clean house, and so much more.

Key Points From This Episode:

What decluttering and emotional abuse have in common.
Why there’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle to keep up with your house and the things in it.
Strategies for how to lower the inventory in your home.
What a “Time Will Tell Bin” is and how it will help you declutter.
Why body-doubling can be so helpful as you clean and get things done around the home.
Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Go explore Dawn’s YouTube channel, The Minimal Mom, for some free decluttering content.
While you’re at it, take a look at her website, as well as her workbook, How to Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day (only 15 minutes?!) and her devotional, Decluttering by Faith.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Unraveling Purity Culture's Effects on Your Marriage [221] May 02, 2023

Show notes

It’s about time we talked about purity culture, and I’ve brought in an expert, Dr. Camden, to help us do it. Purity culture has harmed many people in many different ways, and we need to discuss what the effects of purity culture are on Christians and how we can heal from the negative impact that it has had.

Let’s break down the three main ways that purity culture has impacted people (faith, sexuality, and relationships), what we can do to heal from those wounds, and how we can view sex in a healthy way moving forward.

Key Points From This Episode:

The definition of purity culture.
How purity culture has affected women (and men) in many negative ways.
Why purity culture caused Dr. Camden to have to deconstruct her faith (the roots run deep, people).
Why people who grew up in purity culture may lack appropriate sex education.
What purity culture has done to impact the relationship between women and men.
The link between purity culture and the patriarchy.
Why we don’t have to swing the opposite direction of purity culture and teach our children to run rampant and have sex whenever they want.
Finally, how to find healing from purity culture. (Are you getting sick of hearing me say “purity culture” yet?)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Take Dr. Camden’s free quiz, “Which Purity Culture Myth Affects You?”
Explore her website and the resources she has to offer, including countless articles, her coaching practice, and more.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com
Dr. Camden Morgante is a licensed clinical psychologist and former college professor. She writes and speaks about relationships, sexuality, and faith and is a regular contributor to Christians for Biblical Equality’s blog, Mutuality. She is currently writing a book on the myths of purity culture. Camden also provides coaching services for purity culture recovery, egalitarianism, and faith reconstruction. Camden lives in Knoxville, TN with her husband and their daughter and son.

Dealing with Fear of Losing Kids During Divorce [220] Apr 25, 2023

Show notes

Note: This episode is a repost of Episode 84. It was too good not to share again with some of our newer listeners who weren’t around way back then! Please enjoy this interview with Wendy Hernandez.

What if I lose my kids? How can I stand up for myself in the process of divorce when my husband seems to hold all the cards? How will I keep it together as I climb this ladder out of hell? These questions haunt women in abusive marriages who want to escape. They wonder how to even begin to prepare for a custody case.

There is hope and there are answers.

In this episode, Wendy Hernandez, a Phoenix family law attorney, divorce coach, founder of the Hernandez Family Law Firm, and creator of the Command the Courtroom YouTube channel and online programs, covers several critical topics for divorcing women.

Key Points From This Episode:

Why the fear of losing your kids is based on lies/misconceptions.
The kind of documentation and questions you should have, before or while you are using a lawyer (including how to find a good one or deal with a bad one).
How EMPOWERING divorce can be as you set boundaries for a NEW life… of HOPE!

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:

Explore Wendy’s YouTube Channel,Command the Courtroom.
Access her FREE Best Interests Checklist on her website.
Sign up for the Twenty-One Day Child Custody Challenge to help you along as you navigate custody issues during the divorce process.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Having tried over 1,000 cases during her twenty-seven years as a litigator, Wendy is a courtroom warrior who has tackled every type of family law matter — from divorce to child custody and everything in between. Sharing secrets learned from the country’s top law professors at the University of Notre Dame Law School and during her battles on the family law front lines, Wendy is passionate about helping not only her clients, but also those representing themselves, to feel competent, confident and comfortable in the courtroom.

Eight Steps to Getting a Divorce: Understanding the Divorce Process [219] Apr 18, 2023

Show notes

Have you ever considered getting a divorce, but the process is so foreign to you that you feel like shutting down when the thought crosses your mind? It can feel big, unfamiliar, and overwhelming. I want to help break it down for you in eight steps so you’ll have an overview of what it’s like and how to prepare.

Let’s talk about picking an attorney, what the paperwork might look like, how your soon-to-be-ex might respond, what mediation looks like, and more. Divorce does not have to be scary and can actually be life-saving for you and your family.

Key Points From This Episode:

What retaining legal representation may look like.
Why your soon-to-be-ex may drag things along during the divorce process.
What the heck “pendente lite” orders are. Latin may not be your strong suit - let me help.
How to prevent yourself from being financially abused throughout the divorce.
What “horse trading” might look like as you equally split your assets.
Why your soon-to-be-ex may have renewed interest in spending more time with your kids as the divorce process starts.
Why you’ll want to join the Flying Free Sisterhood after this episode is over.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

7 Ways to Financially Prepare for Divorce [218] Apr 11, 2023

Show notes

Rhonda is here to give you all the advice on all things having to do with finances plus divorce. Money and divorce can be a tricky, scary topic, but our expert today wants to provide you with tips, tricks, and guidance on how to make the divorce process that much easier.

You’ll learn about how to build credit, how to create a support team of people around you, how to be your own private investigator, and so much more in this informative episode with Rhonda Noordyk, certified divorce financial analyst.

Key Points From This Episode:

The reasons why finances in a divorce are NOT black and white.
The one financial question that keeps women stuck in an abusive relationship.
Seven things you can do to financially prepare yourself for divorce.
Why accepting that the person you married is not who you thought he was can be a helpful mindset as you walk through your divorce.
Why someone going through a divorce should hire a certified divorce financial analyst (and why it will actually help you keep money instead of lose it).
What the DAM method is and how to avoid it.
The Bridge Method course, and how it can help you financially as you walk through your divorce, step-by-step.

Related Resources:

Get Rhonda's FREE Divorce Strategy Mini-Course HERE.
Want another podcast to listen to? Don’t miss out on Rhonda’s, Divorce Conversations for Women.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Rhonda Noordyk is a certified divorce financial analyst who founded The Women’s Financial Wellness Center in 2014. Her mission is to help reduce financial vulnerability for women going through divorce. She has impacted thousands of women through her signature coaching and consulting process– as well as her podcast called Divorce Conversations for Women.

When Your Church Wants You to Go Back to Your Abuser [217] Apr 04, 2023

Show notes

Does the Bible tell women that they need to stay with their abusive husband in the hope that her good behavior and great example will convert him? And how in the world are you supposed to respond to church leadership when they tell you that you need to submit to them?

Let’s look to the Bible for answers to these tough questions (that I bet have crossed your mind once or twice!) and find out what Jesus wants for women who are being oppressed in these various ways.

Key Points From This Episode:

How deconstructing an abusive faith brings healing and freedom.
Why we don’t have to agree with everything someone says, even if we really respect them and love their content. (I’m including myself in this, people. You don’t have to agree with everything I say! I don’t even believe that it’s healthy to do so.)
Who Paul is talking to and in what context in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (and why those verses don’t apply to abusive marriages).
Explaining the facts: There is no other authority in the church of Jesus Christ other than Jesus Christ.
Why your church leaders may not be operating under the authority of Christ if they demand that you submit to them.
Why your body and its reactions can serve as a vital piece of information for your brain about the people you’re around and the environment you’re in.
The reason why you get to decide what authority you submit to and follow.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Survivor Story: Yvette [216] Mar 28, 2023

Show notes

Have you experienced being discarded by your husband, either emotionally or physically? Yvette Stone has experienced both. Being discarded is a pain that cuts so deep, even the strongest person is not immune to it.

Yvette is here to tell us about her life story, from marrying her narcissistic abuser at nineteen to thriving as a trauma-informed psychotherapist who now helps other women just like her. Just like you. Join us as she tells her incredible story of healing.

Key Points From This Episode:

What a narcissistic abusive relationship is.
Why it’s fair to say that everyone is on the narcissistic spectrum.
What the phrase “deflated narcissistic tendencies” means.
How Yvette found out that she was dealing with a narcissistic husband.
How Yvette’s husband packed up and left after a year of marriage (and how they “made up” and spent the next twenty-some years together).
Yvette’s journey back to school and the repercussions that caused in her marriage.
How Yvette was served divorce papers at the end of her two decades of marriage without even a single conversation about divorce. Talk about discard.
The hardest part about healing and the best part about healing from a narcissistic abusive relationship.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:

Connect with Yvette on her website.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Yvette Stone is a human, both being and doing. A former magazine publisher, Yvette changed careers midlife and now practices as a trauma-informed psychotherapist and life coach based in Seattle, Washington, specializing in helping women recover from domestic violence, particularly narcissistic abuse. Yvette earned her degree from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, and has worked as a Fellow at the Allender Center, and as an advocate with Northwest Family Life. In her free time, you can find her holding a one-sided conversation with her dog, doing some sort of intense workout, painting a portrait, reveling in paradox, or dreaming of her next great challenge.

Do Marriage Intensives Work? [215] Mar 21, 2023

Show notes

Marriage intensives: What are they? Do they work? Are they worth the money? Can a marriage intensive change an abuser? I get these questions often, and I asked the same questions myself. In fact, I believed in marriage intensives so fully that I spent $7,500 just for a man to take pictures of my angry face and talk about his own practice and family for one-third of the time. (Need context? Me too, girl. Go listen to the episode!)

Let’s discuss whether a marriage intensive is helpful when dealing with an abusive husband, whether it helped my marriage personally, and then some things you can do without spending $7,500 to “save” your marriage. I’ve got a list. A very fun list.

Key Points From This Episode:

Why God doesn’t just change our abusive husbands.
How doing your own healing work and having your own back is going to level-up your life.
My own experience with marriage intensives.
Finally, the answer to the age-old question: “Do marriage intensives work?” and why I believe they do or don’t in certain situations.
A list of ten ways to save your marriage that I found off of google, and why these strategies don’t work when you’re dealing with an abuser.
My personal, fun list of ten ways to “save” your marriage when dealing with an abuser. (You’ll just be a shell of yourself after following this list for the rest of your life. No biggie.)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected